by RP Fischer
She squeezes tight into my five-foot-one frame, and I relax for the first time since breakfast. I hug back before speaking, “Hi, Mama Grace. I just stopped by to see if y’all needed help with anything today?”
Grace pulls me from her office, shuts her door, and puts a cute sign on the door that says, “Walking the grounds, I have my walkie.”
She ropes her arm in mine. “I have just the thing I need your help with today, my dear. The cheerleading camp coach had an assistant call in sick today, and she assured me that she would be okay without one, but lucky us that you’re here!”
“Haha, only you could get me to do something I rarely do anymore. I can’t risk stunting in case of hurting myself.”
She pats my hand. “Oh, I’m sure my son would be able to convince you as well or take care of your every need if you did, in fact, hurt yourself. That boy can’t bear to see anything happen to you.”
I blush when she mentions Aaron because now that Charlie and Matt are engaged, something has shifted in Aaron. Where he used to be in super protective cop mode for all of us, he now watches over me more intently. I guess he trusts Matt with his sister enough to back off. The only problem with him watching over me more often is that I want him more. He’s one of those silent but a force to be reckoned with types that when he speaks or is angry, we all shut up and do as we’re told. People respect him because he’s logical and patient, but doesn’t put up with crap. When Bryce and he would play at the community center, it was like salt and pepper. Two separate things that can always work well together.
Both of our families’ love being here at the community center whenever we can. If he knew I was considering teaching kids how to stunt and tumble, he’d be all over me to be careful. Heck, he’d probably even spot me.
If only he were all over me for a different reason. His warm tanned skin hugging me close. The feel of his full lips trailing down into my soul and the whispers of bliss as he makes love to me.
Good lord, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt the weight of a man on me. But I don’t want just any man. I want Aaron.
I’m slightly saddened by the idea it will never happen. I need to move on one of these days.
It’s time other people realize it, too.
“Mama Grace, you know how I feel about him and as much as I love you for thinking he feels the same, it’s only sisterly obligation to keep me safe.”
We’re at the edge of the field house that the gymnasts and cheerleaders use when she stops us in our tracks and spins me to look at her. The scary look in her eye is one that matches my own mother’s whenever I say something out of line.
“Now you listen to me. I love you like a daughter, and yes, my son tends to be more distant these days, but I think a lot of things are starting to come full circle for him. Do not, I repeat, do not ever discount his feelings for you. There are no sisterly obligations to you whatsoever. If I ever hear that kinda talk from you again, well your mama and I are just gonna have to have a sit down with you until it gets through to you.”
I burst into laughter at the threat coming from her mouth. Mostly the laughter is coming from the truth in that threat. Everyone had a sort of intervention “sit down” with me after Bryce died so my ass could finish nursing school.
“I don’t think I could handle another one of those talks right now. How about you just lead me to the cheerleading coach, and I’ll spend the rest of the day not thinking about anything except helping little girls and a few boys learn some cool tricks?”
Grace pats my hand and leads me into the field house where I do exactly what I just asked her to let me do. We talk about silly things, like the new major blonde highlights in my hair that make Bree and me look almost like twins, and of the little antics some of these babies are getting into when I’m working at the NICU department.
I spend the rest of my afternoon training the kids and keeping myself out of my own head, if only for a little while.
The summer sun beats down on the back of my head as I wipe the sweat away from my neck. Wanting to play basketball outside today might’ve been a shitty decision, but this was the only time the guys and I could get away for a game of hoops.
It’s a game of three on three with Matt, his roommate Jeremy, and a few other guys. I’ve known Tyler and David pretty much my whole life, and we played on the baseball team together in high school. We reconnected last year when it turned out they knew Matt and my sister. Our sixth is my buddy, Zander, who works with me at the police department. We bonded over our military services, me in the Air Force and him in the Navy. We give each other such shit, but that’s why I consider him a good friend and a solid partner. There are very few people I give and take shit from when it comes to military service.
We’re such competitive fuckers that I’m surprised none of us have a bloody nose yet today.
The ringing of a phone breaks us from the game, and it turns out to be Tyler’s wife, Shay. I can’t hear their conversation, but I have a feeling that means it’s the end of basketball for the day. I think we’re all ready to call it a day. It’s starting to get hotter than Hades out here.
You’d think after my time in the desert that South Carolina would feel like winter all year round, but with being home for the last four years, my body acclimated to being back here.
Tyler walks back over to us, chugging down Gatorade, and confirms what we already know.
“Alright, boys, that’s the end for me. Shay has some clients at the salon and I’m on awesome baby duty.”
He tosses his sweaty ass towel in my face, and I spin it to snap the back of his neck. When it makes contact, he rubs the back of his neck, and I throw the towel back at him.
“You’re lucky I gotta go, douchebag.”
I slap the back of his head. “Do you kiss Shay or your daughter with that mouth?”
“Of course I do, I just don’t say shit like that around them. Shay has a dirtier mouth than I do and less of a filter with people. That baby girl’s first word will probably be fuck or shit.”
We all head over to the benches to cool off in the summer heat as Tyler heads away. David, Zander, and Jeremy all leave shortly after they see the time.
I pour some water over my head and shake off the day.
Matt slaps my shoulder and sits down next to me.
“You alright, man?”
I take a few swigs of water before I reply, “Yeah for the most part. I just gotta figure some stuff out.”
He looks at me confused. “Like what? You know I don’t give a shit about that men don’t talk about their feelings cliché, and we’re about to officially be brothers in a few months. Maybe I can help.”
I take a deep breath. “It’s about Kylie. I’ve about had it waiting for her to see that I’m in love with her and not just looking out for her because of Bryce. My mom called me the other day to tell me she thinks it’s finally sinking into her brain after a talk they had.”
He drops his elbows to his knees. “What’s the full story, man? From what I can see, you guys have been into each other since I’ve met both of you. Charlie says it’s not her story to tell and that she’s keeping her nose out of it.”
I think back to the first time I saw Kylie in a different light.
Twenty-Years-Old
I’m home on my first leave since joining the Air Force and only because it’s my little sister’s high school graduation. Apparently, she kept trying to get out of it because of some bullying that had been happening the whole year. She just wanted to get her diploma in silence. My parents’ and her best friend, Kylie, who was graduating with her, convinced her not to let the douches who bullied her win.
My best friend, Bryce, told me he took care of the situation when it first started seven months ago, but the damage to my sister’s self-esteem was done. Neither of us could be at the high school every day. Kylie had told me that Charlie even skipped their senior prom. The light that once glowed in her eyes had dimmed.
I’m talking to
some people about how I like the Air Force when the speed of my heart doubles, no, triples, and my eyes land on the figure that caused it. Kylie’s walking out to the patio of the restaurant our parents rented for the party, smiling and laughing with her grandma.
There’s something different about her. Her baby blues have gained true confidence and happiness. Her short stature has gained some sexy ass curves. Charlie told me that Kylie kept with cheerleading the last two years, and I can definitely notice the dedication making its point with her tight body.
I salivate like a puppy as she moves gracefully around the patio, introducing her grandma to a few people.
A bump on my shoulder distracts me from my Kylie watch. Having your best friend catch you staring at his little sister is probably breaking a shit bunch of bro codes.
His statement surprises me, “Aaron, I see what's going on in your head.”
“What are you talking about, Bryce? There’s nothing going on in my head.”
He laughs softly, “You’re looking at my sister like you’ve never looked at her before. I honestly don’t have a problem with it, but can I just say one thing?”
I just nod, too taken aback how easily he caught me. But we've been best friends since we were eight, so he knows me better than anyone.
"Give it a little more time. Let her grow up and figure out her goals. Make sure she’s truly who you want. Make sure you have no doubts before you fight for her."
Matt interjects, breaking my memory. “It seemed she figured out her nursing goal early on, so what happened?”
I nod. “I found out she had a boyfriend during my first deployment. When I got back, I tried dating someone else when I was stationed in Biloxi to see if it was just a passing infatuation since I hadn’t seen her for two years. Took my ex to the Air Force ball and everything. After a while, she knew I wasn’t 100 percent into the relationship. I finally gave up on trying to date and had another deployment. Bryce was killed shortly before I was supposed to come back to States.”
Matt blows out a huge breath. “Charlie’s only told me pieces of what happened, but she immediately starts crying and I can’t bear to see her cry, so I stopped asking.”
I get up from the bench and chug the last of my water. “It’s not something any of us will get over. But it’s time I keep showing her that she means more to me than she will ever realize.”
He follows me over to where our cars are parked. He tosses his stuff inside his Jeep before checking his phone.
Unlocking my truck, I hear him shout over the hood, “Don’t forget, we have the suit fittings next week.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll try not to overshadow you!”
I leave the community center with an unsteady emotion swirling inside of me and make a beeline for the one place I know I might be able to get some answers.
Talking about it with Matt and my mom’s phone call was a nail in the coffin to move forward, but there’s still one more person I need to vent to.
I find the plot and start pacing. The longer I pace, the more agitated I get thinking about how I did everything right. I gave Kylie time to grow up and then I watched her mourn. I need answers!
“Bryce, come on. It’s been almost five years. Just give me a sign, man! Something to help me figure out if it’s the right time to fight for her. I can’t stand waiting any longer.”
A gust of wind hits me hard, and I fall on my ass from the shock. A picture frame falls off the ledge of his headstone and lands in my lap. I lift the cube frame, and the first picture I see is Kylie and me at her high school graduation.
I whisper, “Thank you, Bryce.” And then I curse, “Little fucker.”
Serves him right for making me wait five years.
Today is the day we shop for wedding dresses. The guys have started picking out suits so that it’s crossed off the list early. We girls went to the small bridal boutique here in Aiken. It may be a small-ish town, but with so many weddings at the community center and the older plantation lots, we definitely needed our own shop.
When I was little, I always wanted to come play here with the dresses. As I got older, I’d walk by and wish Aaron were the man at the end of the aisle waiting for me while I float in my dream dress.
I’ve been in love with him longer than I care to admit.
Bree and Charlie’s mom are picking out bridesmaids dresses to send ideas to Matt’s sister, Amy, who lives out of state, and Charlie’s cousin who is out of town for the summer.
My mom, Leigh Ann, and I are waiting for Charlie to come out with a dress that she saw online. After a few minutes, for some unknown reason, my stomach starts to fall and I get really sad.
I feel the familiarity of my mom’s arms around me, and some tears start to fall. She hugs me closer. “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”
I whisper to my mom so that no one else hears me. “It’s everything, Mom. It’s all changing. Charlie’s moving on with Matt, and Bree’s been busier than ever with her graphic design work. It just feels like everyone’s lives are changing, and mine is staying exactly the same.”
She pats my shoulder. “Kylie, I’m going to say something that might hurt your feelings. As your mother, I’m in my right to tell you what you need to hear.”
I wipe my eyes when she continues, “Your life is passing you by because you are letting it. Aaron is right in front of you. He wants to be the man to hold your heart with his. You can also fight for that promotion at the hospital for assistant to the head nurse. You work way too much, and I’m worried you’re going to fall apart.”
I sigh before I tell her something that might make her mad. “I was switched to night shift starting next week. That breakdown might come sooner than we think. I’m so sick of putting on this face every day.”
My mom turns to me. “No one is asking or telling you to. Trust that your father and I will be here for you. Trust that the Hanstons’ will be there, especially Aaron. Let him in.”
The tears start up again. “I want to let him in so badly, Mama. But what if something happens to him after I let him in? I was so worried about losing him when he was in the Air Force that I never thought I’d lose Bryce instead. Now that he’s a cop, the fear is back. I can’t risk losing him, too.”
Charlie’s voice breaks through, shocking both my mom and me. “Don’t you think I worried about that, too? I could never imagine how you felt then and now. I won’t pretend to, you’re my best friend and soul sister, but Aaron’s my brother. I want you both to be happy. I’ve stayed out of it as long as I could, but you two seem so miserable.”
She sits down next to me in a gorgeous white A-line satin dress, holding a sympathetic face. She continues, “You see little babies take a chance every day working in the NICU fighting for their lives. You help bring life into this world. It’s time you start living yours again.”
My mom turns me back to her and wipes the new tears from my eyes. “Be happy, Kylie. It’s what your brother would want for you.”
I only nod and start laughing that we’re all having an intense conversation when we definitely should be celebrating. We’re surrounded by mountains of tulle and chiffon that we should be trying on, instead of having a tear-filled talk.
Guilt sits in my stomach for ruining Charlie’s dress shopping day, but that quickly changes. When she gets up to the small pedestal and spins for us, all emotions but happiness fade from my body. Even more tears form this time, only for a completely different reason.
The sales woman comes over with veils and a jeweled waist sash for the dress. Mama Grace and Bree come back with an arm full of dresses when they see Charlie, almost dropping them on the floor. Her mom immediately breaks out in tears and all of us dawn bright smiles.
Light beams through the window, slightly distracting me, since it blinded me.
The sight on the other side of the glass has my breath catching.
In the window is Aaron.
The smile on his face is one I haven’t seen in years. Even in all of the pic
tures from his time in the Air Force and our family events over the last few years, nothing compares to intoxicating happiness I see radiating off of him while he looks at his little sister.
His gaze lands on me and the smile I see turns to one that I’ve seen before, but never truly accepted.
Love.
There is love written all over his face, and it’s not sisterly at all. My heart beats faster than the planes he used to fly, and my brain finally registers what everyone’s been trying to tell me.
Now the scary part is trying to tell him that I feel the same.
The spell is broken when he glances over his shoulder to a group of men that I can only assume are the dads, Jeremy, and Matt. Aaron stops them in their tracks and ushers them quickly from the street away from us.
He turns quickly back to me and sends me a wink that makes me shudder.
We get Charlie the dress, and the rest of us choose dresses in the navy blue that Charlie picked. As long as we picked the same color and fabric, she didn’t care what style dress we wanted. I love mine, and I can’t wait until Aaron sees it.
One month later
I decided to take my mom’s advice and cut back on work, but unfortunately, they already had the schedules set in stone for six weeks and no one was willing to switch with me.
I hate night shift and my boss knew it, but since I’m one of the youngest in the department, with no children or major obligations, I get less say over scheduling. I want that assistant head nurse position so I’m trying my damnedest not to complain, but come on. It’s been a month of me fuming in my own head.
All the extra shifts I picked up before meant nothing? The overtime they always approved of because they couldn’t find other people willing to stay even after the times they sent me home because I had worked so much. Have I become so complacent that I can’t stand up for myself when I’m being walked all over?
I’m so freakin’ mad right now.