She felt like he was finding every insecurity she held inside of her and was going down the list, checking them off one by one until she believed him. He was making her feel that she could do anything. Be anything. Be a great mama, stand up for herself. Be happy.
“Oh you think Fi is the greatest ma in the world?” he asked raising a brow feigning sarcasm.
“I do.”
Rocking his head back and forth he nodded. “Yea, you’re right. She’s pretty great.”
Smiling again, he lifted her chin. “But so are you.” His eyes looking right through her, she felt her stomach flutter. “Most days I just stop and stare because I’m in awe of you, Sunshine. Ma is incredible and sacrificed a hell of a lot for us boys growing up. She always put us ahead of herself, but she had help. She has Pops. Please don’t ever think that goes unnoticed. That what you do and that you’re doing it alone ever goes unnoticed. Not by me, or Charlotte, or my family. And it won’t go unnoticed by Quinn either.”
Her heart cramped so tightly she struggled for a breath. She didn’t realize how badly she needed to hear that until he had said it out loud. Smiling, she squeezed his cheeks together gently, bringing him closer until their noses touched. “I,” she whispered, before stopping herself. Swallowing hard, her heart picked up blinking back at him. She almost admitted it. She almost told him that she was in love with him. Clenching her chest, she looked away towards the door. Would it really have been the worst thing though? To be completely honest with him? Swinging her feet around to the side of the bed, she sat up, bracing her arms on the side of the mattress.
“What’s wrong?” he asked and her hands began to shake. Did he feel the same way about her? About them? A man didn’t make love the way Shay just had without feelings, but he’d also had a lot more experience than her. Was she mixing signals? Oh gosh, was all of this casual to him while she was over here falling in love? What exactly were they doing here? Was this forever? Or just for right now?
“Um, I just have to get back to Quinn is all,” she lied, her accent picking up.
Shoot.
It was the truth, but there was no immediate rush. She was home, sleeping soundly as Magda watched over her. Dusting kisses against her spine, she closed her eyes against the feel of his mouth. She had done it. She had fallen in love with Shay without permission and much more than was wise.
“This is a pretty badass party for a two-year old,” Shay said, shoving a hot dog inside his mouth.
“Yeah,” Trevor squinted against the bright sun despite wearing sunglasses. “Chelsea hasn’t been feeling well lately and so she asked Liv to help us out and well,” he trailed off motioning around the yard at the circus themed party. Kid’s parties weren’t really his thing. Not unless it had been Nicky’s or another one of his other nieces or nephews when he was in town. It was difficult to keep up these days with his brothers’ kids and it felt like there was a birthday every other day. But when Whitney had mentioned her and Quinn going to the party for Asher; spending the day with them instead of a workout sounded like a much better idea.
“What do we think about tomorrow, boys?” Trevor asked, taking another sip from his Solo cup before waving at Asher on the swing set. They had a game against the Seahawks and luckily, Trevor had managed to get them all cleared to fly personal to Seattle later tonight so they could celebrate Asher’s birthday. Coach was good like that sometimes. But he also knew that Perry was one of his favorites, hence getting them off the hook of flying in with the team early.
“I think they’re in a league of their own on defense, but we’ll be fine,” Jax assured as his daughters Hannah and Hailey came running into his legs out of breath.
“Daddy,” one of them said dramatically. They were identical twins and he had a hard time distinguishing between them. Always had. “We need to have a jumping competition.”
Bending down, Jax pushed a piece of blonde hair out of her face. “Give me two minutes, munchkin.” Throwing her hands around his neck, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. For as large and intimidating as Jax was, he had never seen a dude brought to his knees the way Liv and those girls managed to. It was pretty cool though. The whole father-daughter bond.
Looking across the lawn at Whitney holding Quinn on her hip talking to Chelsea and Chelsea’s mama, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Those two have you wrapped, Cap.”
“Damn straight,” Jax grinned. “Something about little girls, man. All bets are off.”
“That’s why you’re going to be really screwed when you have this next one,” Myles laughed slapping Jax’s shoulder.
“Why does everybody keep saying that?” Jax asked, his forehead wrinkling above his Ray-Bans.
“Because it’s true,” Shay and Trevor both said at the same time.
“No way,” Jax shook his head looking over at Liv, who was now holding Quinn. “This one’s a boy. I can feel it.”
“Well Chelsea and I are kind of hoping this one’s a girl,” Trevor muttered unmoving as they all looked at him.
“Dude.”
“What?”
Him and Myles both asked at the same time and Trevor shook his head. It seemed Jax already knew, which didn’t surprise him. Those two were as thick as thieves and held a brotherhood that reached far beyond the field.
“Congrats man,” Shay chuckled, grabbing his hand before smacking his back.
“Another Perry running around,” Myles laughed giving him the same backslapping hug. “God help us.”
“Cheers,” they all said, toasting what was in their hands. The smile on Trevor’s face said it all and he couldn’t keep the thought out of his head whether that would be him one day. If he would be as happy as Trevor and Jax were. Kids and family were never on the table, or maybe they had been and he’d just been too focused on his career. Looking over at Whitney putting Quinn inside a small swing before pushing her gently, he stood taller. That woman was something. Watching her while taking another gulp of water, she was driving him crazy. Walking around, chatting with guests and looking like some sweet southern angel in a sundress. She smiled graciously when people fussed over Quinn and couldn’t help but grin, knowing that little miss manners was actually kind of a wildcat in bed.
And a loud one too.
Adjusting himself, he watched her laugh, her breasts shaking in that damn dress. Would it really be the worst thing to find a room inside Trevor’s ridiculous house and get his hands on those breasts? Going back and forth between pushing Quinn and one of Jax’s girls on the swings she beamed, getting laughs from each of them. That woman was born to be mother. So devoted and nurturing and patient. More often than not he found himself just staring.
Following his eyes locked on Whitney, Trevor nodded towards the swing set. “What’s the deal, Nova?”
Bringing his attention back, he cleared his throat. Truth was, he didn’t know for certain. Every one of his friends staring at him for an answer, he shrugged. “Whitney’s great.” He didn’t know exactly where they were headed; all he knew was that he couldn’t stay away today. Or any other day.
“She’s a good girl,” Jax stated, crossing his arms across his chest.
“I know that.”
“She’s been through a lot,” he continued.
“I’m aware.”
“She deserves the best,” Jax gauged.
“Got it.”
“She’s not some time pass to screw around with -”
“-Cap,” Shay growled, standing taller. “I got this.”
Looking at each other a moment, Jax set him with another Monaghan lethal look before finally backing down. He was sick and tired of everyone thinking he was going to mess this up. That he was going to mistreat her. He’d screwed around a lot in the past, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t know something special when it came screaming into his life.
“Awe, look at our Nova,” Myles said, squeezing his shoulders hard and roughing him up. “All grown up.”
“Fuck off,” Shay scoffed as one
of Jax’s girls screamed for him from the trampoline.
“Duty calls,” Jax raised a brow handing his soda to Trevor. Walking backwards towards his daughter, Jax hitched his chin towards him. “Just remember, Nova. If this thing between you and Whitney goes somewhere, it’s not just Whit that’s going to require your time and attention.”
Watching Jax jog off, he never really thought about it that way before. Spending time with Quinn felt natural and he hadn’t really given it much thought. She was a part of Whitney, yet more than that. He wanted to be in her life and he guessed he was in some capacity. Excusing himself he made his way across the lawn towards them. He never thought about being a male role in Quinn’s life. He had been so focused on being good enough for Whitney, he never second guessed what Quinn needed. Was he good enough for that?
“That dress is killing me, Sunshine,” Shay whispered, wrapping his arm around Whitney’s waist. Lifting Quinn out of the small swing she laughed him off. Chewing on her fist, Quinn looked up at him behind the small hat resting on her head. Getting close into her face, Quinn swatted at him and he smiled getting a big belly laugh.
It was their thing.
“Want a cupcake?” he asked Quinn as she kicked her legs harder in excitement and Whitney laughed. He guessed that was as good an answer as any. Taking her from Whitney, he held her up high, comfortably in his arms. “Of course you do, look at those cheeks.”
“Hey,” Whitney smiled, leaning into him and rubbing Quinn’s chubby cheek with her finger. “They’re perfect.”
Grinning, he looked down at her and back up at Quinn and for a moment he felt complete. This. Holding both his girls. It felt right. And that should alarm him. Should make him want to get the hell out, but for some reason he wasn’t ready to completely tackle, he didn’t want to move. Finally forcing himself to walk towards the table of cupcakes with Quinn, he rubbed her round belly as she went for his face again. “Oh, cheap shot chipmunk.”
“Ya know,” Whitney called out after him, pointing to Quinn. “She can’t eat cupcakes, yet. But I would like some dessert.” Her hands on her hips, the sun shined behind her bringing out red highlights in her hair, shadows dancing across that mouth.
“Oh, I’ve got your dessert,” he smirked walking backwards.
“Is that right?”
“Yes, but you need to hold your fire,” he mocked looking around. “Geez Sunshine, this is a kid’s party, I mean come on now.”
Watching her trying to hide her laughter she shook her head. “That ego.”
“What about a Mardi Gras theme?” Whitney offered looking across the room at Ross who sat behind Charlotte’s old desk. The office felt weird without Charlotte around. And clean. Very clean.
“Eh, something sexier.” Leaning back on the chair, he threw a foam football from one of the thousands of Mavericks events they had planned up in the air before catching it.
“I’m thinking purples and golds and a lot of candles,” she offered as the door chimed and the sounds of Liv’s heels smoothed across the marble floor. “Arabian nights, maybe?”
“Hey y’all,” Liv smiled, her long hair out of her face for once.
“Hey,” she and Ross both said as she crossed Mardi Gras off her list of potential themes. “We could always go with the Gatsby theme since we never had the opportunity to use it for Mrs. Banks’ party.”
Raising a perfect brow considering it, Ross threw the ball up in the air again. Sifting through the mail, Liv handed her two envelopes before placing the rest back down on the desk. “What are we discussing?”
“The spinal injury charity for the Mavericks,” Whitney offered, the mention of the Mavericks immediately bringing her thoughts to Shay. It had been three days since she’d seen him at Asher’s party and she missed him. But after taking the loss on Sunday night, she knew he had a heavy week of practice ahead of him. She wasn’t avoiding him, but she was concerned. He had never promised her anything and she had no right to expect anything from him in return, but after Saturday things had escalated. She had shared things. Things she swore to herself she would never tell anyone. She’d made love with him and that meant something to her.
“Masquerade,” Liv said without flinching. Looking across the desk at Ross, she smiled.
Yes.
Masquerade.
That was perfect.
Smirking, Ross tossed the ball up in the air again. “And that’s why she’s the boss lady.”
Unfazed, Liv smiled innocently and she wished she had Liv’s courage. She had fought really, really hard for her family. For the man that she loved. Although she didn’t feel as though she had to fight for Shay, she did need to see where he stood in all of this. Where he stood with her and him together. With Quinn. The door opened again and they all looked towards the front of the shop. “Well, well, well,” Ross leaned back into his chair crossing his arms. “If it isn’t our very own Betsey Johnson.”
Looking tired as usual, Charlotte stopped in front of the desk, her chunky boots squeaking against the floor. “Please. I love me some Betsey, but I’m gonna give that woman a run for her money.”
It was good to know her confidence was back.
“What’s shakin’ here?” she asked, giving Liv a hug before rubbing her belly quickly. Curling up in the sofa next to her, she grinned squeezing her hand. “I see the place is still standing without me.”
All the three of them laughed at the same time. “Well we have got a theme, but no venue or catering or silent auction items for the Mavericks’ charity,” Whitney said closing her notebook. “I’d say it’s been a pretty productive day.”
“Oh,” Liv sat up taller, crossing her legs. “Maybe Charlotte can make us dresses for the masque-”
“-I’m booked, woman.”
Mocking her, Liv leaned back glancing at the door as the bell chimed again, her face lighting up.
“Hi.” Jax stopped at the side of the desk kissing Liv gently, his dimples lighting up the room. Jax was the perfect husband. Loving, loyal and fiercely protective. He was a fool for Liv and his daughters and it was refreshing and comforting to see that a love like that existed. They were wild for one another and she thought of Shay. Immediately pushing the thought aside, she needed to stop that. Needed to stop cooking up ideas of happily ever until she at least talked with him. Although, how did one begin that conversation? Oh, hello, I’m pretty sure that I have fallen in love with you, do you love me back? Or perhaps, I can’t go two minutes without thinking of you and I really hope that you want to live happily ever after with me and ma’ baby?
Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile at Liv while Charlotte picked at her nail. Looking down at the envelopes in her hand, she opened one while Ross and Jax discussed the Mavericks tough loss a few days ago. Opening the other envelope, her heart leaped into her throat.
It was a hand written letter.
From Shay.
Sunshine,
You show this letter to anyone and I’ll deny it. Also, bear with me here. I’ve never done this before, but if it’s handwritten letters that you love, than consider this number one in the series. I received an interesting call from Ma last night wanting to make certain that you and Quinn were coming for Christmas. In fact, she pretty much just called to talk about you and chipmunk. Like I said before, my family likes you better than me. I told her that you would only come if we can share a room this time.
…she’s taking it into consideration.
Alright, I’m definitely failing at this romance writing shit. I mean, crap. Shit, sorry. Wait no, sorry. Just sorry. I owe you like three bucks now, right? Do you take cash advances for that cussin’ jar? It would definitely make my life a lot easier.
Kiss Quinn for me. Or maybe I’ll see you both before you read this. I don’t know, this is confusing but totally worth it if you’re smiling the way I hope you are right now.
-Shay
Fighting for a breath, she covered her mouth. Shay had written her a love letter. A real love lette
r. Now that she thought of it, maybe this explained all the phone calls this week instead of text messages as she thought back on their conversation on the bridge the other night. Her mind was running. He mentioned this being the first in a series of letters, which meant long-term or over time, right? And he mentioned Christmas. With him. Back home. That thought alone filling her with so much joy as she looked up seeing everyone watching her. Licking her lips, she slipped the letter back inside the envelope, her hands shaking. Oh gosh, she wanted to re-read it a thousand times, memorizing his every word.
“What was that?” Ross asked his brow rising suspiciously.
Clearing her throat, she adjusted her notebook inside her lap. “Nothin’.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Liv grinned resting her head against Jax’s shoulder.
“It was from Shay,” Charlotte stated looking at her. “And love letters? Really? Hmm, never pegged him for the type.”
“Eavesdropping is rude I’ll have you know.”
Shrugging, Charlotte fished through her purse. “What’s the big deal? It’s cute. I guess.”
“Yeah, I’m still not sure if I like this thing between you two,” Jax said, looking at her. She thought the world of Jax, she really did. He had always been ready to help her and a lot of times, he had. So much time spent fixing things if Myles had been busy with interviews or training and when he had put Quinn’s crib together for her.
Hail Mary (The Mavericks Series) Page 24