Elianas was about to say more, when he froze, his gaze on someone behind Torrullin, who swiftly swung around.
Lowen, with a diffident smile, approached from inside the Hall. “I thought I heard you.”
Both men stared at her.
Teighlar, after looking from the two to the woman with high spots of colour on her cheeks, herded everyone aside, including Quilla, who was uncharacteristically inquisitive. Or maybe not so uncharacteristically. Teighlar also waved nearby Senlu from hearing range.
“I’M NOT HERE TO join this little tête-à-tête,” Lowen murmured. “I was in Teighlar’s library doing research.” She fell silent as she came to a halt, her eyes moving ceaselessly between the two.
Elianas cleared his throat, remembering the last time he was in the same space with this woman, about to betray Torrullin with her.
Torrullin was paralysed. This woman surrendered immortality for him.
Lowen smiled. “Speechless? How novel.” She took a step forward, then another, which brought her close to Torrullin. “Don’t take on guilt, please.”
“How can I not?”
She cupped his face with one hand. “When Vannis surrendered longevity for you, he discovered something real to live for, and was never sorry. I have found something real to live for again. How can I regret it? If you stand there weighed down by guilt, how do I get to enjoy a future knowing that? Please, I’m not asking you to let go, I am begging you to do so. For me.”
“Lowen.”
She threw herself into his arms. “Just tell me it’s all right, that’s all.”
He held her. “Then it’s all right.”
She gripped him hard a moment longer and released. She stepped back, and her gaze moved to Elianas.
“I think I would have avoided you rather than face this,” Elianas said, his voice neutral.
Lowen murmured, “Elianas, it’s time to step out of those shadows you surround yourself with, or you will never see anything clearly.”
He moved and came to a stop, close. Torrullin’s warmth was next to him, and Lowen’s shared between them. “I like my shadows.”
Torrullin closed his eyes. “I will leave you to sort …”
Elianas hauled him back as he started to move away. He did not look at him; he maintained the link with Lowen, who said, gazing exclusively at the dark man, “Stay, Torrullin.”
“Why?”
“Because you must know.”
“Rather than wonder,” Elianas added. His fingers dug in.
Lowen said, “I’m sorry, Elianas. I tried to use you to hurt him.”
“Likewise. And I am as sorry.”
Torrullin was livid, anger that rose from his bones. “Is there attraction here?”
Lowen said, “What are you talking about? We are putting aside a stupid mistake, that is all.”
“That is not what this is about,” Elianas said.
Torrullin inhaled deeply to control his fury and then roughly undid Elianas’ hold on him. “So explain it to me.”
“Lowen saw my shadows on Echolone,” Elianas added. “That is why I wanted to avoid this meeting.”
Gradually anger returned to the recesses. When it was entirely banished - except for residual astonishment over the dangerous depths of his jealousy - Torrullin said, “I have seen your shadows since you were a child, Lowen, and I know you saw mine. Why is his different?”
“It’s different because you cannot see them. You know they are there, but you don’t see them, and I bet you don’t see mine either.”
“You have grown and they have diminished.”
“It doesn’t explain why you cannot see Elianas.”
Torrullin transferred his gaze to the man and scrutinized the region immediately surrounding him. He directed his attention back to Lowen. Elianas, for some reason, made him extremely uncomfortable. “Do you see mine?”
“Yes, and Elianas sees them also.”
“What are telling us, Lowen?” he demanded.
“You begin to move from the shadow realm, Torrullin, and the further out you go, the less you are able to discern what surrounds others. I’m gradually losing the ability to see also, for I have now exited the shadow realm, and yet see Elianas clearly, and you. It will no doubt pass soon, and I’ll be relieved.”
He latched onto one thing. “I am not moving from the shadow realm.”
“Of course you are, and have been for a long time.”
“You infer Elianas is still in.”
“He is and going deeper.” She stepped forward. “Torrullin, your shadows now trail you in shattered patterns on the ground. Elianas’ are like great wings in the air behind him. I saw them on Echolone and it drew me to him.”
“Elianas?” Torrullin snapped.
“I have not the gift of seeing shadows, not like Lowen, but I know where mine are and what it means, and I know where yours are and what it means.”
“Torrullin,” Lowen said, “when I was a child your wings were larger than Elianas’ is now, but you also had an aura about you. Today your wings are gone and you have no aura either. I don’t understand the latter, I’m sorry to say. My debate to this point of meeting was whether to tell you about the shadows, his, yours, mine, for it is akin to tweaking with the future. Change mind-set, and you alter how the way forward is perceived. No seer worth her salt should do so.” She glanced at Elianas. “He knew I could alter how you see things and hoped to avoid it.”
“Elianas knew what he was doing. He knew when he saw you.”
Lowen shrugged. “I am not part of that game. Although I am aware there are more questions now, it’s not for me to give answers. My time has come to bow from the stage.” She touched Torrullin’s face. “I aim to avoid you from now on, simply because I prefer you remember me as I am now, and not the old woman I am to become.” She touched Elianas’ arm. “I shall avoid you, because you remind me of Torrullin. Allow me to speak greetings to Teighlar and then I’ll leave, and you may get on with your meeting.”
She smiled and kissed both men on their cheeks. “Oh, a parting shot, my cliff-hanger exit; retrieve the package Krikian left at the Academia of Truth and then wonder after how I knew you had need of it.”
With a cheery wave she left them there.
“WAS THAT WHY I had no power in the Shades?” Torrullin demanded as he watched Lowen talk to Teighlar. A curious lilt to his tone revealed the question was a smokescreen, but Elianas did not notice.
Elianas’ tone was matter-of-fact. “You stayed your hand recently, as you admitted. Being Elixir hurts, not being there for everyone all the time hurts. You healed how many thousands these last months, and before that you sought redress only to bring back the status quo, the lesser danger, and thereafter willingly entered the unknown to restore what actually amounts to true and lasting balance. You gave unselfishly, and these acts are facets of lumin kindred. Gods, Torrullin, what would be the result, do you think?”
“You have not answered my question.”
“You had no power because the Shades is the greater power.”
Torrullin watched Lowen speak with Tristan in private. “By inference, you retained your unique talent because you are in deeper than before, therefore able to hold your own within the greater power.”
“Am I sinking into darak, is that what you ask?” Elianas no longer watched Lowen, and his tone dropped into something different.
Torrullin watched her leave, saw her turn, pause and look at him. He placed his hand on his heart, and she smiled and did the same, and was gone.
He swung around to Elianas. “That is what I ask, my brother. Great wings?”
“They are not as large as yours were. Did you consider yourself evil at the time?”
“Yes.”
The simple answer threw Elianas.
“You were hoping I would say no?” Torrullin said. “For pity’s sake, you saw what I did to Kalgaia, and there were other terrible deeds. That is darak, not shadows.”
Elianas retrea
ted. “Tell me, brother, if I were to become darak fallen, what would you do?”
“I would spread my own wings wide and hope to catch you.”
Elianas drew breath. “What wings do you have to spread?”
Torrullin took a step and it brought him close. “You see improperly. I do not trail shattered patterns. You see, as Lowen did, only what I want you to see.”
Elianas stilled. “Do you see mine?”
“I do not need to, do I?” He reached behind the dark man, moved his hand in the air at the man’s back and then brought his hand back. He raised it palm outward. It was covered in fine lines, like a spider web. “I know what follows you; I feel it.”
“Then why ask about wings and evil?” The words were torn from Elianas and his gaze fixed on that palm.
Torrullin flexed his fingers and the tracings vanished. “Because Lowen forced you into an admission, and I wonder if you know yourself.”
Elianas closed his eyes and drew breath. When he reopened them Torrullin was walking away to rejoin the group. He stared hard at that retreating back, trying to see what was really there, but even the small shows had now vanished.
It proved, of course, what Torrullin claimed about him seeing only what he wanted him to see.
“ALL RIGHT?” TEIGHLAR questioned as Torrullin joined them.
“Yes.” He glanced at Quilla. Do not apologise to him, Quilla. I am afraid it will spark a confrontation.
With me?
With me. He battles enough demons.
Quilla’s face was expressionless. Very well; I shall follow your lead.
Thank you.
Teighlar, meanwhile, was speaking. “… a new mission, is that it?”
Torrullin concentrated. “My birdman friend here believes Elianas and I should listen to all sides before entering Reaume.”
Teighlar glared. “Are you mad? You are losing your pebbles.”
“You were warned to stay away,” Tristan said.
“Which could also be a plea for help,” Elianas said, coming to rest beside Torrullin. “I have been in and out of realms countless times, and I tell you one must not think lateral when discussing Reaume. The Syllvan requested that Elixir stay out … but not the Enchanter.”
Quilla’s mouth dropped open.
Elianas continued, “When one tries too hard to be everything, one loses efficacy, but when one concentrates on that which defines us, one finds greater result. Torrullin is able to subvert Elixir for long periods, which means the Enchanter would be strong if called upon. That strength would be telling in Reaume.”
Quilla closed his mouth and then reopened it to speak. “Sweet Mother, that makes perfect sense.”
A quirk of Elianas’ lips. “I hope I prove I am not too dumb.”
“And you, Elianas?” Torrullin questioned with unreadable eyes. “What defines you for Reaume?”
Elianas flourished a bow. “I am your apprentice, Lord Sorcerer.”
“You would …?” He bit the words off. He spoke to Caballa instead. “Lowen mentioned a package Krikian left at the Academia. Do you know of it?”
“No. He died, what, nineteen years ago? Would it still be there and how is it relevant?”
“Lowen makes it relevant.”
“Who was this Krikian?” Elianas asked.
Caballa smiled. “A real sweetheart of a man. Krikian was a dream interpreter, and good at it. He underwent the Ritual to remain at Lowen’s side until Torrullin returned from the Plane, and subsequently reversed longevity at the Lifesource Temple. He was a friend to every Valleur.” She glanced at Torrullin. “He revered you. Wherever he is, he still regards you as the only Vallorin the Valleur deserve.”
“I know, bless him. He was an innocent; not a shadow anywhere.”
Teighlar nodded. “The man had a gift for making disparate souls fit together snugly.”
“Indeed,” Torrullin murmured, and forced himself not to glance at Elianas.
Tristan said, “I think I must brush up on the Oracles again, particularly the eleventh. I forgot about Krikian.”
“I should read all the Oracles.” Elianas muttered. “Seeing the history from the outside is not the same as knowing it from the inside.”
Teighlar grinned. “Well, you have the father of all historians right next to you. I think he would give even Sabian a run for his money.”
Elianas inclined his head. “Unfortunately this historian tends to play the mute when the hard questions are asked.”
“You do want to taunt, don’t you?” Teighlar said.
“Need to step from the shadows, Emperor.”
Caballa, seeing Torrullin about to explode, said, “Who will retrieve this package from the Academia?”
“We should look at it before a decision is made on Reaume,” Quilla added.
Elianas laughed inaudibly.
Torrullin moved his head as if to control his temper. “Elianas and I will fetch it.”
“Right behind you,,” Elianas said, “but make it before the Academia, for you need to answer a fucking question before we go much further.”
Torrullin jerked a nod, and was gone.
Elianas dematerialised a moment after.
Tristan burst out, “I feel as if I must watch every word that comes out of my mouth!”
Chapter 47
A letter from the past is a missive is life-changing.
~ Arc
Luvanor
Academia of Truth
THE FOREST SURROUNDING the Academia was thick, more so than Torrullin recalled, but then he had not been in the vicinity for a long time.
Amongst the shadows of tall trees, standing ankle deep in snow, he waited for Elianas, and conjured a cloak for warmth.
Elianas came, shivered, and did the same, wrapping it about himself.
“Your question.”
Elianas shivered again. “Did I betray you, or did I see what you wanted me to see?”
Torrullin nodded. “Good question. You are almost ready if you are able to ask that now.”
“Torrullin. Answer.”
“Both, Elianas.”
“Tell me.”
Torrullin peered into his eyes and then shook his head. “Not yet.”
Elianas sucked at his teeth. “Is there a line?”
Torrullin’s eyes flickered. Clever, my brother, very clever. “There is a line.”
Elianas’ eyes narrowed. “They are huge, are they not? Your wings?”
Torrullin walked through the trees towards the bridge that spanned the river and led to the Academia. “It is unreal, you know that. Neither of us really has wings.”
“And you never had an aura,” Elianas muttered, “yet it is documented folk saw it surrounding you.”
“I thought you did not know the Oracles.”
“I heard. You prove my point, by the way.”
“Documenting a few incidents does not make it gospel.”
“And Lowen seeing shadows makes her a liar.”
Torrullin halted as they were about to leave the trees. “It is too bloody cold to argue the finer points, but I am not denying the shadows seen. All I am saying is you must not regard them as tangible.”
“I am not an idiot.”
Torrullin walked on.
“You gave much away earlier,” Elianas reasoned, and laughed. “Gods, that is it. You did not mean for me to know you have been playing a game ages old and I thought I was the one stringing you along.” He laughed again. “More fool I!”
Torrullin stopped. “Stringing me along?”
Elianas paced forward. “On Avaelyn it is nearing night and we would be winding down the day, and yet here we are tramping through snow. Just yesterday we carved through a wall, and today we trample that by pushing each other. What happened? How does it change so fast?”
Torrullin gazed up at the snow-laden branches. “We need the pace to discover each other. Either we are going in opposite directions or we walk so close we think we are opposite.”
“And the ages of knowing? We should know by now.”
“This future is still dark to us, the road ahead so stretched it is close to linear. Perhaps we are different because of that, and thus a discovery process is underway.”
“Save the esoteric bullshit, Torrullin, and speak plain.”
“Sorry, brother, esoteric is all I have.”
“I do not believe that.”
“You are not the only one battling demons.”
TORRULLIN WALKED OVER the bridge.
His and Elianas’ footsteps were the only marks in the pristine white on the bridge, the only set of tracks as they walked up to the great gates, and they would have been forgiven for thinking themselves alone in the universe, until the smell of wood smoke came to them, and a distant bell called the hour.
The gate was open and unmanned, or so they thought until they noted guards huddling around a fire in the curve of the inner wall. It was peacetime; there was no need to call them to duty.
The long fishpond was covered against the cold of winter, the fountain silent. The sundial reflected no shadow on this clouded day. The balconies and stairs were deserted up to the third floor, and the battlements were unmanned. The wall creepers were leafless and dripped snow, and trees were in winter slumber, the gardens covered in white powder.
It was eerily silent.
The bell sounded again, and a door on the first floor burst open to release a crowd of boys, and they ran shouting and laughing in every direction clutching books under arms. Lessons were over for the day. Their master followed them out more slowly, a look of long-suffering relief on his weathered face, and came to lean over the balcony, no doubt to ensure his charges did not leave through the gates. The guards were no doubt alert to that danger also.
His roaming gaze found the two visitors and he straightened and then pranced down the nearest set of stairs. He was quite sprightly, given his obvious years. A moment later he kneeled in the snow.
“My Lord Torrullin.”
“Rise.”
The man did so and when Torrullin extended his arm, gripped it like it was a holy relic, his face ecstatic.
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