“What?” Kyle asked, his face concerned.
“The house has sold,” I said grimly.
“Great,” Kyle said, “what’s wrong? Isn’t that good news?”
“It is, but I need to text Simon, I need to organise to get my stuff, and I need to talk to him about paperwork.”
“Oh.” He placed his hand on my leg as I sat deflated. “And you don’t want to see him?”
“No, I bloody don’t.” I sighed. “But I need to face this now and rather than bury my head in the sand, I need to be strong, get my stuff, and contact the solicitor myself.”
“That’s the spirit,” he said, standing and kissing my head as he did. “Let’s go out for lunch and celebrate.”
“Okay.” I grinned, Kyle always made me forget whatever nagging feeling plagued me and I loved him for it. “What do you fancy?”
“A massive fat burger somewhere.”
“Great.” I laughed, “and then hopefully we’ll be able to go and visit Ashley and Stanley later.”
We had lunch at a lovely country pub, enjoying ourselves as we always did, and reminiscing about our summer at these country retreats as teenagers. I was getting more frequent messages from Vinnie saying that Ashley was getting increasingly bossy, and he was happy that she seemed to be her usual self. They were both still worried about Stanley, but he was out of special care and just being monitored in a separate ward. Kyle was keeping my mind off the worry until I could see them both and despite the fact that things were looking good I was still glad we came home early.
I decided to take the plunge and text Simon after lunch. I hadn’t seen him since I moved home and didn’t relish the thought at all. I hated how humiliated and rejected I felt at the thought of him and hated that everything he promised had just been a lie. I wasn’t myself when I was with him, I tried so hard to be the perfect wife that he could be proud of, but instead I obviously became undesirable. The summer with Kyle had been amazing and he had mended where I had been broken, but it didn’t help me forget. I felt so embarrassed by how Simon had been so easily able to discard me, and I hated that people knew. I needed to get a grip, bite the bullet, and let him know that I was home and ready to tie up loose ends.
As we sped back to Lytham, I sat in the passenger seat and texted Simon.
Hi Simon, it’s Sophie. Just texting to see when I could come round and collect my things, also could you give me the details of the solicitor so I can arrange to sign the paperwork for the house?
I decided that was friendly enough to get a decent response, but not too friendly to invite a conversation. I was absolutely fine, but I still hated what he had done to me. He had a million chances to change his mind, a month before the wedding had not been the best time. The saving grace was that we were never married, thank God.
“So …” Kyle began on the drive home, “should we tell our parents tonight?”
“Um,” I began, “maybe we should wait until Saturday as we planned?”
“Why?” he looked over to me as he drove, “the longer we leave it the harder it will be.”
“But they’ll be stressed from work and won’t be relaxed and …”
“You’re making excuses,” he said softly, placing his hand on mine.
“I know.” I laughed lightly. “It’s just that … I’m dreading it.”
“Why? Your mum loves you, and she’ll be happy that you are happy … my dad on the other hand might punch me in the mouth,” he said reassuringly.
“Oh God, he won’t.” I shook my head, “It’s not Mick I’m worried about, I think my mum will be angry that we’ve lied, and she’ll think it’s too soon and she’ll be upset that of all the men in the world I have to love my step-brother.”
He squeezed my hand again, “Maybe she’ll surprise you and understand how loveable I am, so it was inevitable.”
I laughed again. “You’re right, who could resist you?”
“So tonight?” he asked, and I nodded.
“Why not?” I turned to look out of the window and another feeling of dread began to force its way into my heart.
Hi Soph, great to hear from you! Hope you had a good summer in London. Maybe you could come round this afternoon, I’m away with work tomorrow and then at my parents over the weekend. I’ll give you the solicitor’s details when I see you. Simon’s text seemed a little too friendly for my liking, he obviously knew I’d been away, which I hadn’t told him, and he assumed he would see me when I tried to imply that he needn’t be there.
You don’t need to be in for me to get my stuff and just send me the solicitor’s number, I can call and get all the info myself. I responded bluntly.
I need to be here as the locks have changed, so this afternoon would be better and I have more than just a number to give you. There is no reason we can’t be friends. His tone angered me, as if I had been the one to be unreasonable, and he was trying to help me out. Why on earth had he changed the locks, the sneaky bastard? I was angry and Kyle could see that as I read the last text.
“What?” He asked.
“Bloody Simon, he knows I’ve been in London and wants me to go this afternoon as he’s changed the locks and I won’t be able to get in unless he’s there,” I said incredulously. “He’s such a dick!” I shouted angrily. We were walking back into the house at this point.
“Well I can come with you, carry boxes, help pack, and be there if he says anything untoward.”
“He won’t.” I shook my head, “that’s not his style, but I’m so angry that he changed the locks. I suppose I left the house though, I walked away from everything so he can do as he pleases.”
“Do you want me to come?” Kyle asked, with a tight smile.
“No.” I shook my head, hugging Kyle as we stood in the reception hallway to our parent’s house. “I need to face this and chase this demon away.”
“Okay.” He pulled me tightly to him, “If you’re sure. That guy better not try to win you back though.” He sighed.
“He wouldn’t have a chance in hell.” I laughed, standing on my tip-toes to kiss his lips.
I’ll be there around three. I finally texted Simon. I didn’t want to have an argument, hell I didn’t care when all was said and done. So what if he changed the locks? So what if he moved in two wives, six dogs, and a Persian cat? I was better off away from that house and had no interest in it since he told me it was over. I didn’t want to be reminded of our life then, and I certainly didn’t want to be now.
I drove over to my old house for 3 pm, leaving Kyle on his laptop and about to phone Geraldine. When I drove onto our street I saw that the garage that adjoined the house was open, perhaps for my benefit, and that Simon was busying himself in the driveway. The sight of him after these few months made my stomach lurch, and I instantly wanted to turn the car around. I didn’t feel anything for him, but I also didn’t particularly want to make small talk with the man who had shattered my heart. I parked, took deep breaths, and hopped out of the car in an attempt to look as relaxed and carefree as possible.
I probably did look a little different from the last time he had seen me. I had lost weight after the break up and although not so noticeable now that I had gained a little back it still gave me confidence in my appearance. I wore my converse, light blue faded jeans that hung loosely on my hips, a vest top, and a patterned see through camisole over the top. My hair was different from when we had been together, with the fringe I had had cut growing out slightly around my face, and I had taken to wearing it naturally tangled rather than poker straight. I also had a sun-kissed tan from the summer months, and so I thought I must look pretty good.
“Sophie,” Simon said, standing up from his box shuffling and scratching the back of his head.
“Hi Simon,” I said flatly, walking down the drive to meet him.
“You look … refreshed.”
“Thanks.” I nodded and looked down to the garage behind him.
“Are you sorting things out?” I asked. “To mo
ve?”
He nodded. “Yes, I mean you need to tell me what furniture you want and stuff.”
“Nothing,” I said, with a tight smile, walking passed him to see what he was packing. “I just want my things and everything else you can keep. I don’t need it.”
“I see,” he said, moving his glasses up his nose and his fair hair blowing in the late summer breeze. “Well, do we need to talk money? I mean should I pay you for it?”
I shook my head. “I have enough money, Simon, look I just want to get my things and the solicitor information, and then that’s it. Okay?”
“Right.” He nodded. “Come inside then.”
I followed him into the side door that led to the kitchen and couldn’t help but feel a little sad that this home we had lovingly built together never did get the family it deserved, not from us anyway. We took a seat at the dining table. The room was so homely and everything that I always wanted my kitchen to be, but sitting here now it felt like a lie. My life with Simon had just been a lie, and this kitchen was a front for that deception.
“We were happy.” He sighed, looking at me with a smile.
I scrunched my face and glared at him. “Were we?” I snapped.
“Well I was,” he said quietly.
“Yet you ended it?” I shook my head,
“I know, I mean we had happy times didn’t we?”
I shook my head. “Please let’s get passed all this shit, where is the information?”
“I just want to talk ... can we talk?”
“About what?” I raged, “what is there to talk about? I just want to get my stuff or a key so I can come back and pack, then go.”
“I still love you, Sophie, I think about you all the time,” he said quietly, looking down to the table.
I pushed myself up with a guttural scream and started to walk to the door. He grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry okay? I made a mistake, please just listen to me, hear me out.”
I couldn’t help it, I was curious, I wanted to finally hear his reason and understand why he did this. I wanted to know how he could just dismiss our years together and cancel our wedding, back then I hadn’t wanted to know. The humiliation was too much, and I didn’t even fight for us. I accepted his words and silently packed a case. I slid back into my chair but didn’t say a word.
He leaned forward to try to catch my eye. “I was scared.”
I snorted in retort. “Not good enough.” I laughed, looking up. He caught my eye and laid his hand on mine.
“I was nervous about the wedding, we weren’t getting on, and I couldn’t bear to live like that forever.”
I nodded silently.
“It was just hell coming home every night to the planning and incessant talking about ‘the wedding’,” he quoted with his fingers. “I freaked out and then this girl from work.”
“Ahhhhhh,” I said, clapping my hands and pulling away from him. “Here it comes, enter the girl from work who gave you a few good blow jobs and made you remember what we used to have.”
“No,” he snapped, “Nothing happened, we were friendly, she listened to me when you were too busy to notice I was there except to shout at. She told me I was a good guy and made me feel like a man and …”
“Do you expect me to sympathise with this bullshit, Simon?” I asked, shocked. “Should I say I’m sorry for not making every second of my life about you? Should I be upset that I couldn’t quite fit your every need into my day besides lesson planning, my full time job, marking homework, and planning our fucking wedding?”
“No, God. This isn’t coming out how I’d hoped.” He sighed.
“Simon, it’s done, okay? I accepted it and for what it’s worth you made the right decision.”
“No that’s the thing, I didn’t. I thought I would find some release and that I’d be relieved and happy, but I just miss you so much. I hate my life without you and I … I wanted to tell you that.”
“But you didn’t!” I snapped. “You didn’t, and I’ve moved on, and I’m happy, and what you said was right. We didn’t notice each other, we were too wrapped up on our own lives to care about each other properly. When the right person comes along all you will do is notice them and your life will be secondary.”
He looked down to the table. “You were that for me Sophie, you were my everything, but you didn’t love me like that. I figured it out and thought I wanted more but … I don’t.”
“Oh don’t be pathetic, Simon,” I shouted, “You deserve better than that and if that’s what you think then you definitely did the right thing.”
“Was I wrong?” He looked up at me like a lost puppy, all big brown eyes and anguished smile. He wasn’t the big, strong man that I had been used to these past couple of months with Kyle. He was the safe, young man who I had thought could save me and make me normal.
“I loved you.” I leaned in and took his hand, “But you were right, we both deserve more.”
“So you’ve moved on?” he asked, “There’s someone else?”
I nodded. “You’ve got no right to ask me that, Simon.” I said tightly, “but yes I am seeing someone else and he makes me happy.”
“You look great Soph, truly great.” He stood up. “I’ll get the solicitor’s details,” he said glumly, “and you can have a key, get your stuff this weekend when I’m away.”
“Right, thanks,” I said quietly. He walked to the kitchen counter, grabbed some paper work and handed them to me.
“I tried to tell you,” he said as I stood to leave, “I came to the house, the morning after our wedding day. I knew then that I’d made a huge mistake”
“What?” I turned to him surprised. “Where was I? Did you knock?”
“I did.” He hung his head, “I knocked and your step-brother answered, he stepped outside and told me in no uncertain terms to leave you alone and he looked like he might knock me out at any second.” He laughed lightly. “That guy is pretty intimidating.”
My mouth hung open, “Kyle … Kyle told you to leave me alone? You came to see me and he ran you off?”
He nodded and held his hands up. “I suppose he thought I’d had my chance,” he said.
“That was not his decision to make,” I said through gritted teeth.
“I’m sorry, I should have tried harder …” He stepped towards me, and I stepped away to the door.
“No.” I shook my head and made my way outside, “We weren’t meant to be Simon, you should have spoken to me way before doing what you did, but I’m sick of people making decisions for ME that affect my life and not even having the decency to include me.”
“Soph …” he began as I walked away down the driveway. “Keep in touch.”
“Don’t hold your breath!” I shouted back.
I was fuming. I was absolutely livid. Simon had been to my house, he had come to speak to me and Kyle decided that he shouldn’t. Who was he after ten years to decide what was best for me? He didn’t know Simon and certainly had no idea who I was, and yet he had become involved. If it had been Mum or even Mick I could understand, but he had breezed in the night before and taken charge? I needed to calm down.
It all slotted into place, he got me, he wanted me, he saw me at my lowest and re-built me, and I loved him for it. I felt sick. Simon had been my chance at normal. He had been the only thing that didn’t remind me constantly of Kyle. He was the only person that I had built memories with that didn’t include that man. He was my chance at a healthy relationship and Kyle had scared him away. He had come back for me and instead of that chance I had fallen back in love with Kyle, and there was no hope for me now.
I barged into the kitchen and straight into the conservatory where Kyle led on a sofa with a magazine.
“Wow.” He grinned. “You look pissed off, did the ex cut up all your knickers?”
I knocked the magazine out of his hands and he sat up slowly. “Did you think he wouldn’t tell me?” I asked.
He narrowed his eyes. “What?” he asked, looking confuse
d.
“That he came here? That he wanted to see me and you ran him off?”
“Oh.” He looked down and nodded glumly, “Well …”
“You hoped he wouldn’t?”
“I … I suppose I didn’t think it would come up.”
“What?” I shouted. “Where’s your fucking sorry?”
“Hey calm down,” he soothed, standing up and rubbing my arms with his hands.
“Calm down?” I shouted, “Calm down? Oh my God, Kyle, Simon wanted to reconcile. He came here looking for ME. ME. Not you and you let me believe that he didn’t care?”
“What?” he said with a bitter laugh. “How the fuck am I getting the blame? The guy clearly didn’t give a shit when he dumped you weeks before your wedding or when he didn’t bother to call until he obviously couldn’t find anyone else so came crawling back.”
“What?” I screeched, “so he couldn’t find anyone else so I would do? He missed me, he said he loves me still.”
“Do you love him?” he asked calmly, although his jaw tightened as he asked.
“No I don’t” I said, the emotion evident on my voice, “of course I don’t because I love you, I always loved you and you made me remember that, and now look at me.” I fell back onto the sofa opposite where he has sat and tears began to flow.
“Look at you, what?” he asked.
“I’m back in this fucked-up relationship that no one will understand because you chased away my last chance at normal.”
“Oh my God!” he shouted, throwing his head back and covering his face with his hands to suppress the rage. “You still think we’re not normal, you still see us as wrong? Grow up!” he shouted.
“Grow up?” I asked incredulously, “How can you say that? Me grow up? You threatened my ex so you could get in my pants.”
“No I didn’t” he shook his head, “I threatened him because he didn’t deserve you, hell no one ever did, Soph, but him coming back sniffing round when you were still vulnerable. I couldn’t bear the thought of him getting you back because you were so low.”
“So you moved in for the kill?” I jumped up and squared up to where he stood.
Just Between Us Page 26