Locke places a hand on my elbow and directs me to the table instead of responding. “Come see the birthday girl.”
“Lily!” I exclaim as my tote thunks to the floor and I bend down to hug her. I draw back—only slightly. “How is she so sticky? I don’t see any food in front of her.”
Carter laughs. “A perpetual side effect to a toddler.” She shrugs. “Or old gum left by someone before us. Who knows?”
I laugh in reply, but it’s uncertain. I have no idea if parents are supposed to be super germophobes or what.
“Here. Have my favorite cocktail.” Carter pushes over a fresh Pina Colada as Locke dives into the crowd to save Ben.
Carter’s grinning over hers, a neon green straw playing against her lips, and I zone in. The other associates don’t call me Devil Lady for no reason. “What’s up?”
“Huh?” Carter’s genuinely surprised. “Nothing.”
“You’re leaving tonight. You shouldn’t be this happy.”
It’s blunt, but it’s honest—something I’m trying to work on. A lot of people don’t like the truth. I should know.
Carter sucks on her straw, but her attention is on Locke’s back. And she grins. The straw pops out. “Locke and I, we’re working some stuff out, but…I think I’m staying.”
“You are?” I haven’t sat down yet, and my gaze is bouncing between Carter and a distant Locke. “What? How? My brother?” I point in his direction. “He’s…he finally sacked up enough to tell you his true feelings?”
Carter’s genuinely shocked. “You knew?”
“Not in so many words,” I admit, because I’ve messed words up plenty. Locke’s still in forgiving mode for my spilling about him to Carter. Twice. “But it’s obvious how he feels about you. I’m so proud he’s let you in on it. I thought he was just going to let you board a plane, leaving me to deal with his sad, pathetic self.”
Carter nods. “It’s taken us both a long while to get to this point. Lily…” She looks down at Lily endearingly. “She’s the glue. But Locke’s my man.” Carter laughs, as if overjoyed to be saying such a thing.
I’m genuinely happy for them both, and on impulse, I round the table and hug her. “Welcome to New York, Carter.”
“You mean it?”
“Of course!” And I’m actually shocked. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“Not exactly. But you’re—well, you must know this already. You warned me off Locke. And you were scary doing it. And I really want you to like me,” she says in a rush. “Locke’s so important to me, and it’d be devastating to think I’m a disappointment to his family—”
“First off, no.” I hold up a finger. “Do not lump me and my father in the same familial context. And secondly, you’re the reason my brother’s found his self again. His true self. I’m sorry I couldn’t see that sooner and judged you before trying to understand you. But I can’t thank you enough for how much you’ve helped him. So much so, that I’ll babysit for you two whenever you want.” I say the last part with a deer-in-the-headlights smile.
The one time I babysat Lily and she pulled down the dishwasher panel on herself…well, that’s something I vowed never to bring up to Locke or Carter. Ever.
“Astor, you have no idea how much that means to me,” Carter says. “With the move I’ll be making, resigning from my job…”
“The whole falling in love part,” I add with a smile.
“Yes,” she breathes. “It won’t be easy.”
“Anything easy isn’t worth it,” I say, bringing my arm around her for a squeeze. “And you have a friend here in the city. And when Locke’s filth disgusts you, as it eventually will, you and Lily will always have a place to stay.”
And I’m surprised I mean it. In a world of fabrication and the constant bracing for counter-arguments, I don’t like to ponder how much of myself I’ve lost. I only think to win. But I like Carter, I love how she’s improved every aspect of my brother, and I’m thankful she’s brought my niece into our lives. If she needs me to lug paintings for her, then I’ll do it.
“Lily!” a familiar voice booms, a low baritone that tickles my spine no matter how many times I scratch at the itch.
Ben comes through the fray, lifting Lily and smacking his lips to her cheek.
Locke chuckles. “You saw her in this very spot an hour ago.”
“You know I can’t avoid an irresistible woman,” Ben says, then tucks Lily against him. She, however, has other plans, wanting to scoot down and away from him to eat the peanut shells scattered across the floor.
I knew I loved her.
“This restaurant greeted you like it was your first time entering,” I say to Ben. I don’t like talking to him, but I can’t resist it.
“Second time, actually.” He passes Lily to Carter, eyeing the ground speculatively. “I was helping Locke set up.”
“For a one-year-old’s birthday party?” I ask.
“Yeah, what of it?”
“Nothing.” I backtrack quickly, annoyed I’m doing it. “I didn’t peg you for the sort of guy who carries pink balloons, is all.”
“There’s a lot you don’t bother to know about me,” he mutters, but I catch it.
Then maybe you shouldn’t have left me naked—I clam up before I spill anything. But my glare says it all.
Ben meets it, blinks, then looks away.
Exactly, you bastard.
I’m conscious of Carter at my side, studying Ben and I’s interaction with too much 20/20 vision.
“Carter, this drink is delish. Let’s have another,” I say.
Ugh, I’m definitely off my game.
“Crap, you drink fast,” she blurts, noticing my hourglass cocktail has long since been emptied. “Sure, I can have one more.”
“Excellent,” I say, and decide to ignore Ben for the rest of the hours I’m forced to be with him.
“Babe, I made it!” Mike’s booming voice tops the crowd as he breaks through and meets us, also clad in a suit.
His black hair is disheveled, likely by the wind or navigating tourists, his tie loosened, and he combs his fingers to tame the strands as he bends down and kisses me.
I wrinkle my nose. Mike smells strange. Not bad, but not his not his usual cologne, either. It smells like….roses?
“Is this the new addition? Gosh, she’s gorgeous!” Mike turns his megawatt smile on the rest of the guests, kissing Carter’s cheek in hello, shaking Locke’s hand and then patting Ben’s glowering form on the shoulder. He then sidles closer to Lily, back in the high chair, and bops her nose.
A true politician, I think, marveling at the ease in which he could navigate any group of people, including two men who pretty much hate him. Until I see it.
The barest pink smudge on the back of his shirt collar.
“You two lovebirds have a wedding date yet?” Locke asks.
Conversation has been flowing, Mike’s answering questions, but I’ve tunnel-visioned into that stain on his shirt. I’m unable to blink.
“…right, babe?”
I blink. “Huh?”
“The wedding date. We decided three months from now. October, Hamptons, isn’t that right?” Mike asks.
“Yes. Absolutely.” I take his offered hand.
“We wanted to wait until after Lily’s birthday to tell you, so as not to take away from her day. But when asked a direct question…I couldn’t lie to you, brother,” Mike says to Locke. Locke loses a bit of his grin at the title. “And I couldn’t be more excited to make your sister my wife.”
My lips are numb but acting of their own accord. Ben’s in my periphery, gone to stone, except for his hands. They’re fisted, along with my heart.
I accept Mark’s kiss at my temple. I squeeze his hand in return. Feel the sharp edges of my engagement ring against my fingers in his tight grip.
And I smile.
Astor and Ben’s story has only just scratched the surface. Daring You comes out November 15. Order now!
Want more of Ket
ley’s novels NOW? Read her vows duet, starting with To Have and to Hold, and jump into Emme and Spence’s suspenseful, second chance romance!
Acknowledgements
On May 19, 2017, I lost my mom to cancer.
Three months later, on August 3, I had my first child, a baby girl my mom will never meet.
I wasn’t sure if I could ever write a story about what I went through, especially during so much after. Mom wasn’t here to help me with a new baby, she wasn’t around for advice like she’d always been before. She was my best friend, and she was permanently, forever gone. I fell pretty deep into darkness and wasn’t sure if I’d ever get out.
Post partum depression is something I never thought I’d deal with, though I didn’t know it then. It was incredibly hard to reconcile the miracle that was my baby girl with my grief, but eventually…inevitably…I had to write in order to heal.
From there, Carter was born. Locke came soon after. Although their story differs from mine in many ways, the core of it is real. It involves my emotions and all the wonderful events that a baby brings, as well as the crazy, the exasperating, and the insanity of keeping something so small and vulnerable alive, happy and whole. And the devastation of losing someone you never thought you’d have to let go.
My baby brought me out of the darkness, as well as the friends and family surrounding her, but it was a slow climb, and one I’m still enduring. Without these precious people, I don’t know that I would have ever picked up a pen again.
So, to all those who have lost, who feel like their soul is gone, I’m with you. This book has healed me in so many ways, though I’m still working on stitching myself back together. But I’ve found solace in writing and in my baby—who even now is blowing raspberries on my thigh as I write this and demanding she either sit on my laptop or I close it entirely.
I hope, in some small way, I’ve helped you find some solace, too.
Thank you to my husband, Oliver, my family, my friends Sarine and Joanna for being my first readers on something that made me so utterly vulnerable. A huge thank you to my editor, Mitzi, for both your editing prowess and your email gushing over this book—you bowled me over with how much Locke and Carter meant to you. I thought I’d be the only one. Thank you to my readers, to those who have stuck with me from the beginning (Shell and Court, I’m looking at you), and the new ones who’ve just wandered across this book. Welcome to my crazy journey!
And of course, thank you to my baby girl, whom Lily is so heavily modeled after. You’re the best part of my mom, wrapped up in a squishy package. She would be so proud of us.
I love you.
k
About the Author
Ketley Allison has always been a romantic at heart. That passion ignited when she realized she could put her dreams into words and her heart into characters. Ketley was born in Canada, moved to Australia, then to California, and finally to New York City to attend lawschool, but most of that time was spent in coffee shops thinking about her next book.
Her other passions include wine, coffee, Big Macs, her cat, and her husband, possibly in that order.
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Also by Ketley Allison
Players to Lovers Series
Trusting You
Daring You (Ben’s Story) - coming Nov 15th!
Craving You (Asher’s Story)
Hating You (Easton’s Story)
Snapped Trilogy
Snapped
Sin
Surrender
Vows Duet
To Have and to Hold
From This Day Forward
Paper Dolls Duet
Paper Dolls
Paper Crowns (Coming Winter, 2018)
Trusting You Page 31