I glance at Jordan to see if he’ll say anything. If this were a game, this would be a tie and we need a tiebreaker.
“Don’t look at me. My life is as much as a disaster as yours. I’m not weighing in on this.”
How am I supposed to make any kind of decision when they both made valid points and Jordan doesn’t care to share his opinion? Maybe I need to keep thinking about it and talk to Granny again. Or forget about all of it and move on. The thing is, I keep thinking about two things.
Colby said Scarlett shouldn’t have to suffer over what her brother did, something she had no part in.
I’m pretty sure Scarlett said she’s lost friends over the actions of her family members. I’m also fairly certain that I thought that wasn’t right and said as much to her.
But that was before I knew her brother killed my wife.
***
THE WEEKENDS ARE my favorite days of the week now. Mainly because my thighs are being scalded by the metal bench as the sun heats it up. Joey and David are playing again and I’m here cheering them on. I even had a t-shirt made that reads 'number one fan.' I cheer the loudest every time they step up to the plate or make a play.
When the game ends, I take them for ice cream. I’d be lying if I didn’t hope to run into Trent again. I’ve been watching him playing and keeping up with his stats. I did have to Google a few things to understand what they meant, but I’m officially his stalker now.
As soon as we’re done with ice cream, I take the boys home before I run to the grocery store. I don’t have anything in my fridge, but wine, and I know I need food soon before my liver becomes pickled. I grab a basket and head toward the fresh veggies when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“Ms. Knowles?”
I sigh deeply. “Junior, I think you’re stalking me.”
The reporter from the Memphis Paper Blog gives me his best smile, which makes him look like a bigger nerd than he already is.
“I’m not. I just need a quote, and I have a few more questions.”
I roll my eyes and turn my back to him and head over to the tomatoes.
“Um, I’ve noticed you and Trent Baker are friends.”
I didn’t like the way he hissed the word friends
“Did you meet at the gym? I know you both have memberships there.”
“As do three hundred other patrons, Junior.” I say without looking at him.
“So, you met him before his wife died, right?”
I stop testing the firmness of the produce and turn to him. “What?”
“When did the affair start?”
“What?” I squeak. “I’m not having affair with Trent.”
Junior has the nerve to laugh, and he even snorts. “No, you’re not now. I mean, before your brother killed his wife.”
My mouth drops in shock. I can’t figure out what he’s talking about or where the questioning is going, but I’m going to put an end to it now. “Listen you half-assed reporter. First, you’re a blogger with no credentials. Second, Trent Baker is a loving and loyal husband and father who never cheated on his wife. I know him because of sick connection with my brother. I have not ever had an affair with Trent, and that’s your damn quote. And let me say one more thing: if you come around me again, I will press charges against you for harassment.” I shove my basket into his chest and race out to my car.
This could be very bad.
“Here is what I know,” Macy sits down on my couch and opens an app on her phone. “Junior is Junior Mintzer, and he's a blogger for the hardly noticeable Memphis Paper Blog. They mainly work on conspiracy theories and stuff. You know, where are the aliens? Was Elvis at Denny’s eating last night? Could BigFoot run for President next year? Shit, like that. However, it looks as if they are moving up in world and have been doing some current affairs exposés.”
“What does that have to do with Trent and me? I mean I know Dominic is our connection, but I didn’t know Trent before all this. Mr. Junior Mints thinks I was having an affair with Trent. Before his wife died.”
“Really? Well, I know you weren’t, and I’m not sure where he was going with that dumb ass question. I’ll do some more poking around, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. However, I need to split. If I hear anything else, I’ll let you know,” Macy jumps up from my couch and rushes out the door.
I sip on my glass of water because I need to slow down on my wine drinking, and I still need to get groceries. I flip on my TV and of course, the Angels highlights are the first thing on the screen. Blake Foster had two home runs and is well on his way to be MVP at that pace. The news shows a play where Jordan, Trent, and Hector had a triple out. It’s a rare but awesome play. I smile seeing their celebratory faces. There’s a gleam in Trent’s eyes, and it tugs at my heart.
I check the time; it’s possible Trent would be able to talk right now. I want him to know what Macy found out, and I told him I would keep him in the loop.
I find his name and decide to send him a text instead. Hearing his voice isn’t something I can do at this moment.
Me: Talked to Macy. Mr. Junior Mintzer is nothing but a jerk who is digging around for a story. Be aware, he thinks we had an affair BEFORE your wife died.
Trent: Are you serious? God, I hate him even more now
Me: Macy is still looking into it, but said it shouldn’t be anything to worry about. I thought you should know.
Trent: She’s positive? Because that’s not a headline I ever want to see
Me: Me either and she seems to be. I’ll let you know if I hear anything different. Good game, by the way. I just saw the triple.
Trent: Thanks. It felt good. Hope you’ve had a good day
Me: I watched Joey and David play. Joey struck out nine players and David had 4 RBIs. They won by 7. My thighs are still on fire from the metal bench though. Haha!
Why am I telling him this? I shake my head after I press send.
Trent: Give them a good job and high-five for me next time you see them. Sorry about your legs. You should invest in either a towel to sit on or one of those padded seat things for bleachers.
Me: I’ll remember for next time. How Kaelyn? Still loving Curious George?
Trent: Yeah. She asked tonight if I would get Snow White for her, so I had to order it online. I don’t know how much longer Curious George will be able to stick around now. She’s enjoying her time off from school too.
Me: Maybe you should enroll her into some classes for the summer. The library has a reading group for kids her age. Or maybe some dance classes at the YMCA. Maybe expose her to more stuff and she’ll find something new.
Trent: That’s a good idea. She’s driving Granny crazy, and I’m sure she would enjoy more of a break. I’ll have to see what Kaelyn may want to try.
Me: If you call ahead, sometimes you can observe a class with Kaelyn. Then you’ll know for sure. Just some friendly advice.
Trent: Thanks. I really appreciate it. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m brand new at this and not like I’ve been a parent for five years.
Me: You’re doing great. But sometimes a little advice or other suggestions can help. Besides, she needs more girly stuff to do. No offense, but your grandmother can’t do a lot with her and she needs some female role models, besides the Disney Princesses
Trent: I know. She likes Sofia, Blake’s (aka Happy) girlfriend, but it’s not like they can spend a lot of time together. Plus, Kaelyn would rather hang out with Blake than Sofia. smh.
Me: Oh, so that’s Happy! Haha! Why don’t you suggest the next time Sofia goes shopping she takes Kaelyn. I know she’s only five, but it matters in the formative years. It sounds old-fashioned, but she’s going to want to put on make-up, talk about boys, get her period, and be sized for bras. Trust me, she doesn’t want to talk to her dad about that. (No girl does!)
Trent: Ugh. Stop it. I don’t want to think about that yet. I want my little girl to stay LITTLE. For as long as possible. As for Sofia, I’ve thought about it, but then it feels
like I’m pawning my kid off to her just because she’s a girl too. And I wouldn’t want her to feel like she has to say yes either
Me: No one is going to think of it that way. Women understand situations like this. Just find someone Kaelyn is safe and comfortable with and it’ll be great for her. I know you want her to stay little, but sorry Daddy-O, it’s not going to happen. =)
Trent: I know, I know. I think about it enough as it is. Between thoughts of her growing up and worries about how much longer my grandmother can be the person who stays with her for me, I’m all worried out.
Me: Oh, Trent, try and stay positive. If I know anything, I know it’ll all work out. It’s a big mess right now, but soon you’ll find someone who will be by your side to help you full time.
Trent: Or I won’t and I’ll have to turn into a prince (since she’s obsessed with the princesses) to be able to have skills to do it all myself
Me: You’re a great dad. I saw it firsthand. She adores you and you’ll always be her #1 man.
Trent: Thanks. You always seem to be able to make me feel better
Me: Ditto. I need to go. I have plans and I’m late. Have a good night
I lie to him, because I have no plans at all, but I can’t stay on the phone with any longer.
Trent: Have fun...you know, you say all these nice, kind things to me, but the first time I say something in return, you always make a quick exit.
Me: I’m not used to hearing nice things about me
Trent: You’re a good person. People should be saying nice things about you
Me: Have a good night Trent. Good luck with the game tomorrow.
***
“KAELYN, COME IN here please,” I call out. I’ve been standing in front of the closet for a good fifteen minutes. My chest is tight; the air feels heavy, thus making it a little harder to breathe. All of Deborah’s clothes are hanging in the exact spot she left them. For some reason, when I woke up this morning, my gaze was on the closet. Something just clicked. It’s time to pack up her things.
“I’m here! I’m here!” Kaelyn runs into the room with a flourish.
I lift her up in my arms, the guilt already threatening to drown me. Clearing my throat, I reach out and run my hand down Deborah’s favorite scarf. “If you could have any two of your Mommy’s scarves to keep forever, which two would you want?”
Kaelyn immediately leans forward to grab Deborah’s favorite scarf and a pink one, pulling on them until they come free of the hanger. “Can I have three, Daddy? I really like this one too.” She points to a yellow and blue one.
I get it for her and set her on her own two feet. “There you go. Why don’t you put them in your bedroom?”
She nods, running away. My eyes burn with the need to cry, and I know I won’t be able to do this with Kaelyn here. Sighing, I sit on the edge of the bed to rack my brain. Scarlett’s suggestion that Kaelyn hang out with Sofia runs through my mind. I debate it for a couple of seconds before grabbing my phone to call Blake.
“Hey, Trent. What’s up?” he answers.
“Is Sofia busy today?” I ask, getting right to the point before I change my mind.
“She’s going out with her sister and mother to get their nails done and go shopping. Why?”
“Oh, I was wondering if she’d watch Kaelyn for me, but I’ll figure something else out.”
“Hang on a sec.” I hear him call for Sofia, silence, and then, “If she says no, I can watch her for you,” he offers. A second passes and he adds to Sofia, I’m assuming, “Trent was wondering if you’d watch Kaelyn for him. You could take her with you for all your girly stuff you’re doing today.” Another pause. “She said absolutely.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. Is it okay if I bring her over in the next thirty minutes?”
“Yeah. That’ll work. Do you know when you’ll want to pick her up?”
“Um, not really. I just can’t have her here today, but I can text Sofia when I’m done or she can text me when she’s ready to send her back home.”
Blake is quiet before he asks, “Everything okay, Trent?”
“Yeah, I’m,” I sigh, “I’m packing up Deborah’s clothes.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. So, I’ll see y’all soon. Thanks so much again.”
“Any time. We don’t mind the practice.”
I laugh before saying goodbye. I leave my room for Kaelyn’s. She was already dressed, and now, she’s wearing Deborah’s favorite scarf. I swallow hard at the sight of her. God, I hope I’m strong enough to do this. It feels right, but it still hurts.
“Hey, how would my girl like to spend the day with Sofia?”
Kaelyn squeals. “Yes!”
“Get your shoes on then. It might be too hot for a scarf though.”
She shrugs and scurries off her bed, searching her messy room for a pair of shoes. We really need to clean up in here. We just cleaned it last week and she’s already made it a disaster. Keeping her room clean and tidy is impossible. Something I don’t think I really noticed before Deborah died.
Kaelyn talks the entire way to Blake and Sofia’s house. She’s so excited about seeing Sofia and that makes me feel better about asking Sofia to watch her. When we arrive, Kaelyn screams, “HAPPY!” the moment Blake opens the door. She rushes the close distance to hug him around the legs.
“Hey, kiddo,” he laughs. “Sofia is in the kitchen with a fresh batch of brownies if you want one.” Kaelyn runs around him for the kitchen.
“Could you give Sofia my number and have her text me, so I’ll have hers? I’m hoping we’ll both be done around the same time at least.”
“I will do that. Take your time, Trent.”
I give him a small, grateful smile. “Thank you. And thank Sofia for me.” He nods. “Bye, Kaelyn. I love you,” I call out.
“Bye, Daddy! Love you!”
And with that, I turn to leave. After stopping by the store for boxes for what I’m donating and tubs for what I’m keeping, I return home. The silence engulfing the house weighs on my shoulders. The closet seems daunting, so I start with her clothes in the dresser. I slowly take each piece of clothing, one at a time, and transfer it to the box, waiting for a sign that it’s too soon.
Tears begin to fall freely—with a mixture of guilt, grief, and a touch of comfort and peace accompanying them. What I can’t donate and don’t want to keep, I toss into a trash bag. Her jewelry box goes into a tub, so one day Kaelyn can have it. Her shoes go into a box to be donated and I work my way into the closet. I find myself conjuring memories of when I saw her in a particular piece.
Once I finish in the closet, I walk around the house to see if there’s anything else I’m ready to let go of. I find a few things here and there. Finally, I’m finished. I scan the room, that peacefulness coating me again as I see the trash bags, tubs, and boxes. Rubbing my hands together, I take a deep breath; about to begin transferring everything to my car, I catch sight of my wedding ring.
Is it time to take this off too? Removing it won’t change what I felt for Deborah. It won’t taint my memories or the memory of her. Slowly, I slide the ring off my finger, staring at it for the longest time. A few more tears slip from the corners of my eyes. I find the tub with Deborah’s jewelry box and slip it into a drawer. Then, I begin moving things to my car. The tubs can be moved later.
Kaelyn is asleep with her head in my lap. After her long day, she wanted to watch Snow White before bedtime. However, she fell asleep within twenty minutes. The movie has me thinking about Scarlett, so I pick up my phone from the armrest and text her.
Me: Your plan for me to have Kaelyn spend more time with women backfired.
In the few minutes it takes for her to respond, I wonder if maybe it’s because she’s busy doing something with someone. I put a halt to those thoughts as soon as I have them.
Scarlett: How so?
Me: She was supposed to spend the day with Sofia, going shopping and getting their nails done. Once she saw
Blake, apparently, she told Sofia she wanted to stay with Blake instead. So, she spent the day with him.
Scarlett: Haha, she really does love him. Next time, make sure Blake isn’t around. How come she didn’t spend your day off with you?
I stare at the message, my thumbs hovering over the touch screen keyboard for so long that Scarlett sends another text.
Scarlett: Sorry, that’s not really for me to know.
Me: No, it’s okay. I packed up Deborah’s things today.
Scarlett: Oh, I’m sorry. You’ve had a rough day then, huh?
Me: Yeah, but it ended well. Kaelyn wanted to watch Snow White, but she fell asleep to leave me to watch the rest by myself. Cinderella is still her favorite. Snow White replaced Belle for second place though
Scarlett: Haha, that’s awesome. Sounds like I’m a good influence on her haha
Me: Yeah. Well, I’m going to go. Movie is boring me to death, and I’m going to put Kaelyn in bed. See you around.
I can’t really be talking to her on the day I got rid of Deborah’s things. That seems wrong. Scarlett seems to always bring conflicting emotions out of me, and I don’t want to deal with those today. It’s been a hard enough one without that.
We’ve been meshing well this season, have been playing better in areas we lacked last season, and I think we’ll do well. Unfortunately, my mind is not here on the field. It’s back home with my half-empty drawers and closet. Yesterday, I felt peace. Today, I feel guilt and grief. Sometimes, I just really hate life. My wife could be in the stands with our daughter right now if it hadn’t been for Dominic Davis. Instead, I’m having to battle to keep my emotions in check during a game because I miss her.
Trent Page 11