It was so hard to stop. I thought he’d be on board with me breaking up with Ted. I thought for sure he felt the same way I did.
Ted starts unbuttoning my shirt and all I can think is that I don’t want this. Not now, anyway. Not before I can get John out of my system. Maybe things can still work out between me and Ted, but I can’t have sex with him when I’m just going through the motions. It wouldn’t be right to Ted.
I need space to think.
“Listen,” I murmur.
Ted doesn’t pause. He puts his lips on my chest and I cringe.
“Ted?” I say.
“Uh huh?” he mumbles. He licks my nipple and I have to keep myself from shoving him away.
“I was just thinking that…” I bite my lip. “I think we should wait until our wedding night before we have sex again.”
He hears me this time. He lifts his head and stares at me. “What?”
“I just…” I struggle into a sitting position. “I think it will be more special that way.”
Ted looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “More special?”
“Yeah.” I nod vigorously. “Romantic. You know, because we’re waiting for each other.”
“But we’ve already had sex like a million times!” Ted whines.
“Exactly,” I say. “So it won’t be anything special if it’s just one time out of many. I want it to be… amazing. You know?”
A few months. A few months to sort out all my feelings. I need to figure out if I care about Ted enough to marry him. I don’t want to break his heart because I’ve got a stupid crush. I need to figure out how I really feel.
Ted pauses for a second then finally rolls off me, breathing hard. “I must really love you,” he says, “to agree to this bullshit.”
I must really love you.
I feel a jab of guilt in my chest, thinking about the way I was kissing another man only hours earlier. I’ve never felt so confused in my life. Like I said, I’m not a cheater. I’ve never done anything like this in my life and it makes me sick. Ted loves me—how could I betray him this way?
But would I be betraying him more to marry him when I’m not all in?
“Thanks,” I finally mumble. “It… it means a lot to me.”
He stares up at the ceiling for a minute. Then he rolls onto his side and props his head up on his fist. “Actually,” he says, “in a way, this is perfect.”
It… is?
Ted smiles at me and brushes strands of hair from my face. “I know you’ve been really distracted by the wedding planning stuff. I know it’s been hard on you.”
“It has been… stressful,” I admit. Although that’s not the problem. At all.
“I was just thinking, Kirby,” he says, “what if we don’t have a wedding?”
Now it’s my turn to stare. “What?”
Is he ending it? Is he going to solve my problem for me?
What a relief.
“What I mean,” he says quickly, “is what if we just go to Vegas? Have a quickie ceremony and get the whole thing over with? Bing, bang, we’re married.”
When Ted first proposed, I would have hated that idea. But now it appeals to me. Maybe it’s what John suggested—I have cold feet. Maybe once Ted and I are actually married, everything will be okay. After all, what better way to get John out of my system than a romantic whirlwind wedding? It will completely rekindle my feelings for Ted—I’m certain of it.
“Okay.” I smile at him. “Let’s do it!”
Ted grins at me. “That’s awesome… I really didn’t think you’d agree.”
“Surprise, surprise,” I mumble.
Ted gets out of bed and puts his shirt back on. He seems the happiest I’ve seen him since he got here—he’s actually whistling. It’s flattering to know that the idea of us getting hitched makes him so happy.
“Hey,” I say. “Do you feel like watching Cupcake Wars?”
Ted frowns. “Cupcake Wars?”
I sit up in bed excitedly. “Yeah! It’s this competition where four bakers make nothing but cupcakes. In the first round—”
Ted holds up his hand before I can complete my sentence. “That’s okay. I’ll pass.”
I sink back down against the pillows on the bed. “It’s a really good show.”
He laughs. The same way he laughed when I suggested that John was very attractive. “Listen,” he says, “I’m going to look up tickets right now. You can go watch your cupcake show, okay?”
I bite my lip, suppressing the urge to tell him to call the whole thing off.
Chapter 45: Kirby
“Kirby, you’re sure kneading the hell out of that bread.” Minnie is looking at me out of the corner of her eye. “You okay over there?”
I blow a strand of hair out of my face, but it just settles back where it was. I have no choice but to push it away with my forearm because my hands are too dirty. Somehow, I’m reminded of the tricks John uses to do things. “I’m… fine.”
Minnie pats her own dark hair, which is rapidly growing white with flour. “I thought you’d be in seventh heaven this week, what with that fiancé of yours visiting. But instead, you’re acting as grouchy as I’ve ever seen you. You’re acting like you’re on the rag.”
I dig my hands into the dough. Minnie hates automatic mixers and does everything by hand, which sometimes drives me crazy, but right now, I’m grateful for some hard manual labor. “I’m fine,” I say again.
Ted and I are getting married. Soon. I should be over the moon right now. What’s wrong with me?
“That reminds me,” Minnie says. “Where’s John been keeping himself? I haven’t seen him since we were tasting those cakes.”
I focus my attention squarely on the dough. I never told Minnie about how we got mugged—I know she’d freak out and blame herself. The last thing I want is for her to worry about me. “He hurt his shoulder, so he’s been resting up.”
“Poor guy.” Minnie’s eyebrows knit together. “I bet he’s dying for a scone. I’ve been putting one aside for him every day.”
“That’s really nice of you,” I say, “but it’ll probably be a while before he can get over here again.”
I remember what he told me about how he’s been holing himself up in his apartment since he hurt his shoulder. He probably should get a power wheelchair. He’d be just as sexy no matter what he’s sitting in.
Minnie puts down the rolling pin she’s been working with. “Kirby, as soon as you’re done with that bread, I want you to go over to John’s apartment and bring him some scones.”
“I…” I swallow. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Especially since the last thing I said to him is that he should go fuck himself.
We both hear a loud rapping at the door to the bakery. It’s not opening time for another half hour, so that means it’s not a customer. My heart leaps—maybe it’s John.
“Let me get that.” I abandon my dough, and run to the door. When I see Ted’s face behind the glass, my heart sinks. I open the door for him. “Hey there. What are you doing here so early?”
“What are you complaining about? It’s three hours earlier for me,” Ted says. Oh right. He’s still on California time.
He follows me to the back of the bakery so that I can finish my work. He raises his hand in greeting when he sees Minnie. “Hey, Mimi,” he says.
“Minnie,” I correct him. I don’t know how he keeps getting that wrong. Her name is on the door of the freaking bakery.
“Sorry,” Ted says with a shrug.
Minnie shoots me a look that I try to ignore. “Hello, Ted,” she says.
“Listen, Kirby,” Ted says, “I’m sorry to bother you at work, but it turns out that there are some really cheap tickets to Vegas, but we’ve got to leave now. Like, ASAP. We’ve got enough time to go home and pack, then we need to grab a cab to Newark.”
Minnie’s eyes are wide. “Why are you going to Las Vegas?”
I look away, unable to answer her questi
on. Ted is the one who speaks up, “We decided the wedding stuff is too stressful. We’re going to Vegas to get hitched.”
Minnie is staring at me. “But…” she sputters. “Kirby, I thought you always wanted a traditional wedding…”
Before I can answer, Ted says, “Nope. She’s stressed out about all this stupid wedding planning business. It’s better just to get married. We can tie the knot tomorrow.” He grins charmingly at Minnie. “Do you think you can spare her for a few days?”
Minnie puts down her wooden spoon and frowns at me. “Is this really what you want, Kirby?”
God, I don’t know what I want anymore. But I nod at Minnie, “Yes.”
I can see my aunt is forcing a smile. “Then how can I say no?”
I’m getting married. In one day, I’ll be married.
Eek.
Chapter 46: John
I get this cryptic text message from Ted at eight in the morning: Exciting news, Johnny. More later.
What the hell does that mean? Did he and Kirby break up? No. It couldn’t be. It sounds like good news. Maybe he got another job interview. Something good enough to keep him in the tristate area. That’s what Kirby wants—it will make her happy. I can’t imagine her going to Silicon Valley. I think she’d hate it there, but maybe that’s just selfish thinking on my part.
I’ve just barely gotten out of bed and brushed my teeth when I hear the intercom, alerting me to a visitor. I buzz up whoever it is, figuring it’s probably not a burglar at eight in the morning. I know I’m not supposed to do that, but I don’t give a shit right now. I really don’t. It feels like nothing matters anymore. If Kirby isn’t in my life… well, I don’t even know what I’m living for.
Christ, I can’t believe I pushed her away. It was the right thing to do, but it’s tearing me up inside. It takes every ounce of self-restraint not to grab my phone, tell her I’ve made a horrible mistake, and beg her to come back.
I get a shock when I see who’s at the door. It’s Minnie. Of Minnie’s Bakery. It’s Kirby’s aunt.
She’s holding a pink bag with the logo of the bakery emblazoned on the side. Her hair has that light dusting of flour I’ve come to associate with her. Minnie always has a big smile on her face when I come into the bakery, but she’s not smiling now. My stomach twists in fear.
“Um, hi,” I say. “What’s going on? Is… is Kirby okay?”
Minnie thrusts the bag in my direction. “I brought you scones.”
“Oh.” I take it from her and place it in my lap. I’ve missed Minnie’s scones, but it’s not the thing I’ve missed most about that bakery. “Thanks.”
She’s just standing there so I wheel back to give her room to enter. Her back is rigid and there are more lines on her face than I remember. She didn’t come here just to give me scones, did she?
“John,” she says, “I need you to save my niece.”
“Save Kirby?” I crumble the bag of scones on my lap. “What’s going on, Minnie?”
“Ted’s taking her to Las Vegas to get married,” she says. “They just left.”
I feel like somebody just socked me in the gut. Yes, I knew Kirby was going to marry Ted. Hell, I wanted her to marry him—I knew it would be best for her. But now? Right now? What the fuck? I thought I had more time.
“That’s great,” I manage to say.
“It’s not great!” Minnie’s eyes fill with tears. “John, you can’t let her marry Ted. She won’t be happy with him. He’s completely wrong for her!”
“Ted’s a great guy,” I say. “There’s nobody who would be better for her.”
Minnie frowns at me. “How about you?”
Great. It was hard enough to convince Kirby that she was going to mess up her life by being with me… now I have to convince her aunt too? I just shake my head. “No, Minnie. Really.”
“John.” She plants her hands on her hips. “I’ve never in my entire life seen her as happy as she’s been when she’s with you. You like all the same stupid things. Don’t you see the way she looks at you? And I see the way that you look at her. If there were ever two people who were meant to be together, it’s you and Kirby.”
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, then open them again. “Minnie, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve got a severe disability. My life is… it’s difficult, okay? It sucks enough being me—the last thing I want is for Kirby to spend her life dealing with that shit.” Minnie starts to open her mouth and I cut her off by saying, “You don’t even know half of it, believe me.”
I’m not going to pull down my sweatpants and show her my catheter. She’s going to have to take my word for it.
Minnie shakes her head. “There’s nothing you could tell me that would convince me that there’s a better man for Kirby than you.”
“How about that the night that we were at your bakery tasting cakes, Kirby and I got mugged?” I watch the way Minnie’s eyes fly open. “The mugger pushed down my chair so I couldn’t get up and he stuck a knife in Kirby’s face. And there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do to help her. I was on the fucking pavement and I couldn’t move. Do you think something like that would have happened if she were with Ted?”
For a moment, Minnie’s at a loss. Good. “Kirby never told me,” she finally says.
“She probably didn’t want to scare you.”
“Yes…” Minnie says. She looks down at her hands. “But you’re both all right.”
“Sort of,” I say bitterly. “My shoulder got messed up in the fall and now I can’t even wheel my chair around very well anymore.” I raise my eyebrows at her. “You still think I’m the best guy for Kirby?”
“Well,” she says thoughtfully, “why don’t you get one of those electric wheelchairs so you don’t have to push it with your arms?”
I sigh. “You’re missing the point.”
“John,” she says firmly, “Kirby doesn’t love Ted. That’s the only thing I know for sure. If you don’t want to be with her, fine. I guess there’s nothing I can do to change your mind. But at least keep her from marrying a man she doesn’t love. Don’t let her make a big mistake.”
I stare down at my lap. I think about Kirby and the way she cried when she told me that Ted was wrong for her. She doesn’t want to marry him. She’s only doing this because I pushed her away. And that’s my fault.
Minnie’s right. I’ve got to stop this. If it isn’t too late.
Chapter 47: Kirby
My stomach is churning as our taxi zooms in the direction of the Newark Liberty International Airport. I look over at Ted, who smiles at me and winks. It makes me about a hundredth of a percent less sick. I want to ask the cab driver to pull over so I can throw up.
I should tell him this is all a mistake. I don’t want to marry him. He doesn’t really want to marry me either. We don’t know what the hell we’re doing. I thought that once this plan was in motion, it would feel right. But it doesn’t feel right. It feels all wrong.
“Ted,” I begin.
He’s shuffling through the e-tickets he printed out for us. “Why is the code for Newark Airport ‘EWR’?”
“Huh?” I say.
“It’s just weird, isn’t it?” he says. “The code for LaGuardia is ‘LGA.’ That makes some sort of sense. The code for JFK is ‘JFK.’ So where the hell does ‘EWR.’”
“I don’t know, Ted.” I need to have an important discussion with him. I could care less about airport codes.
“The letter N is reserved for the Naval Air Station,” the cabbie informs us. “So they started with the E in Newark. Then the W, then they skipped the A, and added the R.”
Ted nods, like this is extremely interesting. As long as it’s not about cupcakes, right? “That makes sense.”
“So where are you guys going?” the cabbie asks us.
I roll my head to look out the window while Ted replies, “To Vegas.”
“Wow, sounds like a fun trip!” the driver comments. “I wish I were going to Vegas with a pretty lady.”
“You’re kidding!” The cabbie punches the steering wheel. “That’s great! Congratulations, you two!”
Ted grins at me. He looks really happy. Unlike John, Ted actually wants to be with me. Maybe I’m doing the right thing by marrying him. Maybe I’m still just having wedding jitters.
Fifteen minutes later, the two of us are trekking into Terminal A, on the way to airport security. Ted is taking long strides to show off how easily he’s able to carry both my luggage and his. I’m jogging to keep up with him, holding one of my own bags. By the time we finally get through security and over to Gate 23, I’m spent. I collapse into a chair next to Ted.
“I’m exhausted,” I say. “I’m going to sleep on the plane.”
“I’m not tired,” Ted says. “And for me, it’s like six in the morning.”
I really wish he’d stop saying that.
Ted reaches over to take my hand. My hand is all sweaty from carrying my bag, so I have to pull it away to wipe it on my jeans before giving it back to him. He squeezes my hand so tightly that it almost hurts.
“I’m so glad we decided to do this,” Ted says.
I nod. “Me too.”
“The wedding stuff was just making you so crazy,” he says.
I frown at him. “It was?”
“It really was,” Ted says. He smiles. “Believe it or not, I actually thought you were cheating on me.”
I get a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach. “Oh… well, that’s… crazy.”
“I know it is.” He gives my hand another painful squeeze.
I need to change the subject. Now. “Hey, did you ever hear back about that job interview?”
“Oh.” Ted shrugs. “Nah. I don’t think I will though, since I told them I wasn’t interested.”
I turn to stare at him. “What?”
“It wasn’t the right job for me.” He shrugs again. “It’s okay. I’ll keep looking.”
“Yeah, but…” I look down at our hands, interlaced together. “We’re getting married now. Does this mean we’re going spend the beginning of our marriage apart?”
The Best Man Page 19