“Shit, Sarah,” he went on, his voice quieter now. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried ringing her, emailing her, but she’s changed her accounts. I rang her friends and asked them. But if they know where she is, they aren’t telling me. I even paid someone to look for her. Nothing. She’s disappeared, and I don’t know how to find her. And I’m so worried about her by now, I’m useless. Wandering round like a stunned mullet.”
“Do you think she won’t let you see the baby?” she asked cautiously. “That she’ll leave, go back to the States, maybe? Is that what you’re worried about?”
“Nah.” He shook his head decisively. “She wouldn’t do that. Nothing to go back to, from what I know. Anyway, she’ll do the right thing. She always does. But she was feeling so crook. And now she’s out there somewhere, working too hard, thinking I didn’t care, thinking she has to do this alone.”
“But did you care?” Sarah pressed. “That’s what I don’t understand. Did you care then? Do you now? I know you care about the baby,” she hurried on. “And I can see how guilty you feel. But what about Jenna? Do you care about her? Do you want her, setting the baby aside, setting your kids aside? And if you do, why on earth wouldn’t she know that?”
“Because I never told her so,” he admitted wretchedly. “I was just going along, enjoying things. Didn’t occur to me to say anything. And then, when I did, I said . . . I pretty much said the opposite, I reckon. But I can’t make it right if I can’t find her.”
“Well, if she’s going to let you see the baby, if she’s going to ask you for maintenance, she’s going to have to contact you sometime,” Sarah pointed out reasonably. “Why don’t you wait till she does, then tell her what’s on your mind?”
“What about in the meantime?” he demanded. “She’s alone, nobody to take care of her, nothing to fall back on. I can’t let her keep on like that, when it’s my job to look after her.”
“Why?” Sarah asked bluntly. “Besides the baby. Why?”
He stared at her. “Because I love her, of course.”
She exhaled with relief. “How long have we been talking here? How long did it take you to say it? A word of advice, baby brother. When you do see her again, when she does talk to you, lead with that.”
Chapter 34
“Why are we going to the holiday park?” Sophie asked, looking out the car window as they neared Motueka. “I thought we were going to the beach. And that’s the other way.”
“Auntie Sarah asked us to pop by, said she had another Chrissie pressie for you,” Finn told her. “She wanted to give it to you today, on Christmas. And she can’t leave the park, she says. Hardly anyone working today.”
“What kind of pressie?” Sophie wondered. “She already gave us our pressies yesterday.”
“Dunno,” he shrugged. “But you want it, don’t you?”
“I want Jenna,” Harry said stubbornly from behind him. “That’s what I want for Christmas, Dad. I want Jenna back. I told you, and I told Santa. And I didn’t get it. But I still want it. Please, Dad.”
“She told us.” Sophie looked across at her brother in exasperation. “She’s on a trip. She wrote to us and sent us our pressies, and she said she’d see us soon.”
“I don’t want to see her soon,” Harry said, the tears starting again. “I want to see her now.”
“You love Nyree, though,” Finn protested. “And she’s coming back in the New Year. I know your old Dad isn’t much chop,” he tried to joke, “but I’ve been doing my best. And soon you’ll have Nyree cooking for you again.”
“Nyree doesn’t understand like Jenna. She doesn’t discuss like Jenna.”
“You’ll hurt her feelings, if you tell her that,” Finn warned. “You don’t want to do that.”
Harry sniffed, ran his arm under his nose to wipe it. “OK. I won’t say.”
“Here we are,” Finn said, trying to be cheerful as he pulled into the holiday park’s big carpark, nearly full now. “Let’s see what that pressie’s all about, and then we’ll be off to the beach.”
He grabbed Harry’s hand and kept Sophie close to him for the walk across the carpark, leaving the summer heat as they stepped into the air-conditioned office. Sarah looked up and smiled briefly at them, then turned back to the French couple she was checking in at the long counter.
“Can you fix my strap, Dad?” Sophie asked, trying to reach the twisted neck tie of her sundress. “It’s gone wonky.”
Finn crouched down, began to work at the knot, feeling clumsy and awkward.
“Jenna!” Harry shrieked. Finn looked up fast to see Jenna coming out of the back office. His eyes met hers in mutual shock. He registered Harry rushing forward toward the counter separating them even as he watched Jenna sway, her face going white, a hand reaching out and finding only air.
“Shit.” In the next instant, he was vaulting the wooden counter, grabbing her as she fell. Looking around for a chair and pushing her into it, a hand at the back of her head.
“Put your head between your knees,” he ordered. “Breathe.”
He dropped to a knee in front of her, his hand still on the back of her head. Glared up at his sister. She and the French couple were staring at him, mouths open, while his children jumped up and down in front of the high counter, trying to see across it.
“What were you thinking, giving her a shock like that?” Finn demanded angrily. “You know she’s pregnant!”
“Sorry,” Sarah told him with a satisfied smile. “Reckon she needs someone to look after her better than I have been.”
“Are you all right?” he asked belatedly, realizing his hand was still on the back of Jenna’s head. He removed it hastily. “Jenna. Talk to me. Are you all right?”
She sat up, swayed again. “Oh. Maybe . . .”
His hand went back to her head again, pushed it gently down. “Another minute,” he told her. “Hang on. Glass of water.” He looked around at Sarah again. She obligingly pulled a water bottle out of a small fridge under the counter, handed it to him.
“Dad! Dad!” Harry called. “We want to see Jenna!”
“Dad,” Sophie chimed in. “Let us come back there. Auntie Sarah, please. We want to see Jenna.”
“Excuse me,” one of the French tourists said with exasperation. “May we check in now?”
“Hang on a tick,” Sarah told them absently. “Half a mo, kids. I think your dad has a few things to say to Jenna first.” She made an urgent motion with her head at Finn.
“Jenna,” he said, still kneeling, handing her the water bottle and watching her lift her head to take a careful sip. “You’ve been here, all this time?”
She nodded, and he exhaled in relief. “I’ve been miserable as a shag, worrying about you. How’re you feeling? Has that been happening? The fainting?”
“Lightheaded sometimes, that’s all. I’m all right, really. It was just . . . the shock. I didn’t know you were here. Sarah didn’t say.”
“Sarah didn’t say a fair few things,” he said grimly, shooting his sister a glare. “Might have saved us both some misery if she had.”
“Oi,” Sarah objected. “Got you here today, didn’t I?” She jerked her head at him again. “Go,” she mouthed.
He took a deep breath, took Jenna’s hand. “Now that I’ve found you, I need to tell you. I need to ask you to come back to me. Please. I know I did everything wrong when you told me. I didn’t mean what I said. Please come back. Please give me the chance to make it up to you.”
She was already shaking her head. “No, Finn. I startled the truth out of you, that’s all. I needed to know how you really felt about me. Now I do.”
“But that isn’t how I feel! I need you, Jenna. You have to believe me.”
“Too right,” Sarah pointed out helpfully. “I’ve never seen a man look more pathetic. Please, put him out of his misery. It’s more than a sister can bear.”
“D’you mind?” Finn scowled at her. “Trying to propose here.”
“And yo
u’re making dog tucker of it,” Sarah said. “What did I tell you to say?”
“Maybe if I could get a bit of privacy, I could do better,” he said in exasperation.
“All this is very affecting,” the Frenchman complained. “But we’d like to check in. We’ve been waiting long enough.”
“Here.” Sarah thrust the key at them, together with a map of the park. “Cabin 18. Sorry. I’ll come see you in a bit, make sure you’re sorted. But we have a . . . family emergency here, as you can see.”
She ushered them to the door, flipped the sign to Closed. “Come on, kids. Let’s go get an ice cream.”
“Then can we see Jenna?” Harry pleaded.
“First ice cream, then Jenna,” Sarah promised. “Let’s go.” She turned back to Finn, gave him a thumbs-up, closed the door firmly behind her and turned the key in the lock.
“Jenna,” Finn said as he heard the door shut at last behind the others. “I’m trying to ask you to marry me here. Trying to tell you I love you, and I need you with me.”
“No,” she told him sadly. “I can’t. I married somebody once who didn’t really love me. Not in the right way, the way it should be. I’m not going to make that mistake again. If I ever get married again, it’ll be to somebody who wants me and needs me for myself. You don’t have to marry me to see your baby. I won’t keep that from you. I’ll stay in Auckland, and we’ll work it out. I promise.”
“Damn it, I’m not asking you for the baby!” he exploded. “I want the baby,” he went on hastily. “But I need you. I’m so selfish, I don’t want you for the baby, or my kids, or anything else, even though all those things matter too. I want you because you make my life so much better. Because I can’t imagine living the rest of it without you. And because ever since you left, I’ve been wandering round thinking about you, worrying about you. Because even when I was on tour, I wanted you with me. Why d’you think I rang you every night? Because I missed you so much.”
“I don’t know what else to say,” he ran down at last. “That’s everything I have. I love you, and I’m asking you to marry me. If I had a ring, I’d be pulling it out now. I don’t even have that. All I have is my heart. But that’s yours.”
She looked at him, her doubts showing clearly on her face. “Do you mean this? Please, Finn, please don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I can handle the truth. But I can’t handle a lie.”
“I mean it. I don’t know how to convince you. But I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.”
He took a deep breath, decided to try again. “Jenna.” He took both her hands in his. “Will you marry me? Because I love you more than I can say.”
“Maybe,” she said cautiously. “I have a few things to tell you, though. And some things I need to know.”
“Tell me,” he begged, relief beginning to take hold now.
“I’m not going to change. I don’t want a big career. I don’t want to run any companies or anything. Or any schools, even. I’m good at teaching little kids. And I’m good at taking care of people. That’s what I want to do. What I plan to do.”
“Then I’d be the luckiest man in the world if you were taking care of me and our kids, wouldn’t I?”
“And I don’t even want to teach while the kids are little,” she went on, eyes searching his face. “I want to stay home and be a mum and a wife, if I can. Are you going to be OK with that?”
He laughed in relief. “Is that your condition? Yes, Jenna. I promise. I’ll make the living. But I need you to make the home.”
“It means you’re going to have to find a new job for Nyree,” she said. “I’m not sharing my kitchen.”
“Done. So many of the boys are having babies now, that’ll be easy as. We’re keeping the housecleaners, though. You’re not doing everything.”
She nodded. “And if you go someplace else to play in the future. Japan, Europe, all those places you guys end up. It’s not all right with me for you to go alone. We’re coming too. All of us.”
“All of you,” he promised.
“And one more thing,” she told him. “This might not be the last baby. Are you OK with four?”
“I’m OK with six,” he assured her. “Whatever you want.”
She smiled. “I think four will do it. But we’ll see.”
“Is that it?” he asked. “All the conditions?”
She nodded. “I think that’s it. Do you have any for me?”
“Just one. I need to know that you’ll love me. Even when I say the wrong thing and hurt your feelings. That you’ll put me right when I cross the line, trust me enough to stay with me and work it out. Because I’m going to need you forever. Will you be able to put up with me that long?”
She laid a gentle hand on either side of his face. Held him there a moment, then kissed him with all the love she had in her heart.
“I promise.” She pulled back again, her tears spilling over, running down her cheeks unheeded. “I’m sorry I gave up on you. I didn’t know. I didn’t believe. But if you’ll really need me forever, I promise I’ll be there for you just that long. Because I love you too. And I always will.”
Epilogue
“Ready for bed?” Finn got up from the couch as Sophie and Harry approached, dressed in nightgown and pajamas.
“In a minute.” Sophie reached for the remote and clicked off the cricket match that was playing on the big screen. “We have something very important to say first.”
“Do you want to talk to your dad alone?” Jenna asked. She lifted a sleepy Lily from her breast, putting her against her shoulder and beginning to pat her tiny back.
“Nah. We want to talk to both of you,” Sophie assured her.
“Go on, then,” Finn urged with a smile, settling back onto the couch as he saw Sophie flip open her notebook. “I can see you have a list. Better read it to us.”
“We want to call you Mum,” Sophie told Jenna. “For these reasons. Reason One: We don’t have a mum anymore.” She looked at Finn. “I know we did,” she clarified. “But we don’t now. And the other kids do, Dad.”
“I know,” he told her soberly. “I know you don’t. And I know that’s been hard.”
“Your mum must have loved you both so much, though,” Jenna put in. “She must have been so sad to leave you. And she’ll always be your mum, even though she’s not here anymore.”
“We don’t remember, though,” Harry said. “We want a mum we remember.”
“Harry. I’m still saying,” Sophie told him impatiently. “Reason Two,” she went on. “You’re Lily’s mum. And we want you to be ours too.”
“Oh, Sophie.” Jenna’s eyes were filling with tears now. “I’d be so proud to be your mum. Your other mum. If it’s OK with your dad.” She looked at Finn, eyes questioning.
“Course it is,” he said. He reached for Sophie and Harry, drew them close. “Is that the list, then? Because I reckon we’re done here.”
“But Sophie didn’t say the most important thing!” Harry objected. “We want Jenna to be our mum because we love her. Don’t we, Sophie?” He looked at his sister, got a firm nod in reply.
“D’you want us to be your kids?” he demanded of Jenna. “Your real kids, I mean? Like Lily?”
Jenna’s tears were falling in earnest now. She looked at Finn, saw the moisture in his own eyes as he lifted Sophie and Harry onto the couch to join them.
“You already are my real kids,” she promised as she settled Lily in one arm, reached out with the other to hug them both. “And I want to be your mum more than anything in the world. You’re my family, and I love you so much.”
Finn looked down at her, holding their children so close. The day she’d walked into this room, wet and bedraggled, had been the luckiest of his life. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her, but his heart filled with gratitude for his beautiful wife, and all the love and happiness she’d brought him.
He stood up and took Lily from her, settled the sleepy baby in one big arm.
�
��Well, now that Sophie’s read us her list and we’ve got that sorted, I reckon it’s bedtime at last,” he announced.
“And I’m thinking,” he decided, smiling down at Sophie and Harry, “that we may need a bit of a change from the normal routine. So I’m going to go on and get Lily settled in her cot. Because I have a feeling your Mum wants to put you both to bed tonight.”
The Recipes
MULLIGATAWNY SOUP
4-6 servings
1 cup diced onion
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp. fresh ginger, minced
2 carrots, diced
4 ribs celery, diced
3-4 Tbsp. butter
3 Tbsp. flour
4 tsp. curry powder
8 cups chicken broth
2 bay leaves
½ cup diced tart apple (Granny Smith is good)
1 cup cooked rice
1 cup diced cooked chicken
2 tsp. salt or to taste
½ tsp. pepper or to taste
¼ tsp. thyme
1 tsp. grated lemon zest (yellow part only)
1 cup half & half or milk (can use everything down to 1% milk, depending how rich a soup you prefer)
Saute onion, carrot, celery, garlic, ginger in butter in large soup pot. Add flour and curry powder; stir and cook about 3 minutes. Pour in chicken broth and bay leaf and simmer 15 minutes. Add other ingredients except cream/milk and simmer 15 minutes more. Immediately before serving, stir in cream or milk.
If you are making a quantity that you won’t use up that day, keep the rice separate and add it to each bowl of soup, so it doesn’t get mushy.
QUINOA SALAD
6-8 servings (recipe can be doubled. Makes a great workday lunch over arugula and/or spinach—protein, vegetables, vitamins, fiber, AND low-calorie!)
1 c. uncooked quinoa, rinsed very well and drained (the soapy substance tastes bitter if you don’t rinse it off)
Vegetable or chicken broth, if desired
1/2 c. chopped green onions, white and pale green parts only (about 2 bunches)
Just for Now: Escape to New Zealand Book Three Page 28