by J B Cantwell
But his fingers were gone now.
Every tiny pinprick of white swirled out of my vision like water running down a drain. I rolled over, gagging and coughing, heaving, my body fighting to survive. Between each gasp of air, I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
Had Cait fought him off somehow? Was her power greater than I had imagined?
But no. I looked up to see her concerned, frightened face staring down at me.
And him. He was across the tunnel, sitting with his back pinned up against the wall as if he had tried to get away, but had given up at the moment his back had met the stone.
Slowly, as my body shuddered and wheezed, I sat up. I looked towards the entrance to the small cave, imagined a world in which I might run away from whatever was about to happen next, but not only could I still barely breathe, I was weak from the attack. I sat waiting, staring at the man, wondering when he would come for me again.
But he didn’t.
Finally, I spoke.
“Go on, then,” I said. The sound of my voice was a croak, and speaking hurt from the damage to my windpipe. My words were those of a man confronting death himself.
“I’m sorry, what?” he said. His eyes, still burning black, looked back at me quizzically, almost as if he had only just noticed me there.
“Kill me,” I said. “Get it over with. I’m done.” I slumped back down to the ground.
“Aster, no!” Cait wailed. She flung her arms around me, tried to force me to hug her, to comfort her as I had in recent days.
So many times on this journey I had expected to find him. Sometimes I had wanted nothing more than to look into the face of the man who had abandoned me. Sometimes I wanted to run full speed in the other direction. Now, finally here sitting across from him, I just wanted it to be over.
He was not the man I expected. He was not the man I wanted.
He looked down at his hands, as if only a vague memory of what he had been in the middle of doing still existed within his foggy brain.
“I’m not going to kill you,” he said. His voice was clear and kind, not the voice I had come to associate with the Corentin.
“Yes you are,” I said, closing my eyes. I patted Cait’s head as her tears fell drop by drop onto my cheeks. “It’s okay, Dad. Just do it.”
“Dad?” he asked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I peeked out from behind one of my eyelids. It had to be another Corentin trick, I thought.
He moved towards me on all fours.
“Are you alright?” he asked. “What happened to you?”
What?
“You tried to kill me,” I spat. “That’s what happened to me.” I opened my eyes fully now.
He frowned, one hand outstretched in midair, a gesture of help.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked. I sat up and Cait promptly sat down in my lap, nestling into the one place she could find protection from the world around her.
But something very strange was happening, and I feared neither of us would find protection within these walls.
Then, Cait perked up, staring at him as if it were the first time she had seen him.
“Where did he go?” she asked, staring back and forth between him and me. Her eyes were wide and more amazed than fearful.
“He’s right there,” I said.
Waiting to kill me. Tormenting me. Just like always.
“No, he’s not,” she argued. She tilted her head, examining him from across the cave. “He’s changed.”
She wiped away the tears on her face, which had suddenly ceased coming.
“He’s possessed,” I spat. “It’s only a matter of—”
Then, Cait slipped out from beneath my arms and approached him, still looking at him in that strange way.
“It’s you,” she said. “You were the one I followed here.”
My heart sank. If Cait believed that the Corentin was our friend…
My mind and heart wrestled with the fact, though, that Cait had never steered me wrong. Not intentionally.
Not unless she, herself was possessed.
But her eyes were clear as she stared between us, and I knew that whatever she must be seeing was real.
“It was his trail I followed,” she said. “He’s the one you wanted to find.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, incredulous. “I did not want to find my father possessed by the most evil being in the cosmos!”
Now it was me she tilted her head at, concerned.
“But he’s not,” she said. “I can see him.”
“What?”
“The glow,” she said, reaching out one hand and taking his. Then, looking at him very seriously, she said, “I don’t like the other one.”
The other one?
“What is she talking about?” I asked him.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“I’m—well, I don’t know,” he said.
“How long have you been down here?”
He shrugged, shaking his head.
“I think maybe I just got here today,” he said. “I—I’m sorry. I don’t really remember.”
Then, he crawled away, back towards his pile of belongings.
“Can I get you something for that?” he asked, pointing to my neck.
He doesn’t remember?
He rummaged through an old, black backpack, the type hikers wore, searching for what I didn’t know. I peered over at him, unable to help myself and my curiosity, and my vision caught a flash of something as he jostled his pack about.
Gold.
I gasped again, trying too late to stifle the sound.
He turned, perplexed. Then, seeing my eyes fixed on the enormous stone, he picked it up and brought it over to me.
“It’s gold,” he said, kneeling down in front of me. He heaved it over towards me, where it landed with a thunk on the cave floor.
I backed away at first, anticipating another attack. But no attack came, and my curiosity got the better of me. The stone was huge, and clearly heavy. He placed it on the floor before me as if it were worth little more than an ordinary rock, and I saw with near certainty that it was the largest of the stones in the museum pictures somewhere above our heads.
“I’ve been searching for gold,” he said. He looked at the stone, a confused expression on his face. “I’m pretty good at it, too,” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
He shrugged again. “I don’t know,” he said. “I hear a voice sometimes.” He lifted one hand to his temple, swirled a single finger around and around on the skin. “It leads me from place to place.”
“And you don’t even know why?” I asked.
I didn’t know what was going on, but somehow the possession wasn’t taking hold of him. Somehow, in the middle of my own murder, he had forgotten what he was supposed to do.
What was going on?
“Dad, that’s the Corentin’s voice. You have to get away from him. You have to fight him.”
But in that moment, remembering that the man with the clear eyes had been the one to attack me, and this one who was clearly possessed was as docile as a house pet, I backed away again.
“Why do you call me ‘Dad’?” he asked. “I don’t have any children.”
The whole world seemed to be collapsing around me. Nothing made any sense. The dizziness was fading away now, but the confusion remained.
I scrambled away, seeking an exit.
His face fell, clearly frustrated.
“Here,” he said. “You take it. I can always find more. Will that help you?” He reached over and pushed the great gold stone in my direction.
I paused.
“Are you serious?” I asked. No Corentin I had ever known would part with a gift of such immense value.
“You seem to want it,” he said. “I mean, why else would you be down in a gold mine.” He chuckled at the joke, but he was the only one. Then, stari
ng around the room for a moment, and then back at me, he asked, “Did I really do that to you?”
It was too much. My own father had just tried to kill me. Then, possessed, he had stopped, suddenly no longer able to remember who I was or even his own name. And now he was acting as if we were casual acquaintances at a dinner party or something.
Suddenly, every emotion I was feeling seemed to bubble to the surface all at one time.
“Yes, you did this to me!” I screamed, my voice still hoarse. “This is all your fault! Everything! The Fold! My heart! The Corentin! It’s all your fault!”
I knew it wasn’t true. How could it be? But the words felt good coming out as hot tears splashed down my face.
“You left us!” I bellowed on, getting to my feet. “All alone on this stinking, dying planet! And for what? Because you wouldn’t take your medicine? You’re a horrible man. I know he’s in there. I know he has you right now. And he’s waiting. Just sitting there waiting for me to let my guard down so you can attack me again. Well, go ahead then!” I took a few steps towards him, and he backed away along the ground. “It’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to be dead? It’s what you’ve both wanted all along!”
It felt so good to blame him for everything, for every tiny prick of pain that I had been forced to endure since he had left us. I stood there, spent and heaving, waiting for him to come at me again.
But he didn’t.
“I don’t want anybody dead,” he said quietly after a time. “I don’t even know who you are. I mean, you look a bit familiar. Something about the hair.” His fingers twiddled with his own blond, dirty mop of hair. “But you’re not my son. Are you? Is that possible?”
I was reeling again, trying to figure out what was real and what was imaginary, what was true and what was trick. I melted back down to the floor. Somewhere behind me, Cait grabbed hold of my arm, clinging to me, her only friend in this strange and terrifying world.
“Cait,” I said, trying hard to keep my voice calm. “What do you see?” She looked up at me, still concerned, but no longer frightened. “When you look at him. What do you see?”
She peeked out from behind my embrace, staring at the confused man who sat across from us now. My murderer? My father? My enemy? Which choice would she make?
Which choice would I?
She untangled herself from my arms and moved towards him, staring hard all the while. She took a couple of steps in his direction, then extended one hand to him.
My breath caught in my chest as I waited, certain that he would show his true colors in this instant, that the truth would be revealed in his actions.
But he just sat there, staring mildly up at her, the girl who had led me to him at last. Then, after several long moments, their eyes locked onto each other, he raised his hand and slipped it into hers.
And when she turned back to me, her eyes couldn’t have been clearer, couldn’t have been purer.
“I see gold.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I backed away. It was all too much. So I did what I always did.
I ran.
I didn’t know what was real anymore or who to believe. Cait, herself, had been possessed by the Corentin just days ago. Did that mean that her opinion of my father held any less weight? Could it be that the words from her mouth were nothing more than a trick, a sprouted seed planted by the Corentin long before now?
All I knew was that, in that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t face the truth, whatever it was, because everything was so muddled. I had counted on things being black and white. Easy. He was either crazy or he wasn’t. He was either possessed by the evil madman or he wasn’t. He either loved me or he didn’t.
But in this new reality it seemed like all of those things were true in some way.
And I couldn’t take it.
I flew up the stairs, pushing and pushing my screaming legs to climb faster. Far in the distance, the fading evening light cast a twilight glow through the tiny window at the top. I had to get there. I had to get out of here.
You don’t have the gold.
I didn’t care. I was through with this. I was no champion. I may have had some powers in the Fold, but they were useless here on Earth. I was helpless to fight for my family. For Cait. For my own life, even.
I imagined breaking through the entrance at the top of the shaft, jumping to the tallest peak I could find. Maybe I would leap from it once I got there. Maybe I would leave this all behind for other people to handle. If I was gone, the Corentin would have to find new people to torment. New victims to play out his sick games with.
But not me.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Soon, I was gasping for breath, my chest burning as if it were on fire. For the first time since I had made that very first jump to the Triaden, I felt my lungs protesting, seizing. I stopped the climb, both hands over my heart, suddenly certain that this would be the death of me.
Fine, then. One less thing I would have to worry about accomplishing. I was a failure. I deserved a failure’s death.
Exhausted, I fell backwards to the rough stone steps. Automatically, I held up the water jug to my lips, drinking deeply.
I let the jug fall to my feet and put my head in my hands. Tears, this time of total hopelessness, washed the dirt from my face.
I didn’t want to die.
But I couldn’t see how I could go on living. Not like this.
They had all fallen. One by one, the people that I loved had fallen. More would follow. Nobody would be spared. Not in the end. In the end, the planets would collide, and every last one of them would die.
With a pang of guilt I remembered Cait, still somewhere at the bottom of this old mine, left with no one to protect her against the madman who didn’t know his own name. But in that moment I felt helpless to think of anyone but myself, and she had made a choice I couldn’t agree with. I could understand how she could have looked into Corentin black and seen good. I couldn’t believe her. I was powerless to help Rhainn or to protect Cait against all of this, no matter what promises I had made.
I could stay on Earth. I could hide. At the end of the world where no rain fell, I could sit and wait for my end to come. No effort required.
I felt drained, and I understood now why hope had been the power that fueled my magic. Without it, I was nothing. I was empty. A deflated balloon.
Time passed, though I couldn’t tell how much. Had hours gone by? Minutes? I turned off my headlamp and sat in the total darkness of the shaft, waiting for answers to come to me, for the truth to come to the surface of my brain. Alone in the dark, I tried to recall the feeling of hope that had lent its strength to my magic. But now, not only did I feel lost, I felt helpless to solve the puzzle of what was happening within these very walls. It was a riddle I couldn’t understand, and I just wanted it all to end. Slowly, I let myself fade into darkness, only barely feeling the edge of my helmet crunch against the rock stair as I lay on the stairs, exhausted and spent.
I didn’t hear them coming, but the lights flitted around the corners of my mind as they took step after arduous step towards the surface. Towards me. Soon, big hands were lifting me up by the shoulders, putting me on my feet. When my legs didn’t obey, he slung one of my arms over his shoulders and helped to hoist me up the stairs.
I felt dizzy, too overwhelmed to bother forcing myself up on my own steam, too exhausted to speak, to do anything but allow myself to be dragged along. He was carrying nearly my entire weight, but he pressed on without complaint. Dimly, I wondered if the Corentin’s possession gave him additional strength. Yes, that would be it. Cait had nearly killed me when the black had clouded her eyes, and she was tiny. A man of his size under the same spell could certainly handle a few stairs with me in tow.
He spoke, but I couldn’t understand what he said. I only heard his voice, sounding like a mumble as it slowly penetrated the fog I was stuck within.
“…going home…” it said, “…together now…”
I wanted to fight, to argue, to fling his hands off me, now so oddly helpful. Then, as we neared the top, I heard it.
“It’ll be okay, Aster.”
It was Cait. Her hand patted the side of my face, an echo of my mother’s touch on her own.
Slowly, my mind began to focus, and as we pushed through the outer door at the top of the shaft, I was finally able to speak.
“What now?” I asked.
She looked up at me, her eyes calm and blue and full of a lifetime of knowledge, more than any child her age should have bourn.
“We go home,” she said. “We find Rhainn.”
She glanced towards my father as if looking for reassurance. They must have spoken after I had left, devised a plan. He moved me over towards a low wall, and I slumped down onto it. Part of me wanted to thank him, to talk to him, to find out more about what had happened, what was happening, to him. But another part, a much bigger part, was terrified to even look at him. I felt certain that if I looked into those clouded eyes again, I would find nothing but the Corentin staring back at me.
Soon, I found I didn’t have a choice.
He flipped my headlamp on, and took off his own helmet. Then he sat down across from me.
My skin crawled at his closeness.
“Look at me,” he said.
I stared down at my hands, too scared to move.
“Aster, is it?” he pressed. “Look at me.”
Slowly, I let my eyes lift, found his.
But nothing had changed. They stormed, dark and cloudy, just as they had down beneath the rock. Just as Cait’s had the day she tried to kill me. Just as Jade’s.
I dropped my gaze again.
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
The world was spinning again, and the little strength I had regained from hearing Cait’s voice drained away.
“We should leave,” he said. “Maybe if we get away from here, you’ll feel better.”
Something I’d forgotten suddenly swam up to the surface.
“Where’s the gold?” I mumbled, blinking heavily.