by Julia Sykes
I held my breath, bracing myself for his nearness.
He passed right by without a word.
The knot in my stomach loosened, nervous anticipation giving way to indignation. How was I supposed to learn if he ignored me completely?
In my distraction, Nate managed to land a light hit. Startled, I turned my attention back on him.
“Got you.” He beamed with pride.
I made an attempt to return his smile. “Good one.” Trying my best to shake off my irritation with Jason, I focused on my task. If he wouldn’t teach me, I’d just have to work that much harder to learn without individual help. “Let’s go again,” I urged Nate.
By the time we finished, sweat covered my body, and exhaustion was already seeping into my muscles.
But we weren’t anywhere close to being finished for the day. We only barely had time to hit the showers and change for our next class, in which we were shown gruesome crime scene photos and instructed in the basics of casework.
At the end of the day, I tried to talk with Nate over dinner in the dining hall, but I could barely carry a conversation. I’d never been so physically and intellectually spent in my entire life, and I still had to go back to my dorm room to study. I fell asleep on my books, too exhausted to worry about Jason. It was a small mercy.
Chapter 5
Natalie
Despite my exhaustion, I forced myself to wake up at four-thirty the next morning and go for a swim. The exercise would help wake me up so I wouldn’t be a zombie for my first class. Besides, I found swimming soothing. It was a solitary activity, and it gave me a chance to clear my head.
As soon as I awoke, thoughts of Jason invaded my mind again: lust, irritation, uncertainty. I didn’t know how to handle this situation. I was mortified that I’d slept with one of my instructors, but I was also pissed at him for ignoring me. And I wasn’t entirely sure if my anger was simply because I needed to learn from him. A little voice in my head told me I was also angry because I felt like a spurned lover.
Which was ridiculous, because we’d only shared one night together.
Sighing, I straightened my goggles and dove into the pool. The cool water parted, welcoming me in a smooth glide. As I began my laps, my mind slowly calmed. The pool was completely empty at this time of day, and I was grateful for that.
When I reached the end of my tenth lap, I paused. I popped up out of the water and removed my goggles, rubbing residual water from around my eyes. When my vision cleared, I stopped breathing.
Jason was staring down at me. His mostly naked frame was propped up against the wall, his powerful arms crossed over his chest. He was dressed only in tight swim trunks, and they did little to hide his growing erection.
He was aroused, but he was glaring at me as though I’d offended him deeply.
My anger surged back to life. I pushed up out of the pool, water sliding off my body. His nostrils flared as his gaze darted down to my breasts before snapping back up to my face.
I strode over to him, riding the wave of my anger. “What is your problem?” I demanded. “You’re treating me like I’ve done something wrong. Well, I haven’t. It’s a shitty coincidence that we’re both here, but I didn’t—”
“Of course you haven’t done anything wrong,” he barked over me. “I’m the one who—” He shook his head sharply and tore his eyes from mine, as though he couldn’t bear to look at me. “I can’t do this.”
“Well, you’re going to have to learn to deal,” I said hotly, some of my hurt burning through my anger. “I’m going to be a field agent, and you’re not going to stop me.”
He blinked and met my gaze again. “Why would I stop you?”
“You completely ignored me in class yesterday,” I railed at him. “How am I supposed to learn if you’re determined to act like I’m not even here?” I threw up my hands, too exasperated to continue the conversation. I couldn’t stand to be this close to him. Despite my righteous anger, my body was reacting to him. My core throbbed, and wetness gathered between my legs. Even when he was glowering at me, he was so damn perfect it was almost painful to look directly at him. Especially knowing that I’d had him once and never would again.
I shook my head and turned away. “I’m going to shower off,” I announced. “See you in class.”
I stalked to the showers without waiting for a response. Just like the pool, they were deserted, and I was grateful for the privacy. I didn’t want anyone to see my shaking hands as I stormed in and ripped the curtain aside on one of the stalls. I quickly stripped and turned on the water, keeping the temperature colder than usual. My body felt hot, and my clit throbbed.
“Damn you, Jason,” I muttered.
The shower curtain slid back. “That wasn’t very nice,” he rumbled and stepped into the stall with me as though he had every right, as though I wasn’t naked.
I quickly tried to cover myself with my hands. He lifted a dark brow.
“You weren’t so modest before.”
I gasped. “You asshole!”
“You’re right,” he said, his voice roughening with unmistakable lust as his eyes made a slow appraisal of my body. “I’m definitely an asshole. But you know what? I don’t fucking care.”
He closed the small distance between us and crushed his mouth to mine. I pressed my hands against his chest to shove him away, but he caught my wrists with a low growl. Moving faster than my shocked brain could comprehend, he pressed my back against the cool tile wall and pinned my wrists above my head. The reminder of how he’d held me like this in the motel room made me moan into his mouth.
He tore his lips from mine and pressed his hand over my mouth.
“Don’t make a sound,” he warned in a husky whisper. “I love when you scream my name, but I don’t want anyone to hear you crying out when I make you come.”
I whimpered against his hand as lust overwhelmed me at his dark promise. His hand firmed against my mouth, and his fingers tightened around my wrists, reinforcing his control over my body. I didn’t even think about fighting him. All I could think about was the ache between my legs and the almost painful craving for him to replace his hand with his mouth, to feel his tongue sliding against mine in frenzied desire.
I shuddered and softened in his hold, swallowing a lustful groan as I struggled to comply with his order for silence. He released my mouth and trailed his fingers down the column of my throat.
“That’s my good little kitten,” he whispered before capturing my lips with his. He turned the knob on the wall beside me, and the water heated, the warm spray pinging over my sensitized skin, tormenting me with sensation as my entire body came alive for him. Just as before, I was helpless in his hold, unable to even contemplate resisting him when his firm hands and skillful tongue felt so wickedly decadent.
Keeping my wrists trapped in one hand, his other dipped between us to tweak my nipples. I was grateful for his mouth over mine when he caught my sharp gasp on his lips, smothering the soft sound. My muscles drew tight as I concentrated on staying quiet, even as he began to torture my breasts. He pinched and rolled my hard nipples, tugging them until my back arched toward him in a silent plea for mercy. Despite the pain—or perhaps because of it—my core fluttered and throbbed in response to his cruel treatment. I didn’t understand why my body reacted this way to him, but in that moment, I didn’t care. All I could do was focus on keeping silent while he tormented me.
When I could barely resist the urge to cry out, he shifted his touch, palming my breasts and soothing the ache he’d inflicted. My knees went weak as I began to float, growing drunk on his powerful influence. His grip on my wrists tightened, steadying me.
His touch trailed lower, his fingers sliding down my abdomen until they rested just above my clit. I rocked my hips up toward him, begging in the only way he allowed me. I suddenly craved to plead for him to fuck me, to call him Sir again as I begged for his perfect cock to stretch and fill me.
But his mouth on mine and his order for
my silence kept me quiet, compliant in his steely hold. I surrendered fully, giving over to mindless lust as I squirmed against him, desperate for more.
Finally, he rewarded me by touching my clit, bringing his thumb down on the hard bud and rubbing in a firm, practiced circular motion. Two thick fingers thrust between my soaked folds, entering me easily. He found the sensitive spot at the front of my inner walls with unerring accuracy, and he curled his fingertips against it as he continued to rub my clit.
I shattered in his arms, unable to hold back a soft cry as my core contracted around his fingers.
“Hello?” a feminine voice called out.
Jason froze, his fingers stilling inside me. I continued to flutter around them, my body still riding the final aftershocks of my orgasm even as panic spiked through my system.
“Are you all right in there?” the woman asked.
Jason slowly pulled away, breaking our kiss and releasing my wrists. I struggled to stand on my trembling knees when his hold eased.
“I’m fine,” I managed, my voice shaking. I cleared my throat. “Cut myself shaving,” I lied quickly.
“Natalie? Is that you?”
Fuck. Elena was the last person I wanted to encounter right now.
“Yeah. I’m almost done in here.”
“Whatever,” she said, her tone turning cold now that she realized I was the one in the showers. Ever since Trent had decided to fixate on me rather than solely on her, she’d settled into bitch mode whenever we spoke.
I heard the shower beside me turn on.
“You go,” Jason whispered, his voice so low it was barely audible over the sound of water spraying. “I’ll try to get out without anyone seeing.”
He turned off the shower and reached for two towels, wrapping one around me before slinging the other low around his hips. He still wore his swim trunks, but his bulging erection was obvious until he covered it with the towel.
I stared at him for a long moment, at a loss. I was stunned by the shocking turn of events, first his decision to join me in the shower, and now almost getting caught by Elena.
“Go,” he urged, gripping my shoulders and spinning me away from him.
I slipped through the curtain, barely parting it in case anyone else was waiting. Luckily, the room seemed to be empty except for Elena, who was now humming in her own shower stall, out of sight. I quickly went to my bag and tugged on my clothes before fleeing. If Jason were caught sneaking out, I couldn’t be anywhere near him. I had no idea how he’d explain his presence in the women’s showers, but I couldn’t worry about it now. All I could do was put as much distance between us as possible. If anyone ever found out, I’d be ruined. And so would he.
Chapter 6
Jason
Fuck!
I waited as long as I could to leave the showers, but I couldn’t afford to give Natalie much of a head start. The other recruit currently humming to herself in the stall next to me could finish at any moment, and if I lingered long enough for her to leave, I’d risk more recruits coming in as the morning grew later. I’d chosen to swim before the crack of dawn to clear my head. But, of fucking course, Natalie was already in the pool, the smooth, confident movements of her lithe body tormenting me.
So fucking stupid, Harper, I berated myself. What the fuck had possessed me to follow her into the women’s showers?
Lust, that was what. Infatuation. Obsession.
It had taken everything in me during class to avoid looking at her. If I watched her perfect body flow gracefully through the motions, I’d have gotten a raging hard-on in front of everyone.
But then when she’d confronted me this morning, she accused me of trying to stop her from becoming an agent. I’d followed her into the showers to apologize. And because her fiery diatribe had awoken the beast in me, and I couldn’t resist the urge to take her in my arms and torment her until she yielded. The soft, sweet little kitten I’d played with during our hot night together was still there, hidden under all that fire. I found the dichotomy painfully arousing; knowing that she was a strong, capable woman who melted just for me called to my Dominant nature. It was a side of myself I had lost touch with since the PTSD set in and I started using. Natalie’s submission was as addictive as the drugs I’d abused.
Just as addictive and equally as dangerous. If I were caught sneaking out of the women’s showers, I’d be fired for sure.
Bracing myself, I slipped out of the stall. No one else was in the room, but I wasn’t in the clear yet. I scarcely drew breath as I quickly padded across the tile floor, my bare feet helping mask the sounds of my movement. When I got to the door, I eased it open a centimeter and peered out.
Two recruits were now in the pool, but they were focused on their exercise. I moved as smoothly and casually as possible, pushing the door fully open and striding the short distance to the men’s locker room. A few more recruits were changing to work out, but no one even glanced in my direction. I was experienced enough in hiding my emotions that my internal tension would be undetectable in the lines of my face or my body.
There was still the issue of my erection. It wasn’t as pronounced as it had been when I’d had Natalie trapped in my arms, but my panic hadn’t fully quelled it, either. I found my workout bag and kept my back turned on the recruits as I hastily tugged on my clothes. I managed to get my hard-on mostly under control by the time I was fully dressed, but lust still raged through my veins. Watching Natalie come apart under my hands had been one of the hottest experiences of my life. I’d been seconds away from fucking her against the tile wall when we were interrupted.
I had to get back to my apartment and deal with this. Within fifteen minutes, I’d jogged my way across base to where I’d been assigned quarters for the duration of the training period. I hurriedly tugged off my clothes and took a hot shower on my own, fiercely wishing Natalie were with me under the warm spray. Still, the memory of her body softening under my harsh treatment was hot enough that I came in just a few strokes, lust and a shadow of shame riding me hard.
I’d made a stupid decision when I’d followed Natalie into the showers. Hell, it hadn’t even been a decision at all. My body had acted of its own accord, drawn to her.
Control. I’d have to find it again somehow. I’d thought Natalie had made me feel in control of myself again when I was dominating her, but I obviously still struggled with mastering my darker urges. First, it was the cravings for drugs. Now, it was a craving for her.
I took a deep breath and steeled my resolve. I’d have to learn how to deal. She was right. I owed her the chance to become the best agent she could possibly be, and she wouldn’t graduate without proper training. Watching her in class, correcting her, was going to be torture.
But I could manage, if I could get my head screwed on straight. Suddenly, I was grateful for my appointment with the shrink this morning. Maybe Dr. Larson would be able to help me find my self-control again. Because right now, my life was a shit show, and I would do anything necessary to get everything back, everything I’d lost the day I went to the bombsite.
I grimaced. Facing those memories wouldn’t be easy. But I didn’t have any other options. My choice to pursue Natalie this morning proved that.
I’d go to therapy, and I’d learn to master my dark urges.
Dr. Patricia Larson was a benignly attractive woman in her mid-forties; her kind caramel eyes and gently waved blond hair softened the more severe lines of her pronounced cheekbones and jaw. She had an air of calm about her, and her low, honey-smooth voice was undeniably soothing.
“May I call you Jason?” she asked, peering at me intently, as though my answer was very important to her.
I shifted on the plush couch. “Okay,” I agreed after a moment. The use of my first name invited a familiarity that made me uncomfortable, but if I was here to bare my soul, I didn’t need to bother with formality.
“Let’s start by establishing why you’re here, Jason,” she said. “What do you want to get out o
f our sessions?”
“I’m sure you’ve been briefed on why I’m here,” I said coldly, not caring to dance around the subject.
She nodded, remaining implacably calm. “I know you recently went through detox after becoming dependent on prescription drugs. I know you’ve been assigned here until you’re deemed fit to return to the field. But that’s not what I asked. I asked what you want to get out of our sessions. The Bureau’s agenda doesn’t matter to me. Your emotional health is my concern. Why are you here, Jason?”
The question was incisive, but her gentle tone kept it from cutting too sharply. I took a deep breath and committed myself to this process, determined to see it through.
“I want to find control again,” I declared. “I want to get my life back.”
She leaned forward. “Control?” she pressed. “What do you mean by that?”
I shrugged, evading. I didn’t want to talk about my sexual proclivities and the internal conflict Natalie had sparked within me. I craved control, and usually I found it in dominating a woman. Or at least, I used to. Before my life fell apart.
“Self-control, I guess,” I said when she remained silent for several long seconds, watching me expectantly. “I lost it when I started using. I can see that now.”
“Painkillers can be highly addictive. I read in your file that you were injured about ten months ago, when you broke your wrist. Is that when you started using?”
“Yes,” I bit out the word, the admission bitter on my tongue. “But I didn’t take them just because I enjoyed the high.”
“Why did you take them, then?”
I shifted again. “I suppose at first I thought they were helping me maintain control. But now I can see that I completely lost it when I became addicted.” Shame burned through me, but I was determined to push through it.