Dark Lessons

by Julia Sykes

  I tried to move away, but my body refused to so much as twitch. The needle sank into my neck, and drugs oozed into my veins.

  “Get some sleep,” Alex advised, as though I had a choice. “You’re going to need it before we can begin your reconditioning.”

  When I awoke, the torture started.

  After

  Jason

  Natalie’s dark blue eyes were blank, devoid of any emotion. She stared out at nothing. Her bloody lips parted, accusatory words spilling from them.

  “You let me die. You left me. You’re weak. A failure. I never should have trusted you.”

  I reached for her in desperation, even as her words shredded my insides. My fingers brushed her too-pale cheek. It was ice cold.

  “Please,” I begged. “Come back to me.”

  She laughed, a hollow sound devoid of life. It echoed in my head, growing louder and boring into my brain. I pressed my hands against my ears, trying to block it out. But the cold, insane laughter was inside me, tearing at my soul.

  Terror jolted me back to consciousness. I realized that the maddened sound issued from my own throat. It trailed off on a strangled groan.

  I groped at the sheets beside me, searching.

  Empty.

  She’s gone.

  She’s dead.

  Frantically, I took a deep breath, holding onto the impossible hope that I could somehow catch her scent. I’d returned to our motel room in a desperate attempt to find something that belonged to her, something real I could hold onto. But the room had been cleaned, and even her delicate, floral scent had been eradicated, as though she’d never been here at all.

  I reached beneath my pillow and grasped at the thin strip of leather I’d tucked there.

  Her collar. It was all I had left of her: the symbol that she belonged to me, that she’d always be mine.

  Always.

  The horrible, hollow laughter sounded again. It ended on a rough shout, and I flung the collar away from me, unable to bear the feel of it in my fist, not when I knew I’d never see it around her delicate throat again.

  The loss sent pain knifing through my gut as soon as the leather left my fingers.

  I scrambled out of bed, searching. I found it across the room. I dropped to my knees to retrieve it and didn’t bother to get back up. I didn’t think my shaking legs would support me.

  Obsessively, I rubbed my thumbs over the soft, supple leather, desperate to remember the elegant curved shape it took when it encircled her throat.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”

  I couldn’t live without her. I couldn’t.

  Promise me you’ll be okay. Promise me…

  Damn her for those words. Why wouldn’t she let me follow her into death?

  Maybe I wouldn’t have to end my own life. Maybe my ravaged heart would give out on its own. Or maybe it’d simply go insane. Would I be consumed by images of her death, or would I forget about her altogether if my mind broke?

  I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t forget her.

  She was mine. Always mine.

  Natalie

  Cool air slid over my bare skin, making me shiver. How long had it been since the pretense of my hospital gown had been stripped away?

  The jolt of pain had torn through my body, rendering me immobile. Alex had stripped me in seconds, his hands lingering on my exposed flesh before he gathered me up in his arms and carried me to this cell.

  It was pitch black; my world had been devoid of light and sound for… How long?

  It could have been hours. It could have been weeks. Time had no meaning in the dark.

  I’d explored the space as best I could. I could pace six times in either direction before hitting rough concrete. It surrounded me: under my groping hands, beneath my bare feet. There was a smooth metal door, but it didn’t have a handle. I’d searched for an opening until my fingernails broke and bled.

  There was a musty cot for sleeping, and facilities for my more basic needs. The humiliation of using them had faded quickly. What did my embarrassment matter in the dark, where no one could witness my shame?

  Food and water were brought to me intermittently, pushed through a small slot that opened at the bottom of the door. Light would flash into my prison briefly, blinding me as it winked in and out of existence in a matter of seconds.

  I considered going on a hunger strike, possibly starving myself to death.

  But I couldn’t give up yet. I had to get back to Jason. He thought I was dead. It must be tearing him apart. I had to save myself, and then I’d save him, too.

  Pain jolted through me, and I dropped. Light spilled into the room as the door swung open. Alex materialized as my vision cleared. He took a moment to study me where I lay helpless on the cold floor. Then he bent and picked me up. My skin crawled everywhere he touched me. He held me carefully, almost tenderly. It made my stomach turn.

  “Where are you taking me?” I managed to make my thick tongue work as he carried me out into the hallway.

  He gave me the soft, bland smile I’d quickly grown to hate. “It’s time for our first session.”

  My stomach dropped. Session? What did that mean? Alex had mentioned reconditioning.

  I had a horrible suspicion what that might entail. I’d seen what was being done to Elena when I’d tried to save her.

  That won’t happen to me. It can’t.

  My mind vehemently rejected the idea.

  But I quickly came to learn that my denial was a useless, pathetic thing. That day, Alex began stripping me of my dignity, my will, my spirit. Thoughts of getting back to Jason were the only thing that got me through the torment. Without him, I’d shatter into a thousand pieces.

  Jason

  I didn’t allow myself to contemplate how long it had been since Natalie had been ripped away from me. I chose not to think about losing her at all. Except in my nightmares, when I couldn’t force my mind to hide from the terrible memories of her bloody and broken body, her blank eyes.

  In my waking hours, I threw myself into work. I settled into the Chicago field office and somehow managed to convince everyone around me that I was able to function without her. No one in Chicago knew that I’d been in love with a recruit. Parkinson and my father had kept it quiet, both too embarrassed of my weakness to let it get out.

  That suited me just fine. I’d rip apart the first person to so much as whisper their condolences. That would make her death real. And I couldn’t contemplate that.

  I never mentioned her name aloud. I couldn’t bear the pain of it on my tongue.

  But I thought it often, playing it through my mind like a prayer.

  My Natalie. My kitten.

  I kept her alive in my head, choosing to remember her as she had been in my arms: sweet and submissive, but so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.

  Natalie

  Alex cradled my spent body against his hard chest as he carried me back to my cell. He always held me like this after our “sessions,” as he called them. At first, it had disgusted me. He’d already violated me in so many ways. Why did he have to hold me tenderly in a perverse parody of comfort after he finished torturing me?

  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been here, or even how many sessions I’d endured. Time had no meaning in the darkness of my cell, and the only time I saw the light—the only time I saw anything at all—was when Alex came to retrieve me for torment. He was the only person in my world, my only tie to humanity.

  Even if he was barely human. I’d never imagined anyone could be so unfeeling, so utterly devoid of compassion. No matter how much I screamed or begged, he remained no more than blandly interested in my condition. It would almost have been easier if he’d been overtly cruel. He never touched me with a harsh hand. He didn’t have to. The drugs hurt me for him.

  I’d been horrified to realize that I’d started clinging to him when he held me as I cried. My body was always too weakened to even sob, but my tears soaked his crisp
white coat.

  Now, I couldn’t bring myself to care that my face was tucked against his chest, my fingers curling into his coat as I clung to my only source of comfort.

  He carried me back into my cell and sat down on my cot, still holding me.

  This was different. He didn’t usually linger once he brought me back to my prison. The fine hairs on the back of my neck lifted, and my tears stopped as my senses went on high alert.

  His long fingers brushed my cheek, taking up a stray lock of hair and tucking it behind my ear.

  “Tell me about Jason,” he said gently.

  I stopped breathing. I couldn’t tell him about Jason. Jason was mine, my secret haven in my mind. He was my sanity.

  “Now, Natalie,” Alex chided. “You know you don’t have any secrets from me. Did you think I would forget Agent Harper was the first person you asked for when you woke up?”

  I licked my dry lips. “I was confused. Disoriented.”

  “Then why do you cry out his name during our sessions?”

  My blood froze in my veins. I didn’t realize I ever spoke his name aloud.

  “I could arrange to bring him to you,” Alex continued on calmly. “Is that what you want? For me to bring him here?”

  “No!” I couldn’t let my torturer get his hands on Jason. I had to protect the man I loved from the monster who tormented me.

  That day, I stopped thinking about Jason to escape my reality. I gave up all hope of getting back to him. If I was ever near him again, Alex would find him. He’d hurt Jason to punish me. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I’d die first.

  Without my fantasies of Jason, my mind broke. It wasn’t long after I gave him up that Alex molded me into what he wanted me to be. Without Jason, I wasn’t strong enough to survive.

  Chapter 16

  Natalie

  Five Years Later

  Alex’s hand rested on my shoulder in a familiar gesture. After years of having him watch my back in the field, the weight of his touch was comforting. There was no sensual undertone to the contact, simply a reassurance that my handler would be here for me, no matter what I faced.

  “You did well in Colombia,” he praised. “I’m sorry to drag you to the States on such short notice.”

  I waved him off. “If this is where I’m needed, this is where I’ll be. What do you need me to do?”

  He gave my shoulder one final squeeze before stepping away and taking a seat in the chair across the narrow table from me. We sat in the dated kitchen of some safe house he had set up in Chicago. Division 9-C had them all over the world, and they started to blend into one amorphous, run-down apartment after a while.

  Although, I’d never been brought to the US on a mission. Alex had helped me unlock my potential of learning foreign language, so I was his go-to girl abroad. Particularly in South America, where I’d been on assignment combating drug trafficking and the war-like violence that surrounded the trade.

  For months, I’d hunted my target: Cristian Moreno, a Colombian drug lord who’d primarily dealt in cocaine until recently. Last year, he’d partnered up with the Russian Bratva to start dealing a new date rape drug, Bliss.

  “You’re aware that the Bratva were crippled in New York recently,” Alex said, refreshing me on the situation.

  “Yes,” I replied. “Leadership shattered and Moreno stepped in to take control of trafficking Bliss on the East Coast. So what am I doing in Chicago?”

  “Moreno is trying to broker alliances with the Latin Kings here,” Alex said. “The feds in New York are making things difficult for him, so he’s expanding to new territory. The Kings are still widespread and powerful in Chicago, but divided into tribes. They’re an ideal group to recruit and control if Moreno wants to distribute Bliss on a wider scale quickly.”

  My stomach turned. Bliss was a nasty drug, something between coke and rohypnol. Apparently, it made sex feel incredible and increased the user’s sensual appetites. Whether they wanted it or not. A key component in its manufacture was Scopolamine, which originated in Colombia. It made the victim highly suggestible.

  I’d been disgusted by the abuse I’d seen in my months tracking Moreno, and I knew he was setting up a lucrative human trafficking ring to go along with dealing Bliss. It kept the women compliant.

  “What’s my mission here?” I asked, eager to get one step closer to killing Cristian Moreno and putting a stop to his plans.

  Alex slid a manila folder across the table. I picked it up and began to peruse its contents as he spoke.

  “The feds are about to bust a club where the Kings have been meeting with Moreno’s men. I want you to go to the club and facilitate contact. When the feds come in, you will help Moreno’s men get out. The building schematics are in the file, along with potential routes for you to take. I’ll have a van waiting for you outside.

  “Save Moreno’s men, make them indebted to you,” he continued. “Earn their trust and infiltrate his organization. You haven’t been able to get close to any of his key people yet. This is where you work your way in. When you get deeper, we’ll bring in Nathaniel as your associate and put him in the organization as backup.”

  I nodded my agreement, pleased to have Nate at my back. Although he was quieter than he had been when I’d first met him, I preferred working with him over ice cold Elena or Trent, who was so detached he might as well be robotic.

  “When and where do I go in?” I asked, glancing at the information in the file. “Tonight at Aqua Lounge,” I read before he could answer. “A dance club?”

  “Yes,” he replied. “You’ll arrive at ten fifteen. I’ve laid out an appropriate outfit for you in the bedroom. You’ll be unarmed, but I know you can handle yourself.”

  “That won’t be a problem,” I confirmed. I was skilled enough in hand-to-hand combat that I could kill a man with my bare hands. Unless someone pulled a gun on me, I’d be able to take down anyone who threatened me. And while that was a possibility, I could easily disarm a man at close range. Besides, the threat of death didn’t register any fear in my system. That instinct had been eliminated from my psyche a long time ago. I’d give my life for my division without a thought.

  “I know you can do this,” Alex said, his eyes bright with pride. “Moreno will be dead in a matter of weeks. Get close to him and take him out. When his organization is thrown into chaos, we’ll step in and dismantle his operation.”

  I nodded again, determined to put a stop to the disgusting flesh trade Moreno had established.

  “Check in with me once you’re in tonight,” Alex ordered. “Then, you’ll go dark until the op is over or you need Nate to join you. I won’t risk unnecessary communication if you’re being monitored.”

  “Understood,” I confirmed.

  Alex pushed back from the table and got to his feet. “I’ll talk to you in a few hours.” He circled around the table and squeezed my shoulder again, staring down into my eyes. “Good luck, Natalie.”

  “Luck will have nothing to do with it,” I replied.

  He smiled. “I’m sure it won’t. I’ll see you soon.”

  Patting my shoulder in one last show of reassurance, he turned and left the shabby townhouse. I redirected my attention back to studying my case file, memorizing every word before I went into the field.

  A low, sensual beat thrummed through my bones as I stepped into Aqua Lounge. Several male gazes turned toward me, taking in my skin-tight, leather-look leggings and low cut top that clung to my curves. Alex had selected a decidedly sexy outfit for me, but it was appropriate for my task; the flexible fit would allow me to fight without the challenge of a short skirt, and I’d attract the attention of the men I targeted.

  I threaded my way through the gyrating bodies on the dance floor, heading for the bar. When I reached my destination, I leaned one elbow on the black bar top and surveyed the clientele, searching for my marks. Their pictures had been in my file, and I knew who to look for.

  I caught sight of one of Moreno’s men. Car
los Lopez was a heavily muscled, darkly tanned figure covered in tattoos. I allowed my eyes to fix on him until he felt my gaze. After a few seconds, he looked in my direction. I curved corners of my lips up in a seductive smile and thrust out my chest in physical invitation. He flashed a sharp, white grin and began making his way toward me.

  “Hi,” I purred when he reached me. “I’m Natalie.” Instead of offering my hand to shake, I touched my fingertips to his arm, tracing the line of his muscles. His dark eyes flared.

  “Carlos,” he answered. “What are you drinking, Natalie?”

  I cocked my head at him with a knowing smile. “Nothing you’d offer me,” I said, my cool tone contrasting with my saucy expression. My fingers firmed on his arm. “I’d rather not be drugged and raped tonight.”

  His smile dropped to a scowl, and he took a step toward me, abruptly towering over me as he entered my personal space. “Who the fuck are you?” he demanded. “If you’re a fucking cop—”

  “I am,” I lied easily, cutting him off. “But I want a piece of the action. So I came here with a peace offering. The feds are about to bust this club. They’ll be here in approximately five minutes. I’ll help you get out. I have a van waiting outside to take you and your friends to a safe place. In exchange, I want you to take me with you so I can meet your boss. I want in.”

  “And why the fuck would I trust a cop?” he snarled.

  “Because you’re going to find out I’m telling the truth in, well, four minutes now. I’m ready for a more lucrative career. Follow me, and I’ll get you out before they arrive. But we have to move right now.”

  That moment, chaos exploded through the club as cops and agents poured in. Carlos’ eyes widened with fear.