by Jillian Neal
“Bye, Dad,” he choked and let his hands run along the cold granite. “I will fix this. I swear to you.”
He turned to follow Logan back to the car with renewed fire burning inside of him.
Dig Deep
Rainer threw himself into digging his shovel into the gravel, and hurling the rocks into the pits surrounding Coriolis prison. The physical exertion soothed him. The monotony somehow offered a healing salve as he wiped away the sweat that poured down his brow and onto the shirt he was ruining.
Some of the other rock-slingers had loaned them gloves, and they worked solidly right up until the sun stood directly over their heads.
“We better go,” Logan stumbled slightly as the uranium was rapidly depleting them.
Rainer walked several feet away to where the men were standing that they’d borrowed the gloves from. He handed them back and smiled. “Thanks a lot.”
The men bid Logan and Rainer farewell and, with a wry laugh, told them to come back anytime.
Neither of them had much of an appetite, but Logan pulled through a drive-thru anyway; they’d both decided that the Non-Gifted world didn’t deserve to have to smell them in their current condition.
“You have to eat,” Logan commanded. “We have to go back and have the crap beaten out of us by Vindico.”
Rainer ate his cheeseburger without any real enthusiasm. He couldn’t really taste it as his entire being was still focused on how to fix all of the many problems he’d caused, in a relatively short period of time.
“Do you really think Adeline’s gonna end up in jail because of some stupid party?” Logan finally managed to verbalize the terror in his heart.
“No,” Rainer shook his head. It was the truth, from his opinion anyway.
“I was going to ask Vindico if I could go with Adeline to her meeting with Stariff this afternoon. Don’t guess I’ll be doing that.”
“I’m so sorry. If it hadn’t been me and Em, no one would’ve been taking pictures.”
Logan shook his head. He wasn’t letting Rainer take the blame because that was who he was. “I should never have taken her there. I knew better, and I did it anyway.”
“Yeah, well, seems there’s a lot of that going around.”
“It didn’t look nearly as bad in person as it did in the papers.”
Rainer wasn’t going to let Logan lighten what he’d done. “I did things to your sister, on a bar, in front of hundreds of people, that I’ve never even done in the privacy of our bedroom, Logan.”
“It looked just as bad when I was doing it as it does in those photos. We just aren’t drunk now, and, trust me, daylight tends to show all of your idiotic decisions with great clarity.”
They spent the afternoon being crushed by Vindico. Rainer finally drew on deep resolve that he wasn’t even aware he had. He clenched his jaw furiously and fought back. He began catching Vindico’s hits and throwing them back. He let the fury, and the anger, and the hurt drive him. He met Vindico blow for blow.
“Good, Lawson,” Vindico sharpened his focus. He drove harder, but Rainer didn’t relent. His fists lit with ferocity.
“That’s it, Lawson. Dig deep,” Vindico ordered. “You want something in this life, or you want to fix something, then you have to fight for it!”
And Rainer understood. Vindico wasn’t just training him on how to take down criminals. He was training him for life.
Five o’clock drew near, and Vindico called, “Tuttle, would you please drive to Angels arena and pick up Miss Haydenshire? Bring her back here. Lawson isn’t finished working.”
Tuttle left quickly for the parking deck, and Rainer fought a shudder at the thought of Emily in a car with Tuttle, the horniest guy Rainer had ever met.
He’s an Iodex officer. He’d never do anything to Emily, Rainer thought repeatedly as he shoved hard and let his fury project from him.
Finally, he threw out a shield cast that knocked Vindico to the ground. Disbelief shattered through Rainer. He glanced at Logan, whose mouth was hanging open in shock.
Portwood turned and offered Vindico a hand. He was chuckling.“Been a long time since one of us threw you.”
“’Bout time one of you did,” Vindico tried hard to hide his very pleased expression.
Me and You
Several minutes later, Vindico released the team. Rainer and Logan decided to go home in their workout clothes, as the clothes they’d come to work in were somehow more disgusting form digging all morning than the ones they’d worn to sweat in all afternoon.
He made his way back to his desk as Tuttle was escorting Emily in. Her eyes were bloodshot. She looked sick as she met Rainer’s gaze.
It was the first time he’d ever seen her and not had the urge to go to her, to touch her, or inhale her scent. It felt odd to be angry with her, yet he couldn’t curb his fury.
She moved to him instead. “I’m so sorry!” she began to sob.
“She cried all the way here, and, if it makes you feel any better,” Tuttle offered, “I’ve been a guzzler several times. You know, you just get caught up in the moment. You don’t really think about it. It’ll blow over; you’ll see.”
Vengeance pulsed through Rainer as he asked before considering, “And do you remember any of the girls names that you guzzled for?”
“Uh,” Tuttle looked confused, “I don't know. It was a long time ago. I was completely smashed.”
Rainer assumed that would be the answer. Tuttle offered him another slap on the shoulder before he returned to his desk.
“Rainer,” Emily had never been left crying without him trying to comfort her. “I’m just so sorry.”
He couldn’t let her stand there crying, so he put his arms around her. Vindico issued out of his office at that moment.
He rolled his eyes, “Geez, Lawson, is there anything you won’t do in public?” He moved to a room off of the office area that was usually used for questioning. He flung the door open and gestured inside.
Rainer led Emily into the room and shut the door.
“I don’t understand.” Emily sank into one of the chairs. “Why is it such a big deal? Everyone else did it. No one else is all over every newspaper in the Realm!”
“Because it was me... and because it was you!” Rainer’s voice was ragged and angry. “But you know what, Em? It is a big deal.” He swallowed down the emotion that threatened his eyes. He squinted and began to pace, lest he explode. “It’s a huge deal, actually. That,” he let the picture of him running his hands up the front of her skirt flash back through his mind. “That isn’t a game, or something you do because you’ve made a Summation team, and you’ve won your first challenge. At least it’s not to me. I love you!”
“I love you too much to have let you talk me into doing this. What you and I do, what we have, means more to me than anything in the world. You’re not some random girl that I bang because it feels good at the moment. And to have put you on display, pimped you out for the Angels,” he choked as he realized that’s exactly what he’d done. “It makes me physically ill! Your dad won’t even look at me. I have never been so thoroughly disgusted with myself.”
Emily stared at him for several long minutes then she began to sob again, in earnest. She gasped for breath. He knelt down in front of her. He wasn’t finished.
“And you know what, Em? This isn’t you, either. I do not believe for one moment that you really wanted me to do that to you, in front of a bar full of people,” his voice broke as he tried to steel himself against tears of his own as he watched her cry.
“We’re not Garrett and Chloe, and I don’t want to be. I want to be with you and only you. I want to marry you, and have a family, and be able to hold my head up when I come into the office. I want to be able to look your father in the eye because I know that I have always done right by you. I want you to know how much I value everything we have.”
“I want you to understand that I don’t take anything we've ever done for granted. What you’ve allowed me, th
e amazing way it feels when I hold you, and to know that I am the only person who gets to have that with you is so much more important than any challenge or any party.”
“I am the only person who gets to touch you the way I get to touch you or see all of you. That is something I could never have asked for, and I sure as hell don’t deserve. But that, what I did to you Saturday night, cheapens everything I’ve ever shared with you and everything I took from you all those weeks ago. Right now I hate myself for doing this to you.”
She shook her head. “No! It’s my fault! You didn’t want to do it. I asked you to.”
“Yeah, I know,” he whispered,“But I’m supposed to protect you, even if it is from yourself.”
She stood suddenly and wiped the tears off of her face.
“I am so sorry, Rainer, and you’re right; I didn’t want to do it. It felt wrong. If you want me to quit the team, I will.”
Rainer pulled her to him and shook his head. “No, Em, I don’t want you to quit, unless you want to, but I do need to know that we’re not going to get involved in any other antics at the hands of Garrett, or Chloe Sawyer, or the Arlington Angels.”
She nodded and took his hand. She headed towards the door. He followed her out, and tried to think of some way for them to exit without an audience.
“We’re going to talk to Dad,” she determined. Her fingers fixed her long auburn hair behind her right ear as conviction etched her soft curves.
“Em, no. He said he didn’t want to talk to me.”
She nodded, but he saw the resolve form in her eyes.
“I’m not going to let you shoulder this by yourself. This was my fault, and I’m taking responsibility. You’re not covering for me this time, Rainer. I love you too much, and this time I won’t let you take the fall for something I did all on my own.”
As she made their way quickly towards the door, Rainer tried to reason with her. “Em, please listen to me; your dad does not want to hear that his baby girl asked me to lay her out on a bar and lick alcohol off of her. Just let him be furious with me, please.”
Not This Time
“I’m going, whether you come with me or not,” she marched towards her father’s office.
Rainer knew, with every fiber of his being, that this wasn’t going to go well, but he also wasn’t going to let her go by herself.
Still pleading with her, he pushed open the door to the Governors’ wing of the Pentagon.
“Emily, please, please listen to me; think about what was in those pictures. Your dad does not want to hear that you asked me to do that to you.”
She shook her head defiantly and quickened her pace. Rainer caught her hand just before she reached the door, and spun her around. “Em, don’t do this. Just let him hate me.”
Before he could continue, Logan opened Governor Haydenshire’s office door. Emily scooted by her brother, but Rainer was stunned by his appearance.
“What are you doing here?” he asked as Adeline stuck her head around the door.
“Rainer, you didn't do this by yourself, and we’re not letting you take the fall for all of us.”
Suddenly he heard Garrett’s voice. “Dad, this wasn’t Rainer’s fault. I practically shoved him up there. I told him to make it look good!”
Rainer shut his eyes, and tried to reason how Logan and Adeline believed they had anything to do with this, but he followed Emily into the office.
Governor Haydenshire didn’t look any better than he had that morning, and the glare he gave Rainer made his stomach clench uncomfortably.
“It wasn’t Rainer’s fault,” was Emily’s opening line to her father.
“Yes, it was,” Rainer argued.
“Stop now!” Emily demanded in a tone Rainer had never heard her use on him before. Drawing a deep breath and fixing her gaze at a spot on the wall just above her father’s head, her voice quivered.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy, but Rainer didn’t want to do it. I asked him to because all of the other Angels were doing it. Garrett said it was the initiation, and what the Angels do after the first win of the season.”
Garrett nodded his head adamantly.
“I guess I just went along with it. And I’m so, so sorry that you had to see those pictures. I know that must’ve been awful, but you can’t blame Rainer.”
Rainer began to protest again, but Logan shook his head and took up where Emily left off. “Garrett jumped up on the bar and announced to the whole crowd that Rainer was going to induct her. Rainer was the only one of us who acted at all like how you raised us. He asked me for my help, and all I did was hand him another drink. This wasn’t his fault.”
Adeline began before Rainer could start. “Governor Haydenshire, I’m so sorry, sir, but Logan was distracted because I had had entirely too much to drink. I mean, you saw me Sunday, and he was trying to take care of me. Otherwise, I know he would’ve helped Rainer dissuade Garrett.”
The Governor was rubbing his temples, and Rainer knew he was trying to convince himself not to yell.
Emily began to sob again, and Rainer reached out and took her hand. He stepped towards her to hold her when Governor Haydenshire screeched, “Do not touch her!”
Rainer jerked his hand back like he’d received an electric shock. Everyone stared in stunned silence.
“Daddy,” Emily finally reprimanded, “I just told you it was me, not him. Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because I keep telling all of you,” Rainer cut across the Governor’s answer. “It is my fault. Look at this.” Rainer held up the picture of him sliding his hands up Emily’s skirt, from the Governor’s desk.
“I did this, and I should have told Garret no. And,” he took an anguished pause, “I should have told you no.” He gave Emily a sorrowful glance before turning back to Governor Haydenshire.
Emily shook her head combatively. “I got drunk Saturday, Daddy, and I was sick most of the night, and Rainer took care of me. He always takes care of me. Please don’t treat him like this.”
Rainer seriously doubted that his holding Emily’s hair back while she vomited the sheer amount of alcohol she’d consumed in his presence was going to do much against the images that had most certainly etched themselves indelibly onto the surface of the Governor’s mind, so he said nothing.
The silence grew more and more uncomfortable, and Emily finally huffed.
“What can I do, Dad? How can I make you see that it wasn’t Rainer?” Governor Haydenshire raised his head, and looked at Emily with raw pain on every line of his face.
Rainer had to look away. It was too fresh, too desperate, almost obscene.
In answer to Emily’s question, the Governor shot Rainer a mirthless glance before he turned back to his daughter. “You can give that ring back, quit the Angels, go back to school, and move back home until you can act like the daughter your mother and I raised, instead of like a brazen....” he didn’t finish, but the sentiment was quite clear.
Rainer felt like he’d just been sucker-punched. His stomach muscles clenched like he’d actually been hit.
“I’m sorry that I did this, Daddy, but I’m not doing any of those things. I’m an adult, and I will take responsibility for doing this,” she held up the pictures. “But I’m not going to run back home when I screw up, because that isn’t what you taught me. I have to face my problems and deal with them not run away from them just because that might be easier.”
It couldn’t have been more clear that Emily’s decree was not what Governor Haydenshire wanted to hear, but he let his head fall forward in a half-nod.
After steeling himself and drawing up to his full height, Rainer addressed the Governor. “Sir, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I did this, and it was entirely my fault and is my responsibility to bear. But please, please believe me when I tell you that even you don’t hate me as much as I hate myself right now.”
Governor Haydenshire started to challenge that statement, but with a shudder he murmured, “Please leave, all of you.
I have never doubted my ability to be a good parent and raise good, honest, hard-working children as much as I do looking at all of you right now. Just get out.”
Everyone filed out of the office in a somber, silent march.
“Rainer, man, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I had no idea.” Garrett looked truly sorry.
Rainer drew a deep breath. “You didn’t force me to do it. I should’ve refused, just like I said.”
He took Emily’s hand. The motion seemed to soothe her as she clung to his arm.
“The fact that people took pictures doesn’t make what I did any better or any worse. It was a tasteless and crude thing to do, at least in public.”
Garrett bristled slightly.“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Guilt etched his expression.
“He is right,” Emily’s tone echoed her deep sadness.
For Every Action
Emily disappeared into their room as soon as they arrived home. Rainer tried to get her to eat, but she refused. She’d been lying in their bed crying intermittently despite Rainer’s attempts to soothe her.
“Em,” he sat beside her, and she fell into his lap with tears streaking down her face.
“This is all my fault! How could I have been so stupid? Everyone got sick, and now my dad hates you and me and, uh, I just don’t know how everything could’ve gone so horribly wrong.”
Rainer knew that she felt terrible about everything that had happened, but he suspected that seeing how utterly devastated her father was by their actions had been what had finally taken her over the edge.
He lay back on the bed, and held her tightly to his chest while she cried. When the tears had subsided slightly, he tried to make her feel better.
“Em, I swear to you, we’ll come up with some way to show your parents how sorry we are for all of this. I will fix this, if it’s the last thing I do.”
Jack Stariff had called to explain to Emily and Rainer how they needed to dress and behave for the next week for the trial against Stan.
Rainer had apologized profusely, which Jack had accepted, though he’d made certain he knew how, in one evening, he’d changed an open and shut case that should’ve easily fallen in his favor to one that could go either way now.