“I know that, now. If only I’d accepted that back then, I wouldn’t have lost you.”
Torri sat up and pushed her hair back. She finally got her answer. Antonio didn’t run away from her, he ran away from the reality of his life. She wanted to pull him into her arms and tell him everything was okay. Yet, the memory of Cliff’s actions after their father left, or lack there of, communicated the difficulty some men have sharing their true emotions. She reached for his hand.
“Thank you.”
“For?”
“I know how difficult that must’ve been for you to share. And, forgive me, I hope you understand why I gave you such a hard time.”
“An apology from you is unwarranted. I had to clear the air with you sooner rather than later. It’s been years since I’ve talked to anyone about it, including my family. I was told it would get easier. I’m still waiting for that day.”
“Why don’t we go out to dinner Thursday night and talk about something more upbeat?”
Anticipation tickled her stomach and she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Are you asking me on a date?”
“We don’t have to call it that.”
She reached over for his cell phone and typed while she responded. “Pick me up at seven. That is unless you plan on popping up unannounced tomorrow.”
“I’m honored to receive the great Torri Taylor’s phone number.” Antonio looked at his phone and chuckled. “Oh, and you’re safe tomorrow, I have something more important scheduled.”
She punched his arm. “Drive before I change my mind.”
Antonio feigned pain and shifted into the truck into drive. Before long, they double-parked in front of Marcus’ studio.
“Here we are.” He lowered his voice. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
Torri leaned over and kissed his cheek. She released a light breath between her parted lips. “How about — until?”
“Until.”
Torri shut the door and her smile brightened as he drove off.
“This is an unexpected surprise.”
“Marcus.” Her voice sounded higher than usual.
“I didn’t mean to startle you and spoil your private moment.” Irritation laced his response.
“Don’t be silly, Marcus.”
“Wasn’t that your old high school friend?” He shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Yes. Antonio passed by my place this morning to catch up. I was on my way here so, he offered to drop me off.”
“How convenient?” His comment dripped with sarcasm.
The green in Marcus’s hazel eyes sparkled in the daylight. He was sexy, no doubt about that, even as he emitted rays of jealousy. But, Torri couldn’t give him what he wanted. Besides, she grappled with the startling yet familiar emotions that brimmed since Antonio re-entered the picture. Torri had no idea where things headed, but she wouldn’t ruling out the possibility of, as Antonio expressed it, picking up where they left off.
“Um, did you see this morning’s paper?” She needed to shift his attention to the reason she was there.
He raised his left eyebrow. “Not yet.”
She waved her copy in the air.
“Well, alrighty then.” Marcus’s eyes gleamed and he unlocked the double-etched smoky glass doors to Samuels Studio.
Torri trailed after Marcus into the studio, stealing one last peek behind her.
Cliff set a cup of peppermint tea in front of Lynette. “Mom, you look like you didn’t get any sleep at all?”
“I managed to doze off for an hour or two.” The cup of tea wobbled in her hands.
“You can’t go on like this, mom. You have to tell her.” He removed the cup from her hands.
“It’ll break your sister’s heart, Cliff.”
“She has the right to know, Ma.”
Lynette shook her head. “Why did he have to show up after all this time?”
“Did you really expect him to stay away forever?”
Lynette rested her head in the palm of her hands and then looked back to her son. “I’ll tell her tomorrow.”
Chapter Eight
Torri trudged into the kitchen. She massaged each temple with her index fingers to quiet the pounding in her head. The recent lack of sleep reminded her of countless all-nighters she contended with throughout college, cramming for exams. Caffeine was imperative to get her back on track then and this morning wasn’t any different.
Antonio crept back into her life three days ago and thoughts of him consumed all of her free time. His smell. His hair. His smile. Even the anxiety he attempted to hide when he told her about his mother. As soon as she no longer considered Antonio exasperating, she fantasized about him . He invaded her dreams most of the night. Torri pulled her robe tight as pleasure rushed over her thighs.
A man hadn’t taken up residence in Torri’s head since sophomore year in college. Torri paced around the small island in her kitchen while her coffee brewed. She grabbed her favorite mug she picked up in Puerto Rico. The tiny, painted palm trees always relaxed her and transported her back to the island. She loved the smell of the rich java, but loved Antonio’s alluring scent more. Torri shook her head in frustration. She couldn’t even savor her morning fix without her thoughts drifting back to Antonio. Torri refused to squander the next several hours daydreaming about their planned date.
Desperate for a diversion, Torri decided to pay her mother a visit and get information about the mystery man she saw at her gallery opening. Torri didn’t doubt he was the reason her mother left early with a migraine. She hoped her mother felt better because she was determined to get an answer. She changed and stopped in the gallery to inform her apprentice, Odetta, that she was leaving. To her surprise, her mother saved her the trip.
“Mama?”
Her mother stood by the photo of Torri’s grandmother. Lynette turned and reached for her daughter’s hand. “Hi, sweetie. You look lovely. Lunch date?”
“You wish. I was on my way to see you. How are you feeling today?”
“Much better, thanks.”
Lynette flaunted youth in a Columbia blue and white spandex running suit. Torri felt overdressed in her tangerine and white Maxi dress. Her mother moved over to the front window and watched four little girls jumping double-dutch across the street. Their sweet laughter brought a smile to Torri’s face.
“I used to watch you playing with your friends from this window when you were that age. It seems like it was just yesterday.”
“Mama, that was a long time ago.” Torri teased. “And, I was terrible at double-dutch.”
“I’m glad you said it.” She chuckled softly. “Its nice out today; let’s take a walk in the park.”
“I’d like that.” Torri yelled toward the gift shop. “Odetta, you’re in charge. I’ll be back.”
Lynette paused by the floral arrangement delivered the day before. She smelled the orchids before she walked out the door. “These smell beautiful. An admirer?”
“I never checked.”
“Allow me.” Lynette opened the attached card. “Congratulations, VJ.”
Lynette ripped the card in half.
“Mama, what are you doing?” Torri grabbed the pieces from her mother’s hand. “You’ve been acting strange lately. Maybe we should stay in.”
“I’m sorry. I’m fine.”
“Why did you tear up the card? Who is VJ?”
“Let’s go.”
Torri walked in double time to keep up with her mother’s pace. She caught up with her mother at the corner and they strolled toward Marcus Garvey Park. Torri blew out a series of short breaths before she breached the silence.
“Mama, you should know the flowers weren’t the first thing VJ sent me. He sent that photo of grandma.”
“Let’s sit over there.”
They continued in silen
ce until they reached the park bench a few feet away.
“Mama, do you know him? VJ?”
“Yes, baby.” Her mother gazed at the ground as she nodded.
Torri pulled a black and white photograph from her purse. “This was in grandma’s album. The night of my opening, I saw you arguing with a man that favored the one in this photo.”
Lynette held the photograph. She sighed and passed it back to Torri.
“Is this VJ?”
Lynette met her daughter’s pleading eyes. “Yes.”
“Okay. Well, is he someone we have to worry about? Should I get Cliff involved?”
A young boy stopped his scooter in front them. He waved. “Hi, Miss Taylor.”
“Hello, Michael.”
“Will you be teaching at the center again? Miss Jasmine is nice but you’re my favorite. I asked my mom to buy me a camera, so I can take pictures all the time like you.” He rambled in excitement.
“Of course, I’ll be there.” She leaned forward and whispered. “I have a secret. Tell you mother not to worry because I’m buying cameras for everyone to use this time.”
The young boy bounced on the scooter. “Yay, I can’t wait to tell her.” He waved and coasted away.
“That made his day. You and Jasmine are doing great work with the kids over at the center.”
Lynette walked over to a tree. Torri watched her mother pulled a cigarette from her bag. She hadn’t smoked in over ten years. Lynette’s hand shook as she attempted to light the cigarette. Torri shook watching her. Impatient and curious to know what triggered her mother’s former addiction, she snatched the lighter and assisted. Lynette inhaled deep and advanced along the path. Torri followed her.
A shiver of panic crept through her. “Mama, please. This is not like you. What are you avoiding?”
“The house was too big for grandma after your grandfather died and I eventually moved once I married Eddie. She rented out the top floor. Your brother was four years old when I met Victor.” Lynette took a long drag before she continued. “He traveled often, but he wanted somewhere he could live between assignments. We didn’t know much about Victor, except he was a young photographer.”
Lynette flicked the cigarette butt into a small puddle and reflected as the glow faded in the still water. “I remember when he took the photo you have in the gallery. He grew close to your grandmother. He used to sit and listen to her stories just as you did. She invited him down for dinner almost every night. When Eddie was out with the band more often, Cliff and I joined them for dinner at least twice a week.”
They continued along the path toward the Fire Watchtower. Torri learned that Eddie stumbled home in the morning hours drunk. He reeked of cheap perfume and alcohol. Lynette tired of the arguments. Nothing ever changed. He came home for several days in the same condition. As close as Lynette was to her mother, her shame prevented her from revealing her pain. Victor was easy to talk to and Lynette began to confide in him. She knew it was wrong to spend so much time with Victor, but she needed someone to listen. Lynette didn’t have any sisters of her own or friends she could trust at that time.
One day Victor asked Lynette to meet him for ice cream. Hesitant, with a stomach full of butterflies, she dropped Cliff off with his grandmother mother and met Victor in the park. Soon, they met every day at the same time and the same place, the Fire Watchtower just before sunset. Victor gave her the attention she never received from her husband.
When cooler weather conditions disrupted their secret rendezvous in the park, Victor invited Lynette to meet him at home. That night Lynette left Cliff with her mother and slipped up to Victor’s apartment. A soft glow warmed the room. A rose petal path led to a blanket in front of the fireplace, where two glasses of champagne rested.
“Victor leaned over and kissed me.” Her mother took a deep breath before she continued. “We made love for the first and only time.”
Torri sank on a bench -- the story was heavier than she anticipated. Her mother had an affair. Lynette sat alongside her.
“The following morning, Victor received a call and he packed for Puerto Rico. How could I stop him? I was miserable, but I accepted it was over. I was married.”
Tears welled in Torri’s eyes as she listened in disbelief to her mother’s account of her affair and heartbreak.
“Victor was old-fashioned and found writing letters romantic. At first, he wrote every day and then it dwindled down to three times a week. I missed him, but I needed to concentrate on my marriage.”
Torri rubbed her arms.
“After two long months, I started feeling sick. I was tired all the time. Eddie begged me to see a doctor.”
Lynette placed her hands on her daughter’s lap before she continued.
“I was pregnant and I knew Victor was the father. I couldn’t tell Eddie or my mother. I wrote four letters before Victor responded. His letter wasn’t what I expected.” Her voice hitched. “We never spoke again — until Friday when you saw us.”
Torri wiped her eyes as she listened and he attempted to process the memories her mother shared. “Oh, mama. I’m so sorry. What happened to the baby?”
Torri frowned as her mother lit another cigarette. After one pull, she crushed it under her shoe; squashed it into near nonexistence. Her mother didn’t say anything.
“Mama, I know you’re embarrassed because you had an affair, but are you trying to tell me I have another brother or sister?” Torri laughed although deep down her mother’s mood prompted her nerves to flutter. “There’s no need to burn through a pack of cigarettes. I can handle whatever you have to tell me.”
Her mother kept her eye on the tobacco guts. She cleared her throat a few times before she spoke. “Baby, Victor or VJ, as you know him, came to New York to meet you.” She peered up at Torri. “He’s your father.”
Torri shook her head. Her mother was mistaken. Torri’s father deserted her and the family when she was only two. She didn’t remember much about him but she knew he wasn’t VJ.
“After you were born, Eddie stuck around as long as he could stand it. He figured it out. Your grandmother knew about the affair and secretly contacted Victor after you were born. She sent him pictures all the way up to your high school graduation.”
Torri could have accepted that her mother had a secret child. She was even prepared to help her mother locate the child she gave up, until she realized she was that child. The child that broke up their family. Torri didn’t know if she could listen anymore.
“When your grandmother died two years ago, I sent him a letter. In the short time he stayed with her, she was like a mother to him. He had a right to know. He continued to send letters to the house, but I never opened them.” Lynette removed a small sheet of paper from her bag. Her hand shook as she handed it to Torri. “Your father is staying at the Marriott in Brooklyn for a couple of weeks.”
Torri stared at the paper until she grabbed it and crushed it in her hand. The undeniable and dreadful facts gripped every fiber of her being. “Why did you wait until now to tell me all of this?”
“Sweetheart, I had an affair. Its not something I’m proud of.”
Her chest tightened. “Are you proud of me? I had a right to know.”
“Torri, I’m very proud of you. Please don’t overreact.” Lynette placed her hand on her daughter’s arm.
Torri pulled away and stood, her voice raised two levels. “Overreact? You and grandma kept my real father a secret and I’m overreacting. Grandma always preached about the importance of knowing our family and our history and each of you denied me that.”
“Sweetie, I’m really sorry you found out like this. Don’t blame your grandmother. I think that message was for me. She wanted to give me a chance to tell you the truth. I couldn’t do it. Not then.”
“It’s obvious you only told me because he showed up. What about Cliff? Don’t
answer. I have to go.” She raised her palms in the air as a blocking reflex. “Please don’t follow me. I just need to think right now.”
“Of course. I need to do some thinking, as well. I’ll stay here for a while.”
Questions pounded away in her head. Although, Torri marched at a fiery pace she felt herself drifting. She continued at that whirlwind pace, straight to her bedroom and pain relievers for her headache. She tossed the paper still crushed in her fist onto her nightstand.
Curled on her side, Torri pulled a pillow into her arms. Hot pain burned Torri’s eyes and gushed onto her cheeks. She was a mistake, the consequence of mother’s indiscretion. Torri squeezed her eyes shut until she slipped into a restless slumber.
Chapter Nine
Gray clouds dawdled over the premature sunset. For three straight days, temperatures hovered above ninety degrees; rain would be a relief. Even with his A/C on full blast, panic beaded under Antonio’s arms while he sat jammed in traffic on the FDR Drive. Seven o’clock scowled at him from the dashboard. He wished time stood still with him.
According to his navigation system he’d be more than twenty minutes late. Abandoning his mission crossed his mind for a fleeting moment. Antonio called Torri twice, but he couldn’t get past her voice mail. He suspected Torri wrestled with second thoughts immediately after she accepted his dinner invitation. The last thing he needed was Torri assuming he stood her up or went MIA again after she was sympathetic enough to forgive him.
For months after his mother died, Antonio felt lost and confused. He missed his mother. He missed his friends. Antonio didn’t suffer alone. His heart crumbled daily as he watched his grandmother waste away. She missed her daughter and he couldn’t leave her alone like that. Antonio swept aside his heartache and tended to his grandmother’s. He soothed her bouts of melancholy day and night even as his own grief throbbed and festered. After some time, Antonio moved on, but by then it was too late to contact his friends or at least that’s what he thought. Torri accused him of stalking her to see if she fell apart without him; the truth was he fell apart without her.
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