by Amanda Abram
A sudden knock on my door stopped me in my tracks.
“Honey?” my mom’s muffled voice said from the other side. “Is everything okay? I keep hearing footsteps downstairs. Are you pacing?”
I walked over to the door and opened it. “Everything’s okay,” I told her, trying to act nonchalant.
I wanted to tell her. Normally, I told my mom everything because she was one of my best friends. But I couldn’t tell her about this. Not yet. Because I didn’t even know what this was.
And besides, I didn’t want to get her hopes up for nothing.
Mom glanced at me suspiciously, eyeing me up and down. “I’m not buying it. ‘Fess up, or you’re grounded.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “You can’t ground me for not telling you something.”
“Uh, yes I can.” She turned her head and yelled down the hallway, “Jake, I can ground Emma for not telling me something, right?”
“Absolutely,” my dad yelled back from his office.
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Mom, there’s nothing to tell you. Everything’s fine. I’m just waiting for Chloe and Sophia to call me back.”
“Oh, so you’ll tell them something, but not your own mother?”
My phone rang in my hand. “Sorry, Mom, gotta take this,” I said, adding, “Love you,” before shutting the door in her face.
I didn’t bother to look to see who was calling me back. It wouldn’t matter because I’d be put on speaker phone anyway. “Oh my God, what took you guys so long to call me back?”
“Sorry,” Chloe said on the other end of the line. “We were busy.”
“But we called you back as soon as we got your messages,” Sophia added.
“So, what’s the emergency?” Chloe asked. “Are you hurt? Are you in the hospital? Did somebody die?”
Sophia gasped. “Oh no, who died?”
“Nobody died,” I said, “and no, I’m not hurt or in the hospital. But something happened tonight. Something…bad. Or good. I-I don’t actually know which.”
“Okay…” Chloe paused. “And that something would be…?”
“Logan kissed me,” I blurted out.
This time, both girls gasped and then followed it up with a “WHAT?!” so loud, it nearly punctured my eardrum.
“Logan kissed me,” I repeated. “Or, I kissed him. Actually, we kissed each other…”
The girls were silent for only a second before they started bombarding me with different questions at the same time. Somehow, I was able to understand a few of them. Such as, “How did that happen?” and “Is he a good kisser?” and “Did you like it?” and “Are you going to kiss him again?”
So many questions I didn’t have answers to.
I sank down to the floor and leaned against the side of my bed. As Chloe and Sophia continued firing off question after question at me, my mind wandered off to earlier that evening.
I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, or how it had happened. At the time, it all seemed like a great idea: kiss Logan to find out if I sucked at it. In retrospect, it was a terrible idea. Kissing was supposed to be special. Intimate. It wasn’t supposed to be educational. Especially a first kiss. I’d been dreaming about my first kiss for nearly four years. I always figured it would be with someone I was in love with. I always thought it would happen in a romantic setting. I always thought it would be organic, like I would look at him and he would look at me and we would just be drawn together by some invisible force until our lips touched and it would be…perfect.
I didn’t ever think it would happen inside a pickup truck. At a popular make-out spot. With Logan Reynolds.
The first kiss was just whatever. It was the “simple, quick kiss” I’d requested, and it should have ended with that. But no, I couldn’t stand the thought that I was just a “fine” kisser. Matt would never stay with a girl who was “fine”.
So, I demanded that Logan kiss me again.
Why would I do that?
What was I thinking?
Was I even thinking?
“Emma? Are you still there?”
Chloe’s voice broke me out of my fog. “Yeah, sorry. You guys were asking too many questions, I couldn’t keep track.”
“So? How did this happen?”
I explained everything. How the topic of Matt had come up—and the topic of how I’d never kissed anyone. How Logan had offered his assistance. How I agreed to it. How the first kiss was nothing. How the next two were…
“Is he a good kisser?” Sophia asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, playing with the hem of my shirt. “I don’t have anyone to compare him to. I will say, though, I didn’t hate it.”
That was an understatement. While it was true I had nobody to compare him to, I didn’t have to.
That kiss was amazing. Butterfly-inducing. Mind-numbing. Perfect.
I grazed the tip of my finger against my lips as they morphed into a smile. As a flash of warmth washed over my face. I was blushing.
“Emma, do you like Logan?” Chloe asked.
I forced the smile into a frown. What kind of a question was that? Chloe, more than anyone else in this world, knew how I felt about Logan. How I’d always felt about him. She’d always been the one I’d go to right after he did or said something hurtful to me. I’d either be yelling about him to her, or crying on her shoulder over him. She should have already known the answer to the question.
Problem was, I didn’t even know the answer to that question anymore.
Truth was, over the last couple of weeks, I’d started to see a different side of him. Yeah, he was still infuriating. Insufferable. Arrogant. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but notice he’d matured over the years. Just the simple fact he was helping me out with Matt to make up for lying on the compatibility test was proof of that. The old Logan from seven years ago wouldn’t have tried to make it up to me. He would have laughed in my face, rubbed it in, and said something lame like, “Too bad, so sad.”
But not this Logan.
Still, that didn’t mean I liked him. That wasn’t reason enough to like him. So what if he was also hot, sort of funny sometimes, and also kind of sweet when he wanted to be?
Guys like that were a dime a dozen. Like Matt, who was also hot, funny, and sweet.
My head fell back against my bed and I stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars I still had stuck to my ceiling from years ago.
“I’m honestly not sure,” I finally answered. “But there’s more to the story.”
“More?” Sophia said and then gasped. “Oh my God Emma, did you two—”
I knew exactly where she was going with that question, so I stopped her as quickly as I could. “No, we didn’t,” I assured her. “What I was going to say was that he told me…he told me that Matt’s planning on asking me out.”
Both girls squealed with excitement.
“No frickin’ way!” Chloe yelled into my ear. “Is he sure about that? How does he know?”
“He heard it from Matt himself, apparently.”
“Oh my God, Emma,” Sophia breathed. “So, you mean to tell us that over the course of one night, you were kissed by one of the hottest guys at our school and you were told you’re about to be asked out by one of the other hottest guys at our school?”
“Yeah,” I said with a chuckle. When she said it out loud, it sounded ludicrous.
The girls both sighed.
“Man, we chose the wrong summer to take this trip,” Chloe said. “I wish we could be there to help guide you through all this.”
“I don’t really need guidance,” I lied.
“Are you sure about that?” Sophia asked. “I mean, it seems like you’re now faced with quite the predicament: Logan or Matt?”
“Obviously, she’s going to choose Matt,” Chloe said. “She’s been in love with him forever. Him asking her out will literally be a dream come true for her.”
“Yes, but,” Sophia argued, “she and Logan have a history together—�
�
“Yeah, a history of him torturing her non-stop.”
“Because he has liked her this whole time—”
“Whoa,” I interjected. “Soph, what are you talking about? Logan has never liked me, just like I’ve never liked him.”
“I disagree.”
“Well, I disagree with your disagreement,” I said. “And either way, this shouldn’t even be a debate, because Logan doesn’t like me now.”
“But he kissed you,” Sophia pointed out.
“It was a practice kiss.”
“Practice my butt. It was his idea to ‘practice’ this kiss, was it not?”
“Yes, but—”
“That boy wanted to kiss you,” Sophia said. “He’s probably wanted to kiss you this whole time. The way you described it to us, sounds like he enjoyed it just as much as you did—if not more.”
My heart skipped a beat at the possibility that what she was saying could be true.
“Okay,” I said, shaking my head, “that’s enough. Soph, Logan doesn’t like me and never has. In fact, he was on a date with Riley the other night, remember? Why would he want me over her? You guys haven’t seen her, but she’s a total smoke show.”
“And so are you, sweetie,” Chloe said softly. “You know, I hate to admit it, because I’m mostly Team Matt all the way, but Sophia does make a compelling argument.”
I groaned. They were creating teams now?
“Okay, that’s enough,” I said with a sigh. “Obviously, when Matt asks me out, I’m going to say yes. This is what I’ve always wanted. Yes, that kiss with Logan tonight was…nice…but it didn’t mean anything.”
I knew Sophia was pouting without even being able to see it. “For what it’s worth,” she said, “I’m Team Logan, and I hope that after a good night’s sleep, you come to the realization that you are, too.”
Nope. No way. Logan and I…that was never going to happen. Ever.
Glancing at my alarm clock, I said, “Speaking of a good night’s sleep, I should probably let you guys go.”
“Okay,” Chloe said. “Well, good luck with whatever you decide.”
“There’s nothing to decide on,” I said weakly, not wanting to get into another long debate. “But thank you. ‘Night, girls. Love you both.”
“Love you, too!” they said in unison and hung up.
I set my phone down on the floor next to me and buried my face in my hands.
Sophia’s words swam back and forth inside my head. There was no way that Logan could like me, right? He’d been a jerk to me practically my whole life, and I’d returned in kind. Besides, I wasn’t his type.
But that kiss…
That kiss kept replaying in my head, and every time it did, I got more and more confused. Because I wasn’t just recalling the kiss. I was recalling the exact moment Logan told me about Matt’s intentions of asking me out.
And how I should have been more excited about it.
But I wasn’t.
Picking myself up off the floor, I walked over to the window that faced Logan’s house. There was a light on in his bedroom, but the curtains were pulled so I couldn’t see in. I sat down on the end of my bed and stared down at my phone. I had the sudden urge to text him.
And say what? I had a nice time tonight, thanks for the kiss? Yeah, right. I placed my phone on the nightstand and fell back on the bed. I would do what Chloe and Sophia suggested. I would get a good night’s sleep, and in the morning, when my head was clear, everything would make more sense to me.
***
When I woke up the next morning, I was just as confused as I was before I went to bed. My “good night’s sleep” turned out to be restless. All I could do was toss and turn and try to force myself to stop thinking about what happened in that stupid truck.
That stupid kiss.
With stupid Logan.
“So, do you and Logan have any big plans today?” Mom asked at breakfast.
I could feel heat rising to my cheeks as I replied, “Nope, not that I know of,” and took a big gulp of orange juice, hoping she didn’t notice I was blushing.
“You two have been spending an awful lot of time together this summer,” Dad said, looking up from the newspaper. “Is there anything you’d like to tell us?” He ended his sentence with a wink.
“What? N-no,” I said, shaking my head so hard I was afraid I’d given myself a concussion.
“Jake, stop teasing our daughter,” Mom said, giving him a warning glance. She turned to me. “I think it’s nice you and Logan are becoming so close. I never understood what that feud was between you two, anyway. Never made any sense to me.”
I so didn’t want to be talking about getting close with Logan right now, so I excused myself from the table. “I’m going for a jog.”
Both of my parents stared up at me, mouths agape.
“Are you feeling okay, honey?” Mom asked. “You’ve never gone for a jog in your life.”
I shrugged. “There’s no time like the present to start exercising and eating healthy.” I glanced down at my empty plate which, just a few minutes ago, had been piled high with bacon, eggs, pancakes and an entire bottle of maple syrup. “I’ll start with the healthy eating tomorrow.”
Mom smirked and took a bite of her own pancakes. “Okay, sweetie. Have fun on your jog.”
I wasn’t sure how to have fun on a jog, but I just nodded and went upstairs to my bedroom and threw on a pair of workout shorts, a tank top, and sneakers. Grabbing my earbuds, I plugged them into my phone, picked out some jog-appropriate music, and headed out of the house.
Just in time to see Matt heading out of his.
He saw me at the exact moment I saw him, and we smiled and waved at each other simultaneously.
“Hey,” he called over to me from across the street.
“Hey,” I called back, suddenly feeling very nervous.
In a bold move, I walked down my driveway and crossed the street over to him. On any other day, I would have run and hid after Matt said hello to me. But not today. Knowing what I knew now, that he was planning on asking me out, I had the confidence to strut right over to him and start a conversation.
I had Logan to thank for that.
“Going for a run?” he asked, sizing up my attire.
“I’m going to try,” I said with a smile.
He chuckled softly. “I take it you’re not normally a runner?”
“What gave you that impression?”
“Runner’s intuition,” he said with a lopsided grin. “I’m a runner myself, so I can easily spot other runners in a crowd.”
“Really?” I said, impressed.
“No,” he said, his grin widening. “It was just a lucky guess, actually.”
“Oh,” I said with a laugh, feeling stupid. “Well, either way, you were correct.”
We smiled at each other and fell into an awkward silence. I didn’t know how or when he was planning on asking me out, but I figured now was the perfect time for him to do so.
But it didn’t feel like he was heading in that direction. Maybe he didn’t want to keep me from my jog. Maybe he had a set plan of how he was going to go about doing it. Either way, I was impatient, so I figured I would help him along.
“So,” I said, “I had a lot of fun the other night, at mini golf.”
“Oh, yeah, me too,” he said, his smile broadening.
“We’ll have to do it again sometime,” I suggested. If that wasn’t handing him the opportunity to ask me out, I didn’t know what was.
“Definitely,” he agreed with a nod. “We’ll have to find something else that Logan’s bad at, so we can beat him and Riley again.”
My shoulders slumped forward in disappointment. He thought I was suggesting just another friendly hangout. This was supposed to be when he said, “Definitely, but we should go alone next time, just you and me. Like on a date.” But he didn’t.
Instead, he started walking toward his Jeep and said, “I’ll talk to Logan and Riley and set
something up. See you later. Have fun on your jog.”
Why did everyone keep telling me to have fun on my jog? It was a jog. And why didn’t he ask me out?
And why would we have to hang out with Logan and Riley again? There was no way I could stomach another night of watching Riley touching Logan and flirting with him, and then watching him enjoying it, touching and flirting back.
It was disgusting.
I was too busy asking myself all these questions that I didn’t even notice when Matt pulled his Jeep out of the driveway and drove off, leaving me standing alone on the curb.
At least now I had fuel for my jog.
Putting in my earbuds, I turned up the volume on my music as loud as my eardrums could handle, and started down the street.
I wasn’t used to jogging or running, so it only took a couple of minutes before I started getting cramps. Slowing down to a walk, I continued towards the park that was about a half mile down the road.
I was disappointed that Matt hadn’t asked me out yet, but somehow not as disappointed as I thought I was going to be. What was wrong with me? That kiss with Logan was still messing with my head.
Matt’s the one you want, Emma, not Logan, my mind assured me.
But I wasn’t sure if I could believe that. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. My kiss with Logan had successfully turned my world upside down and had me questioning everything.
Like, for instance, my feelings for Logan.
Breaking back into a jog, I ran as quickly as I could the rest of the way to the park, trying to distract myself from that thought. By the time I got there, I was spent, so I plopped down on the first bench I could find to catch my breath.
As I sat there waiting for my heartbeat to calm down, I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling of the early morning sun against my face. The park was quiet. There were no kids around yet, just a couple of people walking their dogs. Another couple of people were jogging, but doing a way better job at it than I was. It was the perfect time to sit and reflect.
Which was the last thing I wanted to do, so I started to turn up my music even louder when my phone chimed.