“Beth,” he whispered. “You break my heart more and more each day, but Great Mother forgive me, I love you.”
And then his weight crashed down on her once more. “If I can’t have you as myself, I’ll take you as him.”
What did that mean? And why was he so rough with her all of a sudden? His hands, previously gentle and exploratory, grabbed and mauled her, and damn it all, it hurt. She pushed at him. “It hurts.”
“Every day,” he replied, confusing her further.
“What?”
“Shh, Beth.” His fingers found her sensitive nub again and squeezed. But the pleasure was just too far into pain and she cried out. He took it as enthusiasm and worked her harder. “No,” she cried. “Stop it! It hurts.”
“Shit!” he roared, rolling to one side. “I want you so much, Beth. So much it hurts me too.”
For the first time since she’d heard his voice she really listened. “Donovan?” she whispered, the words trembling from her lips.
“Yes, my mate,” he replied. “It’s me.”
“Oh God!” Beth pulled the covers over herself and wept, feeling foolish and horrified and ashamed. Damn herbal tea. She hadn’t been dreaming. It had been Donovan's mouth that worked her into such frenzy. The blood drained from her face. And Gareth’s name she’d cried out in the height of her climax.
Gradually, the shame and foolishness left her and all she felt was horrified. How could she have done that to Donovan? “I’m so sorry,” she croaked, not trusting her voice to say anything further.
“You’ll never forget him, will you?”
His face, so handsome and regal, seemed to shrink down to just one emotion. Jealousy. “You’ll never let him go.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, uselessly.
“So am I, Beth. Because Great Mother alone knows I was ready to take you in that state. Even knowing you thought I was him. I still want to. The wolf inside me claws for freedom to do as he wishes and I don’t know if I can stop him forever.”
“I’m Bound to him.” It was the only explanation she could offer, inadequate as it was.
“I know,” he replied sadly. His amber eyes, which had begun to glow, faded and went dead. “But I didn’t care. I just wanted you so much.” Donovan rolled over, pulling the heavy blanket with him, leaving Beth bare to the night air.
Feeling redundant, she shimmered, curling up with her nose in her tail as she had longed to do for most of the day. She hadn’t been wolf in days and only realized how much she missed her other form when she closed her eyes and became conscious of the fact that at least while she was in wolf-form, she couldn’t cry.
Drifting off in shame and stupefaction at the events of the night, she thought she heard a lone wolf howl long and loud. The sound was so forlorn and lost that she wanted to rush out and meet this lonely wolf, so that they might console each other.
~~~~
“I sense a change in your scent this morning, daughter-in-law.”
Beth glanced up from her breakfast cereal. Bradley, sitting proud and stern in his chair at the head of the table, smiled down upon her and Donovan, who for all the world could have been miles away instead of the paltry three feet across the mahogany table.
“Yes, Alpha.”
“Not completely chased that other scent away yet. I fear it’s quite intense. But,” he grinned. “A good start!”
Donovan said nothing. Beth smiled tightly. Donovan hadn’t said anything to her since he’d pulled the coverlet around his shoulders the night before, pride wounded and hurt. Beth didn’t know where to begin, and so hadn’t said anything either.
She’d shimmered back into human-form as Donovan left the room, rushed into the shower and spent an eternity assuring herself afterward that she could still smell Gareth on her skin.
Still Bound, but not as strongly as before, she could scent a new fragrance mixing with hers and Gareth’s. Donovan's. They’d apparently begun a Bonding. How it was possible, she had no clue. But she intended to find out.
“How goes the building project, my son?”
Bradley was in fine form, smugly unconcerned about his son’s uncharacteristic silence, taking it for reflection on the night’s events, which no doubt played out very differently in the Alpha’s mind. “Have you picked a site, yet?”
“Yes, Father,” Donovan sighed. “There’s a perfect site on the east of the territory. You know the place.”
Bradley frowned, evidently not pleased by the news. “I do,” he replied tightly. “Though I’d not have chosen that site for you.”
“Well I’m sure Beth will love it,” Donovan replied, taking a half-hearted bite from his slice of toast. “The project goes ahead this morning. I’m afraid I’m running a little late. I must be off.”
Donovan rose, uncaring of the stench his lie had left wafting around the room, and strode toward the exit.
Bradley lifted an eyebrow at Beth and shrugged. “It’s about time something made a man of him,” he confided. “You, apparently have.”
“I’m not sure I’ve made a man of him. He done that all by himself,” she replied tartly.
“Well aren’t we all little rays of sunshine this morning?” the Alpha replied with a grimace. “I think you both forget who the Alpha of this pack is.”
“No, Alpha. I don’t forget,” she whispered, feeling her heart twist and turn as she scented Donovan on her skin. “I just don’t care anymore.”
“You...you...” he floundered, face white with shock or rage or both. “I’m sure I can find a way to make you care, Beth,” he replied savagely, rising from the table and dragging her to her feet in one swift move. She’d never even seen him reach for her. That’s why he’s the Alpha, she told herself.
Before she could react his lips smashed against hers in a brutal, punishing kiss that bruised her lips and turned her veins to ice. His tongue invaded her mouth in a stabbing motion as he held her immobile, grounding himself into her hip, hard and ready.
“Lesson number one, Beth,” he told her in a hard voice as he released her and flung her back into her chair. “The Alpha gets what the Alpha wants. And I’ve wanted you for a long time. Being denied does not sit well with me.”
Tempted to tell him exactly what she thought of him she parted her lips, but the look of thunder on his face stopped her short.
“A long time, Beth. I’m prepared to indulge my son, out of paternal love. But only to a degree. You are not Bound to each other yet. I can still smell the other.” He released her, flinging her back into her chair, numb with shock and mind reeling.
“Tonight,” he seethed. “My son will come to you.” He wound a lock of her hair around his finger, twirling it absently. “If you still smell of the other come morning,” he growled. “It will not be my son who visits your bed next.”
With that final warning, the Alpha of the Tall Grass pack – whom Beth was beginning to worry wasn’t ‘all there’ as the saying went – strode from the room toward his dusty hallway and his dark office.
A half hour or more Beth sat at the table, the scent of Donovan and Gareth on her skin, the ghost of Bradley’s erection still poking her in the hip, and the stink of twisted desire in the air. Eventually she rose, dream-like, and decided to search out the two old biddies.
“Back for more?” Marybell snorted as she settled herself back onto her cushioned stool. Margo was nowhere to be seen, and Beth found herself wondering aloud if the old she-wolf was alright.
“Oh, she’s just gathering herbs,” Marybell told her. “For her infusions, you know.” She waved a hand in dismissal. “She doesn’t trust the younger wolves to find the right ones. Thinks someone will poison her!” Marybell snorted with laughter.
Beth couldn’t join in. Her heart was too heavy. Her mind full of problems old and new. “What’s happened?” the weaver inquired, all humor leeched from her face. “Something bad, I take it?”
“The first time I came here, you and Margo expressed concern about the Alpha’s s
tate of mind,” Beth reminded her.
“Not exactly concern, dear. We know he’s gone bonkers. It’s just a matter of how bonkers at this stage.”
“Bonkers enough to threaten me with rape,” Beth replied, relaying what had happened over breakfast.
“Oh dear.” Blood seeped into the cloth Marybell clutched in her left hand, not noticing the needle had stabbed her four times in succession. “Well that’s not the best news I’ve heard today.”
“Yeah.”
“I wouldn’t take this as an idle threat, dear. You need to decide whether you’re going to chance breaking that Bond, to be Bound to Donovan through your own free will, or be Bound to Bradley against it.”
Gently prising the cloth from Marybell’s fisted hand, Beth fought not to dissolve into tears. “You’re the only ones here I can trust,” she told the woman. “The only ones I can come to.”
Both women jumped as the door swung open. Amid much moaning and groaning, Margo settled herself onto her own padded stool while Marybell informed her of the situation. “That old wolf has an eye for you, eh?”
Both women nodded. Beth stared into Margo’s eyes as if they could offer redemption. “The Alpha gets what the Alpha wants,” she replied, using his own words.
“Damned if he doesn’t,” the old woman spat into the fire. “He always has.” She stared into the fire, chewing on her bottom lip ferociously.
“I’ll cook him up such a concoction that he won’t be able to raise his blood pressure, never mind any body part,” Margo whispered.
“Wouldn’t he suspect you?”
“My dear, everyone in this pack knows their Herb Lore, remember?”
“But then, Margo, everyone would be under suspicion. It would be a replay of Lissa all over again.” Marybell’s eyes like saucers, she appealed to the woman. “Think, Margo. We can’t have the Alpha jumping at shadows all around him; someone will get hurt.”
“So you’d prefer if this girl gets raped, would you, Marybell?” You didn’t need wolf-senses to pick up the revulsion in Margo’s tone of voice. She hawked up another glob of phlegm into the fireplace and turned to Beth. “I’ll do it,” she announced. “Consequences be damned.”
“No, I’ve decided what I need to do,” muttered Beth, in a perfect moment of clarity. “But first,” she said, frowning at both women, her eyes deep pools of thought. “Who was Lissa?” The need to know flowed through her very veins. “Tell me about her.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Strange you should ask that,” Margo squinted. “Sometimes you remind me of her, you know.” She poured herself a cup of tea and offered to pour for Beth, who just shook her head rapidly. No more wine. No more herbal tea. She needed her wits about her, and that was not the way to go about that.
“She was the Alpha’s Bonded,” Marybell whispered in reverent tones. “Crazy kids, they were,” Margo added. “Always laughing and breaking the rules. Flouting authority, they were, and damn if they didn’t do a good job of it.” The old woman frowned. “Only Lissa went a step too far, in the end.”
“What happened?” Avidly hanging on every word, Beth listened as the women spun a tale of young love and lust, a hasty Bonding and the repercussions of all.
“He became the Alpha, in time,” Margo went on in hushed tones. “As we all expected him to. And wanted to take Lissa to wife good and proper. Mating rites bought and paid for.”
“But...weren’t they already mated if they were Bound?”
“Oh no,” Marybell informed her. “They hadn’t sealed the Bond with any intercourse, and were both free to mate elsewhere if they so chose.”
“Marybell has the right of it, dear. They never sealed the Bonding. Until they were official, that is.” Taking a sip of her tea, she sighed. “Ah that’s what my old bones want. Anyway,” she continued. “They went through with the mating ceremony, and it turned out quite like yours as a matter of fact.”
Beth frowned. “How?”
“Well the Great Mother decided that there were two wolves in contest for Lissa’s love. She didn’t leave the choice up to Lissa, however, and a dominance fight ensued. Of course the Alpha won. He was always going to.”
“This is where it gets tricky,” Marybell whispered, still diligently working her cloth. “Bradley was always the jealous sort. And Jake never had to do more’n look at young Lissa for him to be reprimanded. Over time, Lissa started to feel sorry for poor Jake, and I guess she figured if he was going to be punished, he may as well be punished for something as nothing.
They began an affair, nothing more’n a few stolen kisses under the stars to begin with. And Bradley never did feel the strain on the Bond. Too wrapped up in his Alpha duties, I suppose.”
“That’s right, Mary,” muttered the old woman. “He never expected her to stray, you see Beth. So he never really paid much attention to the Bond. Or her, for that matter. They drifted apart further and further, while Lissa and Jake were drawn closer and closer.”
“Truest word,” Marybell agreed.
“They sealed the Bond one night not long after, and old Bradley, he felt it then. Damn near killed them for it too, only Lissa smashed his skull good and proper with a rock. As soon as he was able, he took off with his second in command, his Sheild. For months, they were gone.
“Lissa and Jake, well nobody’s heard from them since they ran away together. Rumor has it that they’re both dead. Tracked and killed on the run by our Alpha and his second, Turosk.”
“That’s right.” Taking a sip of her own tea, Marybell nodded enthusiastically. “Rumor also has it that though Bradley recovered physically, the breaking of the Bond was too much for his mind. He’s taken all that was good in himself and thrust it into the hole in his heart that still has Lissa’s name stamped on it. My bet is that he killed them. He wouldn’t have come back unless he had.”
“I agree,” Margo replied. “I wonder though...”
“What?” Beth demanded, totally transfixed by the story. “You wonder what?”
“Oh,” she replied, still glancing at Beth askance. “Nothing. Just an old woman’s wool gathering. Never mind.”
“Turosk? I haven’t heard mention of him.” Beth nibbled on a fingernail, wondering why exactly she needed to know this. Although the story of Lissa, Bradley and Jake shockingly reminded her of her own, she hoped her fate wasn’t going to be the same as the poor she-wolf who had done nothing wrong but mate with the wrong wolf.
“And you won’t,” muttered Marybell, rising to stretch her back. Beth almost jumped when the vertebrae in the woman’s back cracked as she straightened. “He never returned with Bradley. Nobody knows why. Bradley refuses to speak on it.”
“Probably killed him too,” Margo spat once more.
“Probably.”
“Not all clouds have a silver lining then,” Beth whispered, feeling light-headed and sick to her stomach.
“Now,” Margo announced. “We’ve told you what we know of Lissa. Tell us what you mean to do.”
“It’s simple, really.” Beth stood, a sombre figure in the flickering firelight. “I must break the Bond.”
“And what of your Gareth?”
“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully. “But I know this is what I must do. I have no other choice.”
“Child,” Margo replied, resting her sewing on the floor by her stool and standing so to gaze into the younger she-wolf’s eyes. “I believe you are right.”
“What?” Marybell coughed, wheezed and held out a restraining hand, as if to stop Beth leaving. “You can’t be serious, Margo.”
“I am deadly serious, Mary. Look at her. How long do you think she’ll last in our Alpha’s tender care?”
Beth took a deep breath, the words tripping over her lips. “I must be Bound to another.”
Mary’s eyes narrowed and she sighed softly. “Yes,” she replied. “I believe you.”
~~~~
“Hey, Beth,” Mickey called out to her as she passed the Common House. Hi
s glittering owl eyes creased in a smile as he winked at her in a friendly manner and invited her inside. “Come on in,” he told her now, grinning. “We’ve got a boar on a spit,” he twinkled.
“Oh you know my weakness,” she gasped theatrically, taking the steps to stand beside him at the threshold. Loud laughter and girlish giggles preceded her as she stepped through the door at the wolf’s insistence.
“What sort of fan would I be if I didn’t, ma’am?” he replied impishly, showing her to a table near the roaring fire and the glistening pig roasting there.
“Not a very good one,” she agreed.
Conversation seemed to slow down, all eyes on her before she smiled around the room and gave a general nod to all and sundry. Not remotely used to being treated so deferentially, she still found it odd the way they seemed to wait for her permission to resume gossiping and laughing. “The Alpha doesn’t come here often,” Alanna told her by way of explanation.
“I see,” and she did. They were all walking on eggshells where the dominant members of the pack were concerned, and she didn’t like it one bit. A pack was supposed to be a family, not a hierarchy. At home, the Alpha strode into the Common House and laughed and joked just like the rest of the pack. Home. She had to stop that. It was just so odd, being away from her family and all that she knew.
Even though she hadn’t made any close friends in the Loam Floor pack, and her own Den Mother merely tolerated her for her mate’s sake, she knew that the structure of the pack, the cliques and friendships were rock solid among the pack. The Alpha had close kin and friends in the most submissive wolves, and he treated them no different than the dominant group.
She had discovered no Guardians in this pack. No children fostered out to other Den Houses to encourage the surprisingly strong ties such tradition cultivated. Nothing was the same. And it didn’t feel right.
“Alanna,” Beth called softly.
The other woman turned slightly in her seat so that she was facing Beth completely. Her dark eyes immediately settled upon Beth’s frown and gave her an encouraging smile.
“I’d love to see if you could improve my dance skills,” she told the other woman. “I’ve heard talk in the pack that the mated females are expected to entertain before all mating rituals.”
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