Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2)

by Isabella White

  “He isn’t scrubbing in anymore?” she asked.

  Jake chuckled. “He told me it was time for the other interns and residents to learn something, too, even going as far as to let Julia get a couple of scrub-ins. You want me to explain it to him?”

  “No, he will make a scene. Just let him deal with it.”

  Shrugging, Jake kissed her on the nose.

  “I mean it, Jake.”

  “Okay, whatever you want, princess.”

  Relieved, Holly closed her eyes, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She lay there, lost in her thoughts, until Jake called her name about an hour and a half later. She decided to pretend to be asleep. Not long after, she felt him move as he got out of bed, then left.

  Tears of frustration rolled down her face. He was giving her what she wanted, yet he wasn’t. Fuck. She was so dense!

  Rodney was right. He’d never leave Kate or his son.

  However dire things looked, she still wasn’t prepared to believe that her chances were screwed. He wasn’t married yet.

  JAKE

  Jake straightened his clothing as he watched Holly run through the door to the pediatrics ward. Something had been off with her last night and he’d grabbed her on the stairs today to see if she was still in a bad mood. His little minx was not in a bad mood today. Their little make-out session had been so fucking hot, he was still trying to tame his hard-on. He hadn’t even cared if someone caught them; no one ever did, anyway.

  He took his phone from his pocket and sent her text.

  I hate watching that sexy ass of yours leave.

  He chuckled when he sent it off, and when the door opened, he thought for a split second that she’d returned. But it wasn’t the face he was hoping for.

  It was Agneta.

  Jake gave her a huge smile, but she didn’t return it, which was proof that she’d been on to them for a couple of weeks now. He’d had an inkling. He should have been more careful.

  “Jake, what are you doing?” she asked.

  He played dumb. “What are you talking about?”

  She gave him that knowing, raised eyebrow, look. “Don’t play coy. I’m not stupid,” she scolded.

  Jake burst out laughing.

  “Boy, this is not a joke, you’re marrying Kate, who, by the way, doesn’t deserve this. Not to mention Michael. You have to stop whatever the heck it is you’re doing.”

  “No!” he said, a little too forcefully, making her flinch. “I can’t, okay?”

  “Jake, she is not—”

  “Aggie, seriously? It’s her. It’s Henry.” Shaking his head, Jake moved around her and walked out. Aggie had still been working at P&E the night he’d taken Holly in to examine her hand.

  Jake made his way to reception. He couldn’t stop seeing Holly, he just couldn’t.

  Aggie followed and now stood next to him. “A word please, Dr. Peters.” She cocked her head in the direction of the storeroom. Jake had no choice but to follow. He didn’t need a scene.

  As soon as Aggie closed the door, she asked, “I thought it might be too close of a resemblance. I really didn’t think that it was her. Sorry, baby. But you need to face the truth. Don’t you remember how broken you were when she left?”

  Jake nodded, stiffly. “Why the fuck did she have to come back?”

  “Well, then, you have quite the decision to make. You’re going to have to think long and hard about this situation and make that all-important choice.”

  “What choice, Aggie? I have no choice,” he spat. Just thinking about it made him feel as if someone had him by the throat.

  “There is always a choice, Jake. Have you forgotten what she did?”

  “Of course not. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Aggie gasped, her expression one of disbelief.

  “I know I’m a fucking idiot for ever looking her way. The heart wants what it wants, even though my head doesn’t. I’m so confused.” He leaned back against the wall, the palms of his hands pressed into his eyes.

  “Then speak to her.”

  “And then what, Aggie? Get my heart broken all over again? Is that what you want, to turn old wounds into new ones? No. I don’t care what she did. What’s past is past. I want her.”

  “And what about Kate, Jake? About Michael?”

  “I’ll figure something out. I can do this, Aggie.”

  She gaped at his reply. He knew it sounded fucked up. And then she closed her mouth, reached into one of the boxes, and threw a couple bandage rolls at him. “Listen to yourself. What is this girl doing to you? I’ve never been this disgusted in my entire life.”

  With that, she wrenched the door open and left. Jake understood her disgust, but he couldn’t live without Holly. He just couldn’t.

  HOLLY

  Over the following week, she saw Jake almost every day.

  Rod fought with her every chance he could. At least he was speaking to her again, but she wished things could go back to the way they were, before he’d found out. Now Rod was constantly lecturing her, telling her she was being stupid and selfish, and that she was only going to get hurt again. But Holly refused to believe that.

  “Watch this video if you don’t believe me, Holly.” Rod paced the length of her room, one hand running through his hair as he held his phone out to her.

  “I’m not going to watch that.”

  “You know I’m right.”

  “He’s not married yet. You know I have to try for Jamie.”

  “Stop hiding behind Jamie. He didn’t want her to begin with, so what makes you think he’ll want her now? Holly, this video is proof that Jake only wants one thing from you. You’re going to get hurt! I just want you to be careful,” he begged. “Please just watch this video.”

  Her eyes searched his face, and she saw her old loving and caring friend. Resignedly, she took the phone and hit play.

  The video showed Jake and Kate in the P&E cafeteria. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Jake whispered constantly in Kate’s ear, and she was laughing and kissing him, confirming that he wasn’t at all unhappy with her.

  “He’s got his bread buttered on both sides, Holly. I promise you, if you ask him to choose…” He shook his head. “He won’t choose you.”

  “You don’t know that!” she yelled.

  “Holly, are you blind?”

  She burst into tears. Rod wrapped his arms around her for the first time in a very long time. “You need to break it off, Holly. I’m begging you.”

  “Fine! I’ll give him the fucking choice.”

  “Okay,” he said, then left.

  ***********

  Jake didn’t make an appearance for the next two days at Downsend. It was as if he knew what she wanted to do and he wasn’t going to give her the chance.

  On day the third day, she caught sight of The Beast in its usual spot. She’d have to talked to him today.

  Jake texted her the entire day, and for a moment, the lingering doubt from the video vanished, and hope replaced it. Hope that he’d choose her.

  When Holly watched the start of the sunset out of the window of the cardiology ward, she knew she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to see him. She knew he was in his office, so she grabbed a couple of old patients’ files to make it seem as if they had a meeting, and went to his office.

  She smiled at Aggie, who merely gave her a weak smile in return. She was sure Aggie knew something was going on. The way she’d been treating Holly lately wasn’t the happy nurse she’d known. Aggie also sported that all-knowing look—not a judgmental one—but the look that made Holly feel as if she knew what the two of them were up to.

  She knocked on Jake’s office door twice then opened it.

  “Oh, shit, sorry. I’ll come back later,” she said, shutting the door quickly. Kate’s laughter was clearly audible. Close to tears, she hurried toward her screaming spot, but changed her mind and headed to the fifth floor, instead. She didn’t want Jake to find her. He was the last person she wanted to see o
r speak to. She found a room she’d never slept in before, and once inside, shut the door, then burst into tears as she slid down against the door.

  Rod had been right. She was such a fool, thinking Jake would leave Kate. After what she’d just seen, she knew it would never happen. The image of them together on the floor, buck-ass naked, was burned into her mind.

  Jake had seemed surprised, but there had been no other emotion on his face, and Kate hadn’t even flinched at being caught in the act. Her laughter was still ringing in Holly’s ears.

  The pain at seeing them together stabbed at Holly’s heart, piercing through her with such intensity that she was sure she could hear her heart shattering. She had felt like she was the girlfriend and Kate the fling. But she was wrong. He was never going to choose her. Standing up, she switched off her beeper and slid it into the pocket of her white coat before shrugging it off and hanging it on the hook at the back of the door. The files lay discarded on the floor.

  She should never have done that. Fate, the fucking fickle bitch, knew that the video wasn’t going to be enough to convince her. She needed further evidence, which turned out to be the display in his office, so that it would finally sink in. Fate was giving her another wake-up call.

  She trudged over to the bed, her footsteps heavy and dragging, and fell on it. She was sick of crying. Her tear ducts had run dry with all the crying she’d done since Jake had reappeared in her life. She felt numb. Jamie’s father was never going to come home. He was going to stay in the rainbow until it was time to tell her the truth.

  Why hadn’t he stayed with her? Why was Michael everything to him, when he’d never wanted their baby? Perhaps, if he’d stayed with her, if he and his family hadn’t wanted her to get an abortion, she’d still have had access to Gus’s formula, and her babies wouldn’t have been born premature—Romalia could have survived.

  Her thoughts turned to disgust for herself over all the things she’d done with Jake when her phone beeped. She knew it was him… who else would text her?

  Sighing, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the message to see what the ass wanted.

  Where are you? We need to talk about this.

  Without replying, she hugged the phone to her chest.

  Talk about this my ass, she thought.

  Another string of messages came through but she wasn’t interested in what he wanted anymore, so she ignored them.

  Through all of this, she somehow fell asleep, waking up to soft lips on her shoulder. It could only be Jake. All she wanted was to turn around and bury her face into his chest, just to breathe his sweet scent in, but in that second the visions returned—she saw Kate beneath him—and pain jolted through her chest.

  “Jake… we can’t do this anymore.”

  “Holly, I didn’t know she was going to be here.”

  “It’s not just that, Jake. It’s everything.” She sat upright hugging her legs to her body. “I can’t do this anymore. You have no idea how I feel inside. Aggie knows. She’s been giving me that look. I just cannot do this anymore.”

  “I don’t give a shit about Aggie. About anyone. I’ve done everything you wanted. What more do you want from me?” He pushed himself upright and rested his head gently against her shoulder, his lips close to her cheek. “You know I can’t survive without you.”

  She huffed, smiled, and then sighed. “Then prove it.”

  “How? I’ve shown you what a mess I am without you. What more do you want?”

  “Leave Kate.”

  Jake’s face fell. Looking past her, he let out a groan. He turned, flinging his legs off the bed, giving her his back. He dropped his head into his hands.

  Holly tried her best not to burst into tears. Lifting a hand hesitantly, she touched his back gently. But at the contact, he stood, taking two steps forward and then turned to face her.

  “Don’t do this.”

  “I can’t do this anymore. Leave Kate, Jake. If you mean all those things, leave her, because I promise you it’s either her or me. Tonight. You can’t have both anymore.”

  “Don’t make me choose, Holly. It’s a complicated situation… I-I can’t just leave her.”

  “Complicated situation?” she repeated sarcastically, when all she wanted to do was cry. “People make things complicated, Jake.”

  “It’s not that easy, Holly.” Anger tinged his voice, and she turned her head away, wiping at a stray tear and swallowing hard to get rid of the rest before getting up, too.

  “So, Kate it is,” she said, moving past him into the small bathroom in the room and locking the door behind her. She sat on the toilet lid and cried softly.

  “Holly, please, I’m begging you… if it were that simple, I would choose you, but it’s not, okay?”

  “Just leave, Jake. Just go. You’ve made your choice!” she yelled.

  As a growl escaped from Jake’s lips, she heard his fist connect with the door, making her jump. In the silence that followed, Holly could think of nothing except how naive she’d been. She should’ve left a long time ago, she should never have kissed him that night at the bar, and she should never have given in to his demands. He’d hurt her once; he would do it again.

  She had no idea what the time was, or how long she’d stayed in the bathroom for, but when she finally came out, there was no sign of Jake. Crawling back into bed, she curled into a ball to let her sorrow wash over her.

  For the remainder of her shift, she walked around like a ghost sporting red-rimmed eyes. Glad her shift was over, she went to change. Outside, The Beast was gone, and she knew she would never see Jake again.

  She texted Rod.

  It’s over. He chose Kate.

  She hated telling her mother, because Jane had been right from the very start. Holly had only gotten hurt.

  The week that followed was hard, and she tried to concentrate only on work. Moira, however, noticed that something was not quite right. Try as she might to cheer Holly up, nothing she did worked. Because in the end, she was a Peters.

  When week two rolled around, there was still no sign of Jake. If he had gone attend to any consultations, he must have done so when she wasn’t on duty. He hadn’t texted her, either.

  It was over. Jake had made his decision, and it hurt that he had chosen Kate instead of her. The nightmares returned—the ones she’d had five years ago about Jake leaving her and their baby.

  But by week three, she saw him in the hallway. Her heart beat like crazy as he walked toward her, but she kept her head bent and looked at the ground. When she walked past him, she felt his gaze on her. Jake didn’t say anything, not even hello. She stayed clear of him the entire day.

  Her Skype meeting with Zürich was the only highlight of her day. She decided that, and after speaking to her mother about it and Jane telling her to go for it, that she’d be stupid not to do it.

  It seemed she would be running away from Jake again.

  Then the thought of parting with Jamie enters her mind. It was pulling her heart into all directions. She wanted to take her with, but she couldn’t. She felt like a bad mom again. Luckily, her contract for Zürich was only for a year, thanks to Jake pulling strings when he was in Europe. With all the emotional upheaval in her life, she’d completely forgotten that he had spoken to them when he was in Europe, and had never told her the outcome of his talk with them.

  She couldn’t thank him. Thanking him meant speaking to him, and speaking to him would just lead to her opening her heart to him again.

  By the end of that month, she thought she was over the worst, when one day she overheard Tanya talking about how beautiful their bridesmaid dresses were.

  In less than three weeks Jake would be married.

  It was a bitter pill to swallow. She wished she’d never laid eyes on him. She would never find anyone like him again.

  Oliver wanted to take her out for drinks but she declined, saying she was too busy making sure that everything was in order for Zürich. Going out with Oliver would just
end up in a mess, and she would end up hurting yet another person in the process to get over Jake Peters. She’d hurt a lot of people because of him.

  The excitement over the bridesmaids’ dresses continued. Holly walked in one morning for her shift just as Tanya and a couple of interns were getting ready to leave for their day off.

  “You’ve got to be shitting me… Hawaii?”

  “Yes, Macaroon changed the venue at the last minute. I’m going to freakin’ Hawaii, guys.”

  “Could that guy be more perfect? Kate is such a fucking lucky bitch.”

  “She is. I would do anything to have someone like him. Ben is a bit too young still, but he is the perfect likeness of his brother.”

  Holly huffed inwardly. Ben wasn’t the only one who was the spitting image of Jake. She had a little girl that looked just like him, too. She wondered about telling Jake about Jamie. Getting married to another person without knowing the facts… She shook that thought from her mind. No, he would be angry. He didn’t want her, and a child wasn’t going to change his mind, either.

  Shutting her locker door, she exited the locker rooms, leaving the girls drooling over Jake and what a perfect guy he was. She didn’t care about Hawaii, either. Sure, like everyone else, she’d like to see the place, and someday she might.

  Life was unfair, but she knew she would be okay. One day. She would become a great doctor. She would eventually be able to give her daughter the life she deserved.

  ********

  A week before Jake’s wedding, Holly again thought about speaking to him, asking him why he’d left them, and about wanting him to know the truth before he said ‘I do’ to Kate. She couldn’t do any of it over a text message. But her fear of being rejected by him again wasn’t something she’d be able to handle. She had to think about Jamie. Any hope of a life with Jake was over—she would live only for Jamie now, as she had ever since the day she was born. Jake Peters didn’t exist, at least not the fantasy Jake in her head, who would never have abandoned her in the first place, and would never have chosen Kate. It wasn’t that complicated.