“Please don’t cry, Daddy.” His heart wanted to break. Sure, Michael had called him that many times, but this… it was different. Her voice was angelic, and Jake couldn’t help the tears that formed thick in his eyes.
Jamie studied him with big eyes and knitted eyebrows.
“These are happy tears, okay?”
Jamie sighed loudly. “Okay.” It almost sounded like a whine.
Jake couldn’t help but laugh, and kissed her on the cheek. Then, he grunted. “I’ve missed you so much, do you even know how much?” He walked away with her toward the big play area he’d gotten for Michael.
“Mommy said you had to live in the rainbow, that’s why I only saw pictures of you,” Jamie said.
“I’m so sorry that Daddy wasn’t there when you and Romalia were born… that stupid rainbow.” To him, that last bit was about his fucking mom. “But I tried everything to get out of there, the minute I remembered all of you.”
“You forgot about us?” The corners of her mouth turned downward slightly, and her eyes held a sadness that mimicked the tone in her voice. He hated that.
“Only for a little while. That’s what the rainbow does. It makes you forget so it can keep you longer. But I loved you two so much that I remembered you again. I’m sorry I forgot you. I promise that no stupid rainbow is ever going to take me away from you ever again, okay?” She flung her arms around Jake’s neck again, squeezing tightly around her neck. “I’m sorry you had to lose your sister, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay. I don’t remember her anymore.”
Fear jolted through his chest. Had Holly even told her about Romalia? “What do you mean, you don’t remember her?”
“I was too little when she went to Heaven, Daddy. But I know she’s with Auntie Jamie, and Mommy said that she looked like her so it’s like Romy is with Mommy in a way.”
Jake kissed her again and held her tight. “You are so clever, you know that?”
She giggled. “Mommy says I’m just as clever as you.”
“Yeah, well, your mom is wrong.”
She giggled again, but her smile disappeared. “Where is Mommy?”
“She’s in the house, baby. She won’t leave you.”
“She’s been crying a lot, and I don’t know why.”
Jake squinted. “Maybe she doesn’t feel well?”
She shook her head. “Will she be okay?” Jamie asked with worry in her eyes.
“Mommy will be fine, okay? Daddy promises.” What had this little girl gone through yesterday?
She hugged him again as they reached the jungle gym.
“Do you want to play?”
She looked at the gym and gasped. “This is the biggest one I’ve ever seen. Is it mine?”
“It’s just for you,” he lied. He didn’t care, anything she wanted would be hers. Anything.
“Is this where you live?” she asked him again.
“You like it here?”
She nodded as Jake put her down.
“Go play,” he said.
“Look, Nanna!” she yelled.
“I see! Go play!” Jane called back. Jake took Jamie to the bridge that connected both sides of the huge jungle gym. She crawled up like a little monkey and he laughed as she ran over the bridge to the other side.
Amelia rushed to his side, her gaze on Jamie—she couldn’t stop looking at her. She crawled into the tube below, forcing a grunt from her brother.
“You sure you’re not too old for this?”
“Oh, shush, it can hold my weight. I’m playing with my niece.”
Jake loved hearing that word coming from his sister’s mouth, but for some reason he struggled to feel truly happy with Jamie being here. That was because he now knew that there should have been two of them. He turned around and walked toward the huge oak tree nearby. Fuck, it hurt so much. He stopped and covered his eyes with both of his hands, trying hard not to break down again.
A gentle hand stroked his arm. He knew it was Jane, but he didn’t look at her. Instead, he uncovered his face and looked in the direction of the jungle gym. He couldn’t fathom how Holly’s mother could be so compassionate toward him when all he’d done was ruin her daughter. She reached him at the same height Holly did. He sniffed and swallowed his tears.
“I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t. It does, however, become bearable.”
Holly’s mother knew exactly what it was he was going through. She’d had to go through it, twice. First with her own daughter, and then with her grandchild.
“Thanks for the heads-up.” He wiped his eyes.
“Nanna!” Jamie yelled.
Jake waved.
“Nanna, look,” she cried with laughter, as Amelia caught up to her and kissed her like crazy. It made them all laugh. Moira joined them, too, and Jamie was just as excited.
“Do you still remember me?” Moira asked.
“I do,” she said through cackles as Moira tickled her.
Robin was nowhere to be found. He disliked his sister as she always turn things into a thick vibe. It wasn’t about his mom or her or even him. It was about making Jamie feel loved and wanted and missed.
“Are you my auntie too?” Jamie asked.
“Sort off,” Moira said. “You want me to be your auntie?”
Jamie looked her over, taking a moment to decide whether she wanted her to play with her. “Play with us, Auntie Moira!”
Amelia started tickling Jamie this time, and she cackled with laughter. The sound was music to Jake’s ears. There was a lot of laughter going around today, laughter that could’ve been a part of his life for the past five years, instead of the ugly hole of regret and guilt. He sat down under the tree, resting his arms on his knees, and stared at the three of them playing.
Jane sat down next to him after she pushed a pine cone out of the way. They sat there, quietly, simply staring at the jungle gym. Clearing his throat, he rested his head on his arm, glancing at Jane. “How could you let Holly tell her about us?” Jake asked.
She smiled, still looking at Jamie before meeting his gaze. “Would you have preferred I hadn’t? If so, this day wouldn’t have been possible, Jake.”
He shook his head. “She thought I didn’t want the baby… babies.”
“True, but Holly isn’t the type of person who would take out another’s mistake on someone else, especially that little person. So, instead, she told her a beautiful lie, which turned into a bigger one when your entire family found their way in there, too. I have to admit, I wasn’t happy about that at all, because I couldn’t see the bigger picture then. A part of me believed that Holly knew that you hadn’t abandoned them.”
“Then why didn’t she contact me?” His voice broke again.
“Don’t be mad at Holly for that, Jake. She wanted to… so many times.” Jane’s eyes were on Jamie again. “I stopped her. I’m sorry, it feels like I’m just as much at fault in this as your mother.”
“Don’t say that. You didn’t know. You just wanted to protect her. My mother, on the other hand, didn’t.”
Jane didn’t say anything.
“Thank you for being there when I wasn’t.”
“Jake, she’s my daughter. To be honest, I’m not all innocent in this. I didn’t have a good relationship with her, a mother should…”
“You don’t have to tell me, she told me about that. You have nothing to be sorry about. Back then, I didn’t understand how you could but now... I know how easy it is to want to drown your sorrows to just make the pain stop. It fucking hurts.” He knew. There was a hole in his chest, and he knew that that hole would never get filled. It was Romalia’s place, and although Jamie was a blessing because she’d made it, she was also a reminder of the one who hadn’t. “Were they identical?”
Jane nodded.
“They had to paint one’s toe pink and another blue, otherwise you couldn’t tell the difference.”
He closed his eyes again as small little toe nails, one blue and one pink f
lashed through his mind. “I should’ve been there.”
“Jake, don’t. You can’t fix the past, only the present. Hopefully the future will be brighter.”
Jake chuckled. “You make it sound so easy.”
Jane smiled. “Unfortunately, it’s not. All you can do is take every opportunity you get, Jake. That’s what I did when she needed me, and I promised never to let go ever again.”
He looked at her and she smiled again.
“Are your eyes always that blue?”
He shook his head. “Only when I’m really pissed off and really frustrated. Why?”
“So, it’s a Jake thing.”
“What is?”
“Your daughter’s eyes are exactly the same. The first time hers changed to blue, Holly got the scare of a lifetime.”
A chuckle escaped his lips, and he thought about not being there again.
“Don’t say it. You can’t change the past.”
“You can read minds, too?”
“Not even a little bit.” Jane giggled. “But I’ve seen that same look so many times.”
He loved that little snippet of information, because it told him so much about the past four years and what it had been like for Holly. “What was it like? I mean, for you, when Holly was in the hospital?”
“You sure you’re ready for all that? It’s not a good picture, Jake.”
“Right now, I only have my imagination and I promise you it is worse than the real deal.”
“Okay,” she said, waiting a few beats before answering. “Well, at first I didn’t know. She went straight to that idiot as he had the money and I didn’t. I’m talking about Charles, her father. She gave him exactly what he wanted, a second chance with her. Then, finally, when they started to clash—because true to Charles Scallanger’s style, it’s what he always does, fucks up—Charles phoned me. She was asleep when I got to the hospital and for a split second, I thought I was on the wrong floor as no pregnant girl could look like that…”
“Like what?”
“She was so skinny, couldn’t keep anything in, threw up everything she ate. She looked sick. When I eventually saw my daughter in her, I got the biggest fright of my life. I was so scared I was going to lose her, too. The baby’s heartbeat wasn’t even close to what it was supposed to be. As I sat there, I just stared at her. You could hardly tell that she was pregnant, and the only thing I thought about was where the hell you were.”
Jake closed his eyes.
“Mommy, Roddy looked.” Jamie yelled and Jake’s eyes flew open again.
They both walked straight through the jungle gym.
“I see,” Roddy said.
Holly laughed as she saw Moira crawling in one of the tubes.
“Come join us, Scallanger.”
“You sure it will hold?”
“It was built by a Peters. It’ll hold.”
Jane laughed as Holly and Roddy both ran into the jungle gym.
Jake smiled, watching them play. If not for his mother, that would have been his family. Holly and Jamie would have been his family
Jamie shrieked as Rodney grabbed her and growled.
“Mommy,” she screamed and she heard how Holly pretended to hit Rodney with something over the head.
He laughed out loud this time and so did Jane.
“You can carry on.”
“I don’t want to. It’s not going to help you in any way.” Jane said softly.
“Please, what happened when you found her?”
Jane nodded. “I have to say that I hated you so much right then for what you put her through. I sat there for hours before she woke up. She saw me, smiled faintly, and then started to cry. She told me everything over the next week. To be honest, I didn’t think she was going to make it. We even tried to get your father’s formula again.”
“What? When?”
“When she was in the hospital. Dr. Rikus tried everything, but your father wasn’t available, and then some girl told him that the trial had stopped. Do you know how many women had waited for it?”
Jake nodded as his jaw muscles jumped. “My mother told my dad that his formula wasn’t working, so he stopped further testing immediately.”
Jane’s eyes got big. “She did what?”
He chuckled sadly. “My mother is the reason Romalia is dead, and you think that telling my father that his formula didn’t work is bad.”
Jane just stared at him. “Why do you think she did that?”
“Things weren’t going the way she wanted them to.” He stroked his face. “To be honest, I don’t care what her reason was. She had no right to make that decision for me and then lie about it. As a mother, her feelings should come last. She could learn a lot from Holly.”
“Now that is something we agree on.”
“I’m sure there is a lot more.”
“As long as it’s not about you and the past, because as it’s turned out… it’s all been a lie.”
“So you forgive me, just like that?”
“You are not at fault here, why can’t you see that?”
“It doesn’t change anything. I should’ve been there.”
“How, Jake? Your mother said Holly killed your babies. How on earth could you have been there when that was embedded in your mind?”
“I should never have believed her.”
Jane tsked. “My eyes might not turn blue when I get pissed off, but you are starting to piss me off. This is not your fault.”
“I’m serious.”
“I am, too. Believe me, I’ve been trying to hate you ever since I got out of that car, but nothing since the moment you saw that little girl could make me hate you, or even slightly dislike you. I see the pain all of this is causing you, everything you missed out on. It’s heartbreaking. You were done a great injustice, so why punish yourself further?”
Jake didn’t answer. He was still angry with himself. He looked at the jungle gym again and caught Holly’s eyes. She shook her head slightly but her face changed into a happy one again as Jamie caught up with her.
“Please enjoy your time today, and stop punishing yourself.”
Jake nodded. Just then Jamie popped her head out from one of the tubes close to the ground. She froze when Felix, his Great Dane he always brought approached her. The dog was supposed to be out front. Jake jumped up and swung his arm toward the dog, shouting, “Felix, move!” And the dog listened, running in the opposite direction.
“He is just a puppy, Daddy.”
That innocent response had everyone laughing, including Jake. His sister and Moira were climbing out of different tubes, apparently looking for Jamie, while Rodney and Holly were still laughing at something inside the tubes. Jake merely shook his head. “Sweetheart, he is as big as a horse. He is far from a puppy.”
Jamie rolled her eyes again. “He’s still beautiful. I don’t like it when you yell at him.”
He held his hand out to her, but he didn’t have to wait long as she started to climb out of the tube almost immediately. “Well, how do you think he is going to listen to me if I don’t yell?”
“I don’t know. Give him candy.”
Jake laughed. “I’ve got news for you… candy is not going to make him listen.” Picking Jamie up, he threw her over his shoulder, then headed for where they set up breakfast. She screamed as he tickled her small thighs. It was one of Holly’s ticklish spots, too. He could hear a soft apology between Amelia and Holly that wanted to break his heart.
An introduction between Moira and Rodney was taking place. He didn’t want to hear Amelia’s discussion with Holly. He was too close to tears. Jake swung Jamie back around until she was facing him. “You want to go to go for a boat ride later?”
Her entire face lit up. “Can we?”
“Yes, why not?”
“Can we, Mommy?” She looked past Jake.
“Can we what, sweetheart?”
“Go for a boat ride with Daddy,” she yelled back.
“Ugh,” Holly grun
ted and Amelia laughed, saying something Jake didn’t hear.
“Please,” Jamie wheedled.
“Of course you can,” Amelia said, which pissed Jake off again. She was just taking over, but as he looked around, Amelia and Holly were walking arm-in-arm, making jokes and laughing. It was as if they never stopped being friends. It was so easy for her.
“It’s your day, baby. Whatever you want,” Holly relented.
“Okay,” she whispered, through a beautiful smile.
Jake smiled at Jamie as he reached the table that was set for all of them. Jamie’s eyes got big when he set her down and she looked at all the settings.
She looked up at Jake. “How many people live here?”
“Not many,” Jake said, staring at her. He didn’t want to think any more about what kind of life she’d had. Holly had kept her alive and that was all that mattered.
HOLLY
An Hour Earlier
The road from a village to where most of the cabins were situated was steep. They would’ve never made it with Rod’s Toyota and she knew this was why Jake had asked Frank to pick them up.
She just hadn’t thought it would be with The Beast.
A heat crept into Holly’s cheeks as she remembered the things they’d done on the seat her mother was sitting on.
Her heart was still hammering as Jamie kept asking Frank questions about Jake and Gus and who else was going to be there.
He answered and then Jamie asked about Grandma Mara.
“That en…”
Frank interrupted her by distracting Jamie.
Rod winked at Holly and gripped her hand tightly.
When they finally got to their destination, a pair of huge black gates greeted them.
Holly took a deep breath as Jamie kept asking if this was where Daddy lived.
Frank pushed a button. The gates finally opened.
Holly knew they had money, but she hadn’t expected to see what she was seeing.
A humongous log cabin-slash-mansion stood at least thirty feet tall, if not more. It was a two-story with three chimneys.
Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2) Page 38