I practised until my fingers bled.
Eve sat outside every morning, sketching and listening to me playing, or to the music from her CD that I’d imported onto my iPod. She stayed in the cold for hours, drawing the cliffs and the sea and the trees. Inside, she just drew me. The others teased her about that, saying she should try sketching them too, but Eve always shook her head. ‘Not until I get this right,’ she’d say. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but it’s not really Luke.’
‘Yeah, you’ve made him way too fit,’ George would say, winking at me.
Sometimes I thought about Mum, or school. But not often. It was too easy here just to drift from one day to the next. Eating when I got hungry, playing the guitar and being with Eve.
Alejandro came back from Spain just before the end of January. His tour was finished and he had a week before he went home to do some work for his dad.
Late one morning, towards the end of that week, Alejandro, Eve and I were in the kitchen making toast when George and Cal strolled in.
‘Guess what?’ George grinned. ‘Cal and I have got a gig. This friend of my dad just called – been let down last minute. We have to be in London for tomorrow evening.’
They started talking about the detail of the job. It was going to last a week.
Eve put down her spoon and looked at me.
‘Er . . . George,’ I said. ‘What about us?’
His green eyes sparkled as he took in our anxious faces. ‘Well . . .’ he said slowly.
‘George, behave.’Alejandro smiled.
‘Yes, George, stop winding them up,’ Cal said irritably.
George chuckled. ‘My parents have this place in the West End,’ he said. ‘I think I told you about it. It’s not big and there’s no soundproofing which is why I don’t use it more, but there’s room for you two to stay there with us if you want.’
Yes. However much I liked being here with Eve and playing the guitar, going back to London meant a chance to see Mum and our friends and maybe even a chance to work out what Eve and I were going to do next.
‘What about Jess?’ Cal said in an ultra-casual voice that fooled no one.
George groaned. ‘No, she can’t come too. There’s not enough room. C’mon, Cal, surely you can tear yourself away for a few days? It’s not as if anything’s going to happen.’
Cal stood up and walked off. Alejandro followed him.
‘Bloody hell.’ George wrinkled his nose. ‘Was it something I said?’
Eve smiled at him.
‘You’d think the way he plays he could get anyone into bed,’ George sighed. ‘Still, I guess it takes more than music.’
Alejandro reappeared at the door. ‘What takes more than music?’ he said.
‘Shagging, baby,’ George said. He sat up. ‘Hey! Party. Tonight.’
He swept out.
Eve and I exchanged glances. This wasn’t the first time we’d seen George get all excited about having a party in the morning, only to see the whole thing fizzle out into a few of his mates coming round for pizza and beer.
But today turned out to be different. George texted some friends, who called other friends. By 10.30 pm, a steady stream of people had started trickling into the house.
Eve took a long time getting ready. When she emerged from the bathroom along our corridor my mouth fell open, she looked so amazing. Normally she just wore jeans – she’d only brought a few clothes with her – but tonight she had on this little skirt I hadn’t seen before.
‘George gave it to me,’ she said. ‘He said it was his sister’s from before she left home.’
I snorted. ‘From before she went to secondary school, you mean.’
The skirt was tiny.
‘Don’t you like it?’ Eve’s face fell.
By the time I’d told her exactly how much I liked it the party was in full swing.
Alejandro, George and Cal played with a girl singer who wore low-cut jeans with a snake tattoo creeping out of them up her back and round to her stomach. I thought it was kind of sexy. Eve wrinkled up her nose.
‘But think how that snake head’ll look if she gets fat,’ she said.
I grinned and pulled her up off the sofa to dance.
More people arrived at midnight, including one of George’s DJ friends, who set himself up in the music room with his massive decks and four huge boxes of vinyls.
Cal looked deeply uncomfortable as soon as he stopped playing his Gibson. He sat slumped on one of the sofas, staring at Jess dancing with some of George’s friends. George, of course, threw himself totally into the party – providing more and more drink and dancing more and more outrageously.
I was chatting with Alejandro about some music we were both into, when a dance track came on I recognised from Eve’s CD.
Eve appeared from nowhere. She grabbed my hand and dragged me off to dance. The music pounded in our ears, a fast, pulsing beat above a low, growling bass. It was one of my favourite tracks off Eve’s selection and it sounded fantastic played so loud, filling the entire room. We danced like we were on fire, our arms twisting round each other, our bodies moving perfectly together.
The music was outside and inside me at the same time. My whole body filled with happiness – I closed my eyes, totally caught up in the mood of the music, completely blissed-out at being here with Eve.
I felt her moving closer, her body rolling against mine. I opened my eyes.
I want you.
We stared at each other – still somehow moving in this perfect rhythm.
And then she nodded.
And I knew that she meant she was ready. Now. It was time.
My throat tightened. After nearly four weeks of her being so uncertain, I was scared that as soon as we were away from the charged party atmosphere, she would change her mind again.
George’s words from this morning went through my head. ‘It takes more than music.’
Or maybe music was exactly what it took. The dance track thudded in my ears. Maybe if I could keep it alive in her head, I could keep her wanting me. Wanting it. I leaned over her shoulder and drew my iPod out of my pocket. Still dancing, I switched on the backlight.
Where the hell was the track we were listening to? I found Eve’s playlist. There. Now what followed it? It had to be right. Yes. Perfect. The next song was a total make-out track if ever I’d heard one – and then two really sexy ballads. Ones I knew Eve loved.
As soon as the music in the room ended, I held up the iPod, the headset in my hands. Eve stared at me as I fitted the earphones into her ears, then smiled as she realised the same track was now playing through the MP3 player.
I took her hand and guided her across the heaving dance floor. I had the iPod in my hand, careful not to move too suddenly and jerk the ear phones out of Eve’s ears. Somehow knowing we were connected like that added to how horny the whole thing was.
Through the music room, the living room, the corridor. It felt completely different out here – the music from the deck now only a background sound. People were scattered about on the stairs – talking, kissing. Oh God. There were boys snogging each other. Tongues and everything. I shuddered and glanced quickly at Eve. She didn’t seem to have noticed. The track we’d been dancing to was still playing in her ears.
She nodded again.
I put my arm round her and we climbed the stairs. Two minutes later we were back in our room. As soon as I’d shut the door Eve started kissing me. Mmmn. She was moving in time with the music in her head, really into what we were doing. Which was great. Except I had the iPod in my hand and she was pulling me towards the bed and I had to keep checking I wasn’t jerking the earphones out.
I lay down carefully beside her. More kissing. Yes. It was working. The whole music thing was definitely working. Although.
Damn.
There was no way I was going to be able to get her top over her head without dislodging the earphones. Sighing, I rolled it up as far as I could – which wasn’t very far –
then I kissed her stomach, trying to be as careful as possible not to knock the iPod wire with my elbow.
Jesus. This wasn’t exactly the abandoned sexual experience I’d been looking forward to. More than half my mind was still on the stupid machine lying beside me. Why hadn’t I thought to bring a CD player up here? Or proper stay-on headphones?
I heard the dance track finish and prayed that the segue to the love song wouldn’t make her want to stop.
It didn’t. In fact it turned her on more. Her breath quickened into gasps and she pulled me higher and closer. I felt her fingernails scraping against my chest as she unbuttoned my shirt.
Suddenly worrying about the iPod earphones falling out of her ears faded to the back of my mind.
I want this.
I kept my eyes fixed on hers while my hands moved down, willing her not to lose faith in me.
I was so close to her now I could hear the whole song in her ears. She was so beautiful, gazing up at me all trusting and loving and right.
I reached under the mattress for where I’d stashed the condoms I’d nicked weeks ago out of George’s bathroom.
‘I love you,’ I mouthed.
Eve smiled back and I felt her hands tugging at my jeans. And my heart started pounding and she was only centimetres away and the look in her eyes said it was OK and suddenly I knew I couldn’t wait much longer.
And then she stopped and took the earphones out.
‘It’s so special that it’s us . . . that we’re together doing this.’ She looked right into my eyes. ‘For our first time.’
For a fraction of a second I remembered Hayley.
I looked away. No.
Shit.
Eve had seen.
I knew she’d seen.
Her hands were on my face, pushing it round, forcing me to look at her again. Her mouth was open, her eyes wide, uncomprehending.
I could feel my cheeks burning.
The music was hissing away through the earphones on the bed beside us. The faint thump of the latest dance track playing downstairs the only other sound.
It was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing.
Eve backed away from me, pulling the covers over her.
‘Who was she?’ she whispered.
‘No one. Nothing. What d’you mean?’ I said.
I could hear how pathetic I sounded.
‘I saw in your eyes.’ Eve’s lips trembled. ‘You promised me you hadn’t . . . you said you didn’t go out with anyone while . . . when I wasn’t here.’
I stared at her.
No. Not this. Not now. Not now.
‘Luke.’ She swore. ‘Tell me what happened.’
So I told her. In about three sentences. An edited version, obviously, emphasising how Ryan had totally set me up and how Hayley had virtually forced herself on me when it was the last thing I expected.
‘I thought she just wanted me to walk with her because . . . because it was late.’
‘You went with her to an empty apartment in the middle of the night?’ Eve stared at me incredulously. ‘What did you think was going to happen?’
I couldn’t bring myself to explain about the fish-checking scenario I had totally bought into at the time. ‘It wasn’t planned,’ I stammered. ‘I didn’t even like her much.’
Eve’s whole face screwed up in puzzlement. ‘You slept with her and you didn’t like her? How is that possible?’
I had no idea what to say. ‘I don’t know.’
Tears welled in Eve’s eyes. ‘I can’t believe you lied to me. I specifically asked you when I saw you that first night. You—’
‘I didn’t lie to you,’ I said desperately. ‘The whole time you were gone I thought about you all the time. I didn’t see anyone I wanted to talk to. Or anyone I wanted at all.’
‘Except her.’ Eve’s lips set together in a thin line. Her breath sounded fast and harsh. ‘She must have been special.’
‘No, she wasn’t. God, Eve, we didn’t go out with each other. It was just that one time. It didn’t mean anything.’
I reached out for her hand but she sat up in the bed, pulling the covers tightly around her. My iPod slid further away from us, down the bed.
‘That’s what you said about Catalina,’ she said. ‘Did you like this other girl as much as that?’
Shit. Catalina was this incredibly fit Spanish girl I’d got off with in the summer when Eve had temporarily dumped me.
‘No. Yes. I don’t know. It wasn’t important. She wasn’t important. You’re the one and only—’
‘How could it not be important?’ Eve frowned, her voice cracking. ‘Didn’t you want it to be important? Didn’t you want it to be special?’
I reached out again, now trying to touch her face.
‘It would be special with you,’ I said helplessly.
‘Get off me,’ Eve snarled.
‘Please, Eve,’ I said. ‘I didn’t know if you were coming back. Remember – you said you’d understand.’
‘Get out.’ Eve kicked at me under the bed covers. ‘GET OUT,’ she shouted.
‘But—’
‘ARE YOU DEAF? GET OUT!’ she yelled.
Grabbing my shirt off the bed, I stumbled to the door. As I walked out into the corridor landing, I could hear Eve slam it shut behind me.
I sank down onto the floor, totally numb.
Inside the room, I could hear Eve starting to cry.
13
After the party
I was still sitting in the corridor half an hour later. The party was going strong – the music thumping up through the floorboards.
Alejandro appeared, heading towards his own room opposite. His eyes widened when he saw me. ‘Luke?’ he said. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Nothing.’ I tried to smile at him. ‘I’m fine.’
Alejandro stared at me. ‘If so fine, why are you in the corridor?’
I shrugged and leaned back against the wall.
‘Is it Eva?’ Alejandro rolled his eyes. ‘Mierda. Let me talk to her.’
He knocked softly on our door. ‘Eva?’
She let him in. I could hear them talking in low voices.
I sat hunched over, wondering what he was saying.
Wondering how on earth how I was going to get Eve to understand that what I’d done with Hayley meant nothing.
Alejandro’s voice got louder. ‘Hijo de . . . Eva. What did you expect him to do? He did not know when he would see you again.’
Eve said something I couldn’t hear.
‘Of course it doesn’t,’ Alejandro said. ‘He is sixteen. You expect him to act like he is married to you.’
I didn’t hear any more. A couple of minutes later Alejandro re-emerged.
I looked up at him. He shook his head. ‘Now she hates me too,’ he said. ‘I think it is better to wait. Talk in the morning.’
He went back downstairs.
In spite of what Alejandro had said, I waited outside the room, hoping Eve would open the door. As the night went on, more people wandered up the stairs. Most of them were vaguely recognisable to me as members of what Cal had referred to as George’s ‘gay army’. Several were in pairs, clearly looking for a bit more privacy than they were getting on the stairs or in the kitchen. Others were yawning and alone, just trying to find somewhere to crash.
They all stared at me.
Some of them hopefully.
I got up and found another room to sleep in.
The house was a total mess in the morning – far worse than on the day we’d arrived, after the New Year party. Cal woke a grumbling George at eleven, pointing out we needed to set off for London in an hour. He forced George to chivy all the overnight guests out of the house. He even made him leave twice the normal fee for the cleaner who came every week.
Eve refused to talk to me, or even look at me.
She emerged from our room, pale and red-eyed and went straight up to George to ask him if she could ride in his car to London. We had planned to drive
up together with Alejandro.
‘Luke’s not coming with us to the flat any more,’ she announced loudly. ‘He’s going home.’
I saw Cal and George exchange meaningful looks. My stomach twisted into a knot. This was it – she was dumping me.
I couldn’t bear it.
Eve made up with Alejandro, thanking him effusively for all the help he’d given her and promising to pay him back for everything he’d done. But she still refused to listen to anything he said about me.
‘She says it is no so much you sleeping with this girl,’ Alejandro explained as we drove up the motorway in his car. ‘More that you lied about it. She says she cannot trust you any more.’
I looked out of the window. ‘Why won’t she let me speak to her?’
Alejandro glanced sideways at me. ‘She says she is scared of being weak. She says she loves you too much. Wants you too much. She is worried she will go back to you, if she lets you ask her.’
I groaned. But this did give me some hope – until I started stressing about whether Cal would try to take advantage of Eve being miserable by hitting on her.
‘I doubt it.’ Alejandro shook his head. ‘Cal loves his guitar more than a girl. And his head is full of Jess anyway. George though . . . this is the perfect situation for him.’
I frowned. ‘I thought George was gay?’
Alejandro laughed. ‘George is whatever will get him to the sex fastest. There is a good word in English for him. Hedonist.’
I stared at him blankly.
‘Enjoys everything. That is George.’ Alejandro tapped lightly on the steering wheel. Then he grinned at me. ‘You should go back to school, Luke. Learn more words.’
By the time we reached London I’d decided – on Alejandro’s advice – to let Eve alone for a couple of days, then go round and try talking to her again. Alejandro gave me the address of George’s flat, then dropped me in Central London.
Unhappy and anxious, I took the tube home, arriving back as I’d left – only without my phone or my iPod, which I had left in our room and which Eve hadn’t returned to me that morning.
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