by Amy Sparling
When I’m finally as cute as I can possibly get, I say goodbye to Park who is doing work in his office and then I slip out the front door, locking it behind me at Park’s request.
The bleachers aren’t a long walk from here and I gaze out, wondering which loud dirt bike on the track is Jett’s.
Then I see him, sitting on his bike in front of the bleachers. I stop in my tracks and watch as he talks to some girl. No, not some girl. That same girl he was making out with in Becca’s art closet. She’s wearing short shorts and a flimsy sheer top that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. She grabs his arm and tilts her head up at him and although I have no idea what they’re saying, it’s pretty obvious she’s still into him.
My heart flip flops in my chest. Warm tears sting at my eyes and I curse to myself. Why are you so stupid, Keanna? Stop getting sad over a guy you knew would cheat on you.
But it’s not really cheating, is it? We aren’t exclusive. We’re just a fling, I’d said as much myself. I’ve spent every single night lying in bed, telling myself not to get too attached to this guy.
So why does this hurt so bad?
Drawing in a deep breath, I turn and head back to Becca’s house. I need a shower. A hot, scalding shower. And a good cry.
I do exactly that. Since Becca is out of state and Park is still working, I don’t even care when the tears start flowing the moment I walk in the back door. I walk up to the guest bathroom and turn on the water as hot as it’ll get and then I just stand there, crying into the shower. Like the loser that I am.
I told myself not to get attached. I knew he was bad news. My whole life lately is like a Taylor Swift song and the most pathetic thing is that I let it happen.
I’m supposed to be smarter than this, stronger than this. Jett was supposed to be the hot guy I messed around with this summer. No strings attached, no feelings to hurt, no heart to break.
So why are my feelings hurt and why is my heart broken?
Why am I so stupid?
When I’ve been in the shower long enough to feel guilty about all the hot water I’m wasting, I get out and throw on some pajamas. They’re also a gift from Becca. Black leggings with hot pink diamond print and a pink tank top with a massive black sparkly diamond in the center. They’re really cute and kind of ironic because nothing about how I feel is cute.
I towel dry my hair and then crawl into bed and pull the comforter up to my chin. It’s only six in the afternoon on a Friday and I’m in bed. Maybe when Park gets home I’ll ask if he’ll take me to get some ice cream and then I can truly wallow around in self-pity.
I grab my phone and try calling Mom again, but it goes straight to voicemail as if her phone isn’t even turned on.
I don’t remember what the five stages of grief are, but pretty soon I sit up in bed and feel nothing but pissed off.
How can I just sit here and cry about some stupid boy? What is wrong with me?
I throw the covers off and I climb out of bed and walk over to the window, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I am better than this, dammit.
You know what? I deserve an explanation. I should walk right up to Jett’s stupid gorgeous face and ask him why he told me all those lies about wanting me when really he’s still dating other girls.
I’m sure he’ll just tell me another lie, but it’ll be pretty awesome to watch him squirm.
Yeah.
I swallow and straighten my shoulders, feeling braver by the second. I’ll just go ask him. I deserve an answer. We’re friends first, right?
I slip on my flip flops and catch a glimpse in the vanity mirror. My hair is tussled and half wet, my makeup is all washed off and I’m wearing pajamas.
Oh well.
I’m going over there now.
The long walk between the Parks’ back yard to Jett’s house starts making me calm down. I start thinking maybe it was all some misunderstanding. I mean it could be, right?
I know the chances of him saying something that’ll make me feel better are slim, but I figure Jett at least owes me an explanation.
I cut through the Track’s parking lot on my way to Jett’s house and there’s still a few people in the parking lot which makes me a little insecure about my clothing. But screw what everyone else thinks. I need to find Jett and get an explanation from him. At the very least, maybe he’ll apologize.
A car door opens as I’m walking past it and someone steps out. “Man,” a girl’s voice says, “I am exhausted.”
I turn to the right and see the same blonde girl who was talking to Jett on the bleachers. Her hair is tousled and her lip gloss smeared off.
I keep walking.
“Wait,” she says, walking up to me. “Are you going to see Jett?”
Before I can say anything, she gives me this lopsided smile, like she’s about to confess to a crime. “You might wanna wait a little bit,” she says, giggling. “You’re that other girl he’s sleeping with, right?”
Again she doesn’t wait for my reply, not that I can think of one right now if I wanted to. She clutches her chest and gets this dreamy look in her eyes as she gazes off into the distance. “We just hooked up a few minutes ago so if you’re looking to get laid, too, you might want to wait a bit.” She touches my arm like we’re friends and gives me a wink. “Let him get his energy back, sweetie.”
And then she turns and gets back into her car, waving at me while she drives away. I’m stuck in the middle of the parking lot, wondering what the hell just happened.
Jett just hooked up with her? He’d said sex wasn’t everything and that he wanted to wait with me. My jaw clenches. I guess waiting is easier when you’re sleeping with someone else.
I swallow the lump in my throat and turn around. There’s a hollow pain in my chest and I tell myself to ignore it. There’s really no point in talking to him now. No explanation for him to give me. He’s sleeping with that girl and he’s stringing me along as well.
I make it all the way back home and I haven’t cried yet. I tell myself I am strong and that I’ll get over this.
And then I turn off my phone and crawl back into bed.
Chapter 24
Keanna never meets me on the bleachers and after another fifteen minutes of waiting around, I go look for her in the office. The door is locked and the lights are off so I press my face to the glass but the front desk is empty. I pull out my phone and text her, letting her know I’m going to shower so she should meet me at my house.
I put my bike back into the storage garage and hang up my helmet.
The overbearing scent of Emma’s perfume hits me as I’m closing the garage door. I draw in a deep breath and turn around.
“What?” I ask.
She stands there, arms crossed over her chest, pouting at me. I think she thinks that look makes her attractive but really it’s annoying as hell. I like a fun, playful girl. Not a whiney princess bitch.
She cocks her head to the side. “Jett, we should talk.”
I step around her. “There’s really nothing to talk about.”
“Yes there is, oh my god why are you such a jerk?” She rushes to catch up to me and her voice seems to echo loudly in this narrow hallway between all the dirt bike storage rooms. It’s like a storage facility but with narrow stalls where people keep their bikes and the last thing I need is for a client or their parents to see the track owner’s son back here with a pissed off girl.
I fold my arms over my chest and glare at her. “I thought I made it clear that you and me are done. Why are you still here?”
“Look, I’m sorry I got upset about your new girl, but I realized I’m cool with it, okay? You can have both of us.” She grins like she’s the greatest thing in the world and then bats her eyelashes at me. “See? I’m not unreasonable. I’m happy to share you. After all, it’s no strings attached, right?”
Damn, I almost feel sorry for her. She’s so desperate it’s sad. I know a ton of guys who would be happy to date her. I’m about to tell her
that when she launches forward, throwing her arms around my neck. She slams her lips into mine, forcefully trying to make me kiss her back.
I grab her hands and pull them off my neck, keeping my mouth stiff and unresponsive to her surprise make out attack.
“Dude,” I say, trying to peel her off me.
She gives me this seductive look and grins, then reaches for my crotch.
“You know you want me,” she purrs, lifting up on her toes to lick my neck.
I’m not trying to hurt a girl but I shove her off, holding her by the shoulder so she can’t get any closer to me. “You’re getting a little too desperate, Emma,” I say, trying like hell to keep my voice down since everything echoes in here. “I don’t want it to come to this, but if you don’t leave me the fuck alone, I’m going to call the cops on you.”
She huffs and tries to flip her hair over her shoulder like she always does, only now it’s all messed up and not nearly as smooth as before.
“You’ll be back,” she hisses. She turns on her heel and heads toward the parking lot leaving me wondering what the hell just happened.
I mean I guess I should feel like some kind of awesome guy who is so desirable it makes girls go crazy, but really this is just creepy. Now I’m starting to wonder if Emma has the capability to try to harm me, or worse, Keanna.
I take deep breaths as I walk in the opposite direction, back to my house. I’ll have to explain all of this drama to Keanna soon, before Emma does something even worse.
All I wanted tonight was a fun night with my girl on the lake, introducing her to my friends and showing her off like the angel that she is.
As I shower and get dressed, I tell myself to put thoughts of Emma away for now. I’ll explain it all to Keanna later. But tonight I just want to hang out with my girl.
*
Keanna doesn’t reply to my text by the time I’m ready, so I call her. It goes straight to voicemail. I smile because she probably forgot to charge her phone again. I can’t even begin to explain how refreshing it is to be with a girl who isn’t attached to her phone like it’s some kind of vital body part.
I hop in my truck and head over to Park’s house. His truck is still at the Track so he’s probably still working. Dad had come home on time and now he’s going on a dinner date with Mom.
Knowing that our house will be empty tonight kind of makes me want to bail on the lake party and take Keanna back to my room instead.
I let myself into the house and head to her bedroom. The door is closed so I knock.
“Key?” I say, leaning against the door frame. “Are you ready for an awesome night on the lake?”
She doesn’t reply so I tap on the door again. “Did you fall asleep? Are you naked? Because I’m coming in.”
The door swings open so quickly it makes me jump back. Keanna is in pajamas and she’s glaring at me like I’m a serial killer. “What the hell do you want?” she snaps.
“Whoa.” I try to walk into her room but she blocks the door, her fingers turning white on the door frame. “Key, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t call me that,” she says, her jaw clenched. “And if you came over here to get laid for the second time today, you can forget it, okay? I’m not into getting STDs.”
“Whoa, okay. What the hell is this about? What happened to my normal girlfriend?”
“I am not your girlfriend.” She tries to close the door again but I hold out my arm and keep it open.
“Keanna, please talk to me. Why the sudden change? I thought things were good between us.”
She looks up toward the ceiling and then shakes her head. “Look. You and Emma can do whatever you want but I’m done being your summer fling, okay? I’m just done.”
“Key, I didn’t do anything with Emma. I haven’t done anything with her since that day you saw us in the closet.”
She rolls her eyes. “I thought you didn’t lie to me, remember?”
I swallow. “I’m not lying.”
“So you weren’t the one who got her hair all ruffled up a few minutes ago?”
I falter, because yeah, I was, but it’s not like she thinks it is. Also, my fears are now confirmed: Emma got to Keanna before I did. My shoulders fall. “I can explain.”
I probably shouldn’t have said those words. She slams the door in my face and locks it before I can get it back open. “Keanna,” I call out, leaning my forehead against the door.
I can see her shadow at the bottom of the door, so I know she’s still standing right there on the other side. “It’s not what it looks like,” I say. “She came on to me and I turned her away.”
“Right, that makes sense,” Keanna says through the door. “And that explains why you wanted to wait with me. I mean why bother sleeping with me when you’re sleeping with her already, right? I guess I was just your make out buddy when she was busy.”
“That’s not it at all,” I say. Leaning into the door as if I could somehow slip through it and be on the other side. “Please open the door and talk to me.”
“No.”
“Please, Keanna.”
“Stop saying my name. Look Jett, I don’t want to be friends anymore. I thought I could handle being your fling but then you said all those lies about liking me as more than a fling. It’s my fault for believing it, I guess. Just go away.”
I watch her shadow fade away from the door and I sigh. “Please open the door. I’ll explain everything. Then you can hate me if you still want to but please just let me talk to you.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “Have you had sex with Emma?” she finally asks.
My chest constricts. The truth is supposed to set you free but all it does is dig me deeper into this hole. I want to lie, I want to say no and make her like me again. But I promised I wouldn’t lie to this girl and even if she hates me, I won’t break my word.
I press hands against the door.
“Yeah. But it’s been a long time.”
“That’s all I need to know,” she says, her voice sounding soft and far away. “Don’t ever talk to me again, Jett. We’re done.”
Chapter 25
My pillow fills up with tears. There are so many of them, so many painful drops that I didn’t know I was capable of crying. I never cry. Maybe when I fell and hurt myself as a kid, but crying over physical pain isn’t nearly as earth-shattering as crying from a broken heart. This is way worse. I’d take a million broken bones over the pain in my heart right now.
Why did I fall so hard for this boy?
Part of me really wanted to let him inside and hear what he had to say. I’m not sure what he could have said that would have made any difference, but I wasn’t quite ready to send him away. I did, though. I kept my dignity and I was stronger than I’ve ever been. I made Jett leave and now I’ll never talk to him again.
I turn on my phone and call Mom’s number. She doesn’t answer, so I call back again and again. I can never bring myself to leave her a message though. I’ve been wanting to tell her about my new phone number, send her a text and tell her to call me back at this number. Maybe even tell her I have a job and that we can settle down here. But something keeps stopping me from admitting that I have a phone now. Deep down, I’m afraid that if Mom knows I’m being taken care of here, that I have my own phone and everything, that she’ll stay gone longer. So I hang up and never leave a message. I hope she’ll start to worry about me, or want to check in. She may be an artist who loves to travel the world, but she’s still a mom. Moms have that motherly intuition, right?
And even though it’s kind of implausible, I am still holding onto the hope that Mom fell and hit her head and she’s in some recovery room waiting for her memories to come back.
Maybe she’ll show up soon and take me away and we can go back to our normal lives. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of the boy who broke my heart and made me feel like the biggest idiot in the world for falling for him.
Sure, my life with Mom was shitty.
>
But at least my heart wasn’t broken.
Chapter 26
I chug the beer in a few seconds, then crunch the can in my fist and toss it toward the old plastic trashcan. “Hand me another one, will you?” I call out to whoever wants to comply.
The air smells like bonfire and cigarettes and D’andre’s lawn chairs in the sand make a perfect place to sit and forget about everything that’s gone wrong in my life.
Someone hands me another beer. A girl, I think, and I take it and pop open the top, chugging as quickly as my body will allow. I know I should thank this beer deliverer, but I don’t really care. I don’t care about anything right now, especially something as stupid as politeness.
All around me people are having a blast. It’s a lake party after all. Music is bumping and the bonfire is roaring, warming up the cool night air. Girls squeal in the lake when guys splash them and camera flashes go off every few seconds.
I don’t care about any of it.
I’d driven out here after Keanna kicked me out of her life. I had nowhere else to go, except maybe home but home was the last place I needed to be. My parents were out on a date and the house is too big and too empty. I needed to clear my head and fill it up all at once. I needed a distraction.
So I came here.
The third beer goes down easily, and I find the ice chest next to me so I reach in for another one. I can’t seem to drink it fast enough. I just need the buzz, the sweet dizzying feeling of being carried away from it all. The girl I love kicked me out of her life, all because of my past. My stupid ass choice to sleep with some girl I didn’t even like. It’s ruined everything.
“Dude,” D’andre says, dragging a lawn chair across the sand to sit next to me. “You look like shit.”
“You just noticed that?” I say with a snort.
“Kind of, yeah. I’ve been chatting up Brittany. I think she’s into me but she has a ten o’clock curfew so she had to leave.”