I pinched the bridge of my nose as I raced over the possible options like I did when I mapped out the best possible routes for Order members to take when they were needed. “I don’t plan to keep the child from him forever. I wouldn’t do that,” I decided, and that was true. “That wouldn’t be fair to Caden or the child.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” She crossed her arms. “But that’s very contrary to stating that he cannot know.”
“He just can’t know right now.”
“Brighton—”
“You don’t understand, Luce. He can’t know right now. Okay? I will tell him, but not now.”
“When will you?”
“When the time is right.”
Luce stared back at me, and then her gaze lowered as she nodded. “All right.”
Instinct flared. I knew she was lying. Everything in me said so. She may not go straight to Caden, but she would whenever I passed whatever time limit she set. I was angry that there was really no confidentiality here, but I also understood that I had no grasp of what it meant to have a King or to be fae. Human norms couldn’t be expected. I still needed to stop her, and I only knew of one way.
“He’s already ended his engagement,” I told her.
“What?” Her gaze sharpened.
“He already ended his betrothal to Tatiana.” I sat down, suddenly so very tired. “He…he chose me. Only me.” My voice cracked as I scrubbed my palms down my face. “He’s already made his choice.”
Luce stumbled back a step and then plopped into the chair. Any other time, I would’ve laughed at seeing a fae being so ungraceful, but there was nothing funny here. She understood what I was saying.
“Tatiana told me. That was why she came here. She didn’t come out of jealousy. At least it didn’t appear that way to me. She was even open to me being a part of his life so long as he married a fae—any fae.” Tears blurred my eyes. “No one else knows. Caden wasn’t going to announce it until after Tatiana had left.”
Her lips parted.
“I knew then that I…I couldn’t let him do this. I love him—” I sucked in a sharp, burning breath. “I want him. I want to be his only choice. But I can’t be the reason the entire world goes to hell.”
Luce said nothing.
“The moment what Tatiana said sank in, I knew I had to…I don’t know, make him think that I didn’t want to be with him or something. I knew that I needed to leave.” I brushed a fat tear off my cheek. “Having his child can’t change that. It can’t, Luce. And I really don’t think him learning that he’s about to become a father is going to push him in the right direction.”
She remained silent.
I took another breath that went nowhere. “So, once he c-chooses his Queen and is married, then I can tell him about the child. I swear I will. Because, like I said, it wouldn’t be fair to the child or to him.” My heart felt like it was cracking and splintering. “I didn’t want to say anything, but you have to understand why he can’t know right now. Please tell me you understand.”
Luce stared at me.
Seconds ticked away, and I started to worry. I sat back. “Are you…are you okay?”
Finally, she moved—well, she blinked, but that was definitely better than sitting there and staring at me. Then she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. “You’re his mortuus.”
My heart skipped a beat. I was Caden’s mortuus. His heart, his everything, and his greatest weakness. Through me, all manner of things could be done to Caden. Aric had only realized what I was when he figured out that Caden had given me the Summer Kiss. “Why would you say that?”
“It’s the only reason he would be willing to forsake his entire Court.” Luce lifted a trembling hand, smoothing down hair that was already pin-straight. “That goes beyond love, beyond what most of us can even fathom.” Awe filled her pale eyes. “It’s a connection of two souls and two hearts. It’s rare for any fae to find their mortuus, but to do so with a human? I…” She trailed off and then gave herself a little shake. The shock cleared from her face. “No one can know what you are to him. That kind of information is far too dangerous. You’re safe here, but if it were to get out—”
“I know.” Aric could’ve told Neal, who was still somewhere out there. And if someone from the Summer Court was aiding him, he could’ve told them. Aric might have told me that he told them. Perhaps I simply didn’t remember. The feedings…
I pulled myself out of those thoughts.
Luce was now really staring at me, like I was some sort of new creature. “Fate can be so cruel sometimes.”
“It really can,” I whispered.
She lowered her gaze, falling silent.
“Am I wrong?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Am I wrong to walk away from him? To keep this from him until he marries?”
“No, you’re doing the right thing.” She rose and then sat beside me. A jolt of surprise went through me as she picked up my hand. “You are quite admirable, Brighton. More than most fae could ever be. You’ve survived what I am sure many have succumbed to—too many to count. And to put my people before your own needs, to sacrifice what you must feel for the King for people who will never know what you were willing to give up? That makes you as brave as any warrior, if not more.”
Speechless, I blinked back tears. I didn’t think she knew what that meant. So many people didn’t. They didn’t believe in my competencies or strength, that I was capable of acts of bravery. The Order didn’t. Not even Miles, who ran it. It took me getting captured and surviving for even Ivy to realize that I was no longer the quiet, shy Brighton who was only good for research.
Luce squeezed my hand and said, “I won’t say anything, and I will help you in whatever way I can. But, Brighton, I must be honest.”
I tensed.
“I don’t know if it will be enough. I fear that what is done is done.”
Unease blossomed. “What do you mean?”
Her gaze locked onto mine. “I don’t think you’ll be able to walk away from the King. That there will be anything that you can do to cause him to choose a Queen that is not you. You’re his mortuus, the other half of his soul, his heart. And it is very unlikely that he’ll give you up. Ever.”
Chapter 3
After a drawn-out battle of wills between Luce and I, she promised not to protest my leaving Hotel Good Fae as long as I agreed to stay for the remainder of the week for observation and met her at the clinic she worked at next week for an ultrasound and bloodwork. Since it was Monday, that meant five days before I could go home. Five days where I would be in the same building with the man I loved but couldn’t have.
I wasn’t exactly happy, but I relented. My body had been through a lot. So had my mind, and with the latest development, I needed to be somewhere Luce could easily check in on me.
Relief that she was going to stay quiet overshadowed the irritation of being stuck here. But what she’d said sat heavily on my chest as I pulled on a pair of loose sweats and a shirt Ivy had left for me.
Could Luce be right? Caden would never let me go?
My hands shook as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. Part of me was thrilled to hear that Luce believed Caden felt that strongly for me. That he wouldn’t let me push him away. That was the incredibly selfish part of me that was doing jumping jacks at the prospect of Caden fighting for me. For us. The other half was terrified over what was at stake.
Stopping in the middle of the room, I looked down. I’m pregnant. A wave of shivers skittered over my skin. Hands still trembling, I reached down and lifted my shirt. I tried to see past the way my stomach caved in and the old, pale scars left behind from Aric’s first attack as well as the fresher, angry red cuts that covered nearly every inch of my midsection. There was a…a baby in there, right now, growing. My child.
Our child.
A wealth of emotions rose, so many that I could barely decipher the unexpected excitement from all the fear of the unknown and what needed to be done.
&nb
sp; If things were different, I would still be scared out of my mind. I never really thought hard about having children. I’d had to take care of my mom, and then there had been my need for revenge. There hadn’t been any serious relationships in the last several years. It just hadn’t been something I thought about. So, I would still be afraid. I’d be wondering if I was capable of caring for a baby. I would still have no idea if I’d be a good mother. But that burst of excitement I’d felt a few seconds before wouldn’t have been squashed by all the fear. It would continue to grow, and maybe some of that trepidation would lessen over time. Instead of thinking about how I was going to make Caden understand that he had to be with someone else, I would be obsessing over how to break the news. I wouldn’t be trying to figure out how to leave, or where I could go. I would be worrying about normal things like how Caden would take the news. Would he be happy? Scared? Disappointed? If things were different, I wouldn’t be spending one moment hiding the pregnancy from him.
God, that hurt. I hated the whole idea of hiding it. That wasn’t who I was. But things weren’t different. I was pragmatic enough to realize that these were the cards I had been dealt, and it didn’t matter how unfair that hand was.
I pressed my palm against the skin of my stomach, wincing as the many slices stung. Here were the facts: I was pregnant with the King of the Summer Court’s child. He loved me, and I loved him. But the fate of the actual world rested on him choosing a Queen from his people. I knew I didn’t have it in me to share him, even if he married someone and eventually slept with them only out of duty. I couldn’t do it. We had to put the world before ourselves, and I needed to somehow get Caden to see that. More importantly, there were more immediate, pressing concerns. Aric was dead, but Neal was still out there. He may not be as powerful or as smart as Aric, but I didn’t think he’d tuck tail and run like Caden thought he would. Even if he did, there was still the issue of someone within the Summer Court working with the Winter fae. I needed to find Caden and tell him what I’d remembered. I had to do that before I even tried to talk some sense into him or find a way to get him to do the right thing.
Letting go of my shirt, I watched the soft fabric flutter back into place. It was then I realized that I was crying. I wiped at my cheeks a little too roughly. It hurt the still-healing bruises.
“Pull it together,” I said, forcing myself to take a deep breath. “You need to pull it together, Bri.”
And I did. It took a while, but I was able to do what I’d done while being held captive by Aric. I shut my emotions down and locked them away. Only then did I toe on a pair of flip-flops Ivy had brought and leave the room.
The hall to the elevator was blessedly empty. I stepped inside, hitting the button for the first floor. I had no idea which room Caden was staying in, but if he was up and moving about, I figured he’d either be in or near Tanner’s office. If not, Tanner could probably tell me where he was. I rode the elevator down, not letting myself think of anything.
A mysterious sugary scent hit me the moment the elevator doors opened to the wide hall that split in three different directions. My stomach grumbled. There was a bakery in the cafeteria area, and they must’ve put out a fresh batch of something. With great effort, I forced myself to turn right instead of walking straight toward the cafeteria. I headed down the brightly lit hall. Reaching the corner—
I came face-to-face with several silvery-skinned fae. I didn’t recognize any of them, but there was no mistaking the shock on their faces as they got an eyeful of me. I had no idea if they knew who I was, but it was obvious that they saw someone who looked as if they had gone toe-to-toe with a professional boxer and lost. My left eye was open, but it was more purple than pink, and the lid felt incredibly heavy. The swelling had reduced a little along my cheek, but I still looked like I had food shoved in there. The cut in my bottom lip didn’t nearly look as bad as it had this morning, but it was still angry-looking.
Then there was the band of bruised skin around my neck.
One of the fae, a younger male, stared at that, and I realized I probably should’ve left my hair down. Or found a turtleneck. And a ski mask.
They hurried around me, saying nothing, and I trudged on, seeing the open door to Tanner’s office up ahead. Above me, one of the recessed lights flickered—
Say it!
I jerked to a stop, air lodging in my throat as Aric’s voice thundered in my ears and all around me. He wasn’t here. I knew that. He was dead, and I wasn’t in that awful place. I was safe. I’d killed him. I was—
Say it!
Clapping my hands over my ears, I tried to silence the roar of Aric’s voice, but the hallway around me darkened. The walls became damp, moldy bricks. I inhaled sharply, no longer smelling sugar but mold and decay. Blood. I staggered forward. Chains clinked. The weight unbearable around my neck. I’m not there. I’m not there. The floor shifted under my feet, and I felt my knees connect with the stone, but the pain barely registered. Aric’s cold breath was against my cheek.
“Say it,” he demanded, his voice echoing around me, through me. “Say please.”
“No. No. No,” I whispered, doubling over.
Hands touched my shoulders, and I jerked back, expecting biting pain to follow. I couldn’t take anymore. I couldn’t—
A voice broke through the haze of panic, a timbre that was deep and smooth. Comforting. I thought I recognized it. Whoever it was said something. A name. Brighton. More words. Open your eyes. My fingers curled into the hair above my ears. I’d heard those words before. Open your eyes, sunshine.
Sunshine.
That…that meant something. Meaning was attached to that. Emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Safety.
Arms shifted around me, and I felt as if I were floating for several seconds before being settled against something warm and hard. It moved. Rose up and down steadily against the side of my body as a voice whispered, “It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”
Fingers curled around my wrists. They were warm, not at all like Aric’s. His skin was ice cold. I focused on the feeling of those fingers as they slowly pulled mine away from my ears. This wasn’t Aric. He was dead. I’d killed him. I wasn’t there. I knew that. My arms were lowered to my lap. I didn’t want to look because I had the distinct feeling that I’d heard this all before. And once…once it hadn’t been real.
What if none of this was real?
Maybe I was still in that cold, damp, and dark place, chained to the stone slab. My heart stuttered as a hoarse sound crawled up and out of me.
Those warm fingers touched my right cheek, and I started to draw back, but a gentle touch followed. “Open your eyes for me.” The voice came again. “Please open your eyes so you can see me and know that it’s me holding you, touching you. That you’re safe. Open your eyes, sunshine.”
I did, and I found myself looking into two amber jewels. Not Aric’s icy eyes. Not the pale blue of a normal fae. Hot, golden eyes thickly fringed with heavy lashes. My gaze moved over the straight, proud nose and the full, expressive lips, to the sculpted jaw and blond strands of hair that rested against high, sharp cheekbones.
He cupped my cheeks, careful not to put pressure on the left side of my face as he guided my gaze back to his. “Your name is Brighton Jussier. Your friends sometimes call you Bri. Tink calls you Lite Bright,” he said, those beautiful eyes searching mine. “I call you my sunshine. Do you know why? It’s because I saw you smile once, and it was like the sun finally rising after centuries of nothing but night.”
A deep shudder started inside me and then rippled out over my skin. With the next breath I took, the scent of summer rain and long, hot nights surrounded me.
It was like waking up from a nightmare with your eyes already open. I was stuck somewhere, and then I was here.
I knew who I was.
I knew where I was.
And I also knew who held me.
The King.
Caden.
Chapter 4
Impossibly, all thoughts fled the moment Caden smiled.
He was a stunning man, but when those full lips curved into a grin, he became breathtakingly beautiful. Everything that had led to this moment took a backseat. It was just Caden and me, his warm body against mine, and his hands ever so gently holding me.
I’m carrying his child.
I didn’t know who moved first. If it was him. If it was me. Or both of us. What mattered was that our lips met. My breath snagged. He was more than aware of the cut along my lower lip, knew just the right pressure so it wouldn’t cause even a second of pain. And it felt like a first kiss. In a way, it was. Our last kiss like this had been weeks ago—months ago. An eternity. Before Aric, before things I knew were important but couldn’t pull from my scattered thoughts.
There was no thinking. Only sensation as I felt as if I sank into him. Caden was so incredibly careful, avoiding the numerous areas of aches and pains. He sipped from my lips in slow, drugging kisses that sent a flush of heady warmth through my body, chasing away the iciness of what had just occurred.
He tasted rich and lush as one of his hands lowered to my hip. I could feel the tension in his lax grip, as if he wanted to grab me, hold me tight but held back.
Caden and the kiss…they were both so incredibly gentle, so loving. A swelling motion rose in my heart, and a rawness appeared in my soul. I no longer had to fantasize about how it felt to be kissed by someone who didn’t just love me but also cherished me. Because that was how I was kissed right then. It was one of the most beautiful and painful realizations.
All those scattered thoughts were piecing themselves together, reminding me of what exactly had just happened and everything that had come before.
I shouldn’t be doing this—allowing this. Too much was at stake. I needed to distance myself from Caden. Not make out with him.
Caden ended the kiss before I had the common sense to do so. He pulled away just enough that his forehead rested on mine. Against my arm, I could feel his strong heart pounding. “I missed that little catch in your breath,” he murmured. “I missed the taste of you on my tongue.”
The Queen: A Wicked Novella Page 3