Ren leaned against the banister of the stairs. “You sure you’re ready to be back here?”
“More than ready.” I forced a smile that felt as fake as pleather.
The two of them exchanged a look, and I knew they had questions. Lots of them.
Luce had checked me over this morning, and after setting up a time for me to visit her the following weekend, she’d cleared me to leave Hotel Good Fae. I’d expected Tink to show up then, but come to find out, he was already at the house with Fabian and Dixon. It was Ivy and Ren who arrived as Luce left. All I knew was that Caden had asked them to escort me home, but I had no idea what, if anything, he’d said to them.
He’d been gone when I woke up, but that didn’t change the fact that I’d gotten the deepest sleep I had in a really long time. Neither had it erased the moments at dawn when, still mostly asleep, I felt the bed shift and the soft sensation of his lips against my forehead. I told myself repeatedly that had been my imagination.
“Well, if you need anything, you know you got us,” Ren said as Dixon meandered over to me, the white tip of his gray tail swishing. “And even if you don’t need us, you still have us.”
“We’ll be making periodic patrols,” Ivy said. They’d been filled in about the traitor in the Summer Court, but as discussed, they hadn’t been told everything.
“Your phone is on the kitchen counter,” Ivy explained while Dixon stretched up, pressing tiny paws into my legs. I picked him up, burying my face in his soft fur as Ivy said, “Oh, and by the way, Miles said to call him whenever you’re ready or stop by the headquarters.”
Face still planted in Dixon’s fur, I nodded. “He most likely wants to see if I’m mentally stable and find out if I spilled any Order secrets.”
“He didn’t exactly suggest that, but…” Ivy trailed off.
I cracked a grin. Miles was the bluntest and most deadpan person I’d ever met. Even more so than Faye. Not one to beat around the bush, his first concern would be if I shared any of the Order’s secrets.
“He should be happy to know that Aric didn’t seem to care at all about the Order,” I told them as Dixon purred.
“Actually, that would probably displease him,” Ren commented.
I snorted at that and lifted my head, looking around the sundrenched room. “How did he respond to the news about there being someone in the Summer Court who’s working with the Winter fae?”
“The same way Miles takes the news about almost everything,” Ivy answered. “He raised his brows, was silent for probably a good minute, and then said something like ‘there’s always one rotten apple in the bunch.’”
“That sounds like him,” I said dryly. “I almost wish we didn’t have to tell him, but the members need to be on their toes.”
“Agreed.” Ren folded his arms. “It’s not like every Order member has dropped their guard around the Summer fae, but they have relaxed, and that could be deadly.”
And that was why the Order members needed to know.
“I just don’t get how any of them could do that.” Ivy shook her head, causing a thick curl to fall over one eye. “Them supporting the Queen’s return is bad enough, but to aid the Winter Court when they’re using stuff like Devil’s Breath to destroy the younglings? It just doesn’t make sense.”
It really didn’t. “Aric had said that whoever it was had their reasons. I don’t think he said more. Or if he did, I…I don’t remember it. But you’re right, it doesn’t make sense.”
“I feel like we’re missing something,” Ren said. “I’ve been thinking about this, and I can’t come up with a reason a Summer fae would want the Winter Queen to enter this world, especially since they have their bright and shiny King.”
A small grin tugged at my lips.
“It’s not like they’re without leadership or whatever. So, the only thing that makes any sense to me is that it’s someone who has a vendetta against the King and would rather risk the whole world to either see him taken out or returned to his former evil glory.”
My heart turned over heavily at the thought. “But what kind of vendetta could drive a Summer fae to these extremes? If Caden were somehow placed under the Queen’s curse again, they’d have an even bigger problem on their hands.”
“So, maybe they were hoping Aric or the Queen would kill Caden,” Ivy suggested, and my stomach dipped. “Take him out so another could become King.”
I frowned as I thought that over. “From what I understand, only he can be King since he accepted the crown…or whatever. That even if he abdicated the throne, Fabian wouldn’t become King. The Court would be without a ruler, but I have no idea what would happen if Caden died.” The last word tasted like ash on my tongue.
“That might be a good question to ask,” Ren said. “But I doubt we’ll get an answer out of Fabian. He’d probably suspect that we were plotting to murder his brother.”
“I could ask,” I volunteered.
Ivy looked over her shoulder in the direction of the side door that led to the courtyard. “I hate to even ask this, but we don’t believe that Fabian has any desire to be King, do we?”
“No. I don’t believe that he does,” I said honestly as Dixon rubbed his nose against my shoulder. “There are…certain expectations that I don’t think Fabian has any desire to fulfill.”
Neither did Caden, but that was neither here nor there.
“But why would anyone want to remove Caden as King?” Ivy asked, lips pursed. “I mean, he seems to be doing an okay job, and it isn’t like he’s unfair or cruel.”
She was right, but I didn’t think Caden wanted to be King before he took on the role. He’d felt forced, and that was before things really escalated between us. Even now, he was willing to shirk his obligations, but no one knew that while I had been held captive by Aric. And those who now knew about him ending his engagement were the only fae I one hundred percent trusted.
So maybe the traitor’s motivations had nothing to do with Caden? If so, that brought us all the way back to square one. Why would a Summer fae work with the Winter Court?
For some reason, I thought of the old leader of the Order. David Cuvillier had betrayed the Order by aiding the Winter Court and Queen. He’d done so out of fear and resignation, believing that we hadn’t stood a chance against the Winter Court. Could the traitor within the Summer Court have a similar mentality?
Fear could make some brave.
But fear could also turn others into the worst kind of cowards.
Chapter 9
“Are Fabian and Tink still out in the courtyard?” Ivy asked, drawing me from my unsettled thoughts.
Ren nodded. “Yeah, I have no idea what they’re doing. I should probably go annoy them.”
Smiling slightly, I watched him walk toward the kitchen, stopping to tip Ivy’s head back and brush a kiss across her lips.
A pang of jealousy and envy stabbed me, and I reburied my face in Dixon’s fur. He purred louder, like a little engine. After a few moments, I became aware of Ivy moving closer. I looked up, not at all surprised to see the concern in her gaze.
“I want to ask if everything is okay, but I know that’s a stupid question. So, I’ll try to refrain from asking that,” she said, coming to stand beside me. “How are you feeling being back here, though?”
“It’s…it’s good, but it is weird,” I admitted, thinking that if anyone knew what it felt like, it was Ivy. She had been through her own messed-up abduction. “Like it almost seems surreal to be here.”
She nodded in understanding. “When I was taken, there were times when I didn’t think I’d ever see my apartment again or the people I cared about. The first day home was a weird one.”
There had been many moments when I didn’t think I was going to walk out of that nightmare.
“Ren and Tink being there for me helped. If they hadn’t been, I probably would’ve eventually dealt with everything, but having them made it easier.” She scratched Dixon’s ear as she lifted her gaze to min
e. “Can I give you some unsolicited advice? Don’t shut out the people who want to help.”
“I’m not.”
Her brows arched.
I sighed. “Things are complicated right now. That’s all I want to say about it.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Ivy responded. “Just remember that I’m here when and if you do.”
“I will,” I promised.
Eventually, Ren returned inside with Tink and Fabian. It was hard to look at Caden’s brother and not see the impossible similarities in the golden hair and cut of Fabian’s jaw. After a bit, Ren and Ivy left, and Dixon found his way to Tink. Somehow, and I wasn’t even sure how, I ended up on the couch, squished between Tink and Fabian and buried under a small mountain of blankets. There were no questions about how I was feeling or what was going on. Tink turned on what had to be his favorite movie, oblivious to Fabian’s long-suffering sigh. Twilight. At this point, I’d seen it a hundred times, and I could recite those lines right alongside Tink, but I wasn’t complaining. Well, I would draw the line at Breaking Dawn. That whole plot would hit way too close to home at the moment. Pizza was ordered for lunch, and since I’d been given the all-clear to eat whatever, I might’ve gone a bit overboard and eaten half of the pies. For once, Tink didn’t comment, but I could tell he was bursting at the seams to make a comment about how I was now eating for two, though was doing his best to keep his mouth shut.
I’d relaxed between them, and by the start of Eclipse, I dozed on and off. I didn’t know what made me think of the community in Florida, but a plan formed in my mind, one that might actually work.
The moment Fabian left, I twisted toward Tink, who had been combing Dixon’s fur. “How big is the fae community in Florida? Is it like Hotel Good Fae?”
“Bigger, I think. There are several thousand there, and they don’t stay in a hotel or use glamour to hide where they live. They have several gated subdivisions that are all together, built right by a beach. Super smart what they did by gating the communities.” He dragged the small comb down Dixon’s back. “Makes the beaches sort of private since you have to come in through the gates. People just think those who live in there are super rich or something.”
“Do any humans live there?”
He nodded. “Some of the fae there are in relationships with humans.”
That was good. “Did you like it there?”
Tink shrugged as he glanced at the screen as Jacob went full wolf. “I liked it.”
“What about Fabian? He normally lives there, right? Does he plan to go back?”
“I think so, eventually.” He frowned. “Do you ever wonder why Bella couldn’t just have both Jacob and Edward?”
“What?”
“I mean, Edward has been alive for a while, so he’s gotta get bored with the same old, same old. And Jacob is a wolf. I’m sure both have seen and done stranger things,” he reasoned. “Plus, sharing is caring.”
I stared at him and then gave a shake of my head. “No, I’ve never thought about that.”
“You have boring thoughts then.”
I ignored that. “Do you think I could go there? To the community in Florida?”
He returned to combing Dixon, focusing on his tail. “Why would you want to do that?”
“I could use the vacation.”
Tink glanced at me. “You probably could.”
“And…” I took a deep breath. “If Caden doesn’t end up picking a Queen soon, I’m eventually going to start showing. It won’t be easy to hide.”
“Wait a second.” Dropping the comb beside him, Tink picked up the remote and paused the movie. He looked at me. “You want to go down to the community to basically hide.”
“And to relax. I have enough money saved up, and I’m sure Miles would—”
“You want to go hide in a fae community while becoming obviously pregnant?”
“No one down there should know who I am, right? It’s not like Fabian or you told any random fae that I was the human chick the King was hooking up with.”
“Of course not. Although, that would’ve been juicy gossip. But do you really think Fabian isn’t going to know who the baby daddy is?”
I opened my mouth.
“He’s not going to believe for one second that anyone but his brother is the father,” he said before I could speak. “So, you’d be putting him in a position where he’ll have to either knowingly lie to his brother or betray you.”
I snapped my mouth shut. Shit. “I didn’t think about that.”
“Obviously.”
“I really hadn’t.” I sank into the couch, surprised that I had forgotten that very important detail. “It’s like my brain isn’t fully functional or something.”
“I just think you’re really desperate, and desperate people do and think stupid things.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Tink was still for a bit and then placed Dixon in my lap. “Can I be honest for a moment?”
I slid him a sideways glance. “I have a feeling you were just super honest right then.”
“I’m about to be even more honest. Like really super honest. The realest real kind of honesty.”
“I think I get it.”
“But you don’t.” He tipped toward me as Dixon sat up in my lap, watching him. “I get why you’re doing what you are. I do. You want to save the world and some shit. Honorable. I’m not going to mess up your need to martyr your warm and fuzzies.”
“It’s not my need—”
“But it’s become clear to me that you really are delusional.”
“Wow,” I murmured.
“Why else would you think your idea to hide with your baby daddy’s brother in a community of fae was good enough to interrupt Eclipse? But it’s more than that. Do you honestly think Caden is going to marry someone else even if he believes you don’t want him?”
My stomach dropped. “He has to.”
“He doesn’t have to do jack shit, Lite Bright. I feel like everyone, including Tanner and Faye, is forgetting that. He didn’t want to be King in the first place, and the last I checked, he’s a grown-ass adult. Besides in the highly unlikely event that he’s going to be like ‘YOLO, let me pick a fae Queen now,’ do you really think he’s just going to let you walk away? Not fight for you? And I don’t mean that in a creepy, super-possessive way either, but in a way we all would want someone we cared about to fight for us.”
All the pizza I’d shoved down my throat was starting to settle wrongly in my stomach.
“But I have a really important question for you. One you need to think about long and hard before answering,” he went on. “Do you honestly think you’re going to be able to shut down the way you feel about him? You’re going to be able to stand by and watch him be with someone else? You’re going to be able to resist him—resist what you want—when he does fight for you?”
* * * *
I hadn’t answered Tink’s question, and he hadn’t expected one, but I had thought about it. I’d spent the rest of the day and a good part of that night thinking about it, and every time I said that, yes, I could resist all of Caden’s attempts, there was a little laugh in the back of my mind.
But what other choice did I have?
Restless after downing a glass of orange juice and a small army’s worth of eggs, I took the prenatal vitamin and roamed upstairs, my head in a really weird place.
Slowly, I went down the hall of the second floor, past the closed door of the office, beyond the room Tink had commandeered, and to the other closed door—the one my mother had used.
I could use her room for the baby. My stomach wiggled like it always did whenever I acknowledged being pregnant. That was if I was still here then. The community in Florida was a stupid idea, but there were a million other places. If I was here, though, the room would be large, but since the small one that had once been a nursery had been converted into a walk-in closet ages ago, it was the only option. Well, unless Tink ever moved out. His room was
smaller. Maybe he’d want the larger one?
Pushing open my bedroom door, I halted just inside the threshold. Last night, I hadn’t really paid attention when I climbed into bed, too caught up in my thoughts. Now, I cataloged every square inch as if looking for something to be different. The drapes had been parted, letting in the morning sunlight. The velvety-soft cream bedspread had been smoothed back from the thick pillows. A pair of slippers I always left out but rarely wore waited by the bed. A fluffy and chunky gray throw blanket was draped over the chair by the window. It looked and felt the same. The room even smelled like I remembered. Like pineapple and mango.
But I wasn’t the same.
My gaze made its way to the closet. I forced my steps forward. Opening the closet door, I switched on the light. What I saw first were the wigs in various colors and lengths, the knee-high boots and spiky heels, and the skintight dresses. They were all costumes designed to hide my identity while I hunted the fae responsible for killing my mother. I didn’t need them anymore. I’d succeeded. They were all dead now, and those wigs and dresses…
They’d become a part of who and what I’d been shaped into. I ran my hand over the Lycra material of a red dress that I wouldn’t have dared to wear five years ago. The outfits, the wigs, the shoes—all had aided me in finding the fae responsible for killing my mother, but they’d also done something else. They’d given me the confidence I’d been sorely lacking.
But this stuff still wasn’t me. They were words written in blood and tears for a chapter that had come to an end.
Pivoting around, I hurried downstairs to the pantry. Black garbage bags in hand, I went back to the closet and started cleaning house. Everything went. The wigs. The shoes. The dresses—well, almost everything. I couldn’t bear to part with the studded mid-calf boots or the silvery sequined dress. Those boots were surprisingly comfortable, and the dress…
It was the outfit I’d been wearing when I killed Tobias—one of the fae I’d been looking for.
And it was the dress I had on the first time I came face-to-face with Caden in the club.
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