“Come on, let’s get you in the bath.” Dad stepped aside so Cain could pull me to my legs which were still trembling. The bathroom was only a short walk down a narrow hallway though, and as much as Cain wanted to carry me, I forced myself to walk. Once behind the closed door, Cain helped undress me with an impersonal care that I both adored and hated. It was the tender care he had always picked me up with, but we weren’t that Violet and Cain anymore; we were something more. Once seated in the tub, Cain scooped up water and poured it over my shoulders.
“Is it a boy or girl?” I whispered through my heartache.
“It’s too early to tell.” He kissed my temple. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay.” With deep breaths, I fought away the tears. I had to find a way to deal with this jealousy. Every time the thought of Annabelle growing large with Cain’s baby inside her crossed my mind, a small piece of my heart broke away. I was terrified the day would come when there would be nothing left but crumbs. Eventually the shaking in my limbs smoothed out into stillness, and Cain encouraged me to step from the cooling water and into the embrace of a warm towel. He dried me off and helped me step into pajama bottoms. The top he pulled over my head was his old black shirt with “Piano Man” in bold white font across the chest. “I love you in my clothes,” he quietly confessed before guiding me to the kitchen, where my dad waited with a bowl of steaming soup. My stomach wasn’t interested in the food, but to appease the men who were so carefully tending to me, I ate every drop. I remained silent while Cain and my dad murmured through a soft and inconsequential conversation. As soon as I was finished, Cain guided me towards my bedroom. The electric blanket had already been turned on, and I melted into the warmth of the sheets. When Cain’s firm chest pressed against my back, I snuggled into the comfort of his presence. Sleep came swiftly, pulling me rapidly from the chaos into a place of calm.
The lurching of my stomach had me waking like a bullet out of a gun. I leapt from the bed and slammed my way through the two doorways that separated me and the bathroom. Emptying the contents of my stomach was a messy business, and as soon as I realized Cain had followed me, I tried to push him away. It was like trying to move a mountain though. Once I’d finally stopped gagging, a warm washcloth was placed in my hand. I collapsed on the cold tiles beside the toilet.
“Everyone okay in there?” came my father’s voice from the other side of the door.
I groaned with embarrassment.
“All good in here, Mr. Trivoli. Violet’s just saying good morning to the shitter.”
Dad chuckled. “Wonderful, as soon as you’re done, I need to say good morning too; otherwise, Mrs. Wicker next door is going to be screaming at me for taking a leak in her garden again.” Cain and I laughed. “And I told you to call me Garrett.” My father’s footsteps retreated in the direction of the kitchen. Cain spread some toothpaste over my toothbrush and handed it to me.
“You don’t like my morning breath?” I asked with a sheepish smile.
“I’m not fond of your vomit breath,” he answered with a charming grin. “And now that your mouth is occupied, I can talk without you interrupting me.” I gave him a raised brow and he shrugged. “What can I say, I hate being interrupted.” I began brushing quickly, with every intention of thwarting Cain’s attempt to keep me quiet. He pinned me in place with a serious and determined look on his face. “There is to be no guilt,” he said sharply. “If anyone in this room is to feel guilty, it’s me, Violet.” This is the point I would have interrupted him. Damn toothpaste. “I’m the one who used a woman to replace another which inevitably got us into this unusual situation. I love you, Violet.” The brush stopped and my heart did a peculiar little flip. “I have always loved you, and my reason for going to Annabelle was to numb my aching heart. Now both you and Annabelle are paying for my stupidity.” I began brushing again, needing to get my oral hygiene finished so I could partake in this conversation. “Annabelle is heartbroken because she wanted what you and I had. When she realized that wasn’t going to happen, it was too late; she was pregnant and that changed everything. And you are heartbroken because you have to stand by and watch another woman carry my child.” Oh yeah, that reminder hurt. It stung so bad, my eyes filled with tears. “Can you spit so I can hold you or something?” he asked quietly. I jumped up to the sink, spat, and rinsed quickly before sinking back down to the floor beside Cain. Gentle fingers caressed my cheek. “Seeing my baby for the first time yesterday was pretty damn amazing.” His whispering voice was full of awe as my first tear fell. “The only thing that could have made that day better was you. My baby, our baby, in here.” His hand left my cheek to rest on my stomach. “I can’t change the past, Violet. I can’t go back and get a do-over. So help me God, if I could, I would. Instead, I’m trying to do what’s right, I’m trying to be what Annabelle and the baby need and give them what I can, and I’m trying to be what you need and give you what I can. One day, it will be our baby in here, but for now I’m going to love you like no other, and I need you by my side, baby. I can’t do this whole father thing on my own, and even though Annabelle is the biological mother of our child, you are going to play a pretty important role in his or her life, too.”
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, wiping away my tears.
“I told you, no guilt.” Cain’s eyes narrowed, and he tried to look menacing which he actually pulled off rather well.
“If I wasn’t such a mess, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Cain shrugged. “Everything happens for a reason, right? We’re on the path we are meant to be on for one reason or another, to make us stronger, more humble, more grateful.” He waved his hand around with nonchalance. “Anyway, I love you just the way you are, and I wouldn’t trade the Violet Trivoli who sits before me now for all the perfectly, neat, pretty packaged lives in the world.” My heart did that funny little flip again.
“You love me?”
Cain rolled his eyes. “You know I do.” He pulled me into his lap. “But I’m going to tell you every chance I get anyway. And do you know how I know you love me?”
I considered him for a moment. “Because I gave you the last of my cheesy fries last weekend?”
He chuckled before kissing my cheek. “That, and…” He took a deep breath. “I let you go and here you are, back in my arms.” He kissed me on the lips this time, his warm breath tangling with mine. “And you let me go down on you,” he added with a wink which made me blush. A bang on the door made us both jump.
“Sorry, kids, I went out to use Mrs. Wicker’s garden and discovered it’s freezing out there. Not a chance in hell I’m dropping trou when it’s zero degrees outside.” I climbed off Cain, and he tugged on my arm.
“Didn’t you forget something?” he asked. I glanced at the toilet. Nope, I’d flushed. Washcloth was rinsed, toothbrush back in the toiletries bag. With gentle fingers, he forced my gaze back on him and he seemed a little disappointed. “I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words; that last cheesy fry screamed love, even if you can’t say it.” He shrugged and went to walk away, and I realized he had been waiting for me to tell him I loved him. I pulled on his hand and dragged him forward for a kiss.
“I want to say it, but if I say it now, you’ll think I’m only saying it because you asked me to.”
Cain mulled over my words. “Okay, baby. Ball’s in your court. Spring it on me when I least expect it.” With a final lingering kiss, my dad thumped on the door once more.
“I’m not a young man anymore, kids, leaks spring way too easily to deny this kind of need.”
“TMI, Dad,” I said as we left the bathroom. He raced in behind us.
“Eggs and bacon?” Cain asked.
The glazed over look of hunger in my eyes obviously said it all. And just like that, my guilt was placated, for now. Like Cain had said, everyone slips. Now was my chance to show everyone I could pick myself back up and stand a little taller, a little stronger. Now was my chance to prove myself.
“S
o fucking beautiful,” Cain murmured at my mouth, his teeth gently grazing my bottom lip before he kissed me long and hard. Cain had never been afraid of a little PDA. As friends, he was always eager to hold my hand and had hugged me often. Since we had officially become a couple, he took the liberty of bringing my world to a halt with mind blowing kisses often. It was his way of reminding me where I stood in his life, and I think he was making up for the last twelve years of indecision and built up sexual tension. His hand stopped at my ribs, just shy of cupping my breast.
“Cut that shit out. You’re mauling her right in front of my nephews. My fucking sister is going to beat the shit out of me for your R rated show.” Harry stomped past us. Cain smiled against my mouth before reluctantly pulling away.
“We got bored. We’ve been waiting for twenty minutes.”
Harry stopped and turned to face us, a shocked look on his face. “You’ve been sucking face outside my sister’s place for twenty fucking minutes?” he growled.
I couldn’t help but laugh at Harry’s appalled look.
Cain scoffed. “Of course not, I’ve only just got to her face. I spent the last fifteen minutes paying homage to those beautiful breasts.”
Harry looked like a fish out of water until Cain started laughing.
“You dirty little fucker, next time you get arrested, don’t bother calling me. I’ll leave you there to rot.”
We followed Harry into his sister’s house. It was Thanksgiving and we had planned on spending it alone, just the two of us, but Harry and Mya wouldn’t hear of it. Since we were spending Christmas with our families back in Seattle, this was a pre-Christmas celebration with the one man who had gone above and beyond for both of us. Harry was a foul mouthed bulldog who had a nose for business and music, but to me and Cain, he was a friend first and foremost.
“Janie, I’m here, and I’m sorry about the porn in the front yard,” Harry called out as we entered the house. A set of identical gangly, dark haired twins paused in their wrestling to glance in our direction.
“We saw,” laughed one of the boys.
“He’s got technique,” giggled the other.
“Fabulous, my balls are as good as gone,” Harry said sarcastically, walking away, leaving Cain and I with the teenage boys who untangled themselves off the floor.
“I’m Lucas,” said the one wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt with a skull on the front. His hair was black as night and styled over his eyes in an emo fashion.
“I’m Levi,” said the other, who was a more conservative version of his brother, in shorts, a blue surf brand shirt, and neatly cut, dark blonde hair. Apart from their different styles, they were identical in every way, height, weight, eyes, and lips.
“Levi was hoping for a little girl on girl action tonight. We heard Mya has a crush on Violet.”
Levi slapped Lucas on the head and the wrestling began again. Cain chuckled as he drew me away from the living room.
“That was a little disturbing,” I murmured.
“They’re teenage boys. I was one once, or have you forgotten.” Cain was mischievous now, but as a teenager, he was mischief times a thousand.
“I haven’t forgotten, and you better pray you and Annabelle don’t have a boy. It will come back to bite you on the ass.” Cain stopped walking and turned to give me a quick hard kiss, his tongue delving deep into my mouth.
“Don’t worry, baby, if I don’t get a boy this time around, I plan on trying with you until I do.”
I shook my head, my mind a little foggy from the wicked kiss he had planted on my lips. “What if we only produce girls? We might end up with a minivan full of them.”
Cain winked at me. “We might as well keep going and get ourselves an entire roller derby team then.”
“Janie, Kyle, I’d like you to meet Violet and Cain,” Harry introduced us as we walked into a large kitchen that was full of warmth and the wonderful smell of turkey. Mya sat at the kitchen table by Harry, showing him something on her phone.
“It’s wonderful to finally meet you. We were beginning to think Harry made you both up,” said Janie, Harry’s polar-opposite sister, as she moved forward to shake our hands. She was petite with curves and a head of dark curls. She had a gentleness about her with a genuine smile. She looked like a modern day Betty Crocker, the complete opposite of Harry, with his dark smooth hair and immaculate business suits.
“The fact he has friends at all is pretty astounding,” teased Kyle as he also shook our hands.
“Fuck the both of you,” growled Harry.
“Watch your language while you are in my house, or I will divest you of those balls.” Harry’s little sister pinned him with a serious stare.
Harry held his hands up in surrender. “It’s disturbing you want anywhere near them; you’re my sister.”
“I wouldn’t touch the disgusting things. I’d get Kyle to cut them off.”
Kyle offered Cain a beer, and he politely declined. He didn’t offer me one, and I wondered if Harry had forewarned them.
“I’m not touching Harry’s balls.” Kyle grimaced. “Harry told us you don’t drink, Violet. Would you like something else? We have Coke, orange juice, water?”
“Orange juice would be fine,” I said as I arched a brow Harry’s way. He smiled and winked back at me.
“Cain?” Kyle asked.
“Orange juice will be fine, thank you, Kyle.”
I leaned into Cain and whispered in his ear, “You can have a beer. I can drive. You don’t have to not drink because of me.”
Cain kissed my forehead. “I don’t want a beer. And what kind of a man makes his woman drive his drunk ass home after dark.”
I snorted loudly which caught the attention of everyone in the kitchen. “Sorry,” I blushed.
Janie and Kyle gave us a confused smile over our private conversation. Harry and Mya, who knew us better, completely ignored us, turning their attention back to their phones.
“It’s not the eighteen hundreds, Casanova. I can drive a car after dark. And believe it or not, women can vote, too.” Cain silently chuckled into my hair. “Thank you,” I said, taking my drink from Kyle.
Cain took his with a polite nod before leaning into my ear again. “I don’t care if I sound like an antiquated old fart. I’m a man who takes care of those I love, Violet, and I honestly have no desire to drink alcohol.”
With Cain’s staunch presence and easiness around strangers, the night went mostly smoothly. Whenever conversation fell into a lull, or more often than not, into an argument between siblings—both older and younger—Cain was there to quickly redirect it. When we left a little after ten, I was surprised blood hadn’t been shed. Between the lesbian jokes the teenage twins not so subtly directed to a fresh out of the closet gay woman, and Janie’s mortification over Harry’s potty mouth, it was an interesting Thanksgiving, to say the least.
We had my apartment to ourselves. Mya was spending the night with her family even though the look she gave me was one of desperation and pleading as we left. Her family was still adjusting to her recent confession that she was gay. Her parents seemed to be accepting it well enough, and the boys were accepting it in their own warped way. The time spent together would be good for them all, so I didn’t offer her the escape I knew she was searching for.
Later that night, I lay in a contented, post orgasmic bliss, the muted light of my lamp casting a warm glow across my darkened bedroom. I was stretched out, completely naked on top of my tangled sheets. Beside me sat Cain, also naked as the day he was born. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong serenaded each other in the background with “Dream A Little Dream Of Me”. Tossed carelessly on the bed beside Cain was an array of Mya’s paint pens that she usually reserved for her woeful attempts at art. Right now they were being used for a different kind of art. One of my legs was stretched out before Cain, and from my ankle to hip, he had painted the keys of a piano. His fingers stroked the false keys lovingly, probably with a little more devoted attention than
he normally would. He sung softly, the words spilling from his lips in perfect harmony. Cain had a beautiful voice, wasted with the vocal silence he preferred in front of a piano or with a guitar in his lap.
“You’d really have a roller derby team with me?” I whispered.
Cain’s lips twitched with amusement. “Baby, I’d have an entire damn league with you.”
I smiled as he resumed singing. “What if we have kids and I slip again?” I wondered out loud. It was a real fear, having grown up in a house where syringes were left lying in the kitchen sink and alcohol filled the fridge and cabinets. The thought of inflicting the same desolation and fear I had grown up with on my own children terrified me.
“I honestly don’t think you would, but if you did, I’d be there to pick you up and dust you off and stick you back in the kitchen where you belong.” I reached up and slapped his arm, hard. Cain laughed and leaned over me, forcing me back on the bed. “I’m here to protect you, Violet, even if it’s from yourself. When we have children, it will be when you are ready, and you won’t slip; I won’t let you.” He kissed my lips, barely a feather touch before resuming his place before the leg piano. “You know, I think if they taught all boys to play piano this way, the world would be full of budding musicians,” he mused.
“You are quite the ideas man,” I said sarcastically.
“I am, aren’t I?” His smile lit up a place inside my heart, the same place that always felt a warm glow whenever Cain was near. He eyed my body with a hunger that made my pulse race. Leaning forward he dipped to one breast and licked around my nipple before slipping the dusty brown peak into his mouth.
“Again?” I whispered breathlessly.
“Not yet,” he murmured. “I don’t want to break you, so I’ll just play for a bit.” He resumed his loving attention to my body, turning me into a panting mess of lustful woman. Finally, he rested his forehead on my stomach, breathing heavily.
“You won’t break me,” I said with a smile.
“No, I won’t.” The seriousness in his eyes forced my own smile away. “I won’t break you, I won’t bend you, I won’t even bruise you, Violet, and that’s a promise. I’ll spend my entire life putting you on the pedestal you belong on.”
Violet Addiction Page 16