“You did find me through the forum. You picked me deliberately. Just to bait a trap for a serial killer?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Truth only, no matter how ugly it is. I created a list of potential subs from a few forums and you made the short list. You were submissive, on the same forums, and you’d already hooked up once with someone you’d met online. Even better, you were vulnerable, emotionally devastated by the breakup. A few clicks later, it was easy to track you down to Springfield, Missouri. I almost changed my mind, because you weren’t frequenting the forums as often, and it had to be someone who’d post about what I was doing. I needed a victim, someone I could use to draw him out. I needed you to taunt him with his own marks, his personal signature, so he’d find you and try to put a stop to the impostor. To me.”
“Someone who’s broken. Desperate enough to...” I couldn’t finish the words. They were lodged in my throat, choking me. Desperate enough to let a killer dominate them. A sub so damaged she’d be unable, perhaps unwilling, to stop an unstable dominant from going all the way.
“Someone who appealed to the monster in me, yes. Because the same monster lives in him. I took every precaution I could think of. I took my time to make sure you had a safe place around you, a fortress I built piece by piece where you could hide until I finished him. I trained Sheba to guard you. I argued with myself that it would be okay to use you as my bait, because I was going to build you up and help you deal with your past. I needed you to be vulnerable and broken, but I wasn’t going to leave you that way. So it was good, right? I’d leave you better than I found you, if a little traumatized by a close call with a serial killer. Even that, I reasoned, would help teach you not to be so open and honest on the internet where anyone could track you down and hurt you for that vulnerability. Even if getting hurt is exactly what you most wanted.
“I never expected to love you like this, kitten.”
A sob broke out, loosening the words jammed in my throat. I wanted my Master’s love more than anything, but I was hurt too. Not the good hurt that made me yearn for more. This was soul-deep, a ravaged pain that would never completely fade. I’d always have the scar on my heart. “You used me.”
“Yes.”
“I could have ended up with him. I still could. He could get to me now and there’s nothing you could do about it. He’ll take me from you, trap me, force me to accept him, and then he’ll kill me.” My voice rose with each panicked thought.
“Ranay,” he growled, instantly stilling my panic. “Do you honestly think I’d allow anyone to take you from me? Let alone him?”
“He’s coming for me,” I whispered, pressing my face against Sheba. Even though I knew I’d only been his bait, I still wanted Charlie’s arms around me.
“And when he does, I’ll be there to stop him.”
I held the phone so hard my fingers ached. “You’re still here.”
“Of course. I’d never leave you to face this danger alone.”
“But Sheba got shot!”
“I’m watching you, Ranay. Always. Sometimes I’m so close I’m sure you’ll see me. That you’ll betray me and not even know it. I can’t help but stay close to you. It kills me to know that you’re in danger. That I put you there. But I deserve that punishment for what I’m putting you through. I was nearby that night but I couldn’t act. Not until I knew who the target was. After the way Daniels stared at you the night of the break-in, I thought he might be my target. I’m glad I didn’t slit his throat for staring at your breasts.”
I gasped. “You’d do that?”
He laughed and it almost sounded like Charlie again. Sheba’s Charlie, the warm and tender man who made me melt into a puddle at his feet. “I’m teasing. Mostly.”
“Were you ever gone? Or were those trips just an exercise to make sure I could survive on my own?”
I couldn’t help the bitterness in my voice. I’d agonized without him, even before he’d had to disappear. I’d moped and struggled to overcome my loneliness and need for him. I’d done it, but it hadn’t been easy. Now to hear he’d been here all along, that this was only an assignment to him. My misery, a game, a test.
“I never lied to you,” he reminded me. “So when I said I was in New York, I was.”
“And you were in St. Paul.”
I heard a slight sound from him, a tiny inhale that told me I’d surprised him. “Yes.”
“Why? You told Deputy Daniels it was to meet an old friend.”
“I never lied to you. I never promised not to lie to other people.”
“So you weren’t with an old friend. Who was it, then?”
“It was your old friend.”
It took a minute. “Josh? You went to see Josh?”
“No.” He dragged the word out. “Not exactly. Remember my promise to you? Anyone who hurts you is dead.”
“You...” My voice was breathless and fragile, so soft he might not be able to hear me. “You killed Josh?”
“I meant to. I would have. But I didn’t have a contract on him, so I decided to talk to him first. See what he had to say for himself. He regrets you. He still misses you. I could understand that, despite his stupid mistakes. Still, I would have killed him, but I remembered that you thought he was a nice guy, even though he couldn’t satisfy you. So I settled for putting an unholy fear in him. He’s not to even think about you or I’ll come back to finish him off. I doubt he’ll be looking for a new plaything anytime soon.”
My stomach churned so much, acid burned my throat. “So let me get this straight. The only reason you didn’t kill him is because I thought he was a nice guy?”
“And I thought you might not like it.”
I opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come. I swallowed hard and tried again. “I might not like it? Seriously? You can’t just go around killing people.”
“Killing’s in my blood, Ranay,” he replied. “I channel it toward good as much as I can. I take contracts on serial killers. I joined Doctors Without Borders to protect doctors who are risking their lives in third-world countries. But sometimes I fear it won’t be enough. Someday, no matter how hard I try to keep the monster locked away, I’ll go on a killing rampage until someone manages to put me down with a bullet in my skull. That’s the only thing that will stop me.”
“No,” I retorted. “The only thing that will stop you is me. You wanted a hard limit? A serious limit? That’s it. I can understand why you target serial killers, but I can’t tolerate random killing. Certainly not killing in my name, because you want to get back at an ex-boyfriend who’s just trying to live his life.” I pressed a hand to my stomach, trying to quiet the rolling nausea. “Don’t kill for me. Not like that. Rusk, sure, I hope you nail him as soon as you get the chance. But not Josh, or Talon, or anyone else who just made a mistake that’s in the past. That’s a deal-breaker for me.”
I waited for his response, the silence stretching out an uncomfortably long time. I couldn’t bear to lose him, but I couldn’t stand by and do nothing while people who didn’t deserve to die fell under his blade. No matter how much I loved him.
“You...” He paused. “You’d do that for me? You’d stop me?”
I sharpened my voice to a dagger. “Red.”
His breath sighed out. “Thank you, Ranay. I never...” I couldn’t see him, but I knew he’d be running his hand through his hair and tugging on his curls. “You don’t know what this means to me. Please, keep me from crossing this line. You’re the only one who can.”
“I will.” My voice rang out, strong and sure. “I won’t let you down. Not in this.”
“God, I love you, kitten.”
I slumped a bit, worn out and sweaty despite the chilly temps outside. I’d shot from hope to despair, and now I was trapped somewhere in the middle. Not quite as wretched and miserable, but a little tarnished and weary too.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess. On paper, studying the profile I’d put together, you were perfect. But I didn’t
make my decision until I stepped into the clinic that first day and saw you. When you looked at me and didn’t run away screaming even though you saw the predator in me, I was done. I had to have you. Not for him, but for me. Only for me.”
“I don’t even know you,” I wailed. “Not really. Even Rusk knows more about you than I do.”
“Not hardly. You know the real me. The parts I hide from the world. Only you have ever gotten this close to me, at least since I was seventeen years old and my father tried to kill me. Even if my brother’s still alive somewhere, he doesn’t know me any longer. Not like you do.” He sighed, making my heart flip over. “What can I do to make this up to you?”
“Can you come get me right now so we can disappear together?”
He sighed again, heavier, though his voice was laced with amusement. “Once I accept a contract, I complete it. I’m used to the long haul and my clients are patient. I take my time and I make sure I stop the right man. Tracking all these girls back to Rusk has taken me nearly eighteen months, but I’ve hunted killers for years before. No matter what. I can’t walk away until this serial killer’s dead. Then, absolutely. We’ll go wherever you want.”
“Assuming we survive.”
“Have a little faith in your Master.” He chuckled, that deep rumble of amusement that made me tighten with longing. “There’s no other serial killer as good as me.”
No one had ever hurt me, or loved me, as good as him either. That gave me the courage to ask for what I wanted. “When we’re safe, I want you to grovel. Like, down on your knees grovel. And I want you to let me do anything I want to you.”
“Done,” he answered without hesitation.
“You’d do that?”
He laughed. “If you didn’t think I would, why’d you ask? I’ll do anything for you, Ranay. I’ll kill for you. Surely the high and mighty Master can go down on his knees and beg his precious slave’s forgiveness for putting her in harm’s way.”
“Someplace warm and sunny and secluded. With a beach where I can work on my full-body tan and no one would bat an eye.”
“Done and done. I know the perfect place.”
I let that sunny dream spot unfold in my mind. A sandy beach. Palm trees. Crystal blue waters. Incredible warmth soaking into my bones, making me stretch and purr like a cat. And Charlie, with his wonderful, punishing hands.
“You need to get inside where it’s warm and safe.”
His words broke through the hazy dream, crashing me back to reality. I have a serial killer hunting me. “He knows who you are.”
“Of course he does. I’m sure he had suspicions about me when we were partners. I know I had plenty about him. That’s probably why I was offered the contract in the first place, though they couldn’t tell me exactly who the killer was. He’ll want to dump all this on me and get away scot-free. If he succeeds, he’ll come out a hero, saving the Bureau from losing face by stopping one of their own. If he delays too long, he knows I’ll disappear again, but he thinks he’s got me by the balls. He does, actually. Because as long as you’re here, in danger, then I can’t leave.”
“You said you’d seen his work. You knew what he was capable of. They showed me pictures of his victims, with the bites. Is that what you meant?”
“No, and don’t ask, kitten. Not until I can hold you against me and swear you’re safe. Then I’ll tell you, if you still want to know.”
“What do I do if they ask me if I’ve talked to you? You know I suck at lying.”
“You said you could do anything if I commanded it, right? So I order you not to tell them about this conversation. Do you understand, Ranay? We never talked. You never found the stash I left for you. You have no idea where I am. Say it.”
“Yes, Master. I have no idea where you are.”
“Good girl. Any other questions?”
“Thousands,” I whispered, trying not to cry. “How long?”
“He’ll strike soon. All he’s waiting on is the perfect opportunity to get you alone.”
“His partner, Matheson, promised she wouldn’t let that happen.”
“He’ll get around her,” Charlie promised grimly. “He always does. So be prepared. Keep Sheba close. Keep a blade on you at all times. It won’t be long. I promise you, Ranay—he won’t get around me.”
“And then?”
“Then you’re mine.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
I sucked at waiting. Especially when my life hung in the balance. One day went by. Another. And still nothing happened.
I never saw Charlie, though I tried to look for him as inconspicuously as possible. He said he was close, that he was always watching, but I never saw him. I could only trust that he was the master of his word.
Sleep was a fond memory. Even with Sheba beside me in Charlie’s bed, I couldn’t relax. I’d hear the creak of a floorboard, the rustle of a branch outside, the soft flutter of an owl or bat flying by, and I was done. Wide awake, heart pounding, sweating. I couldn’t eat. I’d already lost ten pounds. Any other time, that would have thrilled me, but I knew I needed to keep my energy up. I might have to fight for my life. Practicing the self-defense moves didn’t help any. My jeans hung on me but I didn’t dare go buy new ones. I didn’t want to risk a shoot-out at Walmart if that’s when Rusk decided to strike.
A man from Lowe’s scared me to death when he showed up to install the new sliding glass door.
Sheba barked at a hungry squirrel outside the new door and I lost another ten years off my life.
So it was almost a relief when the police showed up at work. Sheriff Cutler and Deputy Daniels were the good guys. So far.
“Miss Killian, we have an update for you,” Sheriff Cutler said. “Do you think you could leave work a little early today and come down to our office? We’ll make it as quick as possible.”
“Sure. Let me tell Dr. Wentworth.” I stepped into the back and found her. “The police are here. They have a few questions for me. Is it—”
“Are you in trouble?” Dr. Wentworth whispered furiously. “Is there anything I can do? If you need a lawyer...”
“No, nothing like that. At least I don’t think so. I’ll call you if I need anything.”
She gave me a quick, hard hug. “I’ll call your parents. Unless you don’t want me to?”
“No, that’s fine. Tell them I’ll call with an update later tonight as soon as I can so they don’t worry.”
It made me a little uneasy to climb into the back of a police car with the cage and all, but Sheba hopped right in. Deputy Daniels drove while the sheriff made small talk about the weather and how cold it was and he sure couldn’t wait for retirement when he was going to go on a cruise with his wife.
“Everything’s been okay?” he finally asked, turning slightly in his seat so he could see me. “You haven’t had any more trouble?”
“Not yet.” I smiled weakly.
“You look pale and tired.” Daniels glanced at me in the mirror but didn’t make me uncomfortable. Not like Rusk. “Are you still worried he might come back?”
“I’m not sleeping well.” Truth, that was definitely the easiest route. “The FBI scared me with all their horrible pictures and accusations.”
“Yeah, well, maybe some of this will be put to rest today,” Cutler drawled. “At least one threat has been eliminated. We need you to ID the body.”
“Body?” I had a sudden horrible vision of walking in and seeing Charlie cold and dead on the table. A bullet hole in his head. His face pale and hard. It almost made me throw up.
“Should be pretty quick and painless,” Cutler continued. “He didn’t have any ID on him but from your description and the location of the body, we’re pretty sure it’s him.”
“Him, who?”
Daniels looked in the mirror again. Watching. Watching. A good guy? I thought so, but he hadn’t stood up for me against Rusk the first time. I couldn’t count on him for help.
“We think it’s Tasker.”
I t
ook a deep, shaking breath but hopefully my face didn’t sag with relief. “How’d he die?”
“Initial report says he died because his throat was slit, but he had several stab wounds. We’re guessing whoever killed him took a few wounds too.” Cutler still kept up that good old boy routine, but he was watching me as carefully as his deputy. “Did Mr. MacNiall have any knives, Miss Killian?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly.
“The night of the break-in, did MacNiall leave at any point in the night?”
I stalled a little, trying to keep my thoughts calm and organized. “I fell asleep, but there was a bunch of pounding. I think Deputy Daniels was there.”
“Yep.” He nodded. “I stayed to help clean up after the forensics team was done.”
“Charlie came to bed after that. I don’t remember him leaving, but I do remember waking up once.”
Sheriff Cutler turned a little more, watching my face. “Why?”
“He came back to bed.”
“So he’d been up? For how long?”
“I don’t know. I woke up and he was there, sliding next to me. I don’t know how long he’d been up.”
I didn’t tell them that he’d showered, that I’d smelled his shampoo.
“Did he leave the house?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. I assumed he’d gone to the bathroom.”
“Did he have any wounds?” Daniels asked, glancing at me in the mirror once more. “After that night?”
I wanted to lie. Charlie had ordered me to lie, but only about our talk and the stash. I had to give this truth. “Yes. He had a bandage on his stomach.”
“Did he go to the doctor?” Sheriff Cutler asked.
“No. Not to my knowledge.”
“Did it bleed? Did he seem to be in a great deal of pain?”
I swallowed hard, trying not to remember his pain. How it’d turned into dark arousal. How I’d fed his beast that night on the table. “No. I didn’t see any blood or stitches.” Truth. The blood had been later, when he’d cut himself and rubbed his blood all over me. “He moved fine.” Truth again, because he’d made violent love to me that night and then worked me through the self-defense moves until I was exhausted. The injury hadn’t slowed him down any at all.
One Cut Deeper Page 24