Now to find the kitchen. Hailey knew there was one; this hotel room was more of a studio, fully equipped with all the amenities, looking so quaint and cute she could just eat it up. She padded barefoot and naked past the bathroom, briefly sighing at the view from the windows.
Aha! The kitchen. A cupboard full of cutleries, heaters and a stove, one pan, one pot, and no food to cook. There was only a basket of fresh fruit which looked amazing just the way it was. Hailey wondered if there were any stores nearby. She wasn’t exactly a stellar cook but she felt just giddy enough to try her hand at something.
Her lover had sated her well last night. She wanted to reward him.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, making her want to laugh. She was still grinning from ear to ear when she ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower. A warm one. There was even a little steam when she came out to dry herself. Humming a little tune, she scrubbed her hair as dry as she could, then twisted it and knotted it on top of her head.
The bags were right next to the door. She reached for hers and dug out a clean set of underwear, then contemplated Jeremy’s bag. With a sappy smile, she dived into it and commandeered one of his shirts. It was huge on her. She had to roll the sleeves up so much they weighed the open neckline down until the shoulder seam was hanging almost at her elbow.
But it smelled faintly like laundry and Jeremy. From now on, she wasn’t sleeping in anything except his clothes. Or naked. She could totally do naked when he was around. It would cut down on a lot of prep time.
Thus decided, she returned to the bathroom to pick the towel she’d dropped off the floor. She hung it neatly on the towel rack and smoothed it out to dry faster. Then she got up on her toes and executed a tight pirouette, turning a circle and a half…
…to wind up facing the mirror.
Whatever color had been in her cheeks bled out in an instant as she beheld her reflection. Her hair, wet, looked gray. Her eyes were silver, not shining but sort of … glittering in the morning light. All the tension that had left her for a brief moment returned full force.
With the exception of that brief, distracted glimpse in the shuttle lavatory, Hailey hadn’t really looked at herself in months.
And for good reason. Hailey raised a quivering hand to her cheek. She was a freak. A ghost. No color to her except the pink of her lips. But that wasn’t the worst of it.
Hailey kept her distance from that mirror. But she didn’t need to get close to it to see every miniscule detail of her face, the faint markings that got darker the longer she looked. A leopard wearing a human skin. Hailey closed her eyes and breathed, willing the faded rosette tattoos away.
When she opened them, the marks were gone but she could still feel the beast just beneath her skin, thick fur rubbing against her, making her itch. Making her want to shake herself until that fur grew out and didn’t tickle her anymore.
Hailey dropped her gaze and turned away.
For a moment there she’d forgotten.
Better than a bucket of icy water.
Who was she trying to kid with this game of domestic tranquility? Breakfast in bed? Wearing Jeremy’s shirt? As if any of that would change the fact that she was dying. Hailey looked down at the white shirt she wore. She ought to take it off. It did her no good to pretend that life was anything but short and painful.
Rainbows and butterflies might do it for some people. Hailey didn’t have the luxury of pretense and self-delusion. Every moment she spent ignoring her circumstances was a moment she was never getting back. She could have been working on a cure for herself last night. Instead she’d given in to her inner cat and wasted precious hours on useless instant gratification.
Hailey grasped the hem of the shirt, ready to pull it off over her head. Her arms would not follow through.
It hadn’t been useless. And it hadn’t been a waste. Hailey pictured Jeremy sleeping in bed and wanted so much to slide back under those covers with him. Snuggle up as close as she could, squeeze her eyes shut and keep on pretending.
Maybe in another time, another place, they could have been truly happy together.
But not here. Not now.
She released the shirt and let her arms drop back to her sides. It was all she had now. One more fragile thread to grasp. One more miniscule link to the life she was fighting for so desperately. It would have to be enough.
It was a disillusioned, bitter Hailey who came back out of the bathroom. She hardly glanced at the man still sleeping soundly on the bed. She stepped with her bare toes now, silent as a ghost moving through the apartment. The com system was in a little nook between the kitchen and what probably passed for a living room. She sat down and spoke a name into the directory. Her voice shook enough that she had to say it twice to be understood.
Hailey counted thirty seconds before the connection was established and Amelia’s face appeared on the screen. The moment she saw Hailey, tears of pity filled her pretty blue eyes and her chin quivered. “Oh, honey,” she said. She might as well have been delivering a eulogy.
I’m not dead yet! Hailey wanted to scream.
For the sake of civility, she made herself smile instead.
*
Jeremy woke holding a pillow instead of Hailey. It wasn’t the “Good morning, lover” he had in mind and he scowled. Out of habit, he looked for her mind, relieved to find her in the next room. At least she hadn’t gone far. But why had she left? Frowning, he got up and pulled on a pair of pants.
Hailey was sitting on the windowsill, one foot braced on it, the other swinging carelessly out the open window. She was wearing one of his shirts and the sight of her in it did funny things to the inside of his chest. Her head leaned back against the wall, she gazed out over the scenery, eyes half lidded. She looked content, even dreamy, but he sensed unrest in her.
“Good morning,” he said.
She didn’t look at him. “This is your home.”
Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “No, actually, it’s a hotel room.”
Silence.
He came closer to see what she was looking at. Nothing special going on as far as he could see. The sky was clear today, which meant a cold day on Torrey. Summer was changing to autumn, and here that meant brilliant colors everywhere. Trees turned from green to gold and red, showering the ground with their dry, vivid leaves. In the evening the sun set in blazing red glory, and in the mornings it rose slowly, casting the entire world gray and white through the mist. The rain last night had prevented mist this morning but it was still pretty damn chilly. Hailey didn’t seem to notice.
From this window, they had a view of the lake at the foot of a mountain range in the distance. Snow already dusted the very tops of those peaks, a hint of things to come. They were at the edge of the village with only a cottage or two across the street, and then nothing but nature. The way Hailey was looking at it… Was she even seeing it?
“See anything interesting?”
Hailey raised her head and looked at him, seeming startled to realize he was there. “It’s … charming.” In her thoughts, she added, “Peaceful.”
A quizzical smile made his mouth twitch. “What’s wrong?” he asked, coming closer. He wanted his good morning kiss.
Hailey jumped as if he’d goosed her. She got off the windowsill and put more distance between them. He frowned. “Did I miss something?”
She fidgeted, looking everywhere except at him. It didn’t take a genius to see what the problem was. And damn if it didn’t sting.
Last night had been amazing. And not just the sex. Well, the sex had been mind-blowing in and of itself, but he’d never felt with anyone the way he’d felt with Hailey afterward. At peace. As if all the problems of the world had just disappeared and life was perfect the way it was. He’d slept better than he had in years and he knew it was because he’d sensed Hailey with him the entire time.
Ironic that he’d been sent to bring her back to the life she’d had and somehow she’d managed to bring him back instead—when h
e hadn’t even known he was in need of it. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d been missing, how big of a burden he’d carried every day until Hailey had banished it. Jeremy felt like he could take a full breath for the first time since the day Pixie had been born with a mental cry that had shaken his mind and before his mother had patiently explained to him that they were both different.
Being with Hailey was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He’d known he could never tell her that and the secret had, until a few seconds ago, made him feel like a lovestruck teenager, giddy with excitement and impatient to see her and touch her again.
Clearly she didn’t feel the same. He reined in his misplaced enthusiasm and pushed the insidious sting of hurt disappointment aside. “Did I do something wrong?”
She pulled on the sleeves, which were crumpled as if she’d chewed on them, and so long on her they dangled past her fingertips. “I called Amelia,” she said. “She’s expecting me this afternoon.”
“Us,” he corrected. “Right? She’s expecting us because I’m supposed to escort you to her. That’s still part of the job.” He didn’t have to look into her mind. The answer was written plain as day on her expressive face. “You were just going to leave?” Ice settled in his gut.
She said nothing.
“You were going to leave. After everyth—even after last night.” Everything in him screamed in denial. She couldn’t possibly be that heartless. Even if she didn’t share his epiphany over their night together, it must have meant something.
“I was going to give you a clean out.”
His jaw nearly dropped to the floor. “Excuse me?”
Hailey’s shoulders dropped with exasperation. “Don’t do that. It’s not like I was trying to bust your ego bubble or anything.”
“Oh, this just gets better and better.” Keep it together. She’s upset. And he had no idea why. He resisted the impulse to just pull the answer out of her head. No matter how pissed off he was, last night had been special. Invading her privacy like that now, when she so obviously needed to preserve it, seemed wrong. “So what were you trying to do?” He crossed his arms waiting for her to answer.
Hailey looked absolutely miserable. Would have been easier to burst his bubble, she thought loudly enough, strongly enough that he heard. Easier for him, she meant. She could have disappeared at any time during the night if she’d just wanted to be gone. She’d stayed to say good-bye.
Jeremy wanted to shake her. It made no sense. He knew for a fact that she hadn’t just been using him. He knew with absolute certainty that she’d enjoyed what they’d shared as much as he had. Still, she was so desperate to get away from him and he couldn’t understand why.
“You don’t need people like me in your life,” she finally mumbled. “You don’t need to see what’s about to happen.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he snapped, irrational anger making him careless. “I brought you here, remember? And, oh, yeah. I vaguely recall something about you not wanting to go along. What the hell changed between then and now?”
“I … just realized this is the only way to save myself, that’s all.”
“Uh-huh. Or you’re just pulling my dick and the moment I let you walk out that door you’ll disappear again.”
The corner of her mouth twitched. “Trust me, when I pull your dick, you’ll know.”
And that was enough to make it rise to the occasion. Shit.
“That’s besides—that’s not what I—damn it, Hailey!” He would not be charmed into letting this go.
She was there in an instant, pressed against him close enough that all he had to do was lean his head down a little and capture her lips. Her hands played at his waist, dancing and skimming, but never resting fully. “Last night was … it was great,” she said. “But I don’t want you to start expecting something from me. Like a future.”
Because she didn’t expect to have one?
“A bit self-engrossed, are we?” he said, hardly blinking at the cruelty of his words. Because he had been expecting something from her. If not a happy future then at least more than this. “Hate to burst your ego bubble but you’re not as irresistible as you think you are.”
“Really?”
Jeremy shrugged. “Like you said. Last night was great.” Spectacular. Amazing. Best sex I ever had, and damn you for writing it off so easily. “But I don’t recall ever asking for anything more.”
“I know that,” she said, but instead of relaxing, she stepped back and put more distance between them. “I also know people. And as far as people go, you’re not the love ’em and leave ’em type.”
“But you are?”
She hitched her shoulder up almost to her ear and smiled crookedly as if he’d just made an awkward joke. “I don’t have anything else to give.”
Jeremy didn’t even bother addressing that load of crap. “So what’s the plan, exactly? You leave, presumably releasing me from my contract and my promise, you go to Amelia, and then what?”
“Then … I start working on a cure.”
“And when you find it?”
“Go on with my life.”
“Just pick up where you left off, is that it?”
“Yes.”
“You really think you’ll be able to put all this behind you so easily? It’s not like the cat is going anywhere—ever. You’ll just be buying yourself more time.”
“Everyone has issues.”
“What if you don’t find the cure?”
That seemed to set her back. Hailey looked surprised that he’d even bring it up, as if curing herself was all she’d ever considered. He knew it wasn’t. Hailey knew full well what would happen if she failed. She liked to remind him often. But apparently she’d perfected the art of making others face uncomfortable truths for her. Instead of her.
She blinked. “Whatever happens or doesn’t happen, it’s not your concern.”
His foot made an involuntary step back. Not his concern?
For a moment his mind refused to move past that. Not my concern? Jeremy still had the memory of her changing shape in front of him, because of him; of him cleaning blood from her hands not once but twice, of feeling her fear, her stubborn refusal to give up, her passion and love of life. The memory of last night, what they’d done together, to each other was something he’d never in a million years allow himself to forget. And afterward … holding her while she slept…
After all that, she thought she didn’t matter? That he could—or worse, wanted to—look away and let her face this alone? Not my concern? He wanted to throttle her. To kiss her until she melted against him. To crawl inside her and make her care. To tie her to the damn bed so she could never run from him again.
“You’re right,” he said dazedly. “You’re absolutely right.” A handful of days, no matter how life changing they felt to him, were nothing in the grand scheme of things. He’d learned so much about her, shared her life through her memories, touched her dreams. He knew her fears and her fantasies; he knew what she hoped for, and what she only thought she wanted.
He was a telepath. Hailey wasn’t.
Whatever he’d felt, however intensely he’d felt it in the time they’d spent together, she hadn’t. Jeremy had spent so much time around people like him he’d forgotten the cardinal rule of reciprocity. In order to get, one first had to give.
Weariness replaced the hurt and anger. Jeremy was a telepath. He’d carried the weight of other people’s thoughts all his life. The one thing he never thought he’d have to carry was unrequited love. It was … dispiriting.
He hurriedly tamped down the feeling on instinct, knowing that if he didn’t it would destroy him. Brain shutting down, logic booting up. It was an assignment, nothing more. He’d done his job. It was time to walk away.
And yet…
“Tell you what. I want to get paid. If I don’t walk you through the door, that implies I haven’t done my job. So I’ll make you a deal. We go see Amelia together, I hand you
over, and then walk out of your life forever.” Lie.
“Just like that?”
“No complications, no strings. Job done.” Shut down the link. Redirect somewhere else. Telepathy wasn’t something one could just turn off. It wasn’t voluntary. Like eyesight, even with eyes closed some light always got through. Jeremy directed his senses outside the window. Whispers and ghostly images passed through him like mist. He acknowledged them in passing but did not dwell on any one of them.
Until he heard Hailey’s name.
It drowned in a wave of frantic misery. Someone so lost in this world they could not find themselves. A person who sought an anchor in hopes of finding reason again. He’d seen it many times when telepaths got overwhelmed by their abilities. It took complete isolation for them to regain equilibrium again.
But this was different. This was not someone who was everywhere at once. This one was barely in the place where they—he—stood. Someone lost in the world because he wasn’t, and somehow could never make himself part of it. Lost, because he had no sense of self. He defined himself by others. By what they did, thought, and said. He liked what others liked because he had no preferences of his own. He perceived the world like a play, a vibrant bustle of activity only to be viewed from the darkness of an audience seat.
At times it gave him a sense of belonging. But there was also an awareness that the feeling was completely one-sided. He noticed everything and everyone but no one ever noticed him. It was amazing, the contrast between Jeremy’s own mind and this one. The things the man saw … things others missed because they were so busy focusing on themselves and what others thought of them.
Hailey snapped her fingers in front of his nose, jarring him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she said irritably. “Are you off your meds or something?”
He caught her hand and kissed her knuckles. When she would have pulled away, he held fast. “What time is our appointment with the good doctor?”
She yanked on her hand and Jeremy had to release her. He knew he was letting go of more than just her hand. Hailey was free now. Completely. If she never turned to him again, he couldn’t make her. It was done. And the pain of that was as sharp as it was unexpected.
Blood Trails Page 17