Pixie just raised her eyebrows.
“No way,” he said. “On my best day I don’t have that kind of range.”
“Have you learned nothing from Hunt? When it comes to forces of Destiny, range becomes totally irrelevant.”
Jeremy pointed an accusing finger at her. “You’ve been reading too many romance novels again.”
“And you haven’t been reading enough. Of anything. Read the signs, man. The universe is talking to you. The least you could do is listen.”
Another song ended. Jeremy didn’t know what to play next. For some reason, it bothered him. “I don’t have time for this, Emma.” Usually the use of her given name ended a discussion instantly.
This time it failed. “Yeah, I can see that. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of all that woolgathering you’ve been doing.”
Jeremy glared.
Pixie glared right back.
“What will it take to get you to leave?”
“Oh, I wrote down a list of demands,” she told him. Then she actually pulled out a printed list and started reading off item after item. “Number one, you will stop that godawful music. Number two, you will shower and shave. You look like hell, brother. Number three, you will call Dr. Chase for an update on Hailey. Addendum to number three, if Hailey is there, you will talk to her. If she isn’t, you will get up off your ass and go see her.”
Enough. “Stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just stop.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong.” Pixie folded the note and stuck it in her back pocket. She came to sit in the love seat kitty-corner with what had now become Jeremy’s couch, and tapped on the computer. “I know that file inside and out now. Read it ten times through you and the funny thing is you still don’t remember what you read. I know that you haven’t slept for two nights because you keep me up with your tossing and turning. I know you haven’t shaved or showered in two days and I haven’t seen you do that since … well, ever. And before you ask, no, I don’t know what you are thinking. I don’t look. Whatever you people did together is none of my business, but I do know you spent more time in the past than you have in the present since you walked in that door.”
He was forced to admit the truth in that. All of it. He didn’t sleep, because he kept reaching for Hailey, expecting her to be there, and when she wasn’t he woke up instantly searching for her, thinking she was in trouble. It was pathetic. They’d spent one night together in the same bed. Just one night. A few measly hours. Hardly enough to be memorable under normal circumstances. And yet every night he didn’t have her to hold, he couldn’t sleep.
Pixie was right about the woolgathering too. Jeremy kept seeing Hailey’s face when she learned how little her sister thought of her. She’d been hurt. Just thinking about it made his chest ache. He still didn’t know how he got dragged into it, but he knew that Hailey now believed that everything they’d shared had been a scam. And there was nothing he could do about it, no way he could explain and allay her fears.
Because she wouldn’t let him.
He’d gone for a walk yesterday and had found himself within range of Hailey. Unable to help himself, he’d reached out to her. She’d been completely engrossed in whatever scientific task she’d been performing, one hundred percent focused. It had worked like a shield over her thoughts. She’d meant it when she’d said they were done.
Damn it, he missed her. And not just her nearness or her touch. Jeremy missed everything. Her temper, her catty comebacks, the way her eyes glowed with strong emotion, the way she slyly looked him over when his back was turned. He even missed fighting with her. And it had only been two days.
“Try telling me again how you don’t love her,” Pixie said in his mind.
He glared at her.
“Any questions?”
“Yeah, a couple,” Jeremy said, resigning himself to her wisdom. “How did you get to be so smart?”
Pixie smiled and even though he was still miserable, he wanted to smile back. “I had a great mentor,” she told him and Jeremy drew himself up a little with pride. Then she said, “John MacMurphy.”
Jeremy tossed a pillow at her. She dodged it, laughing, and threw one back at him.
“So what’s your other question?”
Jeremy sobered. “This one’s important.”
“I think she’s good for you. That’s what you were going to ask, isn’t it? What I thought of Hailey?”
“Uh … no, actually.” He loved his sister dearly, but he was not about to ask her permission to date or not date someone. If he wanted Hailey to be part of his life—and, damn her temperamental shifter hide, he did—she would be whether Pixie liked it or not. But her blessing, so easily given, was a relief. Now he just had to convince Hailey that they fit together.
“Oh, then what is it?”
“What I was going to ask is … what the hell is in that file?”
Pixie grinned. “You better get comfortable, ’cause it’s a doozy.”
*
Nothing like a long, cold bath to soothe the body and mind. Hailey was bruised. A lot. She hadn’t even realized what the rock face was doing to her feet until she’d come back down and realized she was trailing blood. And her scuffle with Hunt hadn’t helped.
In her own defense, prefacing a profound pearl of wisdom with, “You’re an idiot,” wasn’t the best way to get her to listen. Hailey now knew that there was no way she could defeat Hunt in a fair fight.
Good thing she didn’t fight fair.
He might have tossed her around a bit, bruised her up, but she’d scored some marks too. The guy would feel those for days to come.
Hailey gingerly stretched in the metal tub. She was in the dressing room for the exercise lab. The tub was specially made larger than ordinary tubs, so she could submerge completely. But while it was heaven on her body, her mind was still tense.
Hunt’s words still weighed on her, and even though she wanted to say, “What the hell does he know?” and move on, what he’d told her was starting to make sense.
“You were at death’s door two weeks ago. You were a leopard the first time you met Calen. Tell me, how many times have you shifted since then?”
The answer was none. Not once.
“Why do you think that is?”
She hadn’t had an answer for him on that one. Not even her usual “Fuck off, asshole.”
Then he’d said the thing that still bothered her, hours later: “You may not be able to control what happens to you when you shift but you can control whether you shift. It’s all in your mind, Hailey. All the power in the world, contained in thought. If you can’t handle that, then you have no business living. And it seems to me you had yourself a damn effective anchor to keep you grounded before you let him get away. A woman smart enough to find a way to do this to herself should also be smart enough to get him back. Amelia can’t save you if you won’t save yourself.”
Asshole.
Couldn’t even let her be mad for a few days. So what if she was blaming the wrong person? (She hardly even flinched at that, hardly at all.) Hailey would have figured all that out eventually. Once she’d calmed down she would have seen that her emotions had gotten the best of her and she would have been able to look at the situation differently. Even if by then Jeremy wanted nothing more to do with her—she did flinch then, and drew her knees up to her chest—she would at least have confronted it on her own terms.
Hunt was an asshole who apparently liked to poke and prod into other people’s problems.
But could he be right about the anchor thing? She’d felt the leopard stronger than ever since meeting Jeremy. But in her mind, not her body. She’d thought like the leopard, reacted like her, but hadn’t looked like her. Claws and fangs didn’t count. They couldn’t kill her. An elongated spine or a crushed skull, on the other hand…
Hailey growled her frustration and submerged herself completely, holding her breath underwater to test how long she could last. Theoretically, her lu
ng capacity should be greater. But her beast didn’t like water. It fought Hailey, trying to get her to surface again.
All in the mind, Hunt had said.
Hailey was willing to test that theory.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the sound of her heartbeat. She imagined herself in the dream world Jeremy had created for her—the valley with the stream. In her mind, when she spread out her arms, she felt the gravel of the stream’s bed and banks. Without opening her eyes, she knew the exact shade of the bright green grass and the flowers scattered everywhere. They had tall, thin stalks and drop-shaped petals that seemed barely attached, and so heavy Hailey thought they would blow away in a strong breeze.
The leopard raged up above in that dark cave, trapped and angry.
Shut up, Hailey told her from underwater. Air bubbles escaped her lips and were swept away by the water’s current.
But the beast heard her. She threw herself at the darkness, swiping out a giant paw. Even from so far, Hailey felt the scratch on her thigh.
Hailey snarled and scratched back. She heard the leopard whine and retreat to lick her wound. There was still grumbling and complaining, and Hailey could almost understand the sentiments. Not in words but images and sensations. Emotions.
The world around her settled into tranquility and she relaxed. The only thing missing was Jeremy…
Metallic drumming snatched her out of that world, back to reality. Hailey surfaced and gasped for breath, her heart racing.
“Figured you’d put an end to your own suffering?” Amelia asked.
Hailey glared. “I was,” she said between gasps, “testing my lung capacity.”
“I see. And how long did you last?”
Long enough to score a small victory. That, in and of itself, was worth celebrating. Only Amelia didn’t look very happy. “What’s wrong?”
Amelia adjusted her glasses. Never a good sign. “Get dressed,” she said. “We need to talk.”
What did I do now? Hailey wanted to whine, the way she always used to do when they were kids. But Amelia was already walking out the door. She’d never been one to waste time on pleasantries.
Hailey shrugged and got out of the tub. She toweled herself dry, knotted her wet hair atop her head, and dressed in a pair of loose pants and sweatshirt. She left her feet bare even though they still hurt, the cuts relatively fresh.
Amelia wasn’t in the central lab. Okay, what was this, hide and seek? “Ams?” she called.
“In here,” came Amelia’s voice from another room. Hailey followed it to a place she hadn’t been in before. It was like a hothouse oasis. There were plants everywhere and it was so humid Hailey didn’t want to go past the threshold. She couldn’t even see Amelia in all this greenery.
“Where are you?”
“Over here. By the window.”
Hailey made her way on the tiny path between bushes and giant ferns to a window that took up the entire wall and overlooked the valley. “Nice view,” she praised.
“Sit, please,” Amelia said.
“So what’s up?” Hailey dropped into the bowl-like seat lined with a giant fluffy pillow. It felt like the inside of a fist. She squirmed and twisted to find a better position and eventually gave up and slid down to sit cross-legged on the floor.
“I got the test results,” Amelia said. “The compound is completely decomposed. All that’s left is the separated components. They should filter out of you harmlessly over time. But as of noon today, you no longer have any special regenerative capabilities.”
Hailey had figured it wouldn’t last long. “Okay, so what now? We do it again? Now that it’s gone and the DNA is already integrated there shouldn’t be any more cross reactions, right?”
“It’s not that simple, Hailey. The serums you put together were unstable to begin with. I don’t even know how the two DNA strands managed to incorporate without killing you. But the one thing the regenerative agent seems to have done is make your body develop an immunity to the original virus. If we injected you with it again, your immune system would just fight it off as an infection.”
“So we use a different virus. No biggie.”
Why did Amelia look like she was about to cry? “It’s a biggie, Hailey. There is no other virus. The one we used took decades of careful engineering to develop. We … we’ve run out of options.”
Hailey just stared. “If this is some kind of joke, I’m going to kill you.”
Amelia shook her head. “No joke. No tricks. You have no idea how much I wish there was another option. But there isn’t.”
Hailey frowned, fingers curling into the fabric of her pants. “Bullshit.”
Amelia ignored her. “Even the smallest change can do major damage now. Claws could potentially tear up your nail beds beyond repair. Fangs could fracture your maxilla and mandible. If your eyes change, you could go blind.”
“Bullshit!” Hailey shoved to her feet. She was shaking, scared. Couldn’t catch her breath. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be right. Nonononononono. There had to be way.
“Hailey—”
“There has to be another solution. You used people as guinea pigs for years. Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t come up with anything new in all that time.”
“I did,” Amelia said, her tone sour. “And then you went and bastardized my work.”
Anger and helplessness were an explosive combination. Hailey wanted to tear her hair out, to break things. By some miracle she kept herself barely under control, knowing that Amelia might lie about her options, or might be in denial, but she was right about the consequences. If Hailey lost it, she was dead. Period.
So she paced, working out her jaw when her teeth wanted to clench until they cracked, and racked her brain for ideas. “That just means you’ve got one more guinea pig to test your theories on.”
Amelia looked aghast. “I’m not testing potentially deadly viruses on my own sister.”
“You don’t have a choice, Ams,” Hailey snapped, temper flaring. They should be in the lab, researching, not wasting precious minutes arguing. She hadn’t come this far to give up now. “Either you do, or I do. And we both know my science experiments tend to go boom.”
“You can’t even comprehend what you’re asking of me.”
“I’m asking you to save me!” Hailey shouted at the top of her lungs. The wilderness around her stole her voice and swallowed it without ever giving back an echo. It was eerie. “Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Huh? To save your little screwup sister? How long have you been after me to come home? Well here I am, sis. And I’m not leaving until I get this fixed.”
“Hunt could train you. You could learn to live without—”
“To hell with Hunt! This isn’t something that will go away with a few hours of humming and yoga. Don’t you get it? Every goddamn minute of the day I have to remind myself I am a human being. Now you’re telling me that if I slip up, even the slightest bit, I could end up a cripple or worse. How can you even ask me to live like that?”
“I can’t do what you’re asking of me,” Amelia said tightly. “I refuse.”
Soothing cold settled over Hailey’s bones. Impasse. Fear ebbed; anger drained out of her. Hailey sensed helplessness in Amelia so strong it choked her. She accepted her sister’s resignation, but she couldn’t let it rule her. Hailey let it die along with any lingering sentiment, leaving herself empty. Steady. Curiously detached.
She held Amelia’s gaze, a stupid staring contest neither of them could win. Hailey wasn’t about to budge. And she couldn’t sway Amelia. Stalemate. Game over. “Then you’re not my sister anymore.”
“I haven’t been for a long time,” Amelia said, mirroring Hailey’s deadened tone. “You wouldn’t let me.”
Something above beeped low. An automated voice announced, “Incoming call from Jeremy Calen.”
Neither of them moved.
The computer beeped again.
Then one more time.
“Take a m
essage,” Hailey snapped.
A different kind of beep. “Recording.”
And then Jeremy’s voice came through. “Hailey! Where are you? Pick up. Come on, you have to hear me out.” A sigh. “Okay, I have to see you. I found something in the animal attack files. You need to see it for yourself. Meet me tomorrow, two pm at the Patio in Amberley. Can’t miss it, there’s only one.” A pause. “I … miss you.” Click.
“Documenting appointment for Hailey,” the computer said. “Tomorrow. Two pm. Amberley Patio. Scheduling call to confirm. Tomorrow eight am.”
Damn, she should have stopped the computer before it did that.
“Sounds like you have a date,” Amelia said.
“Yeah,” Hailey replied. “A shame I might not make it.”
She left Amelia there to brood, or mourn, or whatever it was she felt she had to do. Hailey had work to do. This lab was equipped with everything she could possibly want or need. Machines, chemicals, a plethora of bacteria and viruses, diseases from all over the universe, and from Earth throughout history. There was no way Hailey wouldn’t find one that worked on her.
She would find a solution if it was the last thing she did.
Hailey just hoped that thought wouldn’t end up being prophetic.
Chapter Nineteen
August 14th, 3032
The recorder engaged. It wasn’t the worst piece of equipment in the universe, but Hailey had seen five-year-olds with better ones. Which was why she was glad that there was nothing to interfere with the acoustics – she was the only one in the lab. Amelia hadn’t come out of that green sauna since Hailey had left her there. She didn’t let herself think about that. If she did, well…bad things happened.
For once, the cat in her went along with the program. It had to sense Hailey’s drive and fear. It kept silent, hidden, and didn’t even try to touch Hailey. Small blessings counted for a whole hell of a lot now. Hailey thanked God for each one.
“Here we go,” she said. The microphone was a tiny thing attached to her ear. “This is Hailey Chase. Location…somewhere on Torrey. I don’t actually think this place has a more direct address. Date is August 14, 3032, but just barely. Time of recording is three fifteen in the morning.” She was typing as she spoke, getting the details in writing as well as on video. This might very well be her final legacy. She wanted it properly documented. A cautionary Do as I say not as I did. But if you do as I did, here’s how you can fix it. Or try, anyway.
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