Unwelcome memories came flashing back as the burn in my chest screamed for escape. My heart began to pound as a ringing began in my ears.
Hank blanched at my reaction, removing his heavy paw from my arm. “Hey, Sarah, I didn’t mean any harm. You all right?”
“Just get the hell away from me,” I gasped, shoving away from the bar and moving unsteadily toward the entrance. I desperately needed fresh air. Suddenly the bar was too crowded, too loud, too restricting.
I sucked in a ragged breath when I reached the parking lot, leaning against the nearest outside wall, trying to collect myself.
“Sarah? What the hell?” Theo’s concerned voice broke through the ringing in my ears as he approached from the parking lot. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut, unable to answer. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I hadn’t had a panic attack in ages, but I couldn’t seem to stop the onslaught. My breath sawed in and out of my lungs as I hunched over my knees, desperate for air.
Suddenly I was airborne. Theo carried me purposefully to the edge of the parking lot where it was quieter, and placed my feet back on the ground, pulling me close to his body with my back pressed against his chest.
“I need you to breathe with me, sweetheart,” he coaxed as I felt his chest expand. “I’ve got you. Breathe, baby.”
I was humiliated by my ragged breathing that sounded almost like I was barking, but I nodded, desperate to regain control.
“Take a long slow breath in through your nose, visualize filling your lower lungs,” he instructed. The command and confidence in his voice had me immediately trying to comply. “Hold your breath and count to three,” he continued. “Exhale slowly through your lips, try to relax the muscles in your face.”
I did as he asked.
“Good,” he said approvingly. “Again.”
I followed the steps, this time with a bit more ease. Finally, after my tenth round through, my heart rate had slowed and my breathing was back under control.
I was thoroughly exhausted, and wilted against his strong body without shame. I was too wrung out to care.
He simply held me as I recovered, and I realized how secure and safe I felt with his arms around me.
“Let me take you home,” he murmured, his lips a breath from my ear.
I nodded. I couldn’t imagine having to go back inside the bar to find Jess. “I need to let my friend know, she drove me,” I explained tiredly.
“Can you text her?” he asked.
I nodded, pulling out my phone and sending a text to Jess. I felt badly for leaving, but knew she’d quickly find someone to hang out with. Jess was a social butterfly.
“Okay.” I sighed when she’d responded.
He helped me into his truck, leaning over me, latching my seat belt. I felt like a child, but it felt good to be cared for like this. A moment later he was seated in the driver seat, firing up the engine.
I didn’t ask what he’d been doing at Mickey’s; I was just grateful he’d been there as I rested my head against the window.
“Sarah, sweetheart.” His gentle tone washed over me like a caress a short while later. “We’re here.”
I opened my eyes in bleary surprise; I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe I should take you back to the cabin with me,” he noted, the concern evident in his voice.
I shook my head. “I’m okay. It happens sometimes. Hasn’t for a while, but I just need to sleep. I’ll run in the morning and be good as new.” I offered what I knew was an unconvincing smile.
He looked like he wanted to argue, but nodded instead. “All right, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” I confirmed. “But thank you for your help. I’m….” I hesitated a moment before continuing. “I’m glad you were there,” I whispered.
“Christ, me too,” he breathed.
“Night, Theo.”
“Night, Sarah.”
I felt his gaze on me as I slid out of the truck, closed the door behind me, and made my way up the porch steps. I realized with shock that the sensation of having him watch me wasn’t new—when we’d worked together he’d done it more than I’d allowed myself to acknowledge. I’d been so wrapped up in dismissing our attraction, I’d ignored the times he’d been concerned for me—or just plain had his eyes on me for reasons all his own.
In the quiet night, with the crickets singing, I couldn’t deny that I’d watched him too. That his absence had impacted me more than I’d allowed myself to admit.
I just wasn’t sure what the hell that meant.
****
It didn’t escape me that it was more than a little clichéd to wake up with the rooster, but he was the most trustworthy alarm clock I’d ever had. I slid my running shoes on early the next morning, the sky outside still shrouded in darkness.
The whole house would be up before long, but for the next few minutes I had it to myself as I made my way downstairs for some water before I headed out. Aside from the dogs’ nails clicking on the hardwood as they greeted me, I relished the quiet. The big house had so many stories to tell—so many memories that seemed to come to life in the cover of early dawn.
I opened the back door, stepping into the morning air. It was the coolest it would be all day, and I soaked it in. The dogs shot off the patio with rare exuberance, giving me the warning I needed to prevent a heart attack as I looked up.
Theo.
I took a step back, clutching my heart in surprise.
Leaning casually on his truck, clad in black running shorts and a white tee that stretched across his muscular chest, he was the picture of ease.
“What are you doing here?” I sputtered.
“You said you were running.” He shrugged as though that was a perfectly logical explanation.
“Uh, yeah. Alone,” I replied, feeling dazed. “How long have you been out here?” I demanded.
“Not long,” he replied easily, shoving off from his truck. He dipped to greet Blackie and Rhett as they jumped around him excitedly.
Clearly, not stellar watchdogs.
He looked up at me, still crouched near the ground scratching Blackie’s ears. “You’re not wearing anything reflective.” He sounded unhappy about this.
I looked down at my running tights and tank. “The sun is already coming up.” I pointed to the hint of dawn just starting to crest the horizon. “There’s no one out here anyway.”
He stood to his full height and I desperately fought the urge to rake my hungry gaze over him. “Do the dogs run with you? What about wild animals? Bears?”
I fought a grin at his bewildered concern. “I run along the main road, the bears stick to higher ground. When I first came home, the dogs ran along for a few miles but quickly determined they’d rather be patrolling their territory along the ranch. They’re my dad’s dogs after all.”
He nodded. “Well, let’s get going.” He gestured down the road as though it was perfectly normal that he was joining me.
“This is so weird,” I muttered, shaking my head. “But okay. If you’re so determined to join me, I hope you can keep up.” I tilted a brow in challenge.
He chuckled. “I think I can manage.”
I set off from the house and he fell in stride with me easily. We ran for a while in silence along the dirt road as roosters crowed around us and the sun hit the horizon.
“So, how far are we going?” he asked after a time, his breath barely labored despite the rigorous pace I’d set.
“I don’t typically keep track. As far as I need to get my head on straight.” I shrugged. With Theo running beside me, something told me getting my head straight would require a few more miles this morning.
“I get that,” he replied, and I knew instinctually that he really did.
A comfortable silence fell between us as our feet kicked up dust. I rarely ran with anyone and was surprised at how natural it felt with him.
“What were you doing
at Mickey’s last night?” I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.
“Despite you being so determined to ignore me yesterday, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going to check on you. Char had mentioned to me you’d be there.”
Of course she had.
“So you decided to become a stalker?” I teased.
He let out a bark of a laugh. “I guess. How am I doing?”
“Pretty stalkerish,” I admitted with a grin.
“So, great then,” he deadpanned.
I laughed, shaking my head at him. “I’m ready to turn around,” I announced.
He nodded in agreement as we turned midstride and headed back toward the ranch.
“Why were you ignoring me, by the way?” His tone was light, but I sensed an undertone of worry there.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized. “I just feel kind of overwhelmed with you being here. I’m glad to see you,” I added hurriedly. “I still don’t get what your being here means, and I don’t know if I’m ready to share everything with you yet. I just needed a minute,” I explained.
“I get that,” he agreed. “In the future, just tell me that, all right? So I don’t worry?”
His request had guilt lancing through me. “I will,” I agreed readily.
“What do you have going today?” he asked as a flock of crows flew noisily overhead.
“Mostly just putting some miles on the truck. There’s a mare a rancher called my dad about. She’s not producing any foals so he doesn’t want her. My dad offered to take her. It’s how most of our animals have come to us. Someone else didn’t want them,” I explained.
“I think that’s great,” he rumbled. I glanced over, trying not to swallow my tongue as he lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe his brow. That glimpse of his washboard abs was nearly enough to make me lose my footing.
“It is great,” I managed. “I love all of our animals. They all have their quirks. It makes them special. Plus, I grew up knowing you didn’t have to be perfect, you know?”
“Who says you’re not?” he countered with such conviction I could only glance his way in surprise before returning my gaze to the road ahead. “You have to load up the horse alone?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “My dad has an appointment with his doctor. But I’ve done it before. She’s friendly, the rancher said. I don’t think she’ll give me much trouble.”
“You taking your dad’s truck?” I could swear he sounded hopeful.
I shook my head, looking at my watch. My legs were starting to feel the miles we’d just put in. “My dad needs his for his appointment. Old Betty will have to do.”
“I’ll take you,” he announced.
“What?” I sputtered. “Theo, it’ll take half the day.”
“It’s fine. I don’t have anything planned,” he assured me as he took my upper arm and guided me around a pothole.
Betty did have a penchant for breakdowns, and if I was being honest, spending more time with him made my heart pound with anticipation. “All right, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” he replied firmly. “I rented a pickup, after all. It’ll be good to put it to use.”
Things were far from clear between us, but I couldn’t deny that I was excited to spend the day with him.
Answers could come later. For now, I was determined to find joy in the moment.
To find joy in him.
Chapter 5
“Christ, I can’t believe I even fit behind the steering wheel.” Theo groaned, still complaining about the huge breakfast my mom had cooked us earlier that morning.
Theo had looked at the stack of pancakes piled on his plate with a mixture of surprise and a wee bit of apprehension.
“You don’t have to eat it all,” I’d stage-whispered as she flitted around the kitchen.
My mother made a huffing noise. “You can’t tell me a big strong man like Theo can’t eat all that,” she’d argued.
He’d given me a wide-eyed look while I’d just shrugged. “You’re the big strong man.” I’d grinned around the rim of my coffee cup.
That got me a glare as he’d dug into his breakfast.
Now, food coma finally dissipating, we were headed back to the ranch after picking up the mare. Though not experienced with horses, Theo had guided her with a firm hand up into the trailer—she’d followed without complaint, as though understanding she was going to a good home.
The open pastureland enveloped by mountains surrounded us on all sides as classic country music piped through the radio.
“How is everyone back ho—in LA?” I quickly corrected myself, surprised I’d been about to call LA home.
To his credit, if he noticed he didn’t show it. “Great. Sam and Sid have their hands full with Hudson.” He explained referring to one of my closest friends, Sam, and Sid, a former marine who worked at Talon with Theo. With her blond hair always tinged a different color, knowing green eyes, and sharp wit, Sam was a force to reckoned with in the best possible way. She was also an accomplished songwriter and mom to three-year-old Hudson, with another on the way.
Of everyone back in LA, Sam and I had stayed the closest in touch. She just hadn’t accepted anything less, and I appreciated her tenacity. She didn’t know why I’d left but it’d been nice to keep in touch. I missed her.
“And Travis? Sam said his fiancée is great. Emerly, right?”
He nodded. “She’s a pistol. You’d like her.” He offered a pointed grin in my direction.
“And I take it by that you mean that I’m a pistol too?” I challenged.
He merely chuckled.
“I seem to only be that way with you,” I mused. “You just bring it out in me.”
He shot his gaze toward me, offering a charming grin. “I’m all right with that.”
The intimacy insinuated in his response had me blushing.
“What happened last night?” he asked quietly.
I grimaced. “That was so embarrassing.”
“It wasn’t.” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed, not with me. So?” he prompted when I hesitated.
He wasn’t going to let this go. “I was having a good time with Jess, a friend from high school. The music was good,” I remembered. “Then Hank showed up.”
His grip tightened on the steering wheel. “Who’s Hank?”
“Just some dumb idiot from high school. He’s harmless really. But he wanted to dance with me. He was a little forceful about it, and I don’t know—it just, well, it brought up things from my past that still haunt me, and it set me off,” I explained, my hands clenched in my lap.
“What do you mean, forceful?” he demanded ferociously.
His tone of voice immediately had me downplaying the whole encounter. “He just grabbed me, it wasn’t a big deal. I had it handled. It was more what it brought up,” I explained.
“And that is?” he pressed.
I bit my lip, panicked at the thought of talking with him about this, especially in the mood he was now in.
“Goddammit, Sarah!” His outburst had me jumping in surprise. “You were perfectly fine in Los Angeles—you kicked ass at your job. The girls adored you. Hell, I— Well, I don’t think you care what I thought. Then you just up and left! Barely a goodbye. You gave notice as though you were some standard employee. Like it meant nothing. Walked away and never looked back. And now, I fly across the country to find you and you’re keeping me at arm’s length at best. What the fuck gives?”
“Stop the truck,” I gritted out, angry tears burning my eyes.
“What?” he demanded in surprise.
“Stop the truck!” I shouted.
He pulled to the side of the road, and I hopped out before the wheels stopped moving.
“Shit, Sarah, I’m sorry,” his tone was contrite as he hopped out, striding over to catch up with my pacing. “I said I wouldn’t push. I’ll back off, okay?” He ran a hand over his hair, visibly trying to calm himself.
Tears burned my eyes as
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “I was never fine, okay?” I cried, wiping at the errant tears that had escaped. “I was happy working for Talon. You guys were all great to me. The first real friends I’d had since leaving home, but I wasn’t fine.”
He stepped into my space, reaching out to gently halt my progress by clutching my upper arms. “Why?” he implored.
The tenderness in his expression had me forcing myself to continue. “I didn’t go far for college,” I began after a deep breath in. “University of Wyoming had a marketing and communications program. I wanted to be an events planner or do marketing of some kind.”
His brow pinched. “Wanted to be? It seems like something you still really love. You did a lot of that type of work for Talon.”
I sighed. “I know. Everything just got kind of confusing after I graduated, and ultimately I just needed to get away. My last year in college I caught the eye of Evan Weston.” Even saying his name made my stomach roll. “I didn’t know who he was at the time, but he was charming and I agreed to go out with him. We went out a few times, but there wasn’t really a spark.” I swallowed as we stood by the deserted highway, Theo’s gaze riveted on me. “I knew I was going to break it off the night we went to his fraternity party, but I didn’t want to stand him up and it was more of a group thing.” I looked up at him, wrapping my arms around my middle. “You get how much I don’t want to talk about this, don’t you?” I rasped.
He nodded, his expression willing me to continue.
“One of them must have drugged me—or at least they tried to. I didn’t drink that much, thank God,” I muttered to myself. “But it was enough to make me out of it. Evan and three of his fraternity brothers got me up to his room—started taking my clothes off.” My pulse hammered as I relived that horrific night. “I was trying to fight them but I was so weak. I was saying no and I screamed a couple of times but the music was so loud no one heard me, or they pretended not to.”
Theo watched me, his gaze darkening, and I knew he was fighting to control himself.
“They started touching me.” I winced as tears slid unchecked down my cheeks. “I knew what they had planned and I was trying so hard to prevent it. I hadn’t ever even been with anyone. One of them started to get weirded out that I was fighting so hard. I guess they were used to their victims being totally unconscious.” I snorted. “He started to try to talk them out of it. But Evan was determined—he was the most forceful one of all of them. I started begging the guy who was having doubts to help me, but instead he just left.” I tried not to sob as I continued. “I was so terrified. Thankfully when he took off he left the door open, and a guy poked his head in, curious what all the commotion was. I took that as an opportunity to get out of the room. My legs kept collapsing under me, but I managed. I half-ran, half-crawled through the house totally naked.” I shuddered at the memory. “No one even tried to help me,” I rasped. “I made it outside, and finally a campus policeman spotted me and pulled over to help.”
Collide (Talon Security Series Book 3) Page 4