She waited in anticipation, but when he didn’t kiss her again, she opened her eyes and furrowed her brow. “Is that all?”
Sterling chuckled. “Apparently not.” This time, he tugged her forward by their interlaced fingers, wrapped his other arm around her waist, and seared his lips across hers.
This wasn’t a gentle kiss. It was a possessive needful kiss, one that made Harper’s body temperature rise high enough to melt the freezing sensation of fear and awaken the long dormant desire she’d denied for so long. He took her lower lip in his mouth, caressing it with his tongue as his hand slid up her back, tangling in her hair gently, scattering her thoughts.
His lips were smooth and urgent as his tongue caressed hers, engaging in the dance of give and take, nip and slide, advance and retreat. Her other hand slid up his arm, discovering the geography of his biceps and how they sloped into his shoulder. He felt hard, like a warm stone under her palm, and she reached up to touch his dusty blond hair, tousled by the wind. Its soft texture was thick through her fingers as she tugged on it with a little more force than was necessary, but she was losing herself in the kiss, in the sensations of his body pressed against hers.
Sterling simply groaned against her mouth before sliding a hand up her back, under her shirt.
“Ah-hem.”
Harper broke from the kiss and blinked in the bright sunlight. An old Indian fisherman walked past, his gaze flickering between the two of them, a grin on his wrinkled face. “Maybe not in public.” He winked and strode on.
Harper’s face heated till she was sure she resembled a tomato in color.
Sterling nodded to the old man then turned to Harper, bursting into laughter.
She covered her mouth as she started to giggle, then that amusement simply grew till she was doubled over. “So, that just happened.”
“We may have gotten a little carried away,” he replied as he tried to regain his composure.
“A little.” Harper lifted her fingers, making a small space between them.
Sterling grinned, holding out his hand to her, waiting.
With only a slight twinge of trepidation, Harper laced her fingers through his again.
“So, I kinda jumped the gun, but you asked a question in the car about your brother. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, tugging her close.
“Yes and no. Am I going to be angry at Jasper?”
Sterling chuckled. “No. He was just doing his job.”
“So, that means yes.”
“It means he loves you. And he had some valid concerns...about me.”
Harper nodded.
He tugged on her hand and led them along the rocky beach.
“So? What did he say?”
Sterling gave her the rundown, mostly information she would have expected from her overbearing, overprotective bear of a big brother. But rather than be upset, she was again reminded of how much Jasper loved her.
And how much he knew.
Even when he didn’t ask her about it all the time, he knew.
The fear.
The insecurity.
The demons of her past that haunted her.
And he was just making sure that she moved forward, rather than backward.
She couldn’t be upset at him for doing that.
But it was a little out of character. She wondered what exactly had initiated it?
“Why do you think he even brought it up?” Harper asked as she kicked a few rocks into the shallow river.
Sterling shrugged; she could feel the movement through their connected hands. “I was with you, and honestly, I had no reason to be unless it was because I had a good reason. As a guy, he saw right through that.”
Harper glanced at him, giving a knowing grin. “So, you’re saying you’ve had the hots for me for a while.”
“Let’s just say that it’s been a constant struggle from the beginning,” Sterling replied unabashedly. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“Nope. That’s exactly how I’d prefer it.” She swung their hands, then a thought filtered through her mind. “But what about Kessed? I mean, at first it was a real thing for you, the struggle.” Doubt crept through her mind. If Sterling had been attracted to her from the beginning, how did that add up with Kessed? It didn’t.
“Hold on.” Sterling stopped walking and turned to face Harper. “I can see where you’re going, and I need you to backtrack.”
Harper nodded but kept her reservations as she waited for him to explain.
“It was authentic, the feelings I had for Kessed and the issue I had with the rejection. But it was also real, how I was fighting the attraction I had for you. One doesn’t negate the other. And I hate how it sounds like I’m a damn player, but it’s like this. While I was letting go of what happened with her, I was trying to fight my interest in you. Totally lost that battle, by the way.” He bumped her shoulder playfully.
“Why fight it?” Harper asked, her reservations slowly slipping away.
“Because I’m messed up. I’m not whole yet. I don’t know if I’m just being a selfish bastard, or if I’m just more stubborn than a mule, but I’m going to try and be what you need. And hope that I’m enough. That whatever it is that I am...” He released her hand and shrugged, his expression full of vulnerability. “...that it’s enough.”
Harper took a step toward him and cupped his cheek in her hand. “We’re all a little broken...some more than others.” She glanced down at her boots. “But sometimes that’s okay. I need to believe that it’s okay.” She took a deep breath.
“Broken, but not beyond repair.” Sterling wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in, hugging her in his strong embrace.
Closing her eyes, she melted into the secure feeling of being held. It had been so long, she’d almost forgotten what it felt like to have that safe, wanted, and cherished sensation saturate deep into the soul. It melted away the last of her reservations.
She knew that the battle wasn’t over.
It wasn’t won.
But maybe, just maybe, she’d won round one.
And that was enough for today.
CHAPTER 15
Harper had tossed the keys to Sterling as they left Big Pines Campground. He caught them in the air.
“You want to drive back?”
Harper didn’t need to ask him twice. He was more than sick of his inability to drive and was thrilled to get behind the wheel again for the second time that day. Her old truck roared to life, and soon they were winding their way back home through the canyon.
It had been a surprising day, one that had filled him with more hope for the future than he had ever expected.
It was still a long road ahead, but it was thrilling to know that he wasn’t traveling it alone. Harper’s hand stayed laced in his all the way back to the ranch, and he marveled at each shift in her grin, or the way her green eyes would widen or narrow as she spoke. She had no poker face, and he found that endearing.
As they pulled up to the ranch, she squeezed his hand and released it as soon as he cut the engine.
The loss of contact was more noticeable than he would have expected and caught him off guard. It was alarming how much he had already fallen for this wild girl, and a slight wariness reminded him to be careful.
Because while he didn’t want to break her heart.
He didn’t want to get his broken either.
And it could happen, so easily.
And as much as he needed to believe he was growing stronger each day, he didn’t think he could bounce back from that kind of injury again.
“Do you want to come in?” He pulled himself from his reflective thoughts and regarded Harper as he closed the cab door.
“I should probably head home. Jasper texted me earlier, so he knows where I am—”
“And who you’re
with?” Sterling asked, arching a brow.
“Yup. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another ‘talk’ when I get there. But I don’t mind.”
“You’re pretty patient with your brother.”
“When someone’s heart is in the right place, it’s easy to overlook things.” She shrugged.
Sterling didn’t reply but was pretty certain that Harper was also more understanding than the average person. He hoped that understanding extended to him; he’d probably need it.
“Well then, I guess the question is, when can I see you again?” he asked, tucking his hands in his pockets.
“Tomorrow is Sunday. What do you have planned?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Which makes me sound all sorts of lame, so let me change my answer,” Sterling replied, earning a loud burst of laughter from Harper.
“You want to try that again?” she teased.
“Yes. I’m busy, but I think I can work in an afternoon date. Will that be okay for you?”
“Much smoother.” She winked.
“I try.”
“Hmm. Well, I guess I’ll make that work, since you’re so busy and all.”
“Thanks for understanding my need for flexibility,” he said with mock severity.
“Ass. So, when? One? Two?”
“One, I want you as long as I can get you.”
“Wow, demanding much?”
“Yes. It’s only fair that you know what you’re getting into.” He used her words from earlier at the canyon, watching as her expression softened.
“Good to know.”
“But still worth it?” he asked, taking one step toward her then another till he could wrap his hand around her flannel-clad waist, her warm skin seeping into his palm.
“We’ll see.” She winked then lifted on her tiptoes and initiated a kiss.
Which was a miracle if he’d ever seen one.
Harper, not running away from him.
But to him, even if it was only a few inches.
He playfully nibbled her lower lip, keeping an imaginary boundary in place, knowing full well he needed no encouragement to go from zero to sixty. Even keeping the kiss light wasn’t enough deterrent for his body. Wound tight with desire, he wanted to pull her close against him. He needed to feel the soft curves of her body against his—but he stopped the thought, forcing himself to gentle the kiss before slowly stepping back when what he wanted was to take her inside...map her body with his fingertips...make her forget her own name....
“So, tomorrow?” Harper asked, her expression hopeful and still slightly insecure.
“Can’t get here soon enough.” Sterling appreciated that her words brought him away from his thoughts.
Her face dimpled into a grin, releasing his hand as she backed away slowly.
Sterling gave a wave and turned toward the house, his leg starting to protest the movement. He frowned as the pain made itself known, especially as he took the stairs to the door. But he didn’t want to limp if Harper watched him walk into the house, so he fought against the discomfort.
Because it was always easier to believe in safety with someone who was strong.
And if there was one thing Harper needed, it was to feel safe.
He could deal with that pain if that’s what it took.
The pain medication was wearing off, but he didn’t want to take another dose. That night before bed, he kept the medicine cabinet shut and limped to bed.
It’ll be fine. He’d convinced himself.
That night at two a.m., Sterling’s leg throbbed along with his head as his earlier determination started to burn to ashes. Knowing he needed to wean himself from the painkillers was different than actually doing it.
So close.
The medicine cabinet was only a few feet away in the bathroom; it would be so easy.
But he only had five pills left.
And no refills.
Not that he wanted one. No, he wouldn’t be a statistic. He wouldn’t fail. He would not get hooked into that addiction.
Never had he realized just how easy it would be to give in and how hard it was to resist.
The pain in his leg was a dull ache that simply wouldn’t subside, but what was worse was the feeling that he wasn’t in control. That emotional high from earlier was now the sensation of circling the drain, being pulled downward, and he wasn’t sure how to stop it.
He refused to think about what he was doing as he rose from the bed. Gritting his teeth, he limped slightly to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. He removed two pills and swallowed them greedily, eagerly anticipating when the world would right itself, and he’d no longer hurt.
Inside or out.
Twenty minutes later, he was lying in bed, his leg still throbbing as if he’d only taken a half dose of medication. Groaning, he pushed himself off the bed and made his way back to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, he studied the orange bottle, reading the dosage.
Two to three capsules by mouth.
He’d only taken two, so he twisted the top off and took another, then walked back to his bed, sinking down into the mattress and waiting, focusing on anything but the suffocating sensation of what if, ignoring the pain.
He woke up five hours later, his body protesting from the fact that he hadn’t moved since shortly after two. Yawning, he rolled over and blinked at his phone.
Damn, that extra little pill had done its job.
It was alarming how he’d needed one extra dose last night, but he refused to dwell on it.
He’d been on his feet most of the day yesterday.
Today, he’d probably be wiser to take it easy.
A nagging thought flashed across his mind as he walked to the bathroom. Should I talk to Laken?
As much as he hated to admit it, last night bothered him.
Indecision warred in Sterling’s mind as he studied himself in the mirror. As he took out his toothbrush and brushed his teeth, he decided to dismiss the idea.
It had just been too much yesterday.
For his leg—and for his heart.
One messed-up evening didn’t mean he was building a tolerance...or that he was addicted.
It just meant he needed to back the hell off on his leg and give it time.
Time. When he considered the word, a smile tugged at his lips as he tried to keep them closed while he finished brushing. When he was done, he pulled on some clean jeans and pulled a clean T-shirt from his drawer. The light blue fabric was fitted, and he tugged it down over his abs. Flexing, he decided he needed to concentrate on the muscle groups that didn’t need therapy.
Easing to the floor, he pounded out fifty push-ups, tucking his weaker leg behind his good leg. Feeling the blood pound through him, the world was brighter, the uncertainty that haunted him at night all but forgotten.
He swiped his phone from the nightstand and checked the time.
Seven thirty.
Was that too early to text Harper on a Sunday morning?
His finger hovered over the messaging app, then he clicked off his phone and tucked it back in his pocket. He could wait an hour.
The aroma of bacon and eggs floated down the hall as he opened his bedroom door, and his stomach rumbled in anticipation. “Good morning!” he called out as he walked into the kitchen.
Laken waved from her seat on the countertop, her face rosy with a blush as she cast a furtive glance at Cyler, who was whistling a happy tune not a foot away as he stirred something on the stove.
“I don’t want to know.” Sterling held up his hands, as was the usual response when he suspected his little sister was engaging with her all-too-willing husband.
“Nope, you don’t. It will ruin your breakfast.” Cyler turned and wagged his eyebrows over his shoulder.
“Dude. Seriously.” Sterling gave
a slight shiver of revulsion as he cast a questioning glance to the eggs Cyler stirred.
Laken burst into giggles. “Told you.” She directed her comment to her husband.
“I didn’t disagree!” He defended himself, casting an entertained smile at Sterling.
“What gives?” Sterling asked as he took a mug down from the overhead cabinet and poured himself a healthy serving of coffee.
Laken shrugged. “All we have to do is pretend that we’re messing around, and you freak out. It’s fun.”
“Evil, both of you.”
“Pretty much,” Cyler replied, acting utterly pleased with himself.
“Speaking of fun...” Laken hopped down from the counter.
Sterling paused as the calculating glint entered his sister’s expression. “What...?” he asked, instantly suspicious.
“Word is...you and Harper...” She arched her brows, grinning like an idiot.
“Whose word?” Sterling made air quotes to mock his sister.
Cyler answered. “Kessed, through Jasper, because apparently she didn’t respond adequately to her texts and got the fifth degree—Kessed’s words—when she got home. And it kills me that I know all this, but honestly, your sister hasn’t shut up about it.”
Laken smacked his arm. “Seriously?”
“I believe it. So, Jasper hounded her, huh?” Sterling asked, wincing.
“Well, Kessed said he asked a lot of questions, not hounding, per se,” Laken hedged.
“Hounded.” Cyler cast a wry grin to Sterling.
“I was afraid of that. Do you think...?” He turned his full attention to Cyler, needing a man’s opinion. “...do you think I need to talk with Jasper? I mean, I get his angle, and I’d be pissed as hell if he didn’t protect Harper this way...but he needs to know that I’m not going to intentionally hurt her.”
“I knew it!” Laken started jumping up and down, clapping.
“Simmer, sis. Really.” Sterling rolled his eyes then turned back to Cyler.
“Yes!” Laken fist-pumped. “I knew it!”
“Are you done yet?” Cyler asked with a gentle tone as he wrapped an arm around his wife’s middle and hugged her close.
The Cowgirl Meets Her Match (Elk Heights Ranch) Page 16