Javier stared at her and slowly shook his head. ‘Emerald, I wasn’t questioning your capability as a mother.’
‘No?’ She was so hurt by his action. ‘Isn’t that exactly what that was?’
‘I didn’t mean it to be, but I can understand that it might have come across as offensive. I just...’ A grim expression tightened his face as he trailed off.
Emmy stared at him impatiently. ‘You just what?’ She shook her head when he still didn’t respond. ‘See?’ His so controlled reticence infuriated her. ‘You just don’t trust me.’
His expression tightened and he stepped forward. ‘I feel compelled to know everything,’ he ground out with clear reluctance.
She paused as she heard the raw edge to his admission. ‘About Luke?’ she clarified softly. ‘You can ask me,’ she assured him quickly. ‘Ask me anything. I want him to have a good relationship with you.’
At that Javier seemed to lose a touch of colour and Emmy stepped closer—was he worried he wasn’t going to be a good father to their son?
‘I’ve missed out on so much,’ he muttered so softly. ‘What if I can’t ever make it up...?’
Her heart ached as she realised how much she’d hurt him. She felt appalled at how close she’d come to denying both Javier and Luke this relationship. She should have contacted him. She should have given him the chance. Instinctively she put her hand on his arm in both apology and reassurance.
‘He’s so young and he’s very loving,’ she promised.
She felt Javier’s muscles tense beneath her touch and suddenly the atmosphere was charged. Before she could lift her hand away he’d clamped his over the top of hers, pressing her palm against his hot skin. He stepped back and sat on the sofa. By the nature of his hold on her, she had to sit too. Right beside him.
Maybe she should have resisted more. But it flickered between them—that shimmering, powerful thing that sent shivers along her nerve-endings and made her hold her breath. That dangerous, beguiling thing.
His gaze was very dark and deep as he smoothed his hand over the back of hers and then flipped hers over to inspect her palm. ‘Why did you work so hard?’
‘I owed Connie everything,’ she answered, trying to mask the sudden tightness in her lungs. ‘Without her, I would’ve had nowhere to go.’
His grip on her tensed and she sought to make him understand somehow.
‘We were in a safe, beautiful place, had a roof over our heads, food on the table,’ she tried to explain. ‘It might not have been perfect—’ She broke off at his snort. ‘But it was the best I could do.’
‘It didn’t have to be like that. You didn’t have to work all hours...’
She frowned at him. ‘But—’
‘I would have helped you,’ he growled roughly. ‘I would have done everything in my power to help you. You didn’t need to do this on your own.’
Regret rose, smashing down the last of her defences.
‘Don’t,’ she mumbled as that other emotion spilled, overwhelming her to the point where she had to reject him. ‘Don’t say nice things to me.’
He stared at her for a second. ‘Then what should I do?’ he asked with the gentlest of tease in his tone. ‘Berate you? Bully you? What am I supposed to do?’
‘I don’t know.’
His sudden soft chuckle was a torturous reminder of the carefree, humorous man she’d met that night. He’d been playful and kind and she’d instinctively trusted him with so very much. And now something wild and free soared again, enabling her to laugh with him in an effervescent release and for just a moment that terrible tension eased. A split second later tears sprang to her eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. She was truly sorry she hadn’t been able to contact him for so long. And more so that she’d chosen not to when she’d finally found out who he really was.
‘I know,’ he whispered back, and his beautiful cocoa gaze bored into hers. ‘I’m sorry too.’
They’d not meant for this to happen. They’d not meant for a fantasy escape to have such serious repercussions.
‘We can move forward,’ she breathed.
He stared back at her silently and that charge in the atmosphere strengthened.
But this wasn’t what she’d meant. Not this curling heat. She thought they’d just had a breakthrough—but that tiny moment of honesty was now submerged by the need rearing between them again. Intense, unstoppable and inescapable. It was more than a minor itch or low ache. It was a furious hunger and every time she got within five feet of him, it burned. She could barely resist the pull to lean closer still. His hand held hers loosely but she was incarcerated by the spiralling emotions. Flames flickered promise and pleasure. She stared into his eyes and he leaned towards her slowly. Closer, closer still until the conflagration ignited.
‘We sh-shouldn’t...’ She was so breathless now.
But he was so close, his mouth brushed hers even as she tried to speak. ‘We sh—’
‘Shh,’ he commanded and his lips silenced hers.
Her eyes closed and her mouth parted on a sigh of surrender as ecstasy surged through her. She moaned as she felt his answering tremor. His arms went hard and tight around her and she sank against him. In seconds she was utterly breathless, desperate for more. All her cares and concerns—actually all her brains—were lost. There was nothing but this touch and the hot fierce temptation that shivered through every cell.
She’d thought she remembered. But she’d not—not the intensity and shimmering raw pleasure to be found right here in his kiss.
She’d never regretted the night she’d spent in his—a stranger’s—arms. She’d never questioned her choice to gift him her virginity so swiftly and easily. Because the touch, the pleasure she’d discovered with him, in his body, had been the most ultimate sensation of her life. There’d been no uncertainty, no decision necessary. There’d only been desperation for more. But while swift, it hadn’t felt carefree, nothing as easy as that. It had felt undeniable.
She’d been overwhelmed then, but the depth of the pleasure now was even sharper. It was as if her body remembered and were starved to the point that it wouldn’t allow her to stop this—she literally couldn’t pull back until the ultimate release had been gleaned. Her need for his touch was truly shocking—reducing her in this moment to a starving, feral creature, clinging to the source of possible satisfaction.
‘Emmy.’ With a growl he pulled her closer as if he knew how bad the ache was and he assuaged it only slightly with a powerful press of his body against hers. ‘It’s okay.’
But it wasn’t. She wanted rid of her clothes. She ached for the absolute escape she’d found that night. It was insane that she sought this from the man who posed such a threat to her very soul. Her heart was all and only Luke’s, but Javier could take everything else. And it was only that flashing realisation that shocked her from the mists of his seduction.
‘No,’ she cried—ordering herself to obey more than she was telling him.
Javier released her immediately. Except Emmy was so weakened she swayed after him. He swiftly reached out to grip her shoulders hard to steady her and settle her back from him on the sofa.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘That shouldn’t have happened.’
She ached when he released his hold on her a second time—her conflicting desires tearing her apart.
‘That was inevitable,’ he said roughly. ‘You know it as well as I. It’s still there, Emmy. As strong as it was the day we met. It’s a force neither of us seem equipped to deny.’ But there was more than a glimpse of triumph in his eyes.
‘Well, we have to.’ She had to.
Once more she’d all but fallen apart from a single touch—his to explore, to take, to pleasure. She couldn’t believe the attraction was so intense and that she’d managed to pull back. She had to find a better defenc
e against it. Because doing this again with him could only lead to trouble.
‘Prevent biology?’ He glanced at her sceptically. ‘Nature wants us to procreate. It seems we’re good at it.’
‘Well, it’s not happening again. That was a mistake.’
His lips twitched but he didn’t reply.
‘Nothing to say?’ She wrapped her arms around her waist, hunching on the sofa.
‘We have more important things to argue about.’ He shrugged.
That was true, but he was good at avoiding those conversations, wasn’t he?
‘There’s no mistake here, Emmy,’ he said with that cool confidence. ‘There’s only what feels good. Why wouldn’t you want to feel that again?’ He watched her for another moment and his smile faded. ‘You’re tired.’ He reached out and stroked her hair. ‘So tired. Right?’
His statement stripped the facade from her and suddenly she couldn’t move for exhaustion. All the adrenalin from the last twenty-four hours evaporated, leaving her utterly lacking in energy. He stood and stepped away from her. Regret stabbed but that tiredness swamped it out.
‘Look, I’m sorry.’ He glanced back at her and sighed. ‘Just rest here for a bit. Thomas and I will take care of Luke. I won’t...’ He trailed off and rubbed in the region of his lowest rib. ‘Just relax. You can now.’
CHAPTER FOUR
SHE’D BEEN ASLEEP for hours.
Javier paced quietly in the shaded part of the deck, holding Luke close to keep him calm. The child had woken a little while ago and, having had a drink, was now happy to be held and quietly talked to. Though admittedly Javier was running out of things to say. He’d walked around pointing out features of the boat, feeling a fool to think a nine-month-old could ever understand. But he had no clue what else to do and he had to start somewhere.
Javier shot Emmy another worried glance. She was too quiet and still. Protectiveness swept over him. Not just towards the small, sleepy child in his arms, but to that woman lying on the plush sofa. He’d never seen her like this. Peaceful, heart-seizingly beautiful, but vulnerable. She left him breathless.
At least she had more colour in her cheeks now. When he’d first walked into that small shop, she’d paled so quickly he’d wondered if she were about to faint. He’d been stunned that she’d been afraid of him. But of course she’d been terrified, given the massive secret she’d kept from him. And frankly, forgiving her for that was a struggle. He’d missed out on much that he couldn’t recover.
Anger mixed with regret and that rush of raw, undeniable lust—the one he was constantly fighting. It had struck him sledgehammer-style all those months ago when she’d walked out of the sea like some siren temptation—all hips and breasts and bold, bold curves, fiery hair and gleaming skin. She’d been irresistible and the desire to make her his had been fierce. He’d busted out every ounce of charm he could muster because he’d wanted her so hard. The flare between them had gone so much further, so much faster than he’d anticipated. But his success had also been certain, because he’d seen it in her eyes too—they’d mirrored his own startled fascination. A flicker of electricity had bound them, drawing them closer together.
It had irked that she’d left before saying goodbye and without leaving him any way of contacting her. But he’d been at fault too, arrogantly failing to tell her his true name.
It hadn’t crossed his mind that she’d been working on the islands and that he could’ve found her again easily. At the time he’d been sure she was a tourist and she’d not said anything to contradict the idea. Truthfully they’d not said all that much of meaning. There’d been flirtation and fun and, beneath, the simmering recognition of mutual attraction and unstoppable desire. Though then there’d been a startling confession—of her inexperience. She’d laughed as she’d admitted it—a bubbling sound of surprise, surrender and pure amusement, and the most primal wave of satisfaction had sunk his reason and he’d vowed to please her. There’d been nothing after that but heated magic—every touch better than the promise they’d both felt. And all he wanted now—the one thought consuming him—was to do it again.
But now it was complicated. He rolled his shoulders, irritated by his own changeability. Seeming to sense Javier’s tension, Luke rubbed his face with his little hand, his expression crumpling.
‘Mamá’s just over there,’ Javier awkwardly tried to reassure him with a soft whisper. ‘See? She’s resting.’
She stirred and Javier stilled, watching as she blinked, then she suddenly sat up, her blue eyes wide.
‘It’s okay,’ Javier said huskily. ‘He’s here. I’ve got him.’
Her arms lifted automatically and Javier walked over. Emmy cradled the baby against her soft curves. Her cheeks flushed fractionally more and the gentlest of smiles lit her from within.
Javier stared down at them both, unable to step back. After a moment she looked up at him. Her eyes were dreamy blue now she had her child. But as they regarded each other in solemn silence, wariness stole into them and then that altogether different tension twisted again. All he wanted to do was kiss her again.
‘You must be hungry.’ He forced himself to speak but it emerged as a hoarse mutter.
She nodded, her gaze dropping. He made himself turn and message the staff, cursing his own weakness.
When he turned back, she’d settled Luke more comfortably on her knee and was looking across the water. ‘The engines have stopped. Where are we?’
‘Just off the coast of Pinta.’
‘This is Pinta?’
He was surprised that she didn’t recognise it. ‘You’ve not been here?’
She shook her head.
‘But you’ve been living on the islands for...’
‘Just over two years.’ She shrugged. ‘I’ve been working.’
‘Then perhaps it’s time to take a break.’ He sat in the deckchair across from the plush sofa she’d slept on, determinedly maintaining distance and respect.
That wariness returned to her eyes. She was right to be cautious, because he was faking being friendly. As if he were some really good guy who wanted to do right by the woman he’d seduced and the baby she’d then had?
If she only knew what was really going through his mind. Here she was, exhausted from caring for their son for months all by herself and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to tumble her back into bed.
He made himself look at his son and it was a good move, because that awkward feeling returned. He had no clue how to become a father. It was partly why he’d wanted a nanny on board so soon, so he had an expert on hand as well as someone to lift a bit of that load from Emerald. Because he sure as hell couldn’t do that yet. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to.
And he needed to know more about her. Now he’d had a chance to think, he wondered what she’d meant about people judging her the second they learned her name? What was it that had made her afraid to seek him out even for financial support for Luke when she clearly desperately needed it? What was she hiding? Because there had to be something and it had to be big.
‘What were you going to tell him when he asked?’ he tried to ask mildly.
Emmy shifted on the sofa, startled by the raw edge to Javier’s question.
‘He would have asked eventually,’ he added. ‘He’d meet other children with involved fathers. He would’ve wanted to know about his. So what were you planning to tell him?’
Emmy’s heart ached as she read that banked emotion in Javier’s eyes and heard the husky edge—as if these were questions he hated having to ask. ‘I don’t know,’ she confessed. ‘I was avoiding thinking about it.’
She’d told herself that she could be enough on her own. But not to tell Luke about Javier wouldn’t have been fair in the long run. And not finding out if Javier was interested in being involved had been wrong. She should have given him the option, but fear had
governed her and somehow she had to explain that to him without telling him everything. Because even though he was trying hard now, she had too much to lose to trust him completely.
‘I know I should have contacted you as soon as I knew who you were, but I was so tired and I was just...’
‘Furious because you thought I’d lied to you deliberately?’ He filled in after her long silence. ‘Because I had some bad reason for hiding my identity?’
She had known he’d lied and that had hurt. But it wasn’t only that that had thrown her. It was the discovery of his status and wealth. A surfing tourist she could have handled. But she couldn’t compete with what he could offer. She’d been terrified.
‘Actually...’ she strove for a measure of truth ‘...I wanted to succeed on my own,’ she admitted awkwardly. ‘I didn’t want anything—not just from you, but from anyone. I was so sick of...’ She shook her head, hating having to confess this and unable to articulate it properly. ‘I decided I could manage. Luke would be mine and I would be his and we wouldn’t need anyone else. I never wanted us to need anyone else. I thought—hoped—that I could be enough for him and that I could do a good job.’ To her total mortification, tears spiked on her eyelashes and she furiously blinked them away. ‘I didn’t want you accusing me of trapping you. Everyone always thinks the worst. The things a couple of people said when they found out I was pregnant... One actually insinuated he was Lucero’s baby because I’d named him after him. So I wanted to prove that I could do this on my own. I think I lost perspective.’ She drew in a shaking breath. ‘But that wasn’t fair on Luke and it wasn’t fair on you and I’m sorry.’
He was silent for a long moment.
‘I accept your apology,’ he said formally. ‘And I’m sorry I lied that night. I have no real excuse other than I just wanted a night off from being me. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to track you down when I came back. I’m sorry you’ve been doing this alone all this time.’ He stepped closer. ‘And I’m sorry I made you feel like you were being judged, or that I was patronising you when I brought in that doctor. But I’m not patronising you now. I’m just being honest. Luke is an amazing little boy and that’s all because of you.’
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