by JP Summers
I grabbed the flashlight that Carson had brought with him into the dining room and lead us back into the living room. I threw more wood into the fireplace before directing us into the bedroom. The cold had already crept in, lowering the temperature in the living room to just degrees above the temperature in the dining room with the broken-out windows. I shivered as Carson sat on the bed. Searching for the first aid kit, I found it in a box in one of the drawers. I opened the box only to begin chuckling at the choice of Band-Aids, which were ones made for little kids.
My hands weren’t as bad as I originally thought after having a chance to clean them off with alcohol swabs and put on a few Band-Aids. Carson looked at me a bit disturbed as I reached toward him. I gently cupped the stubble skin on his face with one hand while cleaning off the blood with the other. He had a huge gash on his forehead, which made me worry he might really need stitches.
While I continued cleaning Carson’s minor cuts and scratches, he flinched each time the alcohol touched him. He tried to move away from me, but I held on tighter, keeping him still. I swear, he’s worse than a child by the way he refuses to let me clean off the remaining blood.
Before he attempted to move away from me again, I commanded, “If you don't stop moving around, I’m going to sit on you to keep you still.”
“Like you’re strong enough to hold me in place,” Carson laughed.
“I’m not kidding, Carson. You need to stay still so I can see how bad of a cut you have.”
“It’s hard for me to believe you’re not kidding when you laugh underneath your breath.” He flinched underneath my hands, but he appeared unable to regain his earlier seriousness.
“Stop fidgeting!” A grin involuntarily spread into a big smile, I was amused at his expense.
“The damn rubbing alcohol is burning my face.”
“Quit being such a baby.”
“Shut up! I’m not being a baby.”
“Seriously? You think this is how a real man acts?
“Oh, I’m a real man alright. Who just saved your skinny ass from a falling tree?” he teased.
“I think you have a concussion because you are starting to talk crazy.” I commented before gently blowing on his deep wound.
“Does that feel better now?” I asked.
He answered only with his eyes. Staring intently at me, I knew our joking had come to a screeching halt. My stomach fluttered from the intensity of his stare. Clueless as to why my body was reacting to Carson in this way, I hovered helplessly as the flutters continued to swarm inside me.
One of my hands remained on his cheek as the other slowly moved to his forehead. Then my hand somehow found its way into his hair, making me want to run my hand through it like I used to.
Suddenly, the past came back to haunt me again. An ache replaced the flutters as I recalled his rejection so many years ago. I got up from the bed—I needed to put some space between us.
Carson looked down at his shirt. He needed to find something else to wear since it was covered in blood. I mentioned Cruz had his clothes in one of the rooms and led the way with the flashlight. He immediately located Cruz’s bag on the bed and tugged at the zipper, unable to get it open. Carson sat the flashlight on the bed and used both hands to yank open the zipper. I figured I would be useful and aimed my flashlight toward the bag to make it a little easier for him to see what he was doing. A loud rip, followed by six boxes of condoms flying out and landing in the middle of the floor caused Carson to shake his head in disbelief.
We both snickered as Carson quipped, “I guess Cruz was planning on hitting something other than the slopes this weekend.”
I nodded my head in total agreement. “Cruz and Mira haven’t changed a bit. Whenever he comes to visit, I make sure to keep my earplugs handy. There’s something about hearing those two go at it that makes me incredibly nauseous.”
Laughter filled the air, causing all the bitterness between us to momentarily dissipate. This was exactly what we needed to break the ice between us.
I’d missed out on so much of Carson’s life. I wanted nothing more than to get to know him all over again. Maybe being here together was Fate’s way of reconnecting us. And I had been so quick to get upset about being stuck all alone with the guy I’ve never been able to completely fall out of love with.
Salvaging a broken friendship with anyone is hard to do. It’s even worse when the person was your best friend. When Carson had humiliated me on the night of our graduation, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over the emotional turmoil he had put me through.
Carson picked up all of the items that had fell onto the floor and sat them next to the duffel bag. He slowly removed his shirt to put on one of Cruz’s fitted tees. I didn’t want to gawk at his well-defined abs, but it’s kind of hard not to. Especially when his flashlight is propped up just enough so that the light is perfectly reflecting every single indent on his chest.
Carson had just reached for one of Cruz’s sweaters when we heard sounds of breaking glass echoing through the hallway and into the bedroom. Carson immediately ran towards the living room as I trailed right behind him, scared out of my mind about what we might discover. From the sofa, I looked on with him as the cold from outside drifted through the now busted-out glass from the windows next to the front door.
The winds grew stronger, forcing more snow into the house as Carson hurriedly responded by stockpiling more wood onto the fire. I gathered all the couch cushions and placed them near the fire-place, knowing the closer we remained to our only heat source, the more it would increase our chances of keeping warm.
There’s no doubt this storm was becoming much more volatile by the hour. Carson’s recent mood swings only prove he’s just as unpredictable as the storm. I wanted to be prepared for when all hell would break loose. The only problem with that is having to figure out how to take cover from something that has the ability to hunt and torture you one painful memory at a time.
CHAPTER SIX
Carson and I settled onto the cushions, trying to get as close to the fire as we could. Fierce winds from outside kept blowing snow inside the house, making the living room feel like it was at least twenty degrees colder than before. I gathered every blanket possible and layered my clothes, hoping to warm up. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working fast enough as my lips became numb along with my nose.
Carson was doing a lot better than me. He only put on one of Cruz’s sweatshirts and hadn't covered up with any blankets while I sat buried underneath five blankets trying to get myself to a decent temperature.
I sat quietly next to Carson, wondering if I should start a conversation or wait for him to speak up first. My mouth slowly opened, but snapped shut when he turned to look at me.
“I didn’t get a chance to thank you for cleaning the blood off my face.”
Trying not to appear overly excited by his thoughtful comment, I carefully replied, “It was nothing. Besides, you would have done the same for me.”
“Yeah. I guess you’re right. Tia, I just want you to know…” Carson paused to crawl toward the fireplace and pile on more logs. He didn’t waste any time returning back to his spot. “I’m sorry.”
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that FINALLY Carson had had a change of heart and things were going to be fine between us again. Thank God I didn’t actually go through with it.
Carson grabbed some blankets, then slowly scooted a little ways from me before giving a low blow to my already damaged self-esteem. He didn’t even look me in the eyes when he informed me, “I just don’t think we can go back to the way things were between us—you know, before all the shit with Erin and Evan went down.”
“I’m confused? Didn’t we just have a conversation in the bedroom without jumping down each other’s throat?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t erase the fact that you succeeded at ruining my life.”
“After all this time you still can’t see I didn’t set out to intentionally hurt you?”
“No.
”
“Why the hell not?”
“Tia, this conversation is over!” he snarled.
“I say it’s not! Where do you get off deciding when a topic is off the table?” I countered, wanting to take the couch cushion I was sitting on and hit Carson upside the head with it.
“I said I’m done discussing this or anything else you want to try to bring up from the past.”
What the hell is going on here? Did we somehow step out of the bedroom and into some warped time zone? Just when I thought we’d had a MAJOR breakthrough, Carson ruined it with his foolish stubbornness.
If Carson wants to keep to himself, then I’ll let him. I have Mira’s yearbooks to keep me occupied while Mr. Insensitive hides underneath the blankets making it quite obvious he’s snubbing me.
I stood up and walked over to the sofa to grab the yearbooks. I then plopped myself down on my cushion by the fire for another stroll down memory lane. It didn’t take long for Carson to start snoring. The obnoxious gurgling became louder than the strong winds coming from outside.
There was no way I could sleep. If I couldn’t get any sleep, I decided I’d amuse myself by looking at when my life was less complicated. Well, less complicated than it was at that very moment.
I turned the pages of the yearbook until the group picture of our soccer team appeared and I remembered the best season we’d ever had.
*****
The rainy weather was a bit unusual for the month of November, but that didn't stop our boys and girls soccer teams from kicking the shit out of the competition. We spent all that weekend competing against the best teams in the district, and we were already leading for most wins. I was in the running for M.V.P. for the girl’s division while Evan and Carson were both candidates for the boy’s division. I’ve never won anything before. Maybe this will be my very first award.
I knew that if I could win the M.V.P title then the college scouts would see my potential and I might be offered a scholarship. My dad could afford to pay tuition for all four years of college, but it was something I wanted to do on my own. Getting a scholarship to Northeastern Michigan University meant I’d be at the same college as Carson.
Carson already was a shoe-in since his family had gone there for many years. I was a bit envious of him because a scholarship was already offered to him as long as his grades remained in the top percentile of the class and he continued on to play soccer for the university. Carson couldn't wait to graduate high school and start his life on campus, which made me all the more eager to join him.
The weekend of the tournaments, my body became a punching bag after only a few hours of being kicked around like the ball. I guess that’s one of the perks of being the goalie. I loved the rush of adrenaline that flows through you every time the fate of the game relies on your ability to defend the goal.
Carson and Evan made their way onto the field to start the next game while I sat with ice packs on my face, thankful that all of my teeth were still in place. I loved watching soccer. Seeing my boyfriend and best friend play made it all the more enjoyable. Evan would always act stupid whenever he scored a goal by doing some kind of victory dance while Carson just gave high fives.
For two teammates who should be working together, they seemed to not like one another. Evan claimed there was no hostility toward Carson, but there was always a point to prove whenever those two were around one another. The main point was who had more ties to me.
I never intended on being in a relationship with Evan, but I started developing feelings for him shortly after we went on a handful of dates once school started. I fell fast and hard for a guy most girls believe to be the hottest senior. I didn’t realize how much I had truly fallen until the moment I heard those three little words for the first time.
Evan was actually the first one to say, ‘I love you.’ It happened on our one-month anniversary. The boys’ soccer team had just won their rival game against Porterfield High. He was in such a good mood that he raced through the crowd to kiss me in front of everyone in the stands. It was then Evan had professed his love for all my friends to hear. I felt the world shift underneath my feet. My heart pounded with a million beats. I was head-over-heels in love and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The shouting of the crowd abruptly interrupted my moment of blissful reminiscing. I guess being in love really makes the world fade away at times. I never thought I’d be that girlfriend who dotes over their boyfriend. Yet here I am in a sea of people finding myself thinking only of him.
Practically everyone in our school showed their support by coming to all of the games. The boys kicked some ass in the past eight games. All they needed was one more victory to clinch a spot in the division playoffs.
The boy’s game came down to a shootout for the win. Carson held the Fate of the team’s season in his own hands, or should I say feet. The stands were quiet as he scored the winning goal, which put them on the road for the division championship.
Everyone ran out into the field, congratulating the boys’ team for their victory. I searched the crowd, finding Carson and gave him a big hug. I’m not sure why running to him first was more of a priority than running over to my own boyfriend.
He seemed to be a bit bothered at my public display with Carson and avoided me after that, not coming up to me after the game. I desperately tried talking to him, but he gave me the cold shoulder and walked away. Carson saw how upset I was and instinctively hugged me again.
There was a party going on at John’s that night and everyone was heading over there to celebrate. I actually wanted to spend some alone time with Evan, but he took off from the soccer field without so much as a goodbye. I’d never seen him act out in that way, which really pissed off Carson.
I stopped myself from getting upset in front of everyone since Evan’s behavior seemed a bit callous. I tried sending text messages and calling him, but he wouldn’t respond. I finally gave up after thirty minutes and decided to join my friends at John’s.
Julisa agreed to drive me and Carson, but we had to find our own way back home. As we got into the car, Carson’s cell phone rang and a huge smile came across his face. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know it was Erin.
Suddenly, Carson’s face changed to a look of total dismay. He disconnected and immediately turned his face away from me. By the sudden change of his body language, I guessed Erin had done or said something to upset him. He tightly squeezed his fist, like he wanted to punch something. Carson began mumbling profanities under his breath, alerting me that Erin had, in fact, screwed him over once more.
Cautiously, I inquired, “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t fucking believe her!” Carson spat in a harsh voice. “I’m so tired of her being confused and thinking our relationship will never work out because we hardly get to see each other.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Saying mean words about his now ex-girlfriend might not be the appropriate thing to do in his time of heartache. All I could do was offer my shoulder to lean on.
I wasn’t sure if going to John’s party was Carson’s best interest, so I suggested, “I don’t think being around a crowd of rowdy and wasted people is a good idea. Why don’t we go to the Burger Shed, pick up a few triple threat cheesy burgers, the largest order of deep fried pickles and some double chocolate malts then go back to my place to watch a movie?”
I only got a partial grin out of Carson as he politely rejected my offer, “That really does sound great, but our team just won. I want to celebrate our victory with everyone else. Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah. Whatever you want to do. I just don’t want you to be miserable in front of our friends.”
“Tia, I’ll be okay. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t been down this road with Erin before. She’ll come to her senses, beg me to give us another chance and somehow I’ll forget the fact that I’m upset with her and end up taking her back.”
“I guess this means we’re going to John’s after all,” I stat
ed in an uncharismatic tone, even though I wondered if it was possible for either one of us to have a good time. Evan still hadn’t returned my calls or texted me back. I was bothered by the fact that he was acting like a spoiled, rotten child.
The music was blaring as loud as usual when we arrived at John’s. I was sure the cops would grace us with their presence in a few hours. Just as long as I had time to catch a buzz, it would all be good.
An hour had passed before I realized that I really wasn’t in a party mood. Drinking more beer wouldn’t change the fact I wasn’t enjoying people bumping into me and spilling booze all over my clothes. I decided to search the house to find Carson and tell him I was ready to get the hell out of there. I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen with my jaw to the ground. There he was, dancing while holding a beer in his hands. Carson never drank!
I sat on a kitchen stool watching Carson have a great time with everyone while I checked my phone for missed calls or texts from Evan. Nothing. I couldn’t stand the thought of my own boyfriend avoiding me.
Mira came over to console me while Audrey gave me a huge hug, saying Evan would eventually realize he was being a jerk. I knew they were right.
After laughing my ass off watching Carson repeatedly do the running man and robot, I really had to pee. I ran through the crowd, finally reaching the bathroom, but had to wait my turn. I danced in place while banging on the door for the person to hurry up or I’d have to go pee outside in the bushes. The sound of a girl laughing annoyed me, but the voice of the person in there with her infuriated every ounce of my being.
My hands balled themselves into fists and I banged on the door screaming, “Evan! I know you’re in there, you son-of-a-bitch!”
The music playing in the background drowned out my sobbing while I stood there listening to my boyfriend with another girl in the bathroom.
What guy would mess around with some slut in the bathroom with the possibility his girlfriend being at the same party?