by JP Summers
I sat down on the floor to calm down when I felt an unexpected warmth right above my hairline. Carson walked over with a dishcloth then knelt in front of me and cautiously touched my forehead. He started blotting my face, surprising me with his selfless gesture. I could smell the pungent odor of the blood from the dishcloth Carson balled up to clean the wounded area on my face. I guess the adrenaline pumping through my veins would account for me not feeling the pieces of glass coming at me during my frantic rampage.
Carson grabbed another dishcloth to clean off the rest of my blood while asking, “Are you feeling a little better?”
I didn’t understand how he could be such a huge asshole one minute, then overly sweet the next. His mood swings were way worse than mine had been as a teenager.
I avoided any kind of eye contact with him to answer, “Physically, I’m not lightheaded anymore. Emotionally, I’m hurting so bad there will never be anything to make me feel better.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Tia. I guess we can’t stop from hurting each other.”
“Yes, we can.”
“How?”
“By finally forgiving one another for the shitty mistakes we made.”
“I’ve tried, but—”
“You just can’t seem to look past everything that we said and did to one another.”
“Yeah. But it’s quite obvious you can’t either.”
In all honesty, it was so much easier to forgive Carson, even though I knew I’d never be able to forget the terrible things he did to me. His words and actions scarred me for life. My old wounds had been ripped wide opened the second he arrived at the cottage. They’d never heal unless Carson could find it in himself to willingly help patch them up for me.
We still had so many unresolved issues to fix between us. I knew Carson was pissed at me, but all of this started because he wouldn’t commit to dating me. Of course, I made it easy for him to not want a relationship. Why would he want one if I gave him all the benefits of being in one minus the actual commitment.
Everything worked out great for him. For me, not so much. But I was willing to take any part I could have of Carson in the hopes it would bring us closer to being a couple. For a brief time we, connected on a deeper level. At that time, I had felt like I was finally breaking through that thick skull of his and he was beginning to realize the possibility of there being an “us.” Unfortunately, all of that began to change on the night of Mira’s Halloween party.
*****
It took me three hours to get ready for Mira’s party, but I was very confident my costume was going to be one of the best ones there. Carson was with me when I finally found the perfect costume. He had been kind enough to help me try it on then take it off in the dressing room.
I remained hot and heavy with my best friend throughout the summer. I guess you could say being friends with benefits had more benefits than friendship. We were too busy focusing on being seniors, which meant hardly any time for us to hang out unless it was underneath the sheets in my bedroom or his. As much as I wanted a relationship, it wasn’t in the cards for us right now. In the back of my mind, I thought it might be once we attended the same college.
When I arrived at the party in my Wonder Woman costume, I was minus Carson. He’d had to go into work after school, but he promised to rush right over as soon as his shift was over.
Carson and I had decided to go as superheroes. He got to pick my costume and I got to pick out his. I was hoping for something that was less revealing, maybe with a full mask, but I had to wear what was chosen for me. I made it easy for Carson by choosing something that was fun and looked hot on him. He’d had issues with the cape at first, but in no time he was jumping off the chair pretending to fight crime with his ninja-like moves.
Two hours, four beers, and several shots later, my superhero still hadn’t arrived. I tried calling and texting him, but he didn’t answer. My pantyhose began riding up my crotch, which was annoying as hell. I wove through the crowd of people to find the bathroom and adjust them. In the midst of adjusting my costume, I got a text saying my Batman had finally arrived. Excited, I opened the door to see my Dark and Shining Knight in his costume standing next to the door. I couldn’t resist pulling him inside the dark bathroom for a little taste of what he’d be getting from me later. I grabbed Batman’s hand and moved it under my skirt, seductively teasing him. I could tell he was enjoying every minute of this as his thumb gently massaged circular motions on my sensitive skin.
I dropped my head back as a powerful inferno built inside my stomach. I whispered that we needed to get out of here before people start getting suspicious as to why the two of us were in here for a long time. My eyes widened as the moan coming from Batman sent chills down my spine while making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I realized it wasn’t Carson!
Before I could say anything, a knocking at the door scared the shit out of me. It was Carson asking if I was okay. I didn’t know what to do. I recognized the deep moan. It had come from the last person I had ever expected to be here. I couldn’t believe that Evan was in the bathroom with me.
Shocked, I whispered, “What the hell are you doing here, Evan?”
“Well, I am still friends with Zack, and he said it was okay to crash his sister’s party. I wasn’t even going to show up, but it’s a damn good thing I did.”
“Listen to me. I had no idea it was you that I was with. I thought you were someone else.”
“Well, I can be anyone you want me to be if that means we get to finish what you started,” he replied.
I knew I was so screwed. Carson would go ballistic once he saw me walk out of the bathroom with Evan. There was no way of getting out of this situation. The window wasn’t big enough for me to escape out of. Even in my drunken state, there would be no way of explaining how I thought the guy I had pulled into the bathroom was Carson.
The worst part about all of this would be telling Carson about having Evan’s hand doing things to me that felt oddly good. Even though I wasn’t in a relationship with my best friend, I felt like I’d betrayed him.
As Carson continued yelling through the door, I begged Evan to hide in the shower until I left the bathroom. He refused. I pleaded once more, hoping he would find some decency in his heart to help me out just this once. He finally agreed and hid behind the shower curtain.
Thanking him for his kind gesture, I cautiously opened the door. Carson smiled at me, complimenting, “Wow! You look amazing.”
“Thank you,” I said, grabbing his arm to lead him far away from the bathroom. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief. I thought for sure that I was going to get caught with Evan in the bathroom and have people read into something that really was nothing.
I couldn’t get the image of what happened with Evan out of my mind. The guilt was starting to eat away at me. I hoped it would eventually go away and I would be able to take this incident to the grave with me.
While everyone else was getting hammered and dancing the night away, I secluded myself on the deck outside. I didn’t want to taint my body with any more alcohol if the end result was not being coherent enough to realize that the Batman I had dragged into the bathroom with me was two inches taller and didn’t have the same muscular structure as Carson. All I could do now was pray that Evan wouldn’t open his damn mouth.
When the party ended, Carson headed home with me because my mom would be gone until noon tomorrow. I had been so uptight about my episode with Evan, I wanted to jump in my bed and go to sleep. Carson wanted to take advantage of us being alone, but I kept him at bay, by saying I wasn’t feeling good. We ended up talking about our pending campus tour during spring break, and we fell asleep with me in his arms.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I had been so close to telling Carson I was in love with him. The words were ready to leave the tip of my tongue that night, but I ended up choking on them out of fear. My heart already knew I had found “the one.” I just wasn’t so sure he felt the same
about me.
Carson’s hand touched my face. I turned to see him looking concerned while stating in a disappointed tone, “It’s getting dark out. The winds haven’t died down, and the snow outside is blowing around like we’re inside a giant snow globe. I really don’t think anyone is going to search for us today.”
Worried about the grayish-blue color my hands had turned to, I hysterically cried, “The fireplace barely warmed us when the temps dropped below freezing. How in hell are we going to keep warm enough in this kitchen?”
“We made it through one tough night, we’ll make it through another. I promise.”
With just those words, Carson managed to keep my hopes up by making me believe he would take care of me.
We set out to work on destroying the kitchen drawers so that we could build an even bigger fire. Before we lost our momentum, we sprinted back into the dining room to carry the table back into the kitchen and pushed it against the sink, making it level to the countertop.
I had no idea if the table would withstand our weight, but we had to find some way to be closer to the fire. Carson got onto the flat surface while I gave him the blankets from the floor. He reached for my hand, helping me onto the table and holding his arms out as a sign for me to get underneath the blankets with him. It didn’t take long to feel his arms wrapped tightly around my body, making me feel relaxed instead of fearful about the threat of another freezing night.
We were a safe distance from the growing flames, but close enough so that the heat could reach us. Waves of warmth danced across my face, causing my body to ease even more into Carson’s. I angled my head sideways and nestled it comfortably underneath his chin while he intertwined our legs together. My hands held onto his, securing the blanket around us. I could stay like this forever. Even if forever happens to end tonight.
The wind became violent, sending more snow into the cottage and causing the conditions to be even colder by the minute. My nose and lips were numb as my body started to shiver. Carson adjusted the blankets, trying to keep the cold air from seeping through.
I began to feel Carson’s body shiver all around me. We were both fighting the same menacing battle. Our bodies were being tormented as they fought to stay warm. The fire dwindled from the freezing air overtaking us. Whatever hope I had of survival faded as each limb of my body was afflicted by tiny needles of ice piercing my skin.
Carson’s quivering lips touched my ear and he softly whispered, “I forgot to tell you something.”
“What’s that?”
“I didn’t wish you a happy birthday.”
“You remembered?”
“Of course.”
“Why… I mean how could you remember after all this time?” I asked in surprise.
“Easy. Our birthdate have the same numbers, but reversed.”
“That’s right. I’m February, tenth and you’re October, second.
“I would sing Happy Birthday, but my voice would probably crack the rest of the windows,” he kidded.
“It’s okay. I’m just glad I didn’t have to spend my birthday all alone.”
“Too bad you don’t have a cake. You could make a wish before blowing out your candles to not be stuck here with me.”
Shaking my head in disagreement, I whispered, “I’m glad I’m stuck here with you,”
“Why is that?”
“I missed us and everything about our friendship.”
“Tia, I screwed things up for us in so many ways I don’t think there would ever be a way to undo the damage.”
“There’s always a way to fix things.”
“I don’t know. I feel it’s just too late because of all the emotional shit I put you through. Look at how bad I fucked up our only date. I was such an asshole for what I did to you.”
My mind went back to the night of our very first, and what would be our last, date. I never thought Carson would ask me out, but when he did, I felt like the luckiest girl alive. I honestly thought that night would prove we belonged together. Of course, we didn’t know how our friendship would start to slowly fade away.
*****
It took me eleven days to find the perfect prom dress. I was elated that Carson had asked me to be his date. I didn’t know that he wanted that day to be our first official date, to see if we could make it as a couple.
I heard Carson’s truck pull into our driveway from my bedroom, and I ran into the living room while my mom stood at the door waiting for him to knock. She excitedly squealed, then complimented Carson on how nice he looked in his tux while I anxiously waited in the living room in my elegant, black, floor-length, strapless gown, holding the boutonniere box in my sweaty palms.
Carson walked toward me wearing a huge grin. He was unbelievably handsome in his black tux with a thin, black striped cummerbund and matching tie. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him if I had wanted to. I inhaled deeply, trying not to show how incredibly nervous I was about this being our first date as Carson stood in front of me with his eyes adoringly gazing into mine.
My mom interrupted ‘our moment’ to remind us we had to allow her to take pictures. Carson opened the box he walked in with and pulled out a lovely corsage of hot pink roses. The flashes from my mom’s camera almost blinded me as I pinned Carson’s boutonniere on his tux and he placed the corsage on my wrist.
Carson and I tried not to laugh while my mom followed us outside with the camera, taking more pictures. Carson was the perfect gentleman, taking my hand as he led me to his brand new truck, an early graduation present from his parents.
As he led me to his truck, I could tell by Carson’s trembling hands that he was nervous. As we drove to the restaurant, the smile on his face since we left my place never vanished. Relief washed over me when it became clear he truly saw this as a real date.
By the time we showed up for dinner, everyone was already waiting for us. Our meal consisted of steak and lobster. The guys really went all-out to make sure we weren’t stuck eating burgers and fries. Already, this was the best date I had ever been on, especially since it was with Carson.
I thought nothing could spoil this evening.
After the guys spent a few weeks’ worth of their paychecks on our meals, we all headed to the school, where prom was being held.
Carson and I pulled into the high school parking lot, he turned the ignition off, then reached for my hand to squeeze it. “Do you mind if we hang back for a few minutes?”
With a gentle nod, I replied, “No. I don’t mind.”
While we sat in silence, more vehicles filled the parking lot. I wasn’t sure if we were waiting to go in because Carson was getting cold feet, or if he—like me—wanted to cherish every moment. Either way, I had to know.
I placed my hand on Carson’s lap, immediately gaining his full attention while I asked, “Why did you want to stay out here?”
He stared into my eyes, never once blinking while confessing, “I have been looking forward to this very moment since you agreed to be my date for prom. Tia, I was so damn nervous when I showed up at your house, but at dinner all of that changed after I realized what this really means.”
“What does this really mean?”
“After prom, I hope we can see where things could finally lead between us.”
“Do you mean it?” I questioned, trying to hold back the tears of joy but failing. I was thankful for my waterproof make-up.
Carson leaned forward, dusting his lips over the tip of my nose and softly replied, “Of course I do.”
I couldn’t believe it. I realized that after that night, I wouldn’t just be Carson’s best friend, I would also be the girl he was dating. I was smiling so big my face was already cramping up.
We finally got out of the truck to make our way to the school, hand in hand. The security guard opened the doors and I could hear the music blaring from inside. The second we entered through the gym doors, Carson pulled up my hand to his lips, leaving a kiss on top of it. “Are you ready for this?”
Still smiling, I exulted, “I’ve never been more ready.”
Right away, a slow song came on as if the DJ timed it perfectly with our entrance. Carson led me toward the dance floor, then placed his hand on my side, pulling me close to him. He held me tightly as if I would somehow flee. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes to listen to every word of the song playing because it would forever be known as our first dance on our official first date.
The lyrics seemed so fitting. It was almost like it was written just for us.
Carson sang softly in my ear, “I can’t live without…You’re all I need... You’re everything I want…I can’t think about anyone else but you.”
I smiled so hard, my face hurt, but I didn’t care. It was a good kind of hurt.
I lifted my head from Carson’s shoulder. “This song reminds me of how I feel about you.”
“I was thinking that it’s how I feel about you, too,” he commented with a soft butterfly kiss on my nose, sending thousands of harmonious shockwaves throughout my body.
I glanced around the gym. Every couple seemed to be having a great time—with the exception of one. While I continued dancing in Carson’s arms, I watched as Erin and her boyfriend appeared to be having an argument. They stood on the dance floor while everyone else was dancing around them, and it wasn’t too long after their confrontation that her boyfriend stormed off, leaving her all alone.
My heart sank when I saw her in tears. Carson stopped dancing and excused himself to go check on Erin, leaving me in the middle of the dance floor. I walked over to our table and sat down all alone waiting for my date to come back.
After waiting for twenty minutes, Carson finally walked over to me with an unsettling look on his face, informing me, “Trenton just dumped Erin. She tried getting hold of her parents to pick her up, but no one answered. I need to get her out of here before she becomes more of a nervous wreck.”
Audrey walked over to our table asking, “What the hell happened to Erin? I saw her running into the bathroom bawling her eyes out.”