by Baron Sord
Whoa.
If you blended the face of a blue and gold macaw and a human woman, you’d end up with the face of a Jungle Harpy. Snout stretched out, long black nose that was almost a beak. Beady eyes. Nothing like the harpies in Dad’s old blue rulebook.
But it did have boobs.
Two golden human female breasts dangled from the chest. Very nice breasts, I might add. The harpy also had human arms bristling with thick blue feathers from the taloned hands up past the elbows. Rather than bird legs, it had shapely feminine legs that were also feathered in blue from knee to ankle. Unlike a human, its feet had three frontward talons and two backward ones. The black talons where as big as knives.
This thing looked fricking dangerous.
And it was looking right at me.
“Kroo-awk?” it squawked.
I ducked down beneath a banana leaf.
“KREE-awk!” This squawk was higher pitched and agitated.
An alarm.
The other jungle harpies started to ruffle and beat their wings.
“Shit,” I hissed.
Ty grabbed my arm and grunted, “Run!”
He and Qoorie took off on all fours. I did my best to stay on their heels. Not a chance. They bounded through the bushes like tigers. No surprise there. Tigers loved the jungle.
I fumbled and ran like a human out of his element.
Behind me, whooping wings beat the air. Multiple squawks from the jungle harpies, louder than before. I ran for cover, trying to pick a path under low hanging branches.
It was my only chance.
Something huge crashed into a branch overhead. One of the harpies tore the branch loose and dropped it in my general direction. I dove to the side to avoid getting hit by a wood bomb. The branch rattled against the trunk of a palm and spun to the ground, narrowly missing me before smacking down with a thud.
Wind beat my back and I cut left. Sucker was right behind me! It squawked and banked, talons out, swooping down at my back. Since the low hanging branches weren’t working, I needed to find a denser collection of trees. Can’t flap your 40 foot wings when the trunks are too close together. I turned again, cutting right so I could squeeze between the trunks.
Level up! Your Dodge skill is now level 3.
The jungle harpy squawked with irritation.
I ducked behind the nearest mahogany tree and spun around to check on my enemy.
“Screeee-AWK!!”
Talons blasted right past my face, nearly tearing my head off. Another inch closer and I would’ve been done.
My adrenalin spiked.
Hard wing beats whooped behind me.
The jungle harpy landed on the ground, her wings spread wide, trying to intimidate me with her size. Boobs! Don’t look at those damn boobs! She looked ready to buffet me if I charged. One thing was clear, as long as we were on the ground, I had the advantage and we both knew it.
I wanted to throw my spear, but I didn’t want to lose it. I circled to the side. The jungle harpy followed me, squawking angrily. She flapped her wings furiously and hopped toward me, kicking her clawed feet in my face, trying to claw my eyes out. I probably reminded her of an old boyfriend.
The second her feet touched the ground, I charged, leading with my spear, punching the point repeatedly. Big wings immediately slapped at my spear and my face, kicking up dust and feathers. I squeezed my eyes into slits and grit my teeth, trying to ignore the whipping wings. My spear caught the shoulder of her human arm, drawing blood.
Another angry squawk and she clawed out with sharp-clawed fingers, cutting across my chest.
15% of my Health disappeared.
“Screeek!” Take that, human. She flapped her wings, lifting herself again, trying to get her foot talons in my face.
Before she could, I dropped to my knees and stabbed upward. My spear tore a long red gash along the golden side of her feminine thigh, from the knee to the fleshy butt cheek, thwarting her intended attack.
Level up! Your Fight Dirty skill is now level 2.
She pulled her taloned feet up and flapped hard, gaining altitude. I tried to spear her again from underneath, but she was too high. I stabbed away anyway, trying to scare her off.
She flapped harder then suddenly tucked her wings and dropped, surprising me. Her taloned feet grabbed my shoulders and clamped down hard. I almost dropped my spear, but managed to hold on. Talons punctured muscles in my left deltoid, pectoral, and trapezius, then locked down tight, stealing another 25% of my health. The pain was excruciating and I screamed. The only thing good about my scream was it offered proof she hadn’t punctured my left lung, but it sure felt like she had.
“Fucking bitch!” I seethed.
“Squawk!” The jungle harpy lifted me into the air by the shoulder.
I stabbed upward with my spear, but she grabbed the shaft with both hands and held on. We fought a tug of war over my spear while her wings beat harder, taking us higher and higher. Whenever I thrashed, my left arm got torn up worse. Another 10% of my health gone. Down to 50%. I wanted to let go of my spear and use my free hand to grab her free leg and thereby take some weight off my left shoulder, but I needed my spear and the extra reach to attack her. If I couldn’t hit her, I was completely at her mercy. But if I wasn’t careful, I was gonna rip my own arm off. If that didn’t kill me, the imminent drop would. I looked down and saw we were now 50 feet above the jungle floor and climbing.
60 feet.
70.
Stupid! I never should’ve gotten so close to her. This was her plan all along. Drop me to my death.
80 feet.
100.
Once we were above the canopy of trees, I was vaguely aware of the vastness of the surrounding jungle. Green going on forever in every direction. There was a peacefulness to it that—
“Squawk!” The harpy clamped down harder and my left shoulder exploded with pain.
I didn’t know what else to do about my predicament, so I resumed yanking on my spear with my right arm, trying to free it so I could stab the harpy in the ass, but she was too damn strong. I couldn’t get it away from her.
Then she suddenly let go of my spear.
And me.
I started to fall.
My guts started spinning and clenching as I clawed at the air, grabbing for anything but finding nothing. I plummeted toward the ground, leaves whipping past me.
WHOOM!
The world went gray and I slowed to a stop, hanging in midair. It took a moment before I realized I hadn’t smashed into the ground. But I was 20 feet from doing so. What had just happened? Was it a glitch in the game or something?
You’re going to die, lover.
You think?
Sarcasm won’t help. But if you spend your last remaining Luck point, you won’t die.
That was a no brainer. Spend the luck point.
Your wish is my command, master.
Color poured back into the gray jungle and my body accelerated. I didn’t even have time to think a thought before I smashed into—
POOF!
Something soft and spongy.
A dense cloud of yellow dust exploded around me, thick enough that I couldn’t see a thing except yellow everywhere. My body was shaken from the impact, something like belly flopping off a diving board, but I was pretty sure nothing was broken.
“Squaaaaawk!” The jungle harpy yelled from overhead.
I couldn’t see it because of the yellow cloud.
Thunk!
My spear punctured the ground two feet to my left. I could barely see it through the powdery yellow haze. What had I landed in that kicked up so much dust? Something with lots of pollen? Some kind of giant fungus? Was the dust poisonous? Did I want to breathe it? Did I have a choice?
The cloud was still thick and I was running out of air.
Hoping for the best, I inhaled through my nose and grabbed my spear. None too soon. The jungle harpy was a hazy shadow above me, wings beating. It was trying to clear the yellow haze
so it could see me.
I didn’t wait. I threw my spear.
The harpy screamed.
Critical Hit! You surprised your opponent and punctured her lung in the process!
Take that, you bitch.
The harpy’s wings folded and she fell instantly, crashing down only a few feet away, kicking up more yellow pollen. I wobbled toward her. The squishy surface of the yellow fungus rippled under my feet like a giant air mattress or a bouncy house, making it hard to maintain my balance, but I managed to stay upright.
The harpy was on her back, lying on the big yellow fungus, my spear sticking out from her ribs. She had both taloned hands on it, trying to pull it out. Blood leaked out around the shaft of the spear.
She was dying and she knew it. Her black eyes whirled around in panic.
She deserved to die.
She’d tried to drop me to my death.
It was her or me.
But I still felt terrible.
Death was never easy.
I needed my spear, but I didn’t want to pull it out. That might kill her quicker or make her death more painful. I didn’t know, but I didn’t want to do either. She was a living thing.
WHAM!
Something slammed into me and sent me flying. I landed ten feet away on another part of the spongy fungus. Another yellow cloud billowed up around me.
Big wings beat at the air.
“SCRAWK!”
Another harpy. And it sounded pissed.
Shit.
I was in trouble.
The second harpy climbed skyward, but I knew it was coming back soon. I examined it as quickly as possible.
Jungle Harpy Male
Level: 6
Health | Stamina: 310 | 220
Mana | Mind: 0 | 40
Size: Medium
Armor: 48
===============
Good | Evil: - | 65
Law | Chaos: - | 75
===============
Great. The male one was stronger than the female.
The first harpy died! You earned 800 XP!
You are now level 3!
+10 Health!
+10 Stamina!
You have 6 points to distribute to your ability scores and skills!
I tapped the roof of my mouth three times and accessed my character sheet as fast as I could. If I was going to fight another harpy, I needed health fast. At the last second, I changed my mind and dumped all 6 points into Speed. If they couldn’t hit you, they couldn’t kill you. To my surprise, my Armor went up to 26. With the 2 points from my loincloth and sandals, 24 of those points had come from my increased Speed and my Dodge skill. Not bad for being nearly naked. And my attacks per second doubled from 1 to 2.
I Xed out of all the menus as fast as I could.
A second later, the mad male harpy streaked past me like a blue bullet, but I easily jumped out of his way. Guess I’d made the right choice adding to Speed. The downside was my Health hadn’t improved and my left arm was killing me. Where were those Koboglin witch doctors when I needed them?
The male harpy wheeled around and landed at the edge of the spongy yellow fungus. Guy had no boobs to distract me, but he was more muscular. Great. As if the female harpy wasn’t strong enough. He flapped his huge wings and kicked his taloned feet forward, trying the same trick the female had. Like any animal, they all used similar instinctual fighting tactics.
This time I dodged easily and managed a sideways slash with my spear, cutting him deeply as I dove past and rolled. Wow, this increase in speed was well worth it.
The harpy squawked angrily, holding the fresh cut across his ribs with one taloned hand. Blood trickled over his fingers. Too bad it wasn’t enough to stop him. He stalked toward me, his head darting forward like an angry rooster with each step he took. These harpies may have looked semi-human, but their movements were 100% twitchy and birdlike. He stopped by the body of the female and leaned down, tapping his beaky nose toward her with quick jerks. Pissed, he glared at me and squawked again. He ruffled his feathers and puffed his chest while strutting angrily toward me.
Yeah, he wanted to kill me.
That was probably his girlfriend or wife I’d killed. Or sister.
“She attacked me, buddy. I was minding my own business.”
“Squawk!”
No sense arguing with a bird. Even if it looked half-human.
He flapped and jumped forward, lashing out with both taloned feat while buffeting me with his wings, which distracted me even though I knew it was coming. Claws raked my arms and legs despite my new quick moves. Probably would’ve been worse if I hadn’t been so much faster than before.
My Health dropped to 40%. Despite all the hits I’d taken in the last five minutes, my Stamina was still around 90%. Time to put that to work.
I started stabbing with my spear as fast as I could. My goal was to overwhelm this guy with my new speed, confuse him. Hit him high and low, left and right, go around his defenses.
A surge of power poured through my body and my spear went crazy, snapping at the harpy faster than I thought possible.
You unlocked a new skill! POWER ATTACK: Snake Strike. Level 1. Cost: 45 Stamina. Duration: 5 seconds. Effect: +10 Speed, +5 Accuracy, and +5 damage per attack. Surprise your enemies by attacking with lightning fast pin-point precision!
End result: I cut the guy apart.
Blue and gold feathers went flying.
Chunks of flesh hung loose all over his arms and torso.
He tried clawing me with his arms, but I was too quick to get hit. After my flurry of spear stabs, he backed off. I examined him to see how close I was to finishing him. His Health was down to 100. Half gone, but he could easily kill me if I wasn’t careful.
He launched himself at me, wings going wild.
I dove and rolled out of the way, coating half my body with powdery yellow pollen from the fungus. I was breathing hard after the Snake Strike. The next thing I knew, I was sneezing like crazy.
The harpy didn’t wait for me to recover. He went on the attack, clawing away and landing a couple of cutting blows.
Another 10% of my Health gone.
The fungus wasn’t helping me any at this point, so I tried to roll clear, but the bouncy surface sent me off in the wrong direction, and I ended up wedged down in a rut between fungus folds. More yellow pollen powdered all over my face. I started coughing and sneezing like crazy. At least I’d managed to hold onto my spear.
Harpy wings shadowed out the light. He dropped straight toward me, talons out. They flashed inches from my face. The rut in the fungus was too deep for him to reach. He landed on the fungus and reached down into the gap with a clawed hand, grazing my forehead.
It was a light cut, but blood instantly dribbled into my vision. I wiped my eyes with pollen covered fingers. Bad idea. My eyes now burned. I blinked as tears and blood blurred everything a hazy red.
More claws at my face.
I grabbed the harpy’s wrist and pulled hard.
He fell face first into the fungus, landing awkwardly in the spongy trench. It was a tight space with the two of us. I didn’t have any room to use my spear so I kneed him in his feather-bejeweled family jewels.
Oh yes he did! Your Fight Dirty skill just increased to level 2!
There’s more than one way to stun a harpy! Your Stun skill just increased to level 3!
The harpy sagged and moaned. He was out cold. The rest of his body slid into the trench pocket of the fungus, weighing down on me. He wasn’t close to dead, but he was definitely useless for a few seconds. I wrestled out from under him and climbed up and out of the cramped space onto the top of the fungus. Yellow pollen now literally covered me from head to toe like I was a walking yellow pollen monster. Another sneezing attack hit me. I needed to get off this damn fungus so I could breathe.
The harpy was still stuck head-first in the fungus trench, his wings spread out awkwardly on the rippled surface.
That’s when I realize
d my spear was down inside with him. I kicked his wing to make sure he was out. It retracted weakly. Was he faking? Waiting me for me to stick my head inside the fungal fold so he could do the same thing I’d done to him? That’s what I would’ve done. I could try pulling him out by the legs, but that would expose me to his taloned feet. Too dangerous.
Still sneezing, I tried to wipe as much pollen off my body as possible, but I was so sweaty it was now pasty and stuck to my skin. I’d have to worry about it later when I found a stream, hopefully one without giant piranhas or mutant alligator women with boobs.
I chuckled at the image.
I’d known a few women who could pass for mutant alligators, and all of them cried crocodile tears at the drop of a hat. But that was another story. Back to the situation at hand.
Since I didn’t want to climb into the trench with the male harpy, I grabbed him by the wing and dragged his body out of the crevice. He didn’t weigh nearly as much as I’d expected for his size. I guessed anything that flew had hollow bones. And his feathers added the illusion of mass. I lowered his body on top of the spongy fungus and watched him bleed slowly from all the spear cuts I’d given him. Some were pretty severe. I examined him and saw his Health was down to 80. Nowhere close to dying. As quick as I could, I reached down into the fungus fold and snatched out my spear.
Should I kill him?
I didn’t want to kill him.
But he’d wanted to kill me.
Would he try to finish the job when he woke up?
Or would we shake hands and go get jungle beers at the local jungle bar, even though I’d killed his wife, girlfriend, sister, or whatever she was? Probably not.