by Baron Sord
“You can have my sword,” Layna said without hesitation. “If you can cure him.”
“But you can’t have my bracers,” I said defensively. “I like my bracers.” I held one forearm up proudly and glared at her. “You ever hear that old saying, cold as a witches tit? I can make that happen.” I winked at her.
She pursed her lips again. “You ever hear that old saying, as shorn as a eunuch’s jewels? I can make that happen, and I don’t need magical bracers to do it.”
I frowned, “What does shorn mean?”
“Sheared,” she smiled. “Do you know what shears do? Or do you require a demonstration?”
“No!” Layna blurted. “It’s the curse! I swear it! We’ll give you the bracers!”
I said, “When you pry them from my cold dead—ow! Ty, would you let go of my neck?”
“Not while you still cursed, dawg.”
“Get him inside,” the old woman said. “Lay him down on the table while I sharpen my shears.”
“Uhhh,” I bit my lower lip nervously, “you don’t need shears to remove my, uh… curse, do you?”
“Not usually,” she chuckled, “but this time, I think the situation calls for it.”
Ty pushed me inside.
“No, wait! I like my curse! I don’t want to do this! I want to keep my jewels!” I turned to run but Ty, Qoorie, and Layna wrestled me inside and kicked the bamboo door closed.
“Heeeeeelp! Police! These hooligans are trying to steal my jewels!”
—: o o o :—
“We only have one hut available this late,” a bearded dwarven clerk said two hours later. She stood behind a wicker counter in a nightgown. Layna and I had woken her up when we’d entered the inn. And yes, the female dwarf had a thick beard. She wore it well. She also kept twinkling her eyes at me. Not my thing, but to each their own.
Ty and Qoorie stood on a bamboo walkway outside the inn, watching the waterfall, which they could almost touch from where they stood. Spray from the water cooled the air quite nicely.
Qoorie leaned over the railing into the inn and said to the dwarven clerk, “We’ll take it. Whatever you have is fine.” She let out a big yawn, showing teeth.
“Are they with you?” the clerk asked me, nodding at Ty and Q.
“Yeah, why?”
“Hmmm,” the clerk said. “Them staying here tonight might be a bad idea. There’s a Gorillan banana grower’s convention this weekend in Cliffside. They’ve filled most of our rooms. I’m not sure it would be a good idea.” She winced apologetically. “You know how Gorillan get when they’re around bananas. And Tigaren. Maybe you can try another inn?”
“We did,” Layna sighed. “They’re all full too.”
“Sorry,” the clerk shrugged, “It’s the convention.”
I nodded, smiling. “What’s your name?”
“Grunhelga.”
I rested my hand on top of hers on the wicker countertop. “That’s a nice name, Grunhelga. Reminds me of…” Rocks. Did dwarves like rocks? What the fuck did dwarves like? I’m sure Ty knew, because he was an encyclopedia when it came to Reternity, but I couldn’t stop and ask him now. Rocks it is. “Grunhelga reminds me of, uh… Mount, uh… Everest.”
“Everest?” Grunhelga asked doubtfully.
“In my world, Everest is the grandest mountain of them all. Taller than the tallest mountain. Higher than the highest cloud. They say that from the top of Everest, you can touch the stars.”
Grunhelga knit her brows, not liking where I was going.
“The moon?”
Grunhelga cringed. “Oh, I don’t like stars. Or heights.”
Help me here people, I’m not a dwarf. I said to her, “Right. Everest is the deepest mountain. Its roots touch the center of the world. It’s the oldest mountain. The, uh, wisest mountain.” I was laying the bullshit on with a mason’s trowel. Slop, slop, slop. But Grunhelga was fluttering her eyelashes, so I kept going. “In my world, Everest was born before all things. Everest is the center of all things. The seat and seed of all creation.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Layna said sarcastically, glaring at me.
“It sure is,” Grunhelga sighed breathily, batting eyelashes at me.
“I’d love to talk more about it,” I said, “but we really need to find a room, otherwise, will never get any sleep tonight.” I winked at her when I said “sleep” and heaped on the innuendo.
“Oh! You can stay here! I’m sure it’ll be okay. And we have a complimentary breakfast. I’m one of the serving maids.” She primped her beard like a human woman would’ve primped her hair. “I’ll save you a table. The dining balcony has a view of the entire canyon. You’ll love it!”
I smiled, “What about the Gorillans?”
She waved a hand. “Never mind them. I’ll throw them out on their ears if they start any trouble.” She leaned over the counter, crinkling her nose. She’d be showing cleavage through her nightgown if her beard wasn’t in the way, not that I cared. I couldn’t get past the beard.
You have unlocked a Mental Power! Flirtation. Level 1. Why pay when you got game? Use your looks and smooth talk to get what you want. Increase your Beauty and/or Charm to improve your chance of success.
We paid Grunhelga 25 gold for the night. She explained the price with the convention should’ve been 50 or more, but she was giving us the discount. Hint, hint.
She led us to our hut and opened the grass covered door. The room was tiny, but it was near the waterfall. The sound was soothing and perfect for sleeping.
“It only has two hammocks,” Grunhelga said. “Is that okay for the four of you?”
“It’s fine,” I said.
“I have an extra one,” she offered.
“Do you have two?” I said.
“Only one.”
“Can you bring it to us?”
“It’s in my room,” she giggled, batting her eyelashes again.
Ty yawned and said absently, “I’m sleeping on the balcony by the waterfall.”
“Me too,” Qoorie said. “It’s too hot inside. You two can have the hammocks.” She meant me and Layna.
I looked at Grunhelga and shrugged. “Guess we’re all set. We better get some sleep. Thanks again.” Now take a hike. I didn’t say it.
She deflated, taking the hint. “Don’t snore too loud.” She glared at Ty and Qoorie. “Tigarens are notorious snorers. I’d hate to think what would happen if you woke any Gorillans.” She was pursing her lips with irritation.
“Well, goodnight,” I smiled.
She looked at me, looked at Layna. Back at me. Sighed heavily and turned before pounding down the bamboo walkway.
“Heartbreaker,” Layna tittered.
I smirked, “I got us a room, didn’t I?”
She shrugged and walked into the room.
We were all tired. I was exhausted after the curse removal at Madam Hexe’s. She hadn’t shorn my jewels off, but she had reached ghostly hands into my chest and torn this ropey gooey black energy out of my body. It had scared the shit out of me and had taken my stamina down to 50%, but the old witch had assured me it would bounce back to full after a full night’s sleep and a good breakfast. When she was all done, she’d put the black energy in a crystal jar. I’d asked what she was going to do with it. She’d said she might sell it. I’d said I wanted a cut of the take. She’d chuckled in my face and told me I didn’t know what I was saying. She was probably right.
Ty and Qoorie were already on the balcony, taking their armor off. The night sky was crystal clear. I swear there were a million stars visible. It was beautiful. Layna and I said goodnight to them before climbing into our hammocks in the near darkness inside. We were only a few feet apart.
Minutes later, Ty and Q were already asleep, curled up together and breathing evenly.
“Sorry about all my evil bullshit today,” I whispered to Layna.
“Apology accepted. It really wasn’t your fault.”
“I still can’t believe a fucking c
omputer game could make me act like that.”
“But it did. Welcome to Reternity Online.”
“This place is insane.”
“Insanely addictive.” Her voice had a smile to it.
I sighed, thinking back over everything that had happened today. “Too bad I had to give Madam Hexe my ice bracers. Those were badass.”
“They were. Maybe a bit too badass. You know what they say about a man with a gun.”
Was she flirting? Was that a pun? I wasn’t sure. “What?
“He thinks he’s a god.”
“They say that?”
She sniffed a laugh.
I couldn’t read her in the dark. “At least she let you keep your sword.”
“Which one?” I chuckled.
“Both,” she giggled.
I grinned in the darkness, “I told you, I don’t need a second sword. I already have one.” We both knew what kind I meant.
“That remains to be seen,” she countered. “Besides, a frail human like you needs a better weapon than a mere spear. A good sword is ideal.” She wasn’t flirting.
So I did, “You know what they say about a man with a sword?”
“What?” Now she sounded amused.
“Every good sword needs a great scabbard.” Now I was totally flirting.
She laughed softly.
It was the greatest sound in the history of mankind.
“Go to sleep, Logan. You’ve had a long day. You need to build up your Stamina if I’m going to give you sword lessons tomorrow.”
“How about sword lessons tonight?” I couldn’t believe I’d said it, but I had.
“Talk to me tomorrow night. If you’re still up for it.”
Damn, she was laying it all out on the table, wasn’t she? My heart started to pound as I imagined her and me… Damn, just damn. I couldn’t believe I was attracted to somebody’s avatar.
Was I?
Maybe I was.
She added, “You know how hard of a teacher I can be.” It was a serious comment that harkened back to her kicking my ass during my initial spear training. “So get some sleep. You’ll need it.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Damn, I really liked Layna.
But I had something far more important on my mind. I felt guilty I’d forgotten this long.
“Hey, Layna,” I whispered.
“Mmmm?” She sounded half asleep.
“Is there a Divination Guild here in Cliffside?”
“There might be. I’ve never used one. Maybe Madam Hexe will know. We can ask her in the morning, but she might charge us for the information.”
“Can we ask somebody else?” I chuckled. “I’d like to keep my jewels.”
Layna snickered sleepily. “Go to sleep, Logan. If there is a Div Guild here, we won’t be able to afford their after-hours prices.”
“Good point.”
I took a deep breath, drifting toward sleep.
What was I thinking?
I needed to logout.
Before I did, I checked my character sheet.
Out of curiosity.
Not because my stats actually mattered.
King FarthurT
Human | Male
Level: 5.2
===============
>>> Luck: 0 <<<
===============
Health | Stamina: 230 | 190
Mana | Mind: 240 | 350
Attacks per Second: 2
Armor: 43
===============
Fame | Infamy: 2 | -
Good | Evil: 22 | -
Law | Chaos: 5 | 3
===============
-: 15 :- Strength
-: 16 :- Speed
-: 11 :- Accuracy
-: 15 :- Endurance
===============
-: 10 :- Intelligence
-: 15 :- Creativity
-: 11 :- Wisdom
-: 13 :- Willpower
===============
-: 21 :- Beauty
-: 10 :- Charm
-: 10 :- Respect
-: 10 :- Leadership
===============
MAGIC SPELLS
• None
===============
MENTAL POWERS
• Flirtation: Level 1.0
===============
WILD TALENTS
• None
===============
COMBAT SKILLS
• Disarm: Level 2.2
• Dodge: Level 4.1
• Fight Dirty: Level 2.7
• Grappling: Level 1.9
• Short Spear: Level 3.5
• Stalking: Level 1.4
• Stun: Level 2.7
• Surprise Attack: Level 1.0
• POWER ATTACK: Deadly Disembowel. Level 1.1
• POWER ATTACK: Snake Strike. Level 1.4
===============
GENERAL SKILLS
• Basic Jungle Survival: Level 1.0
• Climbing: Level 1.1
• Examination: Level 2.2
===============
Now that I had Flirtation, I guess adding points to Beauty hadn’t been a total waste. I also saw my Mind was getting really high. 350. Ty had been right. If I recalled, I needed to start putting more points into Willpower. He’d said that stat had the most effect on Mind. I wondered what other cool Mental Powers I could unlock.
There was no end to what you could do if you could sway the way people thought.
I’d think about it more tomorrow.
First, I needed to logout and tell Jason to get his ass to Cliffside ASAP. No reason to wait until we found a Divination Guild. I was slightly pissed at myself for not logging out the second after Madam Hexe had cured me, but I had been exhausted and nearly brain-dead from the exorcism or whatever it was, and only now was remembering RO wasn’t the real world.
It was the fake world.
But it was damn convincing.
Man, this game was messing with my head in a bad way.
—: o o o :—
Monday, March 16th, 2037
11:14pm
The Real World
Back in my apartment, my breath was rank and my pits stank.
I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom once again. Time sure flew when I was in Reternity Online. I hadn’t decided if that was good or bad.
No, it was bad.
Because I just realized I’d never called anybody to cover my shift last night. As proof, I had an annoying voicemail on my phone from Paulie, the owner of Opal. I gave him a quick call. Got his voicemail. Pretended to hack up a lung while saying I had the flu and I was out until at least Thursday. I needed my job, but it was my last priority right now.
The next thing I did was call Dad and tell him to wake up Jason. I waited patiently while Dad put on his back brace and went to get him.
Ten minutes later, Jason stood outside the apartment, holding the phone. He whispered, “What’s up? You know where you’re at in RO?”
“I’m in Cliffside. Come get me.”
Jason’s shoulders sagged with disappointment, “Which one?”
“Huh?”
“Which Cliffside?”
“Dude, how many can there be?”
“This isn’t the Forgotten Realms. It’s a whole damn planet. RO has at least 20 Cliffsides I know of.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No. Which one are you in?”
“The one built into the side of a cliff? In the jungle? Around a waterfall?”
Jason grimaced, “That describes half the ones I know of.”
I listed every detail I could think of, including Madam Hexe.
Jason said, “Madam who?”
I realized it was ridiculous to think Jason knew everybody and every place inside of Reternity. There had to be something that set my Cliffside apart from the rest. But what… “Wait! They’re having some kind of Gorillan banana grower’s convention! That’s gotta be unique.”
“Dude,
that’s like saying they’re having a state fair. The US has 50 state fairs every year and RO has at least that many banana grower’s conventions. And do you have any idea how many Gorillan crafters grow bananas for a living?”
Obviously, the answer was a lot. I said hopefully, “Yeah, but you can look up any state fair online. Find the right one in a few minutes.”
“This is RO we’re talking. It doesn’t have the internet. I can’t just Google ‘RO banana grower’s conventions’ because that data is proprietary to NeuraSoft.”
“Why not?”
“Why not what?”
“Google it.” With him still on the phone, I pulled up an internet browser and typed that exact query into Google. “Maybe it’ll show up on a forum or something. Don’t you gamers post all over about what you do in the game?”
“You have a point. I’ll check too. There’s a few places other than Google that might turn something up. And while you’re at it, Google ‘Reternity Online Cliffside’ and see if any images look familiar.”
Five minutes later, all we’d found were listings for real world banana conventions from 3 or more years ago. Nothing for RO banana conventions. As for RO Cliffside pictures, I only found 4, and I didn’t recognize any of them.
I sighed, “You were right.”
“What’d I tell you?” Jason said, not happy about it.
Frustrated, I groaned, “I thought you knew this place like the back of your hand.”
“Did you forget the part where I said RO is as big as planet Earth and growing?”
“Yeah, but how many fucking Cliffsides can there be in one damn game?”
“Do you know how many cities in the US are named Springfield?”
I smirked, “Do you mean other than the one on the Simpsons?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know. Two?”
“More than 35.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look it up. If you want to talk about the entire world, look up how many places are named San Jose.”
I scowled, “More than 35?”
“Over 1700. Reternity is no different. As names go, Cliffside is less original than San Jose or Springfield. Believe me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Reternity has another 50 or 100 Cliffsides I’ve never heard of or been to. In other words, you could be anywhere. And, RO doesn’t have Google Maps. You need to find a Divination Guild.”