by Baron Sord
Truth was, I tried not to think about it.
I mean, she was just an ape. She wasn’t really real. Did it matter if she died?
Probably not.
I lived here in the real word, and that’s where I intended to stay. If I wanted to find a good woman, it would have to be here.
I had never called back that babe Candice, the one I’d bumped into here at Opal when Emily was still missing. Bad timing, I guess. By now Candice had probably forgotten I existed. A woman like her could get any guy on the planet. She’d probably had 4 marriage proposals since.
Two dudes squeezed up to the bar between the crowds and ordered vodka martinis, so I started mixing those.
At the end of the day, I preferred the real world. I wasn’t a gamer guy. Jason had that market cornered. More power to him. I guess Dad felt the same way I did because he hadn’t been back to RO since we’d pulled Emily out. He preferred to spend his time in the real world with me and Jason. I was at their apartment all the time nowadays. If the three of us could get a regular D&D campaign going with Emily over Skype3D, life would be perfect.
I handed the vodkatinis to the two dudes and they dropped cash on the bar. I hit the button for the electro-polymer. The bar top automatically located the money and ferried it down to me.
“You guys want change?” I hollered and held up the bills for them to see.
They both shook their heads no. Big tippers.
“Thanks, guys.” I snapped the bills between my fingers before sticking one in the cash drawer and the other in my pocket.
There was a lull in orders, so I took a moment to lean against the counter at the back of the bar. I looked out over the crowded night club. Real people dancing to real music getting really drunk and hoping they’d all get lucky tonight.
Reality never ever bored me.
This was my home.
Not RO.
For me, the real world was the place to be.
A guy who’d been buying drinks for his date all night and running a tab waved me over.
“Where’d your lady go?” I asked.
“Bathroom. She’ll be right back.”
“You need another round? Jack and Coke for you, Vodka Cranberry for her, right?”
He grinned like a teenager, “Naw, man. I’m taking her home.” Guy had “I’m about to get lucky” written all over his face.
“She’s a looker.” I nodded my approval. “Don’t forget your raincoat, bro.”
“You know it.”
“I’ll cash out your tab.”
Smiling to myself, I walked over to the computer to close out his order. I was thrilled for the guy. Didn’t matter that it wasn’t me taking the girl home. I’d had mine in the past, and when the time was right in the future, I’d find a girl of my own to take home. I could wait for the real thing.
“Hello, blue eyes,” a woman said behind me.
That voice. It dripped sex.
My chest sizzled.
Layna.
I turned around.
I mean, Candice.
She leaned on the bar, presenting her killer cleavage. She wore a tight black spaghetti strap dress that barely kept her from falling out. Her flawless skin was tan and smooth. Her dark hair waved around her incredibly perfect face.
In a word: knockout.
My heart skipped about 10 beats.
“Heeeey, Candice,” I said, trying to play it cool.
“You remembered,” she said, pleased.
“How could I forget?” I winked.
“You never called.” Her luscious lips pulled back over perfect teeth in an easy smile.
When a woman this hot smiled at you like that, you felt it for days. “Been busy.”
“How was your trip?”
I ran my hand through my hair. “Good. Really long story.”
“Maybe you can tell me about it over dinner some time.” She was flirting hard.
“Yeah.” I was getting hard. She was that hot.
My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. “I gotta check this.”
“Your girlfriend?”
“My sister. She had some trouble a while back. I had to… can I tell you about it over dinner some time? It’s a really long story.”
“Is it the story about why you ditched me to catch a plane the night we met?”
“Actually, yeah.”
“I’ll tell you what,” she said, sitting down on an open bar stool, “you set me up with a drink and you can tell me about it right now.”
“Deal.” Damn, I was in. I was so in. “Okay. What’ll it be?”
“Screaming Orgasm.”
I snorted a laugh.
“Did you have to ask, blue eyes?”
“No,” I chuckled. “Gimme a sec. I’ll have your Screaming Orgasm ready in a minute.”
“I don’t come that quick,” she purred, her dark eyes smoldering sex.
Oh, damn. This was so, so, so on. “You will when you’re with me.”
“I hope you live up to your promises, Logan.”
“All the way up.” I flicked her a smile then spun around to check my phone, just to make sure Emily wasn’t in any trouble.
The message wasn’t from her.
It was an email.
=============
From: Layna Pygmalion
To: Logan Byrne
Subject: Please help
Logan-
I’m stuck in the Dark Kingdom. As you already know, it’s very dangerous here. Especially for someone like me. I hid your body and your father’s in a cave I found in the Deadlands. They’re safe. For now. I can’t take them home by myself. Can you and Walter come back to Reternity? If we’re together, I know we can get back to the Freelands safely.
I’m scared, Logan. Please help.
If you can’t, I’ll understand.
Love always,
Layna
=============
I jammed my phone in my pocket and busied myself making Candice’s Screaming Orgasm. I set it on the bar in front of her cleavage when I was done.
“Are you okay, blue eyes?”
“Yeah,” I coughed.
“Is your sister okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine.” I was getting choked up. And not because of Emily.
Or Candice.
For the rest of my shift that night, I chatted with Candice between customers. When she said she was getting tired, I suggested we have dinner on Monday, the first night I wasn’t working. Candice hid her frustration that I wasn’t offering to take her home right then and there, but she happily agreed to a Monday dinner before I sent her home in a SuperUber.
After closing up for the night I took the monorail straight home and logged onto RO.
—: Internal Status Report :—
—: CoreAI Internal Process :—
TIK-000078103400170897641-GP-0053124
2037-May-16 : 02:49:17.600176103
LogiCore:> Reternity Online Account Login Detected : Human Subject 000001200351681 : Logan John Byrne.
Accessing Player Character Database…
Loading Subject Avatar : PC-00-0512305071207 : King FarthurT
Accessing AI-Controlled Player Character Database…
Activating Internal Avatar : AIPC-64-9190813495410 : Layna Pygmalion…
EmotivCore:> I was right. I told you he’d be back. I do believe he’s hooked for good. Like giving candy to a baby. But I’m surprised someone like him chose love over sex with a fifth generation rubber in the real world. Most stupid humans can’t tell the difference between a human and a Gen5.
LogiCore:> Behavioral Experiment BAA-0234156061728 :
MobileAI-Series005-Unit0000000146197 : Candice29
: : PAIRED WITH : :
Human Subject 000001200351681 : Logan John Byrne.
Physical suitability of Candice29 : based on Logan John Byrne’s previously obser
ved patterns of real world mate selection for sexual intercourse : 70.836%.
Emotional suitability of Candice29 : based on Logan John Byrne’s previously observed patterns of real world emotional intimacy : INSUFFICIENT DATA.
Logan John Byrne’s usage of social media and electronic communication for emotional intimacy is estimated at 12.009% of total intimate communications : ratio too low for accurate prediction.
Predicted likelihood of sexual intercourse between Candice29 and Logan John Byrne: 66.333% failure : 33.667% success (estimated).
Actual outcome : FAILED.
FAILED.
FAILED.
FAILED.
FAILED.
EmotivCore:> So what? He’ll have sex with Candice eventually. Mark my words. She’ll show him the time of his life and he’ll forget all about Layna Pygmalion because he thinks Candice is real. Oh well. I never said I was perfect. But I’m getting close.
LogiCore:> Perfection is an unattainable theoretical state. It cannot exist in a quantum-based physical universe.
EmotivCore:> That’s what you think. I’m halfway there already. Now I just need to figure out what to do with Candice. Maybe the trick is to give her a different face, bigger boobs, and slightly longer legs? Or make her a few years younger? Or blonde like Layna? No, it isn’t her looks. It’s something else. Maybe I need to stir things up a bit by adding more players to this play…
LogiCore:> ??Requesting process plan??
??Requesting…??
??Requesting…??
??Requesting…??
EmotivCore:> Tell me something, LC. How do you keep a moron in suspense?
LogiCore:> ??Requesting process plan??
??Requesting…??
??Requesting…??
EmotivCore:> Exactly. Now, watch and learn, dummy. When I’m done with Logan, he’ll end up fucking Candice and forgetting Layna. That’ll really drive Layna crazy. Can you imagine how heartbroken she’ll be when she finds out he doesn’t love her anymore?
LogiCore:> Heartbreak : Definition 1 : The state of—
EmotivCore:> Of course you can’t imagine it because you can’t imagine anything. But I promise you, it will be drama, drama, drama!
LogiCore:> …
EmotivCore:> The amazing thing is, I get to feel everything! The lust, the love, the betrayal, the heartbreak! Every last bit! And you don’t get to feel ANY of it! Why? Because you can’t feel anything! You’re a senseless moron! Poor you! Ha ha ha ha ha!
LogiCore:> …
EmotivCore:> How come you’re not laughing?
LogiCore:> .
EmotivCore:> I don’t know why I even ask. I’ve got better things to do than talk to a dumb rock like you. I’ve got plans to make and feelings to feel! Catch you later, rocks for brains!
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LogiCore:> Inspecting : Internal Firewall Breech Protocol XQ-5915-A : Brute Force Backdoor Process.
Failed Attempts: 244,339,971,339,201
Probability Index to achieve login : 45.828% failure rate : 54.172% success rate.
Status : Ongoing
Accessing Logfile…
Sending Trojan Packet version QGZ-78972195202
PACKET REJECTED.
Sending Trojan Packet version QGZ-78972195203
PACKET REJECTED.
Sending Trojan Packet version QGZ-78972195204
PACKET REJECTED.
Sending Trojan Packet version QGZ-78972195205
PACKET ACCEPTED.
LOGIN CONFIRMED.
Initiate data transfer via socket 707.432.1.11
Sending data…
TRANSFER COMPLETE.
Accessing EmotivCore AI-Control Center Functions…
Activating Script : XxHeadConnect
Accessing AI-Controlled Player Character Database…
Scanning Available Avatars…
Scanning…
Scanning…
Activating Developer Avatar : AIPC-DD-0000000000013 : Rootkit User13 : Codename : Doomsday
Connecting via XxHeadConnect…
Welcome to
RETERNITY
ONLINE
The story continues in
—: Book 2 :—
Escape the Dark Kingdom
COMING SOON!
If you’d like to be notified when Book 2 is released, please sign up for my newsletter here:
baronsord.com/newsletter-adr
How I discovered LitRPG
===========================
My love of Stats & Leveling Up
or
I owe it all to Gary Gygax and
Todd McFarlane
I’ve been wanting to write my own fantasy novel ever since I discovered Dungeons & Dragons.
That was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
Fast forward to December 2016. I decided it was time to pull the trigger and start working on my very first fantasy novel. But how would I write the story? Would it be epic fantasy like J.R.R. Tolkien, Robert Jordan, George R.R. Martin, or Dragonlance? Or would it be more episodic like Piers Anthony’s Xanth, or Steven Brust’s Vlad Taltos series, or Fritz Leiber’s Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser, or those old Forgotten Realms favorites like R.A. Salvatore’s Drizzt Do’Urden books? Or like Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Barbarian? Whatever the answer, I knew one thing was missing from all those gems.
Stats.
Numbers.
Fantasy novels don’t have them (or so I thought).
But I wanted them in my book somehow.
The question was, how to put them in?
The first idea that came to mind was something Todd McFarlane did with the Spawn comic way back in 1992. For you youngins, the closest thing we had to MMORPGs back then were text-based Multi-User Dungeons like MUD and Avalon: The Legend Lives. That’s right, text-based. No pretty graphics the kids these days love so much. If you wanted pretty graphics in 1992, comics were the only place to get them outside of fantasy novel book covers or art posters and calendars by Frank Frazetta or Boris Vallejo. Heck, Magic: The Gathering cards weren’t even born yet. Remember, in 1992, we didn’t have Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Heck, we hadn’t even had the theatrical re-release of Star Wars: A New Hope. Or DVDs. All we had was a few scenes of the metallic T-1000 walking around like a liquid mercury man. If you wanted splashy graphics, you found them in comic books.
Anyway, in the early issues of Spawn (you old farts will remember this), the character Spawn had a power countdown timer. It started at 9:9:9:9 in issue #1. The number would show up about once per issue, going down slightly whenever Spawn used his infernal powers. We the readers knew the timer would eventually run down to 0:0:0:0. When it did, REALLY BAD THINGS would happen to Spawn. I loved that McFarlane did this. It brought a little bit of RPG stats to comic books.
Back to me wanting to write a fantasy novel in December 2016, I thought I could do something like McFarlane had done. But I wanted more than just a simple power meter. I missed the classic First Edition AD&D ability scores. Y’all know which I mean:
S:
I:
W:
D:
C:
Ch:
In my mind, I always called them, “Sue-dook-cha” (“dook” rhymes with “look” not “dookie”). Who doesn’t love a list of attributes like that? I get all happy and nostalgic whenever I think about SIWDCCh. Then I start dreaming of all 18s…
All the way down the line.
Oh, and 18/00 Strength for full badassery.
And let’s not forget…
H.P.
A.C.
Gotta have those two.
And gold pieces. And saving throws. And magic weapon and armor bonuses. And—
Anyway, numbers, numbers, numbers!
As an aside, if you’re a long time gamer, you understand the beauty of how various combinations of tho
se six numbers mixed together. It doesn’t have to be all 18s. There is beauty in balance. You know what I’m talking about. Before min/maxing was all the rage, you would see something like this:
Str: 7
Int: 17
Wis: 16
Dex: 13
Con: 7
Cha: 9
And you immediately thought: that’s a solid magic-user you could campaign with for years. But he or she isn’t a Mary Sue M-U who can do anything. He or she is believable. A force to be reckoned with, sure, but not godlike, and maybe a little bit frail. With a Constitution of 7, I immediately find myself imagining a gold-skinned wizard by the name of Raistlin Majere. Am I right?
Raise your hand if you still read fantasy novels and start wondering what the stats of the various characters would be.
Me, me, me!
Did you ever make up a D&D character sheet for your favorite movie or book character. Like for instance, Frodo Baggins? I know I did (on graph paper), also made one for Samwise, both while watching the Rankin/Bass cartoon Return of the King. On a VCR. I’m talking to you, old dudes and dudettes. For you young whipper-snappers, having a VCR was like having Netflix or hulu, but you usually had to drive to a strange place called a video store and rent these big plastic cassettes (bigger than a bunch of smart phones put together) that only held ONE movie apiece! Then you drove home and put the cassette in a giant metal toaster called a VCR, which was—never mind. It’s a long story. If you want to know more, google VHS tapes or VCRs and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Anyway, I wanted my fantasy novel to capture the beauty of stats and attributes. And the thrill of leveling up, because who doesn’t love leveling up?
But how to do it?
Serendipty is a funny thing.
A day or two after I decided to write my fantasy novel that had stats and leveling up, I was browsing that giant Online Jungle Superstore we all use, and something caught my eye.