Whatever the contestants decided to propose, their designs had to meet two other criteria: 1) the structure had to be self-financing—it had to attract enough ticket-buying visitors to the exposition to pay for its own construction; and 2) it had to be a temporary structure that could be torn down easily at the end of the Exposition.
MERCI…BUT NON, MERCI
More than 100 proposals were submitted by the May 18 deadline. Most were fairly conventional, but some were downright weird. One person proposed building a huge guillotine; another suggested erecting a 1,000-foot-tall sprinkler to water all of Paris during droughts; a third suggested putting a huge electric light atop the tower that—with the help of strategically placed parabolic mirrors—would provide the entire city “eight times as much light as is necessary to read a newspaper.”
No wonder he’s fat: U.S. kids leave an estimated 812 million cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve.
NO CONTEST
The truth was, none of them had a chance. By the time the contest was announced, Alexandre-Gustave Eiffel—a 53-year-old structural engineer already considered France’s “master builder in metal” had the job sewn up. (He would later become as le Magicien du Fer—“the Iron Magician.”)
Weeks earlier, he had met with French minister Edouard Lockroy and presented plans for a wrought iron tower he was ready to build. Eiffel had already commissioned 5,329 mechanical drawings representing the 18,038 different components that would be used. Lockroy was so impressed that he rigged the contest so only Eiffel’s design would win.
JOINT VENTURE
In January 1887, Eiffel signed a contract with the French government and the City of Paris. Eiffel & Company, his engineering firm, agreed to contribute $1.3 million of the tower’s estimated $1.6 million construction cost. In exchange, Eiffel would receive all revenues generated by the tower during the Exposition…and for 20 years afterward. (The government agreed to leave the tower up after the Exposition.) Afterward, full ownership reverted to the City of Paris. They could tear it down if they wanted.
MONEY MACHINE
Unlike other public monuments, the Eiffel Tower was designed to make money from the very beginning. If you wanted to take the elevator or the stairs to the first story, you had to pay 2 francs; going all the way to the top cost 5 francs (Sundays were cheaper). That was just the beginning: restaurants, cafes, and shops were planned for the first story; a post office, telegraph office, bakery, and printing press were planned for the second story. In all, the tower was designed to accommodate up to 10,416 paying customers at a time.
Which goes up, stalactites or stalagmites? Try this: “When the mites go up, the tights come down.”
GROUNDBREAKING
Construction began on January 26, with not a moment to spare. With barely two years left to build the tower in time for the opening of the Exposition, Eiffel would have to build the tower more quickly than any similar structure had been built before. The Washington Monument, just over half the Eiffel Tower’s size, had taken 36 years to complete.
PARISIAN PARTY POOPERS
A 1,000-foot tower would dwarf the Parisian skyline and overpower the city’s other landmarks, including Notre Dame, the Louvre, and the Arc de Triomphe. When digging started on the foundation, more than 300 prominent Parisians signed a petition protesting the tower. They claimed that Eiffel’s “hollow candlestick” would “disfigure and dishonor” the city. But Eiffel and the city ignored the petition, and work continued uninterrupted
OTHER FEARS
The tower still had its critics. A French mathematics professor predicted that when the structure passed the 748-foot mark, it would inevitably collapse; another “expert” predicted that the tower’s lightning rods would kill all the fish in the Seine.
The Paris edition of the New York Herald claimed the tower was changing the weather; and the daily newspaper Le Matin ran a headline story claiming “The Tower Is Sinking.” “If it has really begun to sink,” Le Matin pontificated, “any further building should stop and sections already built should be demolished as quickly as possible.” As the tower’s progress continued unabated, however, a sense of awe began to replace the fear.
Part II of the story begins on page 349.
***
Interesting Sidelight
August Eiffel also designed and built the iron skeleton that holds up the Statue of Liberty.
In her films, Shirley Temple always had 56 curls in her hair.
SPACED-OUT SPORTS
Our friend Tim Harrower, an awesome talent in sniffing out Bathroom Reader material, came up with these quotes from sports announcers and interviews and graciously sent them our way.
“We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.”
—Barry Beck,
N.Y. Ranger, explaining
how a brawl started
“He fakes a bluff!”
—Ron Fairly,
S.F. Giants announcer
“Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall—and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres.”
—Jerry Coleman,
S.D. Padres radio announcer,
describing a fly ball hit by a
member of the opposing team
“We are experiencing audio technicalities.”
—Ralph Kiner,
N.Y. Mets announcer
“If I wasn’t talking, I wouldn’t know what to say.”
—Chico Resch,
N.Y. Islanders goalie
“Arnie, usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putt. However, he has no trouble dropping his shorts.”
—Golf broadcaster,
during a tournament
“Kansas City is at Chicago tonight—or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter…Kansas City leads in the eighth, 4 to 4.”
—Jerry Coleman,
Padres announcer, going
through the scoreboard on air
“His reputation preceded him before he got here.”
—Don Mattingly,
N.Y. Yankees’ star, on
new pitcher Dwight Gooden
“Lintz steals second standing up! He slid, but he didn’t have to.”
—Jerry Coleman,
Padres announcer
“I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate.”
—Dennis Rappaport, boxing
manager, explaining his silence
regarding boxer Thomas Hearns
“It’s about 90 percent strength and 40 percent technique.”
—Johnny Walker,
wrist-wrestling champion, on
what it takes to be a winner
“Today is Father’s Day, so everyone out there: Happy Birthday!”
—Ralph Kiner,
Mets announcer
The average meteor is no larger than a grain of sand.
ELVIS SINGS OPERA
In 1956 it would have been impossible to imagine swivel-hips Elvis Presley singing “O Sole Mio.” But when he did, it sold 20 million copies. This piece is from Behind the Hits, by Bob Shannon and John Javna.
In March 1960, Elvis returned to the United States after serving a two-year hitch in the Army. He was greeted not only by loyal fans, but by a friendly press. Reporters who’d derided him in the 1950s as a “no-talent” or worse were impressed by his role as a model soldier.
Elvis rewarded these new allies in a number of ways. He appeared on TV with Frank Sinatra, the man who’d scathingly denounced rock ’n’ roll as “a rancid-smelling aphrodisiac.” He launched a series of innocuous film musicals that were more Pat Boone than raunchy rocker. And in his records, he moved away from rock ’n’ roll. The new “improved” Elvis was suddenly acceptable to radio stations that wouldn’t go near his material even a year earlier. By the mid-1960s, he was winning Grammys for religious music; eventually he became a mainstream demigod.
And it
all started with “It’s Now or Never.”
THE KING…OF OPERA?
“It’s Now or Never” is based on an Italian operatic theme called “O Sole Mio,” composed in 1901 by Eduardo di Capua. It was popularized in America by Mario Lanza, who sang it in Italian; then it was popularized again in 1949 by Tony Martin, who sang an English “translation” called “There’s No Tomorrow.”
But what was Elvis the Pelvis doing, singing like Mario Lanza? Actually, the King had always admired crooners like Dean Martin and operatic voices like Lanza’s. As he told a reporter later:
“O Sole Mio” has always been one of my favorite songs. I liked the Tony Martin version…and I often played the record by Jan Pierce, the opera singer. I used to sing it myself. I don’t read music, but I know what I like.
Assuming Rudolph’s in front, there are 40,320 ways to arrange Santa’s eight other reindeer.
CREATING THE SONG
Elvis decided to record the song while he was still stationed in Germany. He told music publisher Freddie Bienstock, who was there to visit him, that he wanted new lyrics to it. Bienstock returned to New York and went straight to his office with the news. As it happens, only two writers were working there that day—Wally Gold and Aaron Schroeder. By being in the right place at the right time, they picked up the most coveted assignment in pop music.
Wally Gold: “Elvis was a plum….All the writers, we all wrote our behinds off when a project like that was presented to us. This time we were lucky because we were the only ones sitting in the office. We jumped in a cab to go to Aaron’s studio. We got the title in the cab, the melody was already written, and in half an hour we knocked off the lyric. We brought it back to Freddie the same day and he said, “Great! Terrific! Go do a demo.” [A demonstration recording, so the artist can hear what the song sounds like with instruments, etc.] And we did.”
THE ELVIS METHOD
This was a typical Elvis procedure. If a song was accepted by Bienstock, the writers would make a demo—and if Elvis liked it, he’d record it exactly as it was on the demo. For “It’s Now or Never,” Gold and Schroeder made an up-tempo, cha-cha-flavored arrangement. Elvis loved it (it became his favorite of all his records), and recorded it in the same sessions as the Elvis Is Back LP, right after he got out of the Army.
Wally Gold: “It was enormous. Number one in every market of the world, which made it, I believe, the #1 single of his entire recording career. Worldwide it sold more than twenty million. For a few issues we were in the Guinness Book as the largest-selling single in the history of music….Aaron wrote other hits, I wrote other hits, but a song we finished in a half hour was the biggest of our career!”
****
“I don’t know anything about music. In my line, you don’t have to.”
—Elvis Presley
World record: A tornado blew a canceled check 137 miles, from Wisconsin to Michigan, in 1996.
CANINE QUOTES
A few thoughts about man’s best friend.
“You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would have thought of that!’”
—Dave Barry
“They say the dog is man’s best friend. I don’t believe that. How many friends have you had neutered?”
—Larry Reeb
“My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip.”
—Craig Shoemaker
“Outside a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside a dog it’s too dark to read.”
—Groucho Marx
“If a dog will not come to you after he has looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.”
—Woodrow Wilson
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
—Max Eastman
“Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.”
—Morecai Siegal
“Every dog should have a man of his own. There is nothing like a well-behaved person around the house to spread the dog’s blanket for him, or bring him his supper when he comes home man-tired at night.”
—Corey Ford
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”
—Aldous Huxley
“To err is human, to forgive canine.”
—Anonymous
“Dogs have more love than integrity. They’ve been true to us, yes, but they haven’t been true to themselves.”
—Clarence Day
“Every dog is entitled to one bite.”
—English proverb
The average American buys 17 yards of dental floss each year.
AFTER THE FUNERAL
Your grave is supposed to be your final resting place. But that isn’t always the case, especially if you’re famous. Take a look at what happened to these unfortunate folks.
ABE LINCOLN
Claim to Fame: 16th president of the United States
How He Died: Assassinated by John Wilkes Booth on April 14,1865
After the Funeral: On April 21, his body was laid to rest in a temporary vault in Springfield, Illinois, while a permanent mausoleum was under construction. The body was moved three more times, then entombed in the National Lincoln Monument on October 15, 1874. But in 1876 a ring of counterfeiters made two attempts to kidnap the body and hold it hostage until an accomplice was freed from prison; the second attempt was nearly successful—it was foiled just as the conspirators were prying open the sarcophagus.
Between 1876 and 1901, Lincoln’s body was moved 14 more times—sometimes for security reasons, other times to repair the dilapidated crypt. In 1901 Old Abe was laid to rest a final (so far) time. As his son Robert supervised, the coffin was encased in steel bars and buried under tons of cement. As far as anyone can tell, Abe hasn’t been moved since.
FRANCISCO PIZARRO
Claim to Fame: 16th-century Spanish explorer and conquistador of the Incas
How He Died: Stabbed to death by his countrymen in 1541 in a feud over Incan riches
After the Funeral: Pizarro’s body was buried behind the cathedral in Lima on the night he died, where it remained for 2 1/2 years. In 1544, his bones were exhumed, placed in a velvet-lined box, and deposited under the main altar of the cathedral.
Pizarro’s remains were moved repeatedly over the next 350 years because of earthquakes, repair work on the cathedral, and other reasons. On the 350th anniversary of his death, in 1891, a mummified body authenticated as his was placed in a glass and marble sarcophagus, which was set out for public display.
In 1995, 8,000 kids were poisoned by eating cigarette butts.
Then in 1977, some workers repairing a crypt beneath the main altar found two boxes—one lined with velvet and filled with human bones. The other box bore the Spanish inscription, “Here is the skull of the Marquis Don Francisco Pizarro who discovered and won Peru and placed it under the crown of Castile.”
Which body was Pizarro’s? In 1984, forensics experts from the United States flew to Peru to compare the two sets of remains and determined that the bones in the boxes were those of Pizarro. (The box itself fit the historical description, and of the two sets of bones, the ones in the boxes were the only ones with stab wounds.)
Aftermath: When Pizarro’s bones were positively identified, they were placed in a box in the glass sarcophagus, and the “impostor” mummy (who was never identified) was returned to the crypt underneath the altar.
JOHN PAUL JONES
Claim to Fame: Revolutionary War hero, founding father of the U.S. Navy, and the man who said, “I have not yet begun to fight”
How He Died: Kidney disease and bronchial pneumonia. Jones was one of the greatest heroes of the American Revolution, but that counted for little when he died in Paris on July 18, 1792. Rather than pay to ship the body back to the United States for burial, the American ambassador to France instructed Jones’s landlord to bury him “in t
he most private manner, and at the least possible expense.”
After the Funeral: In 1899, 107 years later, another U.S. ambassador to France, Horace Porter, became obsessed with locating Jones’s grave and returning it to the United States for a proper hero’s burial. Nobody knew where in Paris Jones was buried, but after six years of searching, Porter was pretty sure he was buried in a cemetery for Protestants. The cemetery, abandoned decades earlier, had since had an entire neighborhood built on top of it.
Acting on information that Jones had been buried in a lead casket, Porter hired a digging party to tunnel under the neighborhood and search for a lead casket among the hundreds of rotting and exposed wooden caskets. They found three lead coffins—and Jones was in the third. His body was so well preserved that it was identified by comparing the face to military medals inscribed with Jones’s likeness. An American Naval Squadron returned him to the U.S. Naval Academy in July 1905…where the body was stored under a staircase in a dormitory for seven more years until Congress finally appropriated enough money to build a permanent crypt.
Word of caution: On average, U.S. hospitals treat 120 toilet seat-related injuries every day.
JESSE JAMES
Claim to Fame: Wild West bank and train robber
How He Died: Shot by one of his gang members on April 3,1882
After the Funeral: In the years after his death, several men came forward claiming to be the “real” Jesse James, arguing that the person in the grave was someone else. In September 1995, the remains were exhumed and their DNA was compared with James’s living descendants. Result: It was him.
ZACHARY TAYLOR
Claim to Fame: 12th president of the United States
How He Died: On July 4, 1850, Taylor ate a bowl of fresh cherries and iced milk. Hours later, he complained of stomach pains and diarrhea; on July 9 he died.
Historians have always assumed Taylor died of natural causes; but rumors that he was poisoned with arsenic have persisted since his death. Taylor opposed the extension of slavery into newly admitted states; conspiracy theorists speculated he was murdered by pro-slavery forces.
Uncle John’s Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader Page 11