Brandon had just moved back from Cape Town where he’d worked at a school for troubled teens and was due to start working as the in-house therapist at Walter Forest on Monday. Kevin thought that a day out would be a fun way to introduce the boys to him, and with Brandon being a three-time Supercross champion, what better way to do that than have Brandon teach the boys how to ride?
Israel settled a bit but didn’t relinquish the grip on my hand. At least he didn’t look quite as terrified but he still regarded Brandon with suspicion. Like Brandon, Israel spent most of his life moving from foster home to foster home. Some of his foster parents were good people, some not so good, some downright evil. Because of this, he’d learnt never to trust strangers.
Brandon lay his cap on the ground, his glasses resting next to it. “Hey, Israel, that’s a great name you have. You know who else has a great name?” He pointed to me. “My friend Claire.” He smiled at Israel but the kid still looked about three seconds away from losing his breakfast. “I don’t know if you know this but she has a really special name, one that only a few people know and one that only special people can use. Would you like me to tell you what it is?”
Israel remained silent and Brandon stayed where he was, slowly lifting his hand to run through his hat hair. Israel didn’t flinch, which I took as a good sign.
“Thing is,” Brandon continued, “Kevin really doesn’t like people calling her by her special name. He gets really mad at me when I use it. Isn’t that right, Kev?”
Kevin knelt down and squeezed Israel’s shoulder. “It’s true. Can’t have just anyone schmoozing my girl. Y’know what I mean?”
Israel nodded and relaxed his hand some. I could see his breathing even out and feel some of the panic leave him.
Brandon straightened and took a tentative step forward all under the guise of picking up his cap. “I think since you look to be taking such good care of Claire, we should let you in on her secret name. What do you say, Kev?”
Kevin stood and took a step back. “Gee, I dunno.” He scratched his chin and I had to say this performance he was putting on made me doubt his nomination. He was overacting so much and I found myself holding back the giggles. “He’s pretty smooth, all I have going for me is the name.”
Brandon’s acting was way worse. He mirrored Kevin’s pose and slapped on a look of mock contemplation. “That’s true, dude. He is all kinds of smooth. But I think I need to tell him.” He took a step forward and I expected Israel to tighten his grip again but he didn’t. Brandon got to his haunches again, placing his cap on his head. “Are you ready?”
Israel nodded his head and I felt the tears well behind my eyes.
“You’re gonna have to swear you won’t tell anyone else the name alright, Israel?” Brandon held out a hand.
“I swear,” Israel said in a voice so timid I think Brandon had to lip-read and he moved his hand from mine to shake Brandon’s. I heard Kevin clear his throat and wondered if he was feeling as emotional as I was.
“Okay, here goes.” He leaned in further and mock-whispered. “Kevin’s secret name for Claire is Claire-Bear. Kind of a stupid name for a grown man to call a girl, don’t ya think? But I think it suits her perfectly. Mind if I give Claire-Bear a hug hello?” Israel gallantly stepped aside and Brandon pulled me against him. “It’s been too long, Claire-Bear. He really does hate it when anyone else calls you that.”
I laughed. “I know.”
Kevin moved off to the trailer and Brandon whispered in my ear. “Maybe one of these days he’ll man up and make a move. We both know how he feels about you.”
I stared dumbly, not at all sure how to respond to that. Brandon teased Kevin and I mercilessly every chance he got about how we’d make an excellent couple. I suspected he might have picked up on the chemistry but he’d never hinted at Kevin having feelings before, let alone pretty much come out and said it.
“Hey, you two. When you’re done flirting over there, would you mind giving me a hand here?” Kevin called from beside the trailer.
Brandon released me and walked around the trailer, reversing my bike down the ramp. I pushed my thoughts aside. There was no telling if Brandon was just making assumptions or if Kevin had been talking to him about us. I doubted it could be the latter. Kevin was as private as he could be with being in the limelight all the time.
I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the boys grasped the concept of riding a bike. In less than an hour they’d all had their lesson and were racing around the track. Some of the older boys had even tried a ramp or two—albeit a small ramp but still, I was sweating bullets every time they went around for another go and Kevin kept teasing me that he’d have to change my nickname from Claire-Bear to Momma-Bear. Kevin and Brandon were following the boys around the track (I was proud they’d all been brave enough to go on their own—some on quads and some on the two-wheelers.) Even Israel was zooting around the track with complete abandon.
I’d taken a break to set out hotdogs and juice for lunch when the sound of tires on gravel had me looking up. Scowling, I shielded my eyes against the sun. Kevin had told me he’d booked the track for the entire day and we weren’t expecting anyone. When Savannah climbed out of the car I relaxed some—that is until the camera crew peeled out of the second car.
Wiping my hand on a napkin, I walked to meet Savannah. “Hey.”
“Oh, hey, Claire. I didn’t know you’d be here today.”
I looked behind her at the camera crew grabbing their equipment from the car. “Does Kevin know about this?”
Savannah waved her hand dismissively. “You know Kevin, he’s too modest to agree to something like this. I figured I’d just surprise him and arrange it. What he’s doing here is too amazing for the world not to see.”
“Uh…”
“What the fuck is going on?” I turned around to see Kevin behind me, taking his gloves off, helmet at his feet. He dropped the gloves into his helmet and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
Savannah startled at Kevin’s tone but recovered quickly. “Hey, Kev. This is Bart and Llewellyn from—”
“What are they doing here, Savannah?”
Savannah smiled nervously and smoothed the wrinkles in her cargo pants, the glitter in her nail polish reflecting the sunshine and sparkling as she swiped down the material. “Isn’t it obvious, silly? These guys are here to capture what a wonderful job you’re doing today.”
“Didn’t I make it clear when you brought this up that I’m not interested in the publicity?”
“Yes, but—”
“There are no buts, Savannah. I want these guys out of here and I want you out of here. I need to be able to trust you and it’s obvious I can’t. You’re fired.”
Savannah gasped but not as loud as I did when I noticed that a third guy, one none of us noticed, was standing right on the edge of the track, his camera lens pointing at the boys as they came around the track. I was about to call out to him when Israel came around the corner, the guy stepping in his path to get the perfect shot.
They say when these things happen everything plays out in slow motion. I can honestly say that’s exactly how it goes down. I watched in horror as the guy stepped in front of Israel and Israel jerked the handles of the mini-quad to the right, placing his bike right in the path of Dwayne’s. I watched Dwayne jerk his bike and his front wheel wobble and clip a rock. I stood, frozen to the spot, my hands flying to my mouth as I watched Dwayne’s bike slide out from under him and tear away.
With equal horror I watched as the bike headed straight for the boys coming around the corner and exhaled with relief as it missed every single one of those boys. None of the kids were going fast, they were all still finding their feet and Kevin and Brandon had insisted they stick to twenty kilometres an hour but nonetheless, twenty kilometres an hour was still one hell of a speed for a bike to come careening into you. Hands pressing against my lips, I stared as Brandon stopped his bike and ran to where Dwayne was trying to sit up.
Kevin cursed violently then started off towards the track. “Get these people off this land, Claire,” he called out before continuing on to see if the rest of the boys were okay.
“Oh my God, is he going to be okay?” Savannah craned around me to see the wreck on the tracks. I didn’t have an answer for her. As it was, I was fighting every instinct in me to ignore Kevin and race to see for myself.
“I’m so sorry, I thought this would be a good thing. I…I honestly thought Kevin was just being modest. I…I didn’t think.” Tears tracked down her face and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. “Is he going to be okay?” she repeated.
I couldn’t see anything, all the kids surrounded Dwayne and all my mind kept doing was replaying the accident in sickening clarity.
Savannah’s sobs brought me back to the present and I rubbed her back as she shook with sobs. “It’ll be alright. Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.” I couldn’t be sure who I was soothing, myself or Savannah.
Chapter Four
I clasped the mug in my hands and took a tentative sip of my herbal tea. I drank it with lemon and a teaspoon of honey and it always took forever to cool down enough for me to take a hearty sip. My mother would often ask me why I didn’t just add cold water and the answer was simple, it tasted different that way. There was no rush this morning so I took my time, blowing ripples into the steaming brew while waiting for Kevin to come back from his run. He always got up before me, preferring to go on his run when the temps were still nice and cool.
The world looked so different at sunrise, everything was fresh and crisp with the offer of new beginnings, of moving forward. Ironically, I wanted to press pause and rewind. Go back to yesterday morning when things were simpler. Anxiety and dread danced in my belly and I had to constantly remind myself that it wasn’t helpful to get worked up over something I had no control over but that just wasn’t how my brain worked. As if to taunt me, another alert pinged on my phone. I should’ve turned the damn thing off but apparently I was a sucker for punishment. I was tempted to walk back in and switch it off or at least turn my notifications off, but I knew if I did that—with my willpower being zero—I’d read the comments and that was not a good idea right now.
I’d had a tough time falling asleep the previous night. Every time I closed my eyes I’d see Dwayne’s bike slide out from under him and careen towards the other kids. How the bike missed every one of them and how Dwayne walked away without a scratch was partly due to Kevin insisting that each boy get his own head-to-toe protective gear (a full leather bodysuit with reinforced knee and elbow pads as well as their own custom-made helmets) and partly by the grace of God.
I’d finally fallen asleep sometime after one a.m. but didn’t at all have a peaceful night’s rest. Out of habit, I picked up my phone when I woke up to check my emails and have a quick scan through Facebook before getting out of bed. Procrastination being my best friend and all. The first image I saw as I opened Facebook had my fingers shaking so hard I nearly dropped my phone. The image on my screen was Kevin and I kissing at the track. His hands were cradling my face (thankfully hidden by my messy windblown hair) and mine were tangled in his hair.
Kevin wasn’t just kissing me, he was kissing me. Everyone had left, including the boys, and we were alone. Kevin hadn’t said a word after telling me to send Savannah and the camera crew away, but when he’d kissed me I’d felt his trembling and knew he was just as shaken up as I was. The kiss was one of joint relief, one that recognised just how grateful we were that the boys were okay.
None of the boys were worse for wear, in fact, they’d all scarfed down the hotdogs and juice while exchanging stories about who saw what and how “awesome” it was when Dwayne came off his bike. The whole day had been one great adventure for them and the accident added to the “thrill”.
“You’re up early.”
I jolted and nearly spilled the now-cool tea all over me. How could I hear the constant ping of my phone notifications but not hear the gate open? Kevin walked onto the patio, sweat turning his grey t-shirt a darker shade around his chest and armpits. He lifted the shirt and wiped the sweat off his brow, giving me a peek of his eight pack, but not even the sight of his abs could distract me this morning.
“What’s wrong?” He sat next to me and took a long drink of his water, concern etched on his features.
“Have you seen Facebook this morning?”
Kevin frowned. “No, I haven’t. Why?”
He stood and unzipped the pocket in his shorts and took out his phone. For what felt like an eternity he stared at the screen, the muscle on his jaw ticking ever tighter with every minute that passed.
“Fucking Savannah.” The grip on his phone was so tight I feared he’d crush the screen. With what looked like insurmountable effort he exited Facebook and searched his call log for Savannah’s number. The fact that he didn’t go straight to her speed dial told me just how upset he was.
“Kev . . .” I uncurled my legs and placing the cup down, stood, reaching out to rub a reassuring hand over his arm. In moments I’d gone from stewing over my own anxiety to banking it so I could calm him down. I’d always been weird that way. If I was upset about something and someone else was too, I could compartmentalise what I was feeling in that moment to focus on the needs of the other person. It was a coping mechanism for me. Not a very healthy one since I buried a lot that way but one I couldn’t change regardless.
“This shit is all on her. All this.” He indicated to his phone, finger hovering over Savannah’s number while he tried to regain some control. “Because of her they know about us. She’s done. She’s so fucking done.” Kevin ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.
I’d just managed to convince Kevin to give Savannah her job back the night before and now he was pissed at her all over again. Despite her bad choices, I felt sorry for her; she’d only had Kevin’s best intentions at heart.
I extracted his phone from his hands and set it on the table. Placing my hands on Kevin’s cheeks, the muscle at his jaw ticked beneath my fingers. “No one knows about us. They know about you.” I managed to pull off a teasing smile. “But they don’t know who I am. All they’ve seen is Kevin Peyton kissing a mystery girl at the tracks.”
Kevin removed my hands from his cheeks, kissing my palm and then leaned his hands on the table. “What if they recognise you? They’ll never leave you alone. We’ve worked so hard to keep this…this…” I watched him struggle to define what we were, something we’d never felt the need to do before. But with our arrangement almost becoming public, things had got real and pretty quick.
“There is nothing to tell. Everything that happens between us happens behind these closed doors. We slipped up, had a momentary lapse. It won’t happen again. The media can’t find out if we don’t show them. We just need to be more careful. Keep this—” I indicated between us with a wave of my hand. “Private. Maybe you need to go out and grab a redhead’s ass. Completely throw them off track.” Kevin’s entire body stiffened and he looked away, my attempt at lightening up the moment collapsing flatter than a failed soufflé. I placed a hand on his shoulder. “In a few days everyone will have forgotten about this and moved on. You’ll see.”
“I just don’t want you sucked into all this. The media can be brutal.”
“I know and I’m not. It’ll all blow over soon, trust me.” I offered a silent prayer that I was right. I knew this was going to have Gran happy dancing all over the retirement village but other than suppressing the urge to high five me she wouldn’t do much about it. Kim, on the other hand, was going to have a field day with this. But I didn’t care, I’d handle Kim if I had to. And if people did put two and two together when Kevin and I were seen out together, we’d handle that too.
Kevin straightened and pulled me into his arms and gifted me with a sweaty kiss. I wrinkled my nose at him, taking his hand in mine. “You need a shower. C’mon, I’ll wash your back.”
For the briefest of moments I felt the doubts cree
p back in, but then Kevin picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, distracting me with more pressing matters. Like his hard cock against me, enticing feelings that had absolutely nothing to do with anxiety.
Chapter Five
“What do you think?” I fidgeted nervously with my tote and yoga mat slung over my shoulder as I watched him scan the reception area of the Eco Centre. The room was designed not only to be aesthetically pleasing but also to conserve as much energy as possible. Raw materials and natural colours, from the concrete and brick walls to the wooden tables and chairs placed at intervals, gave the room an industrial yet modern feel. I knew it wasn’t to everyone’s taste but as I watched Kevin survey the room I wanted him to love it as much as I did.
He looked up at the skylights and wall-to-ceiling windows giving the space a light and open feel. “It’s great!” He grinned down at me and I matched his grin with my own. I was about to offer him a tour when a voice, uncharacteristically loud, echoed across the room.
“You made it!” I looked over at Jonathan who was beaming as he came around the counter. His hair, still slightly damp from what I imagine was his morning swim, a few tones lighter than my own. He lifted me off the floor in a crushing hug that was just, just starting to get painful. Noticing Kevin over my shoulder, he set me down and extended his hand. “Hey, I’m Jonathan, Claire said she was going to try to twist your arm to come in. Glad she managed, we would’ve missed her.” He looked at me with a wink, his grey eyes sparkling with what I knew to be his natural mischief and then back at Kevin. “Has Claire given you the tour yet?”
Kevin shook his head. “Not yet.”
“Well then, allow me.” Jonathan slung his arm around my shoulder and started walking towards the eco pool, taking for granted that Kevin would follow us. He did. “I loved you in Forgotten, by the way. Congrats on the nomination.”
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