by J. H. Croix
Can I stop by?
Lily flushed, even though she was standing all by herself. She was embarrassed she hadn’t found the courage to let Noah know how she felt right then and there. It was all too much with Jake’s interference. Since this afternoon, she couldn’t think clearly. She needed some space. Noah was taking up almost all of it in her heart and mind, and she was afraid she was jumping in too quickly. She didn’t know if she could do it, but she resolved that she was going to tell him she needed some time. Her feelings were too much, too intense, and like nothing she’d ever experienced. Noah stood right in front of you and told your brother he loved you, and this is what you give him in return? I can’t. Not yet.
She took a breath before replying to Noah.
I’m in the middle of some stuff for work.
She felt like a coward, but she needed some way to get her head clear. It would be impossible if Noah were near.
His reply was brief. Okay.
Her heart pounded, anxiety knotted in her chest. She fell asleep later, wondering if she’d just gone and ruined the best thing that ever happened to her.
Chapter 12
Several days later, Noah woke alone in his bed. As soon as he became conscious, he thought of Lily and felt almost sick. He didn’t know what had happened between those moments in her brother’s office and the other night, but she shut him out. His heart ached, and he felt like a fool. He’d laid his feelings bare, but it hadn’t even mattered. He kicked the covers back and forced himself to get up. A while later, he walked down the hall to check on his mother. After a quick knock on her bedroom door, he heard a faint reply. He pushed the door open and found his mother sitting in bed, propped up on her pillows reading.
Carol glanced up at him. “Hi there.” Her eyes were weary, but then his mother had carried an edge of weariness for as long as he could remember. Being married to his father was beyond exhausting. Noah hated that she had to face cancer now. He wanted her to be able to enjoy the time she had now that his father wasn’t around to constantly belittle, berate, and beat on her.
He swatted those thoughts away and summoned a smile. “Hey Mom, how’re you feeling this morning?”
Her shoulder rose and fell elegantly. “As well as can be expected.” She held his eyes, her gaze expectant. He knew she noticed something because she’d always tuned into him easily.
“What?” he asked.
“Are you okay?” Her soft question nudged at his sore heart and wounded pride.
He shrugged. “I’m not sure what’s up with Lily. I told her I loved her, and she’s blowing me off now.”
Carol’s eyes widened and she took a breath. Her eyes met his, warmth and concern in them. “I haven’t mentioned it because I know how private you are, but Roxanne told me about you two. It sounds like she means a lot to you.”
Noah sat on the edge of his mother’s bed and laced his hands together. “She does. I, uh, didn’t think I’d ever feel this way about someone. I never wanted to after I saw the way Dad treated you…”
His mother shook her head. “What I had with your father wasn’t love. That marriage came out of a young girl who didn’t have enough sense to catch onto the kind of man your father was before it was too late. I’ve worried for years you’d never give love a chance, and it broke my heart because you’re everything I ever wanted in a son. Most of all, you’re a good man with a heart of gold.”
Tears choked his throat. He took a labored breath as he turned and met his mother’s eyes. “Maybe you should give yourself most of the credit for that. You taught me what love was.”
His mother’s eyes brightened with tears. She held a hand out. He grabbed it and squeezed tightly before letting go.
“Not so sure it’s going to matter right now,” he said, a bitter edge to his words.
His mother sighed. “Noah, things aren’t always as they seem. From what I know of Lily, she hasn’t really been involved with anyone. A bump in the road doesn’t mean anything more than that. Love does funny things to people. Even the best of us act in the worst ways to the ones we love the most. Give her a little space and see what happens.”
He took a breath, trying to loosen the tight feeling in his chest and ease the fear galloping through him. Lily meant so much to him, it almost scared him. He nodded firmly. “Right. I’ll try.”
After a heavy pause, he looked to her again. “You haven’t mentioned when your next chemo treatment is.”
“Next week. You know, I can get there on my own.”
“I know. I don’t take you because I think you can’t. I want to be there with you.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay then. Time for a change of topic. Wallace Peyton called me yesterday.”
“What?” Noah all but barked the question.
Carol arched a brow and chuckled. “Honey, you don’t need to worry about Wallace intimidating me. I’m dying of cancer. It’s very freeing, if you think about it.”
“Mom, stop saying you’re dying. You don’t know that for sure.” He had to beat back the anxiety with fear hot on its heels. His mother was one of the best parts of his life. Even though he’d kept himself at a distance until his father died, she’d been the rock that anchored him inside.
She held his eyes steadily. “Maybe it’s not official, but it’s a matter of time. I know it’s hard for you to hear, but it’s easier for me if I face it. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Wallace is who I wanted to talk about.”
“What the hell did he say?”
His mother threw him a disapproving look, but refrained from comment. She was one of the most polite people he knew. Swearing was generally not part of her vocabulary.
He shrugged, slightly abashed.
“Well, he was hoping someone could talk some sense into you about your involvement with Jake and Hank. He spouted some bullshit about how you don’t really know the whole story. As if I’m that stupid. Lord knows why he thought I’d be helpful. Wallace has always been way too confident of his influence. I doubt it ever occurred to him I could care less about what happens to him. Do me a favor though.”
“Anything.”
“Be careful.”
***
“You know, I’ve been doing my damnedest to keep my mouth shut about Noah, but I’m done,” Jake declared.
Lily stood inside the house Jake shared with Phoebe and stared at him. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hold herself together. She couldn’t say just yet that she knew deep down she’d made a huge mistake. All she’d meant to do was find a little breathing room, but now she couldn’t seem to figure out how to bridge the distance she’d created. Every time she thought about Noah, her heart ached. She took a breath and forced herself to look at her brother.
“Okay then, what’s so important you can’t stay out of it?” she asked defiantly.
Phoebe caught her eyes, a look of concern in them. Lily ignored her. She’d given Phoebe a ride home since her car was in the shop.
Jake leaned against the counter and held her eyes steadily. “I’ll admit I was pissed about Noah at first, but he manned up and told me exactly how much you meant to him right then and there. Take it from me, but I know that wasn’t easy for him to do. He hasn’t said a word to me, but it’s obvious something’s up. I’ve seen him every day the last few days and he can barely look at me if I say your name. I finally pushed him on it today, and he told me you’re not talking to him. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Flustered, Lily started to pace back and forth in the small kitchen. “I don’t know. It all happened so fast. I just needed a little time…”
“Time for what?” Jake countered.
“To make sure I wasn’t just letting my stupid shifter feelings take over!”
Jake’s eyes widened, and Phoebe swung to Lily, her gaze shocked.
“What the hell do you mean?” Jake demanded.
Lily threw her hands up. “Just that. It’s all emotion, no reason. I can’t thi
nk straight. It seems too much, too fast, too…everything. I’ve never had a relationship before, so maybe I should take a step back and make sure I’m not falling into this because it’s so new and exciting.”
Jake stared at her incredulously. “Lily, you know,” his words thudded against her, “that you can’t deny what your shifter wants. Trust me, I tried it for years. It was only when I finally listened to what I knew all along about Phoebe that I started to feel better.”
Her stomach churned as she stared at him. “It’s not always like that though. When shifters break up, it’s ugly, crazy drama.”
Phoebe spoke up. “Lily, I don’t think Jake means every relationship shifters have is the one that’s meant to be. I think he’s talking about when you know the other person or shifter is the right and only one for you.” She looked to Jake. “Right?”
He nodded tightly. “And that’s exactly what I feel with you and Noah. It’s so obvious, I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
Lily stood there, trying to take his words in, but she was annoyed with his interference, the fact that he thought he knew what was in her heart. She whirled away and almost ran out the door. As she drove home, tears rolled down her cheeks.
***
A sharp knock came on the kitchen door. Noah stood up from the kitchen table and opened the door. Jake stood on the other side.
“Mind if I come in?” he asked.
Noah stepped back and gestured for Jake to come in. Noah’s mother was out running errands. Noah checked the coffee pot and held it up in question. Jake shook his head.
“Have a seat,” Noah said as he slid back into a chair by the kitchen table.
Jake sat across from him. He was quiet for a long moment.
“Everything okay?” Noah finally asked, uncertain why Jake stopped by.
Jake idly traced a circle on the table before speaking. “You might think it’s none of my business, but it’s about Lily.”
Noah’s throat tightened and his heart thudded painfully. He really didn’t want to discuss Lily with Jake. His feelings were too fresh, too raw. But he couldn’t quite figure a way out of it. Jake’s eyes were on him. He finally nodded.
“Maybe I came across a bit strong when I first heard about you and Lily, but I think you’re a good guy. I, uh, thought I might let you know Lily can be stubborn.”
Noah’s mouth twisted and his breath came out in a huff. “I could’ve guessed that.”
Jake chuckled softly before his gaze sobered again. “Look, Lily’s got her back up about this, and I think I made things worse. I tried to talk to her, and it only pissed her off. I wouldn’t have said anything if it weren’t for what I saw when you two were in the same room.”
Noah’s gut churned and he took a gulp of air. “And you came to tell me this because…?”
“Because I think if you go talk to her, maybe it’ll help.” Jake grimaced apologetically and shrugged.
“You think I should go talk to her? She’s the one who told me she needed space!”
“I know, I know. Look, you didn’t watch me go through this, but it took me too damn long, like years, to face up to how much Phoebe meant to me. Our family has a stubborn streak that can be self-destructive. I know Lily loves you. I thought maybe if she saw you face to face, she’d stop getting in her own way.”
Noah ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
Jake nodded slowly. “Good enough for me.”
Chapter 13
Lily stared out her windows. She’d been doing that way too much the last few days. Twilight was falling, and she felt lonely. She missed Noah. She mined inside for the courage to call him, but she was flustered and felt stupid. A tiny corner of her mind knew her pride was getting in the way. With a sigh, she swung away from the windows and went to stare at the contents of her refrigerator. She was hungry, but nothing seemed appealing and she hadn’t bothered to shop this week. Her phone beeped, indicating a text had arrived. Her heart started pounding when she saw it was from Noah.
Mind if I stop by?
Did she mind? No! Relief washed over her, so hard and fast she could hardly breathe. Tears spring to her eyes. She forced herself to close her eyes and made a feeble attempt to gather herself together. Pulse racing, she typed her reply.
Of course. When?
Now?
That’s fast.
I’m standing at your door.
She whirled around and almost ran to the door. Flinging it open, cold air gusted into the room. Noah stood there, his amber eyes locked on her. He was everything he’d always been—tall, dark, handsome and so damn sexy her breath hitched and her pulse ran wild simply looking at him. Now that she’d gotten to know the man he was, her heart was in as deep as her body. She was so overwhelmed with emotion, she just gaped at him. He arched a brow when she stood frozen in the doorway.
She took a quick step back, mumbling half-formed words. He stepped through the door, shutting it behind him. She hugged her arms around her waist, trying to corral the sensations running through her body. That sweet electricity hummed to life between them. She forced herself to let her arms go and look up at him. The look in his eyes reached out and grabbed hold of her heart. Without a word, he closed the small distance between them, his hand lacing into her hair as he held her gaze.
His eyes fell closed and he rested his forehead against hers. A ripple ran through her. He slid an arm around her, his hand sliding in a firm stroke up her back. She felt enveloped in warmth and strength. Her pulse raced though her heart started to settle. She breathed him in—the clean scent he carried, snow and the barest hint of wood smoke.
Desire curled around them, but Lily wasn’t going to let herself get swept away without making sure Noah knew what lay inside her heart. She leaned back, tilting her face up to his. He moved back just far enough for her to see his eyes. Her heart pounded and her belly clenched.
She forced herself to speak past her anxiety. “I’m sorry I shut you out. I, um…this is all new to me. The shifter in me felt so strongly, I got scared I wasn’t being rational. Then…” She paused and took a gulp of air. Her heart was beating so fast, she was speaking too quickly, her words running away from her.
Before she could form another word, he started sifting through her hair. “I meant what I said, you know. I love you. I wake up thinking about you and fall asleep thinking about you. I’m not about to play like it’s anything other than what it is. I want everything with you, and I’ll wait as long as I have to until you’re ready.”
Her heart flew skyward. She felt like the sun had come out after days of rain. His eyes were on her, waiting. “In case you didn’t notice, I haven’t had a ton of experience with anything like this. I wanted tell you I loved you too, but I blew it. I freaked out. My brain got in the way like it always does.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, they felt so right and true, her chest almost burst with the wash of feeling. She started to take a steadying breath when his lips crashed against hers. In a flash, she was swept into the dizzying passion between them. Just as swiftly, he gentled his kiss, drawing away. He whispered against her lips, his breath mingling with hers.
“Well, that’s good then. I was ready to be stoic, but it would’ve been the hardest thing I ever did.” He chuckled softly and drew back further. His hand loosened in her hair, his thumb stroking the soft skin behind her ear, sending shivers through her entire body. Staring into the warm amber of his eyes suffused her body with heat. She struggled to catch her breath. His lips brushed across hers quickly before he took a step back.
“I had to come over and see you, but truth is, I’m starving.”
Lily giggled, her emotions so keyed up, she couldn’t stop laughing once she started. When she finally caught her breath, she looked over to find Noah watching her, his expression amused.
“Wasn’t trying to be funny there.”
His stomach growled audibly, and she giggled
again.
“Okay, let’s go eat somewhere. I’d offer to cook, but I forgot to go to the grocery store this week, so our options are limited here.”
“The Trailhead?”
She nodded firmly and stepped to the door, stuffing her feet in her boots and throwing her jacket on.
***
Noah woke in the dark. Lily lay half atop him, her legs tangled in his and her breasts against his side. Moonlight fell through the window, limning her skin in a silvery glow. Rolling his head to the side, he saw that it was snowing outside, the snowflakes glittering as if they were stardust. He ran his hand down Lily’s back, coming to rest on the generous curve of her bottom. She shifted against him, all softness and warmth. His body stirred—again. He chuckled to himself. He’d prided himself on his physical discipline and control—a necessary aspect of his success in the military. Along came Lily and she shattered his control simply by existing. He fell back asleep to the rhythm of her breathing.
Chapter 14
A few days later, Noah recalled his mother’s request that he be careful. He looked out through the trees into a quarry. He was in lion form, hidden from view in the trees. Jake and Dane were nearby, also perched in the trees. They watched and waited. His days had been filled with unraveling the last of the secrets Callen Peyton left behind. His nights had been consumed with Lily—sense-stealing, heart clenching and devastating passion filled the hours with her. When they weren’t twined together, he enjoyed the funny sweetness of her personality, and her jaunty independence. She flashed through his mind now. His lion coiled with tension at the thought of her. He forced himself to focus on the moment at hand.
To Noah’s surprise, Theo had ended up talking to him and set the wheels in motion to take Wallace Peyton down. Theo had come to the conclusion that he’d be an easy mark to take the fall, so he opted to talk instead. In sum, while Callen was the one who originally stumbled upon the shifter smuggling network, Wallace had quickly stepped in and led the organization. Wallace had offered to have Catamount shifters smuggle drugs straight into Maine and elsewhere in New England where they’d be distributed throughout the East from there. Callen died on that highway in Connecticut in a failed attempt to prove shifters could safely navigate close to New York City. Connecticut shared the border with New York and was a tiny state with much of its border filled with urban commuters into New York.