“Of me?”
“Probably. She was rather determined to show me about the grounds, and I was determined not to go.”
“You were not interested in seeing them?”
He met her gaze. “I wasn’t interested in her.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
“I prefer you.”
Her smile faded. “Your rakish charms will not work on me.”
“I’m being truthful,” he said. “I prefer you because I’m safe from you.”
She pointed at herself. “You, safe from me?”
“You forget we have something in common. You share my disinclination to marry, so I’m in no danger of getting caught in the parson’s mousetrap.”
“Even if I were inclined to wed, you would be quite safe from me,” she muttered.
“I don’t know whether to be relieved or insulted.”
“I admit you have some positive attributes. You are an earl, extremely rich, and far too handsome for your own good.”
“But…”
She put her chin up. “You are an infamous rake and therefore completely unsuitable to be a husband to anyone, let alone to a lady of principles.”
He lifted his brows. “Meaning a woman with high moral standards like you.”
“Given my father’s vocation, you shouldn’t be surprised.”
“So you never sin.”
“Do not be absurd. No one is free of sin,” she said.
“Tell me one of your sins…if you’re brave enough.”
“Very well, it occurred in my drawing room.” She glanced at him. “With you.”
“It was only a kiss.” It was more than a mere kiss. He’d not been able to forget the feel of her in his arms, and that only made him want more from her.
“You see, we are completely different,” she said. “To you a kiss is practically meaningless. To me, it is a momentous step in a relationship.”
She was probably thinking of her late husband. “A kiss can mean many things,” he said, “but it is never devoid of meaning.”
“Are we really debating the meaning of a kiss?”
“I cede the point to you on one condition,” he said.
She narrowed her eyes. “What is it?”
“You allow me to introduce you to those two gentlemen just ahead.”
“Let me guess. They are friends of yours.”
“Yes. They’re anxious to meet the mysterious widow.”
She huffed. “There is no mystery. I’m exactly who I appear to be.”
There was a hidden side to her, a sensual one, but he said nothing as he led her to his friends. “Lady Chesfield, may I introduce you to my disreputable friends, Colin Brockhurst, Earl of Ravenshire, and Harry Norcliffe, Viscount Evermore. I met them when I fished them out of the Thames one night.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, in spite of your watery origins,” she said.
“Our friend Bell exaggerates a bit,” Colin said. “Harry fell in the river and Bell helped me drag him to shore.”
“Well, you appear to have survived,” she said.
Harry lifted her hand. “Enchanté, Lady Chesfield. Bell neglected to mention your beauty.”
She lowered her lashes, and her face flushed. Most of the women Bell knew reacted with affected boredom when complimented, as if it were their due. But he’d realized from the beginning that Laura was different.
“Bell, take her to the bridge,” Harry said. “There’s a pond with goldfish—my mother’s idea of pets.”
Bell offered his arm once more and led her out of the tent.
“I left my parasol,” she said.
“Where did you leave it?” he said. “I’ll fetch it for you.”
“Never mind. My bonnet will provide sufficient shade,” she said.
“You surprise me,” he said as they walked along the path. “Most women wouldn’t risk even a bit of sun.”
“There are worse things than sunshine.”
He wondered what she meant. Not that he could hazard a guess when he knew only a few essentials about her life. It was probably for the best. He didn’t appreciate it when people were overly inquisitive about him.
The breeze stirred the leaves of the beech trees overhead. She said nothing more as they walked along.
He looked at her. “How are matters with your son?”
“Justin has improved a great deal since he is no longer associating with his rowdy friends.”
“I’m surprised it was that easy,” he said.
“It wasn’t. George and Paul called earlier this week. Apparently they were intimidated when they realized I would not let Justin leave until I knew their destination and the time they meant to return. They have not called since then.”
“Your son wasn’t angry?”
“He was furious, but there was nothing he could do. I ignored his shouts. When he threw a vase, I told him that I was deducting the cost from his quarterly allowance. He threw another one, and I refused to release any more funds until he stopped acting like a heathen. Yesterday he finally apologized for his behavior.”
“It must have been difficult, but you stood firm,” he said.
“I thought parenting would be easier after he grew older.”
“Is he here?” Bell asked.
“Yes. I persuaded him to come along and promised to leave if he didn’t meet anyone. We weren’t here more than fifteen minutes when a group of young people invited him to join in a sack race.”
Bell nodded. “Excellent.” He paused. “It looks as if everyone is returning to the tent.”
“They’re serving luncheon. If you’re hungry, please go ahead,” she said.
He shook his head. “I’d prefer to wait until the crowd thins.”
When they reached the bridge, his boots clomped on the wood. He stopped in the center and removed his hat to prevent it from falling into the pond. “There’s one,” he said, pointing. “Do you see the tail?”
She leaned over the rail. “Oh, it looks orange. I expected it to appear gold.”
“There are more,” he said. “There is a golden one. Do you see its tail wiggling?”
“Oh, yes, there are quite a few. I wonder what they eat.”
He shrugged. “What do any fish eat?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Worms.”
“Have you ever gone fishing?” he asked.
“No. My brothers used to chase my sister and me with the worms.”
He laughed. “So you weren’t a hoyden?”
She shook her head. “I helped my mother with the younger children.”
There wouldn’t have been funds for a nurse. “How old were you when you started helping?”
She shrugged. “Eight or nine. I can’t recall for certain.”
Their lives had been very different growing up, and that only made him curious. “You probably had a number of beaux before you married.”
She kept her gaze on the wiggling fish below. “Not really.”
“I suspect you are being modest.”
“I danced at local assemblies and spoke to gentlemen, but I knew that my charms were insufficient to overcome my small dowry.” She smiled at him. “Then one day I met Phillip in the shop where we were both caught because of the rain.”
He returned her smile. “So your story wasn’t a complete fabrication.”
“Well, he didn’t lay his coat over a puddle,” she said, “but we got on famously from the start.”
“What of your sisters? Are they married?”
She nodded.
He gave her a questioning look. “They had no trouble finding husbands?”
She smoothed her skirt. “My late husband wished to help my family.”
Her husband had made sure the girls had dowries, a good thing because the only acceptable professions available to women were to be a governess or a companion to an older woman. Otherwise, single women of little fortune became dependents on their relatives. “I assume he provided well for you in his will.
”
“Yes, he was generous with everyone, including his brother.”
He shuttered his expression, but inside he was appalled that her late husband would give his brother anything. “Having met Montclief, I’m surprised.”
“My brother-in-law reserved his underhanded remarks for moments when Phillip was out of earshot.” Her fleeting smile spoke volumes. “He would say things that were supposed to be complimentary but were not.”
“Such as?”
“He would say how devoted I was to Phillip, and of course he was grateful for the care I gave him.” She continued to speak in a sarcastic voice. “Naturally, he would not treat me in a condescending manner, even though I was far beneath my husband.”
“Did you not tell your husband that he was treating you in this abominable manner?”
She shook her head. “At first I wanted to keep the peace. I was a little intimidated by the change in my circumstances when I first married. Then later, I said nothing to Phillip, because I did not wish to burden him.”
“If your husband had known, he might have used better judgment in naming his son’s guardian,” Bell said.
She arched her brows. “In hindsight, perhaps I should have told Phillip, but in the early days of our marriage, I didn’t know my husband would die.”
He sighed. “I beg your pardon for misjudging you and your late husband.”
“Phillip grew very ill with a wasting disease five months after our marriage,” she said. “He was bedridden and nearly as helpless as a babe. I could not confess his brother’s ill treatment when Phillip’s spirits were so low. It might have hastened his decline.”
“Obviously you did what you felt was best for your husband.”
“After Phillip died, Montclief washed his hands of Justin and me. Frankly, I was glad he stayed away.”
Another couple approached the bridge. Bell offered his arm to Laura again and strolled across with her. “You said you’ve no intention of marrying again. Is there a reason?”
“Yes, my son.”
“Why would your son preclude you from marrying?”
“If I were to remarry, Montclief might decide to take Justin. I am not his blood relative,” she said.
“He could take him at anytime,” Bell said, “but then again, your son will be of age in four years. You could marry then.”
“In four years, I will be thirty-two. Most men prefer younger wives.”
He suspected she was dissembling. “Any man with eyes in his head can see that you are beautiful. Either you do not give yourself enough credit,” he said, “or you are afraid that another man may not measure up to your late husband.”
“You give your opinion rather decidedly for one who refuses to marry,” she said.
“There is a difference,” he said. “I do not have to marry in order to enjoy a lover, whereas you are determined to follow a moral code that impedes intimacy outside of marriage.”
“My morals are none of your concern,” she said. “And you have no right to speak to me in this manner.”
“I merely stated the truth. You were married for several years, and now you mean to remain celibate for the rest of your life?”
Her face heated, and she halted. “You go too far.”
Two ladies on the opposite side of the path stared at them. “Let’s continue our conversation in private,” he said. Before she could object, he turned down a path surrounded by tall hedges.
He walked halfway down the path and joined her on a wrought-iron bench. “Your face is red. Why are you perturbed?”
She had her reasons for her decision, but she owed him no explanation. “You should not speak of immodest topics in my presence.”
His lopsided smile made him look boyish. She averted her gaze, refusing to let him lure her with his charm. “It may have escaped your notice, but I am a lady, not one of your mistresses.”
“I meant no disrespect,” he said. “You were married, and I know that you’re not unresponsive. Given what you’ve told me, I find it odd that you would dismiss marriage.”
“Unlike you, pleasures of the flesh are not my first priority.”
“Ah, but I’ve kissed you, and I know you enjoyed it as much as I did.”
In truth, she’d lain awake remembering the way he’d touched and kissed her, but she would not, could not tell him. “I beg your pardon. This conversation is unsuitable. I am leaving.”
He rose with her. She turned, but he caught her arm and brought her round to face him. “If you’re angry, confront me. Don’t just walk away.”
She averted her gaze. “I do not like it when you speak of indelicate subjects.”
“Sit with me for a while.”
She met his gaze, and the hungry look in his eyes made her pulse race. “If someone were to find us—”
“We would hear their footsteps long before that happened, and we’re not doing anything wrong.”
“We should not be alone.” Because she wanted him to kiss and touch her again, and once that door opened, she feared she would not be able to close it.
“You are afraid.”
Up went her chin. “I’m not afraid of you. You may be a rake, but you are not stupid.”
His chest shook with laughter as he led her back to the bench. After they were seated, he said, “I think you are afraid of yourself.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She would never admit it.
“Let me amend that,” he said. “I suspect you are afraid you will succumb to desire.”
“Hah! You’re just hoping I will,” she said. “I assure you that will not happen.” Why had she said that? He would take it as a challenge, and even though he exasperated her, she knew she would not be able to resist him.
“I won’t lie to you,” he said, his voice a little rough. “I am attracted to you, but I swore to keep my distance. Even though you don’t approve of me, I suspect you feel the same way.”
She moistened her lips and looked at her lap. “I was taught that those feelings can be expressed only within marriage. My beliefs are ingrained. Even if I believed differently, I would not risk an affaire de coeur, because if I were ever found out, my son and my family would share in my censure.”
His blue eyes filled with cynicism. “They would never know, and neither would anyone else.”
“You’re not listening,” she said. “It is a sin outside of marriage.”
“So you will live the rest of your life alone—”
“I will not be alone. I will have my family and my son.”
“All of whom you will put ahead of your own needs. Why is that, Laura?”
Her temper flared. “You know very little about me, and yet you have the audacity to judge me.”
“I know that you accepted a marriage proposal from an old man who knew he was ill, but you were willing to sacrifice because he needed you. You’re doing it again with your son, and I suspect it’s the same with your family.”
She turned to him and put her fist to her heart. “I loved my husband, and my family means everything to me.” She’d become defensive, but deep down, she wondered if it was because there was some truth in what he’d said. “Whatever choices I make are mine and mine alone. I’m sure in your world I would be considered provincial for my beliefs. In my world, a man like you is considered a libertine.”
“I am well aware that you are a lady of strict moral principles.”
“Yes, and I am only just now realizing that I willingly followed you into a deserted area.”
He lifted his brows. “Do you think I would pounce on you?”
“Of course not, but I imagine there are plenty of women who would welcome you into their beds.” The moment she uttered the words, she winced. “Oh, how do you manage to bring out the worst in me?”
His mouth curved in the slightest of smiles. “The first time I caught you watching me at Lady Atherton’s ball, I thought you were issuing an invitation.”
“Oh, do not remind me of that night. I do not
even know why I stared at you.” She’d been completely mesmerized by his uncommonly handsome face.
“When I asked Lady Atherton for your address that night, she told me that you were not for the likes of a rakehell like me,” he said. “You are not the sort of woman I was seeking. I wanted a mistress, a temporary lover. Instead, I discovered a widow with strict moral scruples and a son in need of discipline.” He paused a moment. “I know you are a lady and that you will not go against your beliefs. But I won’t lie. I am more attracted to you than I’ve ever been to any woman.”
“I find that difficult to believe.”
“It is illogical but true. You will never allow me the liberties I crave, and so I desire you all the more because you are forbidden—and incredibly beautiful.”
“Forgive me, but I suspect you say those words to any woman you find desirable.”
“Most of the women I’ve known expect compliments. You, on the other hand, have trouble accepting them.”
“Only because I distrust your sincerity.”
“I have nothing to gain.” He grinned. “Unless, of course, you change your mind and beg me to make a dishonest woman of you.”
She couldn’t help laughing. “I imagine you have disarmed many women with your charm.”
“But not you?”
She looked at him beneath her lashes. “Perhaps a little.”
“Ah, there is hope for me yet.”
“Lady Atherton warned me about you at her ball.”
“What did she say?”
“‘What he wants, he gets. Be sure it’s not you.’”
He laughed. “I have a proposition for you.”
Her smile faded.
“Perhaps we could be friends,” he said.
She hesitated. It would be rude to refuse him, but she worried where a friendship might lead.
“I don’t have an ulterior motive.”
She knit her brows. “Very well, as long as it is only friendship.”
“For a moment, I thought you would refuse,” he said.
“I didn’t care for some of the things you said today, but I don’t dislike you.”
He clutched his hands to his chest. “Faint praise, indeed.”
“If I had my fan handy, I would swat you.”
“Laura—”
She lifted her chin. “Lady Chesfield.”
What a Wicked Earl Wants Page 10