by Violet Paige
“I’m the one asking questions, not answering.”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t have anything else.”
In the past weeks I hadn’t been given any information on Vaughn. I didn’t know where he was. And there was no way to know. I had never been to his apartment. I had never seen his office. And of course that made complete sense to me now. Neither were real. There was a reason we always slept at my place. He was waiting for Greer, and he never wanted me to have a glimpse of his life. He had prepared for this moment.
“Are you sure? Did he say what city? How long it took him to get there? Anything like that?”
I rolled my eyes. “He did bring me a gift.”
“He did?”
“A box of liquor-filled chocolates. It was sort of an apology gift.”
“That’s a new one.”
“They were actually really good.” It was a childish reaction to defend the gift.
“No, I mean the gift. I don’t remember him doing that before.”
I looked at the agent. I hated it when he compared me to the other marks. The women before me Vaughn had used. Only to them he hadn’t been Vaughn. He was Jake or Scott. Edward one time. It made my head spin thinking of all his identities. The stories he must have told. The careers he invented. I imagined each one played into the interest of the woman he seduced. He learned about what they liked. He studied their families. He took them to bed.
“Anything else?” I looked at my phone. It was time for me to walk to the shuttle.
“I’ll follow up tomorrow.” He turned off the recorder.
“I’m going to New Bern for Thanksgiving,” I informed him. “I assume I get a break for the holiday, or do you want to have pumpkin pie with my mother?”
He chuckled. “You are quite the smartass, Miss Charles.”
My stomach cinched. Vaughn had said that not long ago. He always called me “smartass.”
“Good night.” I walked toward the shuttle. “I’ll see you after Thanksgiving.”
“Good night, Miss Charles. Enjoy your holiday.”
The leaves rustled at my feet as I crunched over them. The wheels of the shuttle squeaked to a halt and I climbed aboard.
I hadn’t forgotten I had the apartment to myself tonight. Greer and Preston were on a date. She described it as a chance for them to get to know each other again. He had decided that Greer wasn’t as toxic to his career as he thought. No one in the Senate seemed to have even noticed they were dating.
I was in no position to give her relationship advice. So I kept my mouth shut and told her I’d be fine on my own. I had exams to grade. Exams that were mostly composed of essays. I needed quiet if I was going to get through them. Tonight it was better that I was left alone.
I held the bar overhead on the Metro. I commuted home on autopilot. I didn’t notice the signs anymore, or strain to listen for the crackled announcements. My body had learned how to count the minutes from Tenleytown to Adams Morgan. My legs carried me up the stairs to the street level without prompting. I was a part of the crowd now. One of the many D.C.’ers. I blended in in my Keds.
I didn’t think it would happen, but over time my appetite came back. I had lost five pounds from the grief. Tonight, I made a small pot of pasta and poured a glass of wine while I pulled up the submitted exams online.
I sat at the kitchen counter prepared to station myself here for the night. There was a basic rubric for grading. But I had added two bonus questions that gave students the chance to present their own take on legal philosophy. There was no true right or wrong. The questions were completely subjective to my interpretation, but I wanted to give them a challenge. Something that would allow them to think spontaneously, not just regurgitate answers they had studied from case history. Jessie was in favor of the system, while Gregory had argued I was being too tough on the students.
The pot started to boil and I rushed to turn the heat down on the burner. The water and olive oil splashed over the sides.
“Shit,” I murmured. The droplets burned my skin.
And then I heard it. A clamor. A crash that came from the balcony. It was probably one of the cats that wandered from next door. I had caught them trying to stalk our bird houses.
I turned the stove off and walked to the door. I slid it to the side and stepped onto the rooftop.
“Shoo,” I hissed. “Get out of here.” I scanned the chairs and the bird house stand for the cats.
It was quiet. It was dark. I couldn’t see well, but I noticed the shadowy figure in the corner. Tall and broad.
“Oh God,” I whispered.
My skin crawled with panic. I didn’t have anything to defend myself. I didn’t have my phone to call 9-1-1. It was inside on the counter.
I backed up, trying to reach for the door, but my movements felt slow and clumsy. I wanted to get inside and lock him out when the man stepped from the darkness. He walked toward me, the shadow covering half his face, encasing the rest of his body in blackness.
I covered my face with my hands, shrinking in fear. I didn’t know if he was going to strike.
“Don’t run, Em.”
My palms slid from my eyes and I stared in disbelief. Horror.
It was Vaughn.
27
I scrambled for the door. I ran, throwing my hands on the latch, but he was faster than me. He clamped his grip around my wrists and pulled me into the cover of darkness. The bricks were rough against my arm.
“Let go of me.” I struggled.
“Shh. Stop. Just stop.”
I kicked at him. Something primal in me was unleashed. “Don’t touch me.” I wrestled, knowing he was stronger than I ever would be, but I didn’t stop fighting.
“Em, I just want to talk to you. Can you stop kicking me for two seconds?”
My movements slowed and I looked into his eyes. My chest heaved. I was out of breath.
I had envisioned this. What it would be like to see him again. To look into his smoldering eyes. To feel the heat of his skin against mine. I wondered what I would do when I heard his voice. How it would awaken my senses. Remind me that what we had was real. That it wasn’t reduced to a criminal report in a bureau file.
His eyes bore into mine.
“Thank you.”
“What are you doing here?” I hissed.
“I wanted to see you. I needed to.”
“Don’t. Don’t lie. You don’t have to anymore. I know about Jeremy West. About you.”
He didn’t drop his gaze. “Hear me out.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to hear anything you say. I can’t.”
“Nothing? You have no questions? You’re not curious? You don’t want to ask me anything? I’m here, Em. I’m right here in front of you. There has to be something.”
He baited my curiosity. He lured me in with the appeal of healing the pain. Because if somehow I had answers I would feel better. It wouldn’t feel as if I couldn’t breathe anymore. I’d be able to make it through a day without sobbing. I’d be able to sleep without drinking three glasses of wine. I’d be over him if I knew the truth. I’d be free.
If I had the truth, I could heal. I could let him go. I could let the whole thing be in the past. The pain would be gone. The shattering would stop.
“Don’t pretend you’re going to try honesty now.”
His hands moved up my arms, folding over my shoulders. I tried not to react, but there was a whimper in my throat. I closed my eyes.
“Fuck, Em. I’m risking everything to be here.”
“You’re risking everything? You?” I mocked him. “I’m now in a cozy relationship with Agent Kenneth from the bureau. I was this close to being charged with treason. You have violated everything. Everything.” I wanted him to let go of me. To take his hands off me. “You need to go. Leave, Vaughn. Get out of here.”
The romantic notion that seeing him again would erase nearly a month of hell was drowned out by my anger. It was taking me under just like Vaug
hn had done—clinging to my ankles, dragging me below the surface of sanity. Below the level of good and right. Where justice and honesty floated. Beneath measure of where I used to live my life.
“I’m not going anywhere yet.”
A chill ran through me. “You should. I don’t want your lies. I don’t want you to touch me, or speak to me. Go.” My throat choked on the words.
He shook his head. “I can’t do that. Not until you hear what I came to say.”
“It doesn’t work like that anymore,” I hissed. “That control you had over me is gone. It ended when you left.” The pent-up anger I felt was undeniable. “You walked out of here that day, knowing you had what you needed. And it wasn’t me. You had no intention of coming back. You left me to be arrested and humiliated. Treated like a criminal. Everything I ever worked for could have been destroyed because of you. I almost lost everything. Breaking my heart apparently wasn’t enough carnage for you.” I glared. “That’s what I have to say. That’s what I need you to hear.”
“Fuck. I hear you. I do. Every word. I was on a plane to Dubai an hour ago. I shouldn’t even be here, but I got off the plane and I came here. To see you.”
“Why? Do you think Greer has more contracts for you? Because you know she was let go. She’s now an administrative assistant with absolutely no security clearance. You need to choose a different mark. We’re not helpful to you anymore. There’s nothing here for you to steal.”
“I don’t care about Greer. I came here because of you.”
My shoulders shook. “Stop lying.”
“It’s not a lie.” His voice was dark and calm.
“You had me. And you lost me.”
“Don’t say that,” he coaxed. “Don’t ever say that.”
I looked at him. One tear fell before another. “Is this what you needed to see? My tears. How you have drained me of every emotion. You have destroyed me. Did you need proof? Does this do something for you? Did you want to see the wreckage you left behind?”
“Damn it, Em. No. No.”
His lips crushed mine with force and fury. I squirmed against him, but he held me against his body. The hard kiss blistered my lips. He breathed desperately and I reacted with instinct. With the memory of his scent, his touch. My hands clasped around his neck as his tongue twined against mine. His mouth moved with urgent strokes, sucking at the corners of my lips, biting until I moaned. The tears slid toward my chin. I gulped for air. I clung to him. I was starved for him. For his body. There was a thirst I craved that the wine hadn’t touched. There was a need for him that work couldn’t erase. There was a hollow hole that couldn’t be filled no matter how many miles I ran. None of it could do for me what that one kiss had. What one dangerous intoxicating kiss could restore.
“I love you. I came back because I love you,” he whispered. “I couldn’t fly to Dubai and leave you on the other side of the world.”
I staggered backward, trying to catch my breath. Trying to break away from the kiss that was more dangerous than a gun. I shouldn’t have given in like that. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, but my skin was already seared with his mark.
“What are you trying to do?” I stared at him. “You’ve played every angle you can with me. Just stop. The game is over. I know you don’t give a damn where I am.”
“What? There is no angle. I came back for you.”
My hands raked through my hair as I sank to the concrete. “I almost didn’t survive the first time you left. Is that what you need to hear? It wasn’t real for you, but it was real for me. I loved you when I shouldn’t have. I fell for you and that made it a lot easier for you to do your job. So I’m begging you.” I looked at him. The tears so heavy on my lids I could barely see. “If there is any humanity inside your soul, leave me. Because what happened can’t happen again. I can’t survive a second time.” I sniffed. “And I know how it sounds. It’s pathetic and stupid. But it’s the only way I’ll live. You have to know what you did to me. You don’t deserve the truth from me, but it’s the only weapon I have. I’ll say it again.” My eyes lifted to his. “Get out.”
He dropped to his knees. He cupped my cheek with the palms of his hands.
“God, I’m sorry. I fucked up. It wasn’t supposed to happen. It never was supposed to happen like this.”
“And how was it supposed to happen? Did I not fall into the plan like I was supposed to? What exactly did I ruin for you, Vaughn?” I laughed bitterly. “And that’s not even your name. I can’t even use your real name.”
“It doesn’t matter what you call me. You can call me anything you want, Em. Call me Vaughn.”
“Please go,” I begged. “Please. I can’t do this. I can’t be a part of whatever phase this is in your deranged reality.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t leave. I have to make it right. I have to fix this. I need you to believe me.”
“There is no fixing it. You’re wanted by the government. There are federal agents searching for you. Turn yourself in.”
I didn’t expect the smirk. “That is also not going to happen.”
“You don’t have a choice. They’re going to catch you.” I sniffed.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been in this game a long time. I haven’t been caught yet.”
I felt it. The dangerous flicker that wicked the first night we met. The glimpse into the layers Vaughn carried. The draw that I tried to deny.
“What does that even mean?” I was mesmerized by him. By his audacity. By his presence. By the fact that he was here in the flesh, kissing me, touching me. Promising me that everything I felt was real.
“I’m not turning myself in.”
He tipped my chin forward. My lips quivered.
“Let me go. Just let me go before there’s nothing of me left,” I begged.
“I’m not going to let go. I’m going to protect you. Take care of you. Save you when you need saving. Push you when you need it. Hold you. Kiss you. Get drunk on you.”
I stopped crying. “You want a second chance.”
“It’s not a second chance. I fucking love you, Emily Charles. I never stopped. I left to spare you. And it almost killed me. I thought you would be better off if I didn’t come back. That my life would drag you into darkness, but I didn’t realize that without you I couldn’t find the light again. I can’t live like this anymore. I came back for you.”
I fell into his arms. The kiss turned to liquid fire, engulfing us in raging flames. He pulled me from the floor, lifting me into his arms.
I stared into his eyes.
The sliding door closed behind us and he carried me to my room. He lowered me to the bed, then turned to close the door and pushed a chair under the handle.
“Just in case.” He winked. “No interruptions.”
I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything but him. He was back. Back for me. For us.
28
There was a fraction of a second. A moment when Vaughn stepped from the chair blocking the door back to the bed. It was the sliver of time I could have backed out. The time I should have told myself I didn’t need him anymore. That I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
But he crawled toward me on the bed. I looked into the depths of his eyes. He brushed a kiss across my lips and I knew I would go up in smoke with him. I would give anything for this. For him.
I raised my arms overhead as he pulled the sweater from my body. His mouth found mine and I kissed him like that first night on the street. Like there was mystery and magic between us. I couldn’t think about what would happen when this was over. All I could do was live in it. Too hold him close. To love him like I had never loved him before.
His hands roamed my body, tugging, caressing until my clothes were a pile on the floor. He ran a finger over my breast, circling my nipple until it perked under his command. His teeth grazed over, biting harder with each gnash of his teeth. I ran my hands through his hair, pressing harder into him. I moaned when he sucked my breast
between his lips.
My legs parted and his fingers slid over my navel and dove between my folds. He flicked and rubbed my clit while he sucked my tit with commanding force.
“Ohh,” I whimpered. My hips rocked and swayed, urging his fingers to slide deeper and farther until he finally pushed inside me.
His lips broke free of my nipple as he pressed a rough kiss on my mouth. I yielded to his tongue. Hungry for his taste.
“I missed you, Em. I missed you so fucking much,” he growled, taking my face in his hands.
I nodded in agreement. Was that the word? Did that describe the emptiness and loneliness that moved in when he left. I did more than miss him. I mourned him.
“I’m going to show you.” He smiled. “Show you how much I need you. How much I have to have you in my life. In my bed. In my world.”
My hands wrestled with the buckle on his jeans. I eagerly unzipped them and shoved them over his legs. He kicked them to the floor. I fisted the width of his shaft, letting it slide against my palm. He let out a groan.
His eyes flickered. He planted a kiss on my lips. My feet tucked around his waist as he nudged his cock against my heat. He hovered at my entrance, toying with the sensations, driving me mad, pushing me to desperation. I could see it in his eyes. The lust and the longing.
We were suspended in a place where our bodies called out to each other. Needed each other. Were feverish to own the other. Letting him back in was the only choice. I didn’t know how else to erase the lost time.
I clawed at his back, arched toward the ceiling, and spread my knees. I had relived this. Remembered his eyes on me. The feel of his cock waiting to take me. It was this moment I wanted. The rawness of it. The pureness of giving him my body. He pushed the tip of his shaft deep enough to make me gasp. I stretched around him. I moaned, waiting for the full contact when his body would be inside mine.
“Fuck,” he growled in my ear, thrusting with a powerful stroke until he was buried deep in my walls.
“Ohh.” I whimpered remembering how our bodies fit together like this. I stretched around him, blinded by the beautiful pain. He rocked into me. I could tell he was eager to move deep. To push our boundary. Bind us together in a new way.