by Lee, Sue
Looking at me so tenderly my heart clenched, he gently brushed the tear away with his thumb. Before I knew it, his other hand was pulling me into his arms and he was kissing me. When I opened my lips for him and searched for his tongue, a little moan escaped his throat. His lips were soft and warm and tasted like wine. His tongue caressed mine with desire and want and sweet reunion. His hands roamed from my face to my hair to the nape of my neck and over my back and waist. Everyone and everything in the world around us faded away … until I became aware of catcalls and applause.
I lifted my head away from the kiss that left both of us breathless and panting. As we turned around, Ryan’s family and closest friends grinned and gave us a standing ovation. It was a good thing the room was dimly lit, because I blushed crimson. In response, Ryan took a deep bow, swinging his arm forward, while I curtsied.
When we stood back up, he placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me to towards the private dining room full of his friends and family.
“I don’t deserve you,” he chuckled in my ear.
“You’re a lucky bastard, then,” I said, looking up at him endearingly. “Happy birthday, Ryan.”
“I love you, Julia.” He smiled, revealing my two favorite dimples. “C’mon, let’s celebrate. I want to introduce you to my family.”
That night, I stopped treating my love life like it was a project plan. Projects were structured and driven by start and end dates. Things had a logical order and a reason existed for every decision. In the midst of ambiguity, for any difficult decision that would impact the outcome, a good program manager always weighed the level of risk. If the risk was too high, you turned back or shut the idea down. Faith in a decision was never acknowledged in the assessment. It was all a calculated game.
When you fell in love, there were no guarantees. Sometimes, past learnings didn’t matter anymore, not when you really loved someone. Forgiving Ryan and not dwelling on all the reasons we were torn apart allowed us to have a second chance. I learned that weighing the risk was driven by the mind, not the heart. That’s where the fundamental difference lies between business and love. When it comes to love, faith replaces risk. Better late than never, but I was finally learning from my mistakes and reaping the rewards.
Three Years Later …
“Ten minutes, ladies,” Kelli, the wedding coordinator, barked.
The four of us, Anna, Catherine, Lauren, and I, put the finishing touches on our makeup and hair and did a once over in the mirror. I heard the string quartet playing in the chapel. The Villa Academy chapel was a gorgeous chapel built in the 1920s with arched ceilings and stain glass windows. It was a beautiful location to hold a wedding ceremony.
I peeked my head out the door, making sure the late guests weren’t dawdling in the foyer and were being seated. Kelli noticed me and signaled for us to come out. I lead the procession of bridesmaids.
As we rounded the corner, I spotted Ryan standing with two other groomsmen. Ironically, one of them was one of Catherine’s doctors. Kelli waved her hands, ushering us to gather in the foyer of the church, but it was difficult to hurry in heels whilst helping to maneuver layers of silk organza.
Ryan looked dashingly handsome in his black, custom-made suit. Even three years later, he made my heart flutter and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. When we finally reached him and Kelli, he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and said, “You’re beautiful.” He gazed down at me with love and appreciation, then focused to the person to his right. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Catherine,” he teased.
Catherine answered by nudging him affectionately in the ribs and giving him a radiant smile.
Since Catherine’s father didn’t have the physical capacity to walk her down the aisle, she had asked Ryan to give her away at her wedding. This was poignant and appropriate because Ryan was essentially her family.
She had asked him a few months ago when a group of us, including her fiancé, Charlie, were having dinner at Betty’s to celebrate my independence as a small business owner. I had decided that I no longer needed to bill hours to break even. I had actually passed that point a while ago, but I still felt compelled to finish out my last contract. I had twenty-four consultants working for me at that time and I wanted to focus more on business development. Ryan thought I should branch out to other companies. There were too many consulting companies in Redmond that had MS as their only client. Since there was no conflict of interest with companies like Amazon or Starbucks, Ryan thought he could help me get contracts with them via some of his networking contacts. Today, I had almost double the number of consultants.
Just before dessert, Catherine and Charlie together asked Ryan for the favor. Ryan was honored, of course, and it was very fitting that he be the man to walk Catherine down the aisle.
It was also fitting that Charlie and Catherine had met at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Charlie was perinatologist at Swedish hospital. His mother passed away from breast cancer several years ago, which was why he was a strong advocate for breast cancer awareness. He met Catherine after her chemotherapy treatments had completed. She didn’t have any hair at the time and that was when she claimed she was physically at her worst appearance. I couldn’t have found her more beautiful. However, that was one reason she believed Charlie really loved her—he had seen her at her very worst and now at her best. They started out as friends, but as her health got better and she began to believe that she was going to beat the cancer, she opened herself up to the relationship. Personally, Ryan and I both thought Charlie was a guardian angel. He was the right man and he came into Catherine’s life at just the right time. Maybe life was all about serendipitous encounters or maybe that’s just another description of fate. My belief still held that we just had to recognize them enough to take advantage of the opportunity when they happened.
Catherine fought her cancer bravely and tirelessly with everything she had and we were by her side the whole time. I was in awe of Catherine’s ongoing courage and strength. I never ceased to be amazed at her ability to stay positive and see beauty, along with the pain, in her difficult journey. No one deserved a happier ending more than Catherine.
Catherine looked stunning in her designer wedding gown, a simple, elegant design with a strapless, fitted bodice and an A-line ball gown skirt. Her signature blond hair had grown back long enough to be styled into a sleek chignon at the nape of her neck. She was channeling Grace Kelly with her classic beauty.
Anna, Lauren and I wore matching tangerine dresses. The color was perfect for a late September wedding when the hint of autumn started displaying itself in the trees. The fitted bodice and halter neckline flattered our shoulders and collarbones. The skirt fell just above the knee, both contemporary and demure. Not to mention I loved the silver slingback heels we had all just purchased for the occasion.
“Two minutes, everyone,” Kelli announced.
We all started moving into our positions. I was supposed to stand just in front of Catherine.
“Charlie’s a very lucky man,” Ryan said as we all lined ourselves up. “I’m so happy for you, Catherine.”
I turned around to witness their exchange.
Catherine’s eyes turned shiny and began to water. “Thank you, Ryan, for everything.”
“Ryan, stop making her cry! You’re going to ruin her makeup,” Lauren urged, fanning the air in front of Catherine’s face. “Save it for the speech later,” she said, giving her older brother a stern look of disapproval.
I could only smile affectionately at this brother-sister exchange. I looked at Catherine at the mention of tearjerker wedding speeches and my eyes started watering as I remembered my own wedding.
Ryan and I had gotten married almost a year ago today, over the Labor Day weekend, in the San Juan Islands. It was a beautiful wedding, held in the Hotel De Haro garden overlooking Roche Harbor. At our reception, Catherine gave the most heartfelt and beautiful speech. A few weeks before our wedding, Catherine had received her final dia
gnosis from her doctors. The cancer was in remission. After fighting fiercely for her life for almost two years, she had won the battle. The message in her speech was very clear—embrace and celebrate those you love. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
“Oh, don’t you start too, Julia,” Anna complained as she wiped a tear from her own eye.
I smiled affectionately towards my sister. Over the last three years, Catherine and I had gotten close. Anna and Catherine became natural friends, as I included Anna in a lot of our social gatherings. I often felt like I had inherited two more sisters in Lauren and Catherine.
“Okay, all of you! Just stop it!” Lauren warned again as her eyes joined in on the mist party.
We all laughed through our tears and gave each other another round of hugs before Kelli forced us to separate, settle down, and line up. Kelli opened the double chapel doors to the room full of wedding guests and the quartet began the familiar tune of “Für Elise.”
Before it was my turn to walk down the aisle, I looked over my shoulder to take one last glance at Ryan. His eyes pierced through me with a look of reverence and love.
It never ceased to amaze me how lucky I was to have his heart.
Writing this book has been a journey. There were many times when I wondered what the hell I was doing. In all my moments of self-doubt, Chris, you were there. I love you. Thank you for being my best friend, my love, a wonderful father and husband, and an ear to bounce off all of my crazy ideas and thoughts. Your beautiful blue eyes and sandy brown hair were my inspiration for R, not James Bond… wink.
To my beta readers Stephanie, Tracy, Katrina, and Niki for giving me ongoing support, encouragement, and feedback (even when it was tough to hear). Thank you for taking the time to read my book. Your ongoing support and cheerleading kept me going and I’m forever grateful for your time and participation in this journey with me.
To HKC, for being my inspiration for Anna and my BFF.
To my editor, Erin Roth. You rock! You gave me honest feedback when I needed it the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You are an amazingly talented woman and Nerd Girl wouldn’t be where it is without you.
To Sarah Hansen from Okay Creations. I think you’re brilliant! Thank you for creating such a beautiful book cover. It far exceeded my expectations.
To Angela McLaurin from Fictional Formats. Thank you for working so hard on formatting the book to make it look beautiful. Thank you also for being so gracious whenever I texted and bugged you about the status :).
To all of the intelligent, strong, and amazing women I’ve known at Microsoft. I feel like I grew up with so many of you over the last fourteen years sharing our success, stress, tears, and stories of motherhood. After reading the book, I hope you saw a little bit of Julia in all of yourselves. Thank you for inspiring me every day!
Lastly, this book is dedicated to my amazing twin daughters, Cate and Mia. Don’t let anyone ever tell you what you can’t do. Beauty is only skin deep. Be a nerd girl and never hide your intelligence and strength of character. I love you both higher than heaven and farther than all of the stars in the universe.
Sue lives in Seattle, WA. with her husband and two daughters.
After more than a decade of running the corporate rat race, she left Microsoft in 2010 and found time to pursue her dream of doing something she found truly inspiring. She wrote a book. As an avid reader of contemporary romance novels, she thought it would be a fun adventure to merge her unique history and knowledge of Microsoft with a heartfelt love story.
Apart from reading, writing, and spending time with her family, Sue enjoys strong coffee, weekend getaways in the Pacific Northwest, running, Husky football, and cooking gourmet meals.
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