by Louise Hall
“I’m just feeling a bit woozy, that’s all,” Cate lied.
Sinead grinned, “You’ll get used to it. Come on.”
When they got to the bottom of the stairs, the music was so loud; Cate couldn’t hear what Sinead was saying. Sinead spun her around so that she could see Jake grabbing a couple of bottles of beer from the makeshift bar at the back of the room. “Go,” Sinead shoved Cate towards him. When she turned back around, Sinead had disappeared into the crowd.
Cate took a deep breath and pushed her way towards the bar. She really did want to be kissed, if only to stop Sinead looking at her like a charity case. It was pathetic that she was 18 and had never been kissed before. The one guy she really wanted, Kian – he was never going to kiss her; to him she would always be his little sister’s friend. Sinead was right; if she couldn’t have Kian, it didn’t really matter who her first kiss was with. Even if it was rubbish and she had every reason to believe that it would be, at least it would be out of the way and she could concentrate on more important things. It was a box that needed to be ticked.
“Hey,” she said, trying to make her voice heard above the music.
Jake turned around, “oh hey, Cate.”
For a moment, Cate was disappointed that Jake’s eyes didn’t suddenly pop out on stalks when he saw her. Then she remembered that she didn’t actually fancy Jake, it’s not like she wanted him to be her boyfriend; she just wanted him to kiss her. Damn, why was she so bad at this? Sinead flirted with every guy she met, it was as natural to her as breathing but this was yet another thing that Cate had never quite mastered.
“Sorry, did you want something? Am I in your way?”
“No, it’s OK, I can wait.”
“Thanks,” Jake tucked a couple of bottles under his arm. “Listen, let me just give these to the lads and then there’s something I want to ask you.”
“OK,” Cate gulped. Was this the moment?
She waited for him to come back. “Come here,” he guided her by the elbow to a quieter part of the basement.
“What did you want to ask me?” Behind Jake’s back, she could see Sinead giving her the thumbs up.
Jake caught Cate rolling her eyes and turned around but Sinead was pretending to talk to some random boy.
“You’re best mates with Sinead, aren’t you?” Jake asked. Cate nodded. “Do you know if she’s seeing anyone right now?”
Cate stumbled backwards and he grabbed her arm, “hey, are you OK?”
“Yeah, sorry, new shoes,” she said, removing his hand from her arm.
“Is she then?” Jake said, “seeing anyone, Sinead?”
“No,” Cate said, “no, she’s not seeing anyone. Excuse me, I’m going to go…” she spotted the door to the basement. “Outside, I’m going to go outside and get some air.”
“Yeah,” Jake said but she was gone.
CHAPTER 2
Cate stumbled outside and let the basement door slam shut behind her. She leaned back against the brick wall and lifted her right foot out of the slightly too small shoe she’d borrowed from Sinead. “Ouch,” she winced; she could already feel a huge blister throbbing against her tights on the back of her heel.
The ground beneath her feet was littered with empty beer bottles and cigarette butts so Cate knew that she wouldn’t be out there by herself for very long. She picked her shoe up by the strap, slipped the other one off as well and padded barefoot down the alleyway at the side of the house, which was dark and empty.
When she was far enough away from the party, she slumped down the wall and covered her face with her hands.
How had she let Sinead talk her into this?
It was ridiculous but more than that, she was ridiculous for believing that she could change who she was with a push-up bra, a lacy dress and a shovel full of make-up. This was real life, not a Disney movie. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, leaving a trail of glitter across her skin.
Even boys like Jake didn’t want to kiss girls like Cate. To them, she was just background noise. They wanted to kiss girls like Sinead. It had always been the same.
She needed to remember who she was. She wasn’t Sinead. She was Cate Klein, solid, dependable, never, ever going to be kissed in her whole life and she needed to be OK with that. Damn, she cursed herself as a tear ran down her cheek.
Why are you crying, you idiot, you didn’t even want to kiss Jake?
Cate’s thoughts returned to Kian. He was only on the other side of the wall but it felt like he was light years away.
If a boy like Jake doesn’t want to kiss me, there’s no way a guy like Kian would ever look twice at me.
A little while later, the basement door opened and Cate shrunk back even more into the darkness.
From what she could tell, it was Kian and his girlfriend, Nicole and they were arguing.
Cate felt embarrassed that she was listening to such a private conversation but if she moved at all, the security light would come on, letting them know that she was there. She waited perfectly still for them to go back inside.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps and the security light came on and flooded the passageway.
“What are you doing here, you little freak?” Nicole looked down at her with pure disgust.
“Who’s there?” Kian asked. Ignoring him, Nicole stormed down the passageway and slammed the gate behind her.
He looked around the corner, “Cate, what are you doing out here?”
Darn, Cate cursed. He walked towards her and she felt that familiar churning in her stomach. She stole a quick glance at him. It was difficult enough to be around him when he was just kicking a football about with her brother in the back garden, dressed in jeans and a well-worn t-shirt, a couple of days’ worth of stubble marking his jaw but seeing him like this, in a suit that fitted him so perfectly it looked as though it had been made just for him… She could barely breathe. The feelings she had for him might be super-awkward given that he was her best friend’s older brother but they definitely weren’t unreasonable. Kian was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.
She’d only seen his back at the party. From the front, she noticed that he’d had his hair cut since she’d last seen him. It was short at the back and sides and left longer at the top. A strand of jet-black hair fell over his eyes and he quickly reached up and brushed it back with his fingers.
Whereas Nicole’s face had been full of scorn, Kian’s was full of concern. He looked at her, his dark-brown eyes filled with warmth. “Are you OK?”
“I’m fine,” Cate turned away, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “I just needed some air. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to listen to you and Nicole.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kian smiled, “she was shouting so loud; I think people three streets away could hear her.”
He indicated the space next to her on the ground, “is this seat taken?”
Cate shook her head and he sat down next to her, their shoulders touching ever so slightly. She could smell his aftershave and tried surreptitiously to take long drags of it.
They sat in silence for a minute and then the basement door was thrown open again. This time it was Jake and Sinead.
“Why would I kiss Cate?” Jake asked. Cate flinched hearing her name.
Sinead giggled, “because I asked you very nicely. C’mon Jakey, she’s never been kissed before.”
“Why me? Why can’t she find some other loser to kiss?”
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
“I’ll bet you would,” Jake leered, “I’m almost tempted but Cate? God, she’s so frigid, I’d get more turned on kissing that wall over there.”
“Okay, how about a lil’ preview?” Sinead said.
Cate heard them kissing and then Jake said, “OK, but you’d better be worth it. Let’s go and find her then.” The basement door opened and closed again.
Cate looked down at the ground, willing it to open up and swallow her whole.
Eventually Kian spo
ke, “don’t cry over him, OK. He’s an asshole and he’s not worth it.”
“I know,” Cate said, still looking at the ground.
“Is that true?”
“Is what true?”
“Have you really never been kissed?”
Cate shook her head, “please don’t, I already feel like the biggest loser right now.”
“And you really wanted your first kiss to be with that guy?” Kian frowned.
Cate smiled weakly, “no, not really. I just wanted it over and done with, you know. That guy was your sister’s idea.”
“So it could be any boy?”
“Yeah,” Cate said, “look, promise me you won’t tell anybody about this, especially Ben. It’s embarrassing enough.”
“I’ve got an idea,” Kian reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a sprig of mistletoe.
“You just carry that around with you?” Cate asked.
Kian smiled, “I like to be prepared.”
He stood up and attached the mistletoe to the wall above their heads. Then he offered Cate his hand. She looked up at the mistletoe and then at Kian who had a mischievous glint in his eye. “Oh no,” she said, shaking her head. “No.”
Kian reached for her wrists and pulled her up to standing.
“Why not, you just said it could be any boy and I’m a boy, aren’t I?”
“You’re…” Cate stumbled over her words. Definitely not a boy.
“I’m an excellent kisser,” he said proudly.
“You’ve had enough practice.”
Kian took a step closer to her, the expression on his face now serious. “That’s what you want for your first kiss. Somebody…” he gently cradled her face in his hands. “… who knows what they’re doing.”
“Really?” Cate asked.
“Definitely,” Kian took another step closer. She felt the warmth of his breath caress her lips. Was this really going to happen?
Her heart was hammering like a jackrabbit inside her chest.
Please don’t let anything break the spell before he kisses me. If I can have this one kiss, I’ll never ask for anything else ever again.
Kian moved closer, so close that she could feel the heat of his skin through his shirt. His dark, smouldering eyes never left hers. Slowly, he reached up and cupped the back of her head, burying his fingers in her glossy, black hair. He leaned forward and Cate felt his lips brush against hers. She’d wanted this for so long that even just that fleeting touch made her knees buckle. She was certain that if she hadn’t been pressed between his body and the wall that she would have sunk to the floor in a heap.
“Open your eyes, angel.”
Kian was watching her closely. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and then he kissed her again. He sucked her plump bottom lip into his mouth, tracing it with his tongue. His lips were so warm and soft.
“You taste so good,” Kian grunted, releasing her bottom lip. His hands tightened inside her hair.
Tilting her head back a little, he kissed her top lip, as if he wanted to memorise every last detail. Cate knew she was being silly but it felt like he needed this kiss almost as much as she did. She clung to him, gripping his narrow waist.
He opened her mouth, sliding his tongue between her tingling lips. At first, it was an incredibly strange sensation, the feel of his tongue licking inside her mouth. But then it was like he’d awoken something inside of her which had long been dormant. With every touch, he transformed her from boring black and white into glorious Technicolour.
She moved her hands up from around his waist and inside his jacket to his back, pressing her palms against the flexing muscles she’d salivated about earlier. Their bodies were fitted together so intimately; she could feel his heart beating furiously against her skin.
Emboldened, Cate rubbed her tongue up against his, delighting in the groan it elicited, which rumbled from Kian’s mouth into her own.
He ran his hands slowly through her hair, down her neck and back, leaving a trail of goose bumps in his wake.
Eventually out of necessity, they stopped to catch their breath. Straight away, as soon as his lips left hers, she knew she was in trouble. Cate rested her head on his shoulder. It would have been far safer for her to kiss a boy like Jake, even if he was a class-A douchebag. Jake never would have made her feel like this. Like an addict, she couldn’t have just one taste. They’d only been apart a matter of seconds and already she craved more.
“Wow,” Kian raised his eyebrows. He gently lifted her head up from his shoulder so that he could see her face. “Poor Jake.”
“Why?” Cate said.
Kian trailed his thumb over her tingling lips. “He’s a fool if he can’t see how fucking sexy you are.”
Cate blushed deep crimson, “you’re just being kind.”
Kian laughed, “believe me, angel, the feelings I have for you right now are anything but kind.”
As if on cue, the light at the back of the house came on and they could hear footsteps crunching down the stairs leading from the kitchen to the patio outside the basement. “Stay here,” Kian said, untangling himself from her. He peered around the corner. “It’s my Dad,” he mouthed.
Cate struggled to pull herself together; she ran her fingers through her mussed-up hair and straightened out her dress.
“Dad,” Kian said loudly. “What are you doing out here, it’s freezing.”
“I needed a cigarette,” Eamon said. “your Mum’s on at me to quit and I will but in my own sweet time. You won’t tell me on me, will ya?”
“Your secret’s safe with me,” Kian said.
“Good lad,” Eamon took his first delicious puff. “Anyway, what are you doing out here? It’s just as cold for me as it is for you.”
“Just fancied some fresh air,” Kian said.
“Fresh air, my arse,” Eamon laughed. “You’ve got a girl around here somewhere, haven’t you?”
“No.”
“Aye, you have. You can’t lie to me. Well, come on then, where is she?” He craned his neck around.
“You’ve got to promise not to tell anyone,” Kian said. “I mean it Dad, not even Mum.”
“Ooh, I like the sound of this,” Eamon rubbed his hands with glee. “Ah, you’re being serious now, are you? Okey-dokey, I can be serious.” He raised his hand up in the air. “I, Eamon Finbar Warner, do solemnly swear that I will not tell another living soul about whatever sordid little shenanigans my boy has been up to out here.”
“Dad, I know your middle name’s not Finbar.”
“Ah, I thought I’d got you there. Come on, the suspense is killing me, who is it?”
“Promise,” Kian said sternly.
“All right, all right,” Eamon held both his hands up. “I promise. See no crossed fingers.”
Kian went around the corner and reached out a hand to Cate. Cate shook her head, “I can’t.”
“C’mon,” Kian whispered. “Trust me.”
She slowly placed her hand inside his and let him lead her around the corner. The shock on Eamon’s face when he saw it was Cate holding his son’s hand was obvious. He dropped his cigarette on the ground. “Well, I never.”
“You promised not to tell anyone, Dad,” Kian reminded him.
“Yes, of course,” Eamon stood there, still open-mouthed.
“I’m going to go back inside,” Cate said quickly.
“Take care,” Eamon said after her, “on the steps I mean, they’re slippery.”
CHAPTER 3
After that, Cate didn’t go back to the party. She ran upstairs to her bedroom, shut the door and leaned back against it. Her heart was still beating like a million times a second. Did that really just freaking happen?
She licked her lips; she could still taste him, his tongue inside her mouth. “Gah,” Cate yelped, doing a crazy little jig. She felt like she’d entered some kind of alternate universe, where insanely hot guys like Kian actually kissed ordinary girls like Cate.
She ran upstairs and grabbed her iPod from the top of her dresser.
Ha, there’s no chance of that! Cate laughed, singing along to Shakira. She shimmied out of Liv’s dress and hid it at the back of her wardrobe. She reached behind her back and unfastened the push-up bra, watching as her boobs became small and humble again. “Nobody would ever confuse you two with mountains, would they?”
After she’d got changed into her favourite pyjamas – a soft black t-shirt which had “Team Rochester” on the front and a pair of red pyjama bottoms covered in US licence plates – she went into the bathroom to remove her make-up. Her lips felt different, swollen and tingly. She couldn’t stop touching them.
She climbed into bed and picked up her book, ready to dive back into the world of Jane Eyre but as much as she loved that book and she did, that night she couldn’t concentrate. The words swam across the page as her mind kept drifting back to that kiss, so epic it deserved huge, capital letters – THAT KISS.
The page she’d torn out of Heat magazine slid from her book on to the duvet. Cate picked it up and carefully unfolded it. Kian was their Torso of the Week. The photo had been taken after a game so he was wearing just a pair of white shorts, his muddy socks rolled down to his ankles, exposing his shin pads. He’d swapped shirts with an opposition player; their red shirt was tucked into the waistband of his shorts. Cate looked at his bare chest; although he was lean, every muscle was perfectly defined. She knew what it was like to touch him; to feel the heat of his skin through his shirt. She could still smell the crispness of his aftershave.
Cate looked at his hands, which were raised above his head as he applauded the fans. She wriggled against the mattress, still able to feel his fingertips scorching a trail down the bare skin of her back.
Unsettled, she carefully folded the page and put it back inside her book. She switched off the lamp on her bedside table, shrouding the room in darkness. Lying still on the bed, her heart felt like it was beating way too fast. Burning hot, she kicked the covers down to the end of the bed. She closed her eyes but all she could see was that look in his eyes right before he kissed her. Even now, it made her stomach flip-flop with pleasure.