by Louise Hall
Cate was about thirty seconds away from bursting into ugly tears. “You’d better go; I don’t want you to miss your flight.”
“I see,” Kian joked, “trying to get rid of me already?”
“Yeah,” Cate pretended to laugh. When she swallowed, her throat felt like it was coated in razor blades. “My other boyfriend’s coming round soon.”
“Then I’d better give you one hell of a goodbye kiss,” Kian tugged her towards him. He slid his hands up the back of her t-shirt, feeling her warm skin. Cate clung to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. She wanted to soak up everything; the feel of his tongue stroking hers, the scent of his aftershave, the thump-thump of his heartbeat against her skin.
“Fuck,” Kian groaned, stepping back. He ran his fingers raggedly through his hair.
“Don’t go,” Cate blurted out before she could stop herself. She clapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Angel,” he pressed his forehead against hers. “If there was any way…”
“I know,” Cate choked. “It’s just… I’m really going to miss you.”
“What about your other boyfriend?” Kian tried to lighten the mood. Fuck the tour; he was this close to just picking Cate up and carrying her back upstairs to their bed.
Cate shrugged, “I guess he’ll have to do.”
As soon as Kian left, it started raining heavily. Feeling as dark as the sky outside, Cate went upstairs and got back into the big, empty bed. She wrapped the thick duvet tightly around her body but no matter what she did, she couldn’t stop shivering with cold. She wriggled across to Kian’s side of the bed and buried her face in his pillow, where the crisp scent of his aftershave still lingered.
“Stop being silly,” Cate clenched her jaw together to try and stop her teeth from chattering. It’s July, it just feels cold because Kian’s not there to warm you up. Two weeks felt like forever. Cate closed her eyes and tried to pretend he was still there, curled up around her like a question mark, the warmth of his hand against her stomach, the ticklish dark hairs on his calves.
Even though she hadn’t eaten anything today, her stomach felt like it was on a spin cycle. Cate rolled onto her back and winced, the feel of her cotton t-shirt against her back was unbearable, like thousands of tiny pin pricks. She ventured a hand out of the covers, reaching up to press it against her forehead. It felt hot and clammy. “No,” Cate whimpered, when she realised this was more than just morning sickness. “I can’t be sick.”
Suddenly, she started heaving. Throwing off the covers, she ran to the bathroom, clutching her roiling stomach. She barely made it to the toilet before she started heaving again. There was nothing left in her stomach but acid, which burned up the back of her throat and inside her mouth. Her t-shirt was soaked with sweat and stuck uncomfortably to her skin so she took it off and tossed it to one side. She couldn’t stop shivering, sweat trickled over the goose bumps.
After her stomach realised there was nothing left to bring up, Cate collapsed on the floor at the side of the toilet. She’d only felt like this once before; the night of what should have been her 18th birthday party. The marble was freezing cold against her bare skin but her head was so heavy, she couldn’t lift it. Cate hugged her arms across her bare chest to keep warm. “I want my Mum,” she sobbed, wishing she was back home in her own bed.
This is my home now.
Eventually she fell asleep on the bathroom floor, only waking again when the sky was pitch-black. She sat up slowly; her mouth felt like something had died in there. Her bones ached. She picked her t-shirt up off the floor and went to put it in the laundry basket. As she lifted the lid, something caught her eyes. She rummaged in the basket and pulled out the navy blue t-shirt with yellow lettering Kian had worn when they were in Vegas. She brought it up to her nose and took a deep breath, it still smelt like him. She didn’t care that it needed washing, she quickly put it on. It helped to know that she had some part of him wrapped around her body.
The doorbell was too loud, it made her head hurt. Cate blinked open her eyes, it was almost midday. She knew she should be embarrassed, sleeping all morning but she felt too rough.
The doorbell rang again, whoever it was wasn’t going away anytime soon. Cate pulled off the duvet, instantly regretting it when she felt the cold air on her skin. The doorbell rang for a third time. “I’m coming,” Cate muttered, her teeth chattering.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Jean said kindly, when Cate pulled open the front door.
“I’m sorry,” Cate said hoarsely. She knew she must look a mess, in Kian’s old t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. She ran her fingers through her hair, carefully avoiding her aching scalp.
Jean pressed a hand against Cate’s forehead, “you’re sick.”
“I’m fine,” Cate croaked. She quickly turned away to cough; it took her a few minutes to clear her throat.
Jean wouldn’t listen to any of her protests. “Back to bed.”
“I’ve, um…” Cate didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t sleep in their bed without Kian. “I’ve been sleeping in here,” she gestured to the lounge, where the duvet was still tangled up on the sofa.
Jean didn’t bat an eyelid, “OK then, you lie down and I’ll make you some soup.”
Cate chewed on her lip; she wanted to cry with how nice Jean was being. Apart from Kian and Liv, Jean was the first person she’d spoken to in four days. The rest of her family were still giving her the silent treatment.
“Here you go,” Jean handed her a bowl of steaming hot tomato soup. “I hope it’s still your favourite?”
Cate nodded. The soup smelled so good, her stomach started grumbling. Jean fussed over her, straightening out the duvet and tucking it around Cate’s legs. “How long have you been like this?”
“A couple of days,” Cate admitted. “Please don’t tell Kian. I don’t want him to worry.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Jean said softly. “You probably want your Mum, don’t you?”
At the mention of her Mum, Cate’s eyes filled with tears. She missed her family so much. She focused on the bowl of soup, blinking really fast.
“It doesn’t matter how old your kids get, when they’re sick, they always want their Mum.”
“I know things are a little rocky right now,” Jean said. “But they’ll get better, I promise. In the meantime, you need to rest. You’ve got a very important job there, looking after my first grandchild.”
“I still can’t believe my little sister’s married,” Liv giggled, cracking open a bottle of beer. It was early evening and Cate and Liv were sat on a blanket in Kian’s back garden, enjoying the last of the day’s sunshine.
Cate tilted her head up to the sun; it was nice to get some fresh air. It was a week tomorrow since Kian had left for Rovers’ two week tour of the US and Cate had spent almost all that time curled up on the sofa fighting a vicious bout of flu. It was only today that she was feeling remotely back to normal, she’d reluctantly prised Kian’s t-shirt off her body and put it in the wash because it was smelling rank. She still wasn’t ready to sleep in their bed though, it was too cold and empty; she figured she’d probably end up sleeping on the sofa every night until he came home. It wasn’t too bad, she’d found a copy of Rovers’ Season Review on DVD and the commentary soothed her to sleep.
They heard a car door slam in the courtyard on the other side of the house.
“Still not speaking to you?” Liv asked gently.
Cate shook her head. “I don’t get why he’s so angry with me. He and Kian aren’t friends yet but they’re talking a little bit. Ben seems to blame me for all of it. I’ve seen him a couple of times across the courtyard and he completely blanks me, like I’m not even there.”
Liv stared silently across the rolling hills, as if she wanted to say something.
“What is it?” Cate asked. “What are you not telling me?”
“Kian doesn’t want you to know,” Liv explained. “He thinks you’ll worry.”
&nbs
p; Cate didn’t like the sound of that. Even though it was still warm, her skin came up in goose bumps. “Tell me.”
“The reason Ben’s avoiding you… It’s not because he’s angry with you, he just… I don’t think he can be around you right now.”
“Why? What have I done?”
Liv took a deep breath. “If I tell you, you’ve got to promise me you won’t tell Kian.”
Cate agreed.
“The night before you came back from Vegas, Erin had a miscarriage.”
“What?” Cate clapped her hand over her mouth. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant?”
“She found out when they came back from Thailand but they didn’t want to tell anybody until she got past three months.”
Cate felt her heart break a little for Erin and Ben. She covered her stomach with the palms of her hands; she couldn’t even bear to think about it.
“Just because it happened to Erin doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen to you,” Liv said softly.
Cate felt right then as if the baby inside of her was like tiny grains of sand, as much as she tried to hold on tightly to them, there was always a danger of them slipping through her fingers.
“We need a change of subject,” Liv announced, cracking open her 2nd bottle of beer. “What are your plans for the weekend?”
“The curtains in one of the guest bedrooms are looking a bit grubby so I thought I’d wash and iron them and then put them back up. Have you seen the stained-glass in that room? It’s so beautiful. Then I thought I might take a couple of books back to the library, they’re not due for another week but I’ve finished them. After that, Jean gave me this great recipe for cauliflower soup; it’s supposed to be one of Kian’s favourites. I want to surprise him when he gets home. I might have to do that on Sunday though because the match is on TV tomorrow night.”
Liv looked incredulous, “those are your plans for this weekend?”
“Yeah,” Cate shrugged. “I know they’re not very exciting.”
“You sound like some creepy Stepford Wife,” Liv teased. “Washing curtains and making soup. “Have you thought anymore about Uni?”
Cate shook her head, “I can’t. The baby’s due in spring.”
“What about getting a job? At least it would get you out of the house. It’s so isolated around here.”
“Yeah, right,” Cate smiled. “Who’d hire me? I’m pregnant, don’t have a degree and as soon as they see my last name, they’ll be thinking to themselves, “Why does she need to work when she’s married to a footballer?””
“I know,” Liv said suddenly. “Why don’t you give my friend Nick a call, he’s got that second-hand bookstore over in Greendale?”
Later that night, Cate was upstairs in one of the guest bathrooms getting changed into her pyjamas when Kian phoned.
“When are you coming home?” Cate asked. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, angel,” Kian said softly. “A few more days. How’s the bump?”
Cate put a hand on her stomach, “it’s not a bump yet.”
“I don’t believe you, take a photo and send it to me.”
“Take a photo of my stomach?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Okay,” Cate stood in front of the mirror and slid her pyjama bottoms down a little lower on her hips and tried to roll her vest up to just under her breasts. As she reached for her phone, her vest fell down, covering her stomach.
“Ugh, I can’t get it to stay up,” Cate complained.
“Not a problem I ever have,” Kian laughed.
Cate rolled her eyes, “I knew you were going to say something like that. I’ll have to get Liv to help me.”
“Liv?”
“Just a sec,” Liv called from downstairs, “I’m just getting something.”
“Can’t you just take your top off?” Kian suggested.
“I’m not sending you a topless photo,” Cate frowned. “It would probably end up all over the Internet.”
“Nobody gets to see your tits but me,” Kian grunted.
“I feel ridiculous,” Cate said to Kian, while she waited for Liv.
When Liv came into the bathroom, she was furious. “Why haven’t you got any food in the house?”
“Not now,” Cate said quickly. She gestured to her phone, where Kian was still listening. “I’ll explain later.”
“No,” Liv said angrily. “What have you been eating? I’ve checked everywhere: the cupboards, fridge, freezer, there’s nothing there.”
“I’m handling it,” Cate hissed. “Can we please talk about this later?”
Cate picked up her phone, “Kian, can I call you back?”
“No,” Kian said. He sounded angry now as well. “Put me on speakerphone.”
“I’m not doing this,” Cate put the phone down at the side of the sink and walked out of the bathroom.
Liv picked up the phone and followed her into the bedroom. She’d put Kian on speakerphone.
“Angel,” Kian started; just the softness in his voice made her want to cry. “Why haven’t you been eating?”
“I have been eating. I had the last of the soups your Mum made last night. I just haven’t been shopping. I haven’t got much money.”
“What?” Kian roared. “You should have told me. Go to the top drawer of my bedside table.”
Cate walked around the bed and pulled it open.
“Is she doing it?” Kian asked Liv.
“Yeah.”
“Can you see the black card on the top?” Cate picked it up. “I’m so sorry, angel. I thought I’d given it to you before I left. It’s yours. I’ve added you to my account.”
Cate frowned. “I’m not taking your money. I’m getting a job.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Kian roared. “It’s not my fucking money, it’s our money. We’re married.”
“I haven’t earned it,” Cate snapped back. “So it’s not my money.”
“Liv?” Kian asked. “Will you do me a favour?”
“Sure.”
“Make sure my incredibly stubborn wife goes food shopping. I want the cupboards, fridge and freezer so full of food when I get home. I’m serious; I want food all over the counters, stacked up on the floor…”
“I’m right here, you know,” Cate reminded him.
“Good, have you taken the photo yet?”
“What photo?” Liv said. “Ew, is this something kinky?”
Cate rolled her eyes. “My incredibly annoying husband is convinced that while he’s been away, I’ve suddenly grown a huge bump. I’ve tried telling him that my stomach’s still fairly flat but he wants me to take a photo of it anyway and send it to him.”
While Liv fiddled with the camera, Cate pulled her vest up to just underneath her breasts.
“If I can see your ribs, I’m coming home,” Kian warned.
“For the last time,” Cate groaned. “I’ve been eating, OK? Both of you, back off.”
CHAPTER 27
Cate was just finishing up in the kitchen when she heard a key turn in the lock on the front door. Kian wasn’t due back until tomorrow. “Hello?” she called hesitantly, quickly drying her hands on a towel.
“Cate?”
Cate felt like her heart was doing backflips inside her chest. “Kian?”
“Hi,” Kian grinned. He propped his suitcase against the wall. Cate dropped the towel and threw herself into his arms. “I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow?”
“I know, I wanted to surprise you,” Kian smiled.
Kian pivoted them around so Cate’s back was pushed up against the fridge. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and set to work undoing his tie. “I think somebody missed me.”
“More than you know,” Cate said breathlessly, her heart was pounding out of her chest. She undid his tie enough to slip it over his head and tossed it to the floor. His hardness was pressing into her softness.
“Let’s go upstairs,” Kian whispered, kissing behind her ear.
Cate suddenly stilled.
“What is it?”
“You weren’t supposed to see me like this,” Cate gestured to what she was wearing. She had on Kian’s navy-blue t-shirt with yellow lettering and he could tell that she wasn’t wearing a bra underneath and his grey trackie bottoms. “I look like such a mess.”
“You look so fucking sexy,” Kian said huskily. Her hair was braided to one side and he tugged on the braid so he could have better access to the side of her neck.
“Mm,” Cate lost her train of thought as his lips did delicious things to her neck.
“No,” she said suddenly, pushing him. He stepped back and she prised herself away from his sexy body.
“I had a plan,” Cate wiped her hands on the sides of her trackie bottoms.
Kian could see her hard nipples poking through his t-shirt. “Fuck Cate, I need to be inside you.” He put his hands on the fridge at the side of her head, caging her in.
Cate had to use all of her willpower not to give in. “Soon. Please let me do this, Kian?”
She reached behind her back and handed him an A4 sheet of paper, “why don’t you go upstairs and unpack and I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”
Kian looked down at the sheet of paper, “what’s this?”
Cate grinned, “a hint.”
She quickly ran upstairs. Kian looked down at the sheet of paper; she’d done the chart. There was a list of all the rooms in the house and by the sides of the master bedroom, bathroom and kitchen were shiny, gold stars.
“Angel, are you nearly ready?” Kian called. He’d unpacked and got changed into jeans and a black t-shirt.
“In here,” Cate called from the room at the far end of the house.
“Can I come in?” Kian knocked on the closed door.
“Yep, I just need to get changed.” Kian pushed open the door. The room was empty except for a mattress in the centre of the floor and a row of flickering candles on the windowsill. It was going to be the baby’s nursery.
Cate stood anxiously to one side, biting her lip. “I thought we could add to the list?”
Kian stormed over to her and picked her up as if she was weightless, wrapping her slender body around him. “I fucking love it,” Kian growled.