by Alla Kar
But—I could sense something about her work. It resembled what I assumed she felt on the inside. The dark gray and whites were more of a blur, a dark haze that I knew veiled her life. There was no denying the pain she felt, I saw it in her eyes, and in the way her parents treated her.
A sick feeling grew in my stomach, threatening to choke me to death. Her mother couldn’t have been more wrong about her. I couldn’t have been more wrong about her. I’d been the only person to give her any kind of emotion, anything real in years. Since her brother died. I wouldn’t let her be with anyone else after this; I couldn’t. She had a chance at happiness, it was plain as day, in her work, in her eyes.
She turned quickly; I wasn’t sure if she’d felt my presence or what, but she faced me. “Hey—what are you doin’ here?” She stood in front of the painting like a shield, hiding the piece from me.
“I thought we could grab some lunch. Are you okay?” There were evident tear streaks on her face.
She nodded, scratching the back of her neck. “I was just working, my class just ended. My next one doesn’t start for an hour.”
I watched her eyes shift and stepped forward. “Why don’t we go get something to eat?”
She licked her dried lips. “Actually,” she whispered. “Can we pick up something fast? I’d like to go to my brother’s grave today. It’s the anniversary.”
I walked toward her, gathering her into my arms. I knew by the shallow breaths that she’d break at any moment. “Of course,” I whispered. “I’ll take you right now.”
Sydney rode quietly in the passenger seat. She hadn’t touched the Subway I’d picked up for her. I didn’t think she would. We drove the fifteen-minute drive out of the city toward the cemetery in silence. Only the sound of my car motor and the wind from the slightly cracked window.
When we turned down the road, I heard a quiet sniffle, and my mind went frantic. It wasn’t from her pain, I knew I couldn’t stop that hurt, it was the familiarity of her cry. My mother’s face flashed in my mind, a jagged picture of her screaming scorched the outsides of my brain, never staying long enough for me to remember.
I sucked in a deep breath, clutching my hands against the wheel. What in the hell just happened? I tried to calm my racing heart, knowing Sydney was hurting enough already. I’d never seen my mother scream like that; I’d never seen her upset. Why was she upset? I couldn’t remember.
My turn approached, and I did my best to push back the mental insanity of what had just happened. She pointed toward the second little-paved drive, and I followed until she told me to stop.
She exited the car first, walking slowly down the row, glancing at every tomb along the way. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to be alone, but I got out anyway. I’d be there if she needed me. She stopped in front of a huge stone monument. It looked like it was built for a king. Knowing her parents it shouldn’t have surprised me.
She slowly dropped to her knees, digging something out of her pocket. Her tiny fingers placed a small sketch sheet of paper under a vase full of fresh red roses. I didn’t want to pry, but I noticed the infinity symbol sketched out in a lovely way. The same tattoo that was on her wrist. The same tattoo he had as well.
Tears began to flow down her cheeks, her sobbing broke out into the stale humid wind, her hands clutched the freshly mowed grass beneath her.
“It’s my fault,” she hoarsely whispered. “My fault.”
Her chest heaved with each sob, and I sunk down into the ground to catch her from falling. Her weight landed against my chest, and her tears were immediate on my shirt. I knew she’d been broken for a long time, but I never realized that I’d be her only light in the darkness of her life.
Or that agreeing to that bet had made me such a monster—such a fucking beast.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sydney
My eyes still felt puffy the next morning when I opened them. The normal happiness I felt when the sun hit my eyes wasn’t there. The pain from yesterday still felt like a heavy cement block on my heart.
I stretched my toes toward the end of the bed and jerked upward when I felt something hard. Cash stared down at me. At first, I wasn’t sure it was even him. There hadn’t been too many times I’d seen him in regular clothes, and yet, he looked younger and more southern. I loved the boyish grin on his face.
I sat up, combing my hands over what I assumed was a terrible bedhead. “What are you doin’ in here? Aren’t you getting ready for work?”
His short-sleeve shirt and worn blue jeans suggested that work wasn’t on the agenda for today. Something about the way he looked made me want him so much more. He looked average, well, he was still hot as hell but less intimidating in street clothes. His hair was pushed back with no product. His strong jaw was softer today. I’d never seen such passion in those green eyes.
“I’m not goin’ to work today, and neither are you.”
I looked around, trying to unscramble my brain. It was Tuesday, right? Taking a day off at the beginning of the week didn’t seem like something Cash Jenkins would do. “Am I dreamin’?”
His smile widened, both rows of perfect teeth flashed at me. I felt my heart jump in my throat. “No, Peach. You’re awake. Go get ready. We’re goin’ mud-riding in honor of your brother today.”
I stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say, or do. My mouth felt drier than the desert, and words seemed irrational at the moment. It felt like ten minutes had passed by the time I found my brain. “Cash,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
He stood, offering me his hand. I let him guide me up, his eyes dropped to my bare thighs, and he swallowed hard. “Get dressed before I hide all of your clothes.”
I laughed, unable to help the bubbles of joy racing through me. Like hunting, I hadn’t been mud-riding since Ryder. But today it didn’t feel like I was betraying him, it felt like I was doing something I always loved to do again. The sun rays warmed my skin as I walked through my room, gathering my clothes, and I felt like it was Ryder this time. Showing me it was okay to feel happy about this. That it was okay to feel okay.
After getting dressed, I made us two coffees to go. I’d worn an old Cardinals T-shirt of Ryder’s and cutoffs. My rubber boots squeaked against the wood floor, and so many memories overflowed my thoughts. I’d worn these same boots before.
“Ready?” Cash asked from the door.
I nodded. “So ready.” I stopped in the doorway and looked up at him. “Thank you again for this.”
He leaned down, coffee and mint on his breath. “Anytime, Peach.”
The gator was loaded into a huge Chevy truck that I didn’t know Cash owned, along with a four-wheeler on a trailer behind it. I all but raced toward the truck, loving that I had to climb to get inside. The leather seats smelled new, but there was caked mud on the floorboards beneath us. “Ash and I normally try to take these babies out once a month but sometimes it’s harder with our schedules.”
“Well, my schedule isn’t that crazy, and I’d take em out anytime you want me to.”
Cash gave me a sly grin. “You might take off on me if I let you out of my sight.”
“Ah,” I laughed. “That’s the reason you truly wanted me to stay here, right? To make sure I didn’t run away on you?”
Cash shrugged one shoulder. “You may or may not be correct about that. Maybe it’s because I like to be in control.”
“I think it’s a little bit of both.”
Cash smiled while rolling down our windows. There was something about the humid, Georgia breeze against my skin that began to erase all of the worries within me.
We had ridden for around ten miles before he pulled off into a small dirt driveway that led into a huge wooded area. I knew there was a creek close by because I’d fished there before with Ryder.
Several minutes later we pulled up to a muddy bank; the shallow river was an ugly brown color that I knew would be unappealing to anyone who wasn’t from the south. For me, it looked like hell of a lot of fun.
The green low hanging trees swayed in the hot breeze, casting shadow over the river beside us. “Ready?”
Cash’s eyes were intense, only making that sly smile on his face ever the more charming. Nodding, I got out, my boots sinking into the muggy ground. Cash unloaded the four-wheeler for me, motioning for me to move it out of the way while he eased the Gator back off of the truck.
My adrenaline spiked watching Cash in the Gator. I’d rode with him before, but he looked so, so sexy in it. His wild eyes were crazed as the wheels touched the ground. “Head or tails?” he turned to me and asked.
“Heads for the four-wheeler.”
He tossed a coin into the air and caught it. “Heads it is, Peach. First one to the crossroads gets whatever they want.”
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what he wanted.
The sun had made its way down toward the hills, but it looked like we had a couple hours left before sundown. Mud coated every crevice of my body, and from what I could see, Cash’s too.
“Ya know, I’ve never seen a girl that can be sexy, even covered in dried up mud,” Cash said from beside me. He’d taken my hand in his ten minutes before as we walked down the bank toward what he called the cold hole.
I shivered as he pulled a piece of pine straw from the tangled mess of my hair. “Where did you say we were goin’ again? The cold hole? Are you sure it’s around here? I hope you haven’t forgotten in your old age.”
Cash’s head whipped to the side, and I was up and over his shoulder before I could snicker. “Old age, huh? What old man could hold you like this, Peach?”
I laughed. I actually didn’t mind the view from back there—at all. “Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
Cash laughed, and my body took pride in knowing I’d been the reason. The stone-faced Jenkins’ brother didn’t laugh nearly enough, especially when it sounded like that.
I let out a huff of air as he swung me down to the earth, his arm holding me against his side. “We’re here,” he said.
I looked to my left. The river had dwindled off toward the right, leaving a clear-watered hole beside it. A small cliff hung over the small area, making a shelter over the small space.
I lifted a brow. “Okay, so, this is smaller than I imagined.”
Cash grabbed my waist and pulled me with him. “It’s not as small as you think,” he said. “It’s really deep.”
I stepped forward, over the jagged gravel, and dipped a toe into the water. “And cold, shit.”
He smiled. “Hence the name ‘cold hole.’”
I gave him a narrowed look. “So, ladies first.” I gestured.
“I know for a fact that you know I’m not a lady, but since you’re chicken shit, I’ll do the honors.”
Cash pulled his muddy T-shirt over his head, with one hand, like all hot guys do. “We’re getting in there naked?”
Cash smiled as he shoved his jeans down his thighs. “Scared a snake’ll bite your ass? I thought you were adventurous. I can tell you’ve done this before, Peach.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “When I was a teenager, before I had common sense.”
Cash pulled his boxers down to add to the pile of clothing beside him. I glanced around nervously. I wasn’t sure this was that much of a secluded spot. Someone could roll up on us naked as a damn jaybird.
Cash tilted his head to the side. “Comin’ in, Peach? I brought us some towels in the truck.”
I looked back over my shoulder. “Which is a mile back. Do you plan to walk back naked?”
“Unless you have some extra clothes shoved underneath those perfect tits, then yeah.”
Heat dampened my cheeks. “I’d asked if you had some hidden beneath your balls, but they’re obviously not big enough.”
Cash stopped what he was doing and stared at me. A loud laugh erupted from his throat, and I felt myself let go of my fear of being naked out in the open. The boyish laugh that surrounded me made all my worries disappear.
“You’ve got jokes today, Peach. Let’s see what you’re talking about once you get your ass naked and in here with me. Now strip, woman.”
I lifted a brow but pulled my hardened top over my head, and unclasped my bra. Cash tiptoed into the water, murmuring cuss words underneath his breath. When my fingers caught the elastic of my underwear, Cash watched as I slid them down my legs and carefully stepped out of them.
He bluntly stared at me, which wasn’t the problem. The problem was that we were in broad daylight, and all my insecurities were bright and on display. Cash made a low sound, and curled his finger toward me. “Come on in, Peach. I’m waitin’.”
I swallowed my insecurities, and walked over the gravel and slowly sank into the water. “Shit, shit, shit,” I sang out, my nipples automatically peaked at the chilled blanket that doused my skin. “This is freakin’ cold.”
Cash splashed water over his face and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’ll get used to it fast.”
I was waist deep when he dragged me closer to him. My feet suddenly lost the bottom, and I clung to his shoulders. “This is deeper than I thought,” I whispered, my breath chilled from the water.
He nodded, his eyes searching my face, my lips, and the hollow of my neck. “Told you.”
I tried to ignore the closeness of our mouths, and the sweet taste of his breath against mine. But there wasn’t a thing I could do to ignore any of it. Not even how hard he was against my stomach.
Sunshine peaked out from behind a cloud, giving us a much-needed heat wave. Something flickered in my eyes, and I caught sight of a trickle of water running off of the cliff that hung over us. It wasn’t much, but a rainbow of color cascaded against the water around us.
“This is beautiful,” I whispered. “I’d love to paint this.”
“It’d be nice to see you paint something with more color.”
I bit my lower lip, busying myself with the rainbow around us. I had a feeling that he’d seen my painting from yesterday. I’d been working on it for months, way before I’d even met him.
What he didn’t know was that the only color in my painting had just recently shown up. I didn’t plan my paintings out, not my personal ones at least. They just came to me as I painted. I knew it had a lot to do with the mood I was in at the moment, and recently I’d been—happy.
“I think color is in my future,” I whispered.
Cash nodded, bringing my mouth close to his. “I think I want to be a part of that color, Peach.”
I grinned. He was the reason for it.
After Cash had his way with my mouth in the water for over an hour, I was too hot and bothered for the cold water to affect me.
The quick run back to his truck had my blood thumping. He laughed when I squealed and scurried into the safety of his truck. He handed me a towel, not that I hadn’t air-dried on the run over, and I slipped into some of his over-sized clothing. It smelled like him, and I knew I’d keep them just to smell him at night.
Cash hurried to dress, and double-checked the trailer before heading back to civilization. It was nice, riding with the windows down, my feet on his dashboard. It felt—normal. “I need to get some gas before we head back home. Do you want something from the store?”
“Maybe a water.”
He pulled into the gas station and left the truck running for me. I fiddled with the radio as he pumped the gas, landing on my favorite pop station. I’d been in the middle of singing along, offbeat, with Meghan Trainor when I heard his phone chime several times from somewhere in the truck.
I climbed over the seats, finally finding it in the center consul. When I pulled it out, I couldn’t help but notice the number that flashed across the screen. There wasn’t a name attached to it, but I’d recognize that number anywhere. I’d spent numerous days ignoring it.
It was my mother’s.
A nasty taste filled my mouth, and I tried to run through all the reasons why she’d be calling. They’d done some kind of business together, I guessed, since h
e’d been at our house. But—it didn’t feel right.
The truck door swung opened, and I nervously dropped his phone into the cup holder, my hands finding a place, intertwined, in my lap.
Cash handed me my water and offered me a butterscotch candy. “These are my favorite,” he said, popping one into his mouth.
I took one, nervously, to give myself something to suck on. Something that would hopefully hide the awful taste in my mouth. “Thank you,” I whispered, my eyes going to his phone flashing red from the missed call. “Your phone was ringing.”
He laughed, running a hand through his dark hair before starting his truck again. “I was surprised it lasted this long. I didn’t tell anybody at work that I wouldn’t be there except Katy. I’m sure Asher is about to flip his shit.”
I looked out the window at the passing trees. I wanted to ask why, and I wanted to know. The need to know flashed hot inside my chest like a brander against my skin. “Peach,” he said, his hand landing on my thigh. “Are you okay?”
I looked over at his concerned face. There wasn’t any way that someone who looked so thoughtful could be up to something, could there? It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? Take some of the pressure off of my chest?
“My mother called you just now.”
Cash’s hand on me didn’t move, but I saw a slight shift in his eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that I’d fallen into over the last few days without a life jacket. “Really?” he asked, his eyes glancing at the road then back to mine.
“Really,” I said, my eyes begging him to give me a reason. When a couple of seconds passed by, I couldn’t wait. “Why?”
He tightened his hold on me and smiled. “I’m sure it has to do with business. I’ll give her a call back tomorrow morning.”
That was it? “What kind of business do you do with my parents? And why is it my mother, and not my dad? He’s the head of the empire, after all.”