by Alla Kar
“Here,” he said. I lifted my eyes but not my head. At the end of that magically toned arm was my sketchbook. I’d left it in his office the day I found out. I shoved it into my bag, feeling my skin burn with humiliation. I grabbed one of the huge pillows from the corner, kicked off my shoes, and curled into a ball on the couch. I needed to close my eyes before the threatening tears escaped me again. I could feel him staring at me, my body hummed like he was, but I was too scared to open my eyes to see. The inside of my eyelids felt like a safer place to look than into those too-green eyes. I guess there was a reason monsters had green eyes in cartoons; they were preparing us for the truth of the real world. Only this beast wasn’t hairy or covered in mud. He was beautiful and covered in desire. I guess evil really is a beautiful temptation.
When we arrived at the hotel, I was thankful for the two separate rooms. Though they were joined by a combining door, I felt safe knowing I didn’t have to sleep near him.
After lunch, we rode in silence to the building. He’d had the hotel staff lug all of my paints into the car, and back out for me. The huge white canvas when you walked in was an artist’s daydream. I’d once thought I’d paint something that matched Cash’s eyes on that wall, but things had changed.
Everything had changed.
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me,” Cash said from behind me.
I didn’t turn, but I knew he drew closer from the scent of his skin. “Sydney,” he whispered.
I turned my head to left to let him know I was listening, but it wasn’t enough. He gripped my elbow and spun me around to face him. His mouth was too close, his touch too perfect. “Please talk to me,” he whispered. The minty smell of his breath touched my mouth, and I felt my thighs weaken.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Open your eyes, please,” the last word come out in a whisper. “I don’t deserve any of this, but I need it. I need you.”
Anger reared its ugly head, and I shoved against his chest, not stopping until I slapped him across his face. He didn’t move, or let go of me; he drew me tighter, and I hated it. I hated that I wanted it. “I know you’re hurting. Joey told me about it, Cash, but I can’t help you. I can’t be with you, or around you. Let me finish this painting so I can leave for good.”
His brows furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line, and he let out a harsh breath. “Peach, I can’t. I only took the deal because—”
“To benefit yourself,” I snapped, jerking away from him. “You only did any of this to benefit you, Cash. I would never have treated someone like that. I fucking hate you!” I screamed. “This is why I don’t do relationships. This is why I didn’t want to work for you!”
I shook where I stood against the receptionist’s desk. My insides trembled, but I was proud that I hadn’t backed down. As badly as I wanted to take comfort in his arms, I couldn’t. “Sydney—”
“Sir, is everything okay?” I heard from the stairwell. Heat warmed my cheeks. I’d forgotten that the construction workers were upstairs taking their lunch.
“Everything is fine,” Cash said, never taking his eyes off of mine. “You’re right. I don’t deserve you, Sydney, but you’re the only person that’s made me feel anything.” He reached out but withdrew his hand. “I’m going to make you understand that. I have to.”
I dropped my gaze to the cool, white tile beneath us. That’s what I was afraid of. “I need to start so I can finish by tomorrow. Please leave.”
I watched the floor until I heard the sound of Cash’s soft footsteps grow quieter. When I knew no one could see, I dropped to the floor and buried my face into my hands and cried.
I didn’t get back to the hotel until eleven that night. Cash had dinner delivered to me but didn’t come over. I was thankful for the silence; it helped me get half of my painting finished. It was darker than the others, but it still reflected their business. I might have hated him, but I did have a job to do.
I’d painted the midnight sky filled with stars, and a grassy field swaying in a wind that I wished touched my skin. Cash stared at the painting for a long time before he locked the door and got into the cab with me. I stared out the window, my fingers interlaced in my lap.
That had been two hours before. Now I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that the night would swallow me whole. Wishing everything would have turned out—
A scream ripped through the air, and my breath escaped me. I sat up straight, staring at the door that adjoined our rooms. Had Cash screamed like that? Or had I imagined it? After a few seconds, I heard the rustling of something and decided against my better judgment to hurry over to his room.
It took moments for my eyes to adjust, but when they did I found Cash tangled up in his sheets, a sleepy look on his face. But more than that, he looked scared out of his mind. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
I tried not to look at the way his muscles tightened with each breath or the fact that he didn’t have on a shirt. The moonlight was the only light and it cast shadows over his jagged face. “Nothing,” he rasped.
He shook his head, rubbing his palms against his eyes. “You screamed. Did you see someone? Or have a nightmare?”
Cash lifted his eyes, and swallowed hard. “A nightmare.”
I’d had plenty of those in my life. I wanted to think of something to say, but everything seemed to escape me. “I’m fine, you can go back to bed,” he said.
He wasn’t fine. Sweat glistened on his forehead, and his body still shook. Swallowing, I shut the door behind me and walked slowly over to his bed. He stared at me the entire time, making my body quake with nerves. He didn’t deserve a look, a touch, or any sympathy, but he’d been there to hold me when my mother tossed me under the table, and when my brother’s death was too much for me to handle.
I wanted to return the shoulder to cry on, even if it meant it would be hard to pull away from him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Cash leaned forward; his husky scent tickled my skin. “I—” his voice broke, along with my heart.
I hated him so much, but the sound of his broken voice sent my arms around him. I ignored the way my body reacted to being so close to him. His body shivered against mine, I held him like he’d held me, and let him sob himself to sleep.
Chapter Thirty
Cash
Her skin felt like pure sin. I hadn’t moved since I’d woken up that morning, afraid I’d wake her. The silky feel of her against me had washed away the bitter taste of betrayal in my mouth. I knew when she woke up that she’d come to her senses, and leave. I was too selfish a man to risk it by moving and waking her.
Seconds turned into minutes, and I lifted my hand to rub my thumb against her bottom lip. She jolted awake. Her eyes opened fast, her face flew through an array of emotion, before reality hit her and she bolted upright. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said, feeling stupid.
She nervously licked her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here.”
I watched as she studied the bed, the room. It was obvious she was contemplating leaving, and how she could do it. “It’s okay. I didn’t mind at all. It’s only nine. Do you want me to order us some breakfast?”
Her lips pulled down. “No—I need to go get dressed—,”
She jumped up, and I found myself on my feet and in front of her. “Don’t leave just yet. At least let me order you some breakfast.”
She tried to sidestep me, but I blocked her path. “Move, Cash.”
“Not yet,” I whispered. “Can we talk about—,”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Last night I came in here to comfort you because you were there to comfort me. It doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you, or I’m just going to fall back into your fuckin’ arms because I’m easy. Now move out of my way.”
The strain in her voice broke my heart. I was the reason for that pain, and I’d been warned numerous of times by my brother and Joey. “I tore up th
e check,” I whispered. “I never meant for it to be like this.” She pushed past me, but I caught her wrist, turning her to face me. “Listen to me,” I nearly shouted, my heart plummeting against my ribs.
“Stop!” She jerked away from me, tears coating those pretty eyes. “I’m not listening to this. I know what happened—”
“You don’t know that I love you, Sydney. I didn’t mean to fall for you; it wasn’t what was supposed to happen.”
Her face twisted into fury. “No, you meant to pretend to date me to get a million dollars. You should get the money from my mother, at least then all of this wouldn’t have been a waste of your time.”
No. No. No. I wanted to force her to understand, pour my soul into her and make her get it, but it wasn’t going to happen. The controlling nature I’d always loved about myself was what caused all of this madness. The fact that I needed to further our business and would do anything to make that happen. I made a deal that I knew would hurt a person I’d never met if she found out. Even if she had never found out, it was shitty. I was shitty.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, dropping my hand from hers. She left the room without another word, only the sting of the door slamming behind her, crushing what little hope I had.
She’d already left for the office by the time I’d gotten ready and went downstairs to look for her. The doormen told me she’d left a message for me, and by the look on their faces, I knew it wasn’t a pleasant one.
Instead of going downtown and bugging her to death, I went back up to my hotel room. I didn’t know how to approach her. Instead, I sat in my room downing more alcohol than I wanted to admit.
It had been hours when my phone rang, vibrating against the wooden nightstand. “Hello.”
“Are you alone?”
“What the fuck do you want?” I slurred.
“Since you’re drunk, I’m takin’ that it isn’t going really well.”
I snarled my lip. “This was your idea, Joey. You said this would work—,”
“No,” he said. “I said it could possibly work. Plus, I’m the one that got her there, I never said once she was there that she’d forgive you. That’s your job, not mine.”
I tossed my empty bottle of vodka on the bed and screwed my eyes shut. “She won’t let me explain.”
Joey cleared his throat. “What are you goin’ to say? You did fuck her over, Cash. It was a shitty thing to do, and she already has trust issues. Did you expect her to fall back into your arms like a fairy tale?”
No—maybe, a little. “I love her, Joey. She’s got to be able to see that.”
Joey sighed. “I know that, Cash, but she doesn’t. I think she needs some time to get over this before you push yourself on her. Give her time to heal.”
I hated that he was right, but he was. There was no way I’d be healed enough to talk to my father if he were alive right now. She needed time to adjust to her pain, and hopefully her heart would expand enough to forgive me, I just hoped it didn’t take too long, and someone else didn’t steal her away.
I heard her door shut several hours later, and the sound of her scurrying around in her room. I debated going to her then but decided against it. I did have things to work out at the office, the contractors could use some guidance, but I couldn’t make myself move. My job had come second to her without me even knowing it.
As hard as it was for me, I ordered dinner for her and sent it to her room. Eating in silence, I felt the heavy presence of guilt lingering in the corner. And as hard as it was for me, I ate by myself—without her. I wanted her to join me—let me explain, let me love her like I knew I could. But I’d fucked it up, and giving her space was the only way to let her heal. And I fuckin’ hated it to the core.
It had been four days since I’d dropped her back off at home. She’d given me a simple glance over her shoulder and a quiet “Thank you.”
It had eaten at me knowing the only reason she’d gone was for the money. And due to the fact that we wrote the letter to Mr. Scott. Sure, she’d be pissed if she found out we did it. It would only add to the list of reasons to hate me, but I did get to see her again—and try to explain.
Asher cleared his throat from the doorway and kicked my door shut behind him. “You’re lookin’ chipper this morning.”
I didn’t look up from my stack of paperwork. It hadn’t taken away the pain in my heart, but it had taken the edge off. “What do you want?”
He tapped his knuckles against the wood urging me to look up. “Well, first, I wanted to talk about our event next week. You do know we were supposed to announce going public then, right? Or has all this drama made you forget?”
I turned my eyes toward Asher. “I ripped up the check from Mrs. Henry weeks ago. We’re not going public.”
Asher let out a long sigh, dug his hand into his jacket, and pushed something toward me. I glanced down. “Where in the fuck did you get that?”
He leaned against my desk, locking his fingers in front of him. “Mrs. Henry dropped it off this morning. She said you did earn it.”
“Fuck her,” I said, shoving the check back. “I’m not—we’re not cashin’ that.”
Asher grinned, nodding his head. “That’s what I told her you would say.”
“Then what are you doing in here? I have work to do.”
“I want my brother back.”
I leaned back. “I’m right here.”
He rolled his eyes. “I knew you’d give me an answer like that, so I took it upon myself to figure out a solution for you.”
I lifted a brow. “What solution?
“First off,” he said, taking a seat. “Gloria said she heard you screaming this morning while she was cooking breakfast. You’re having nightmares?”
Picking at my nail, I gave him a shrug. “Sometimes. What about it?”
He frowned. “You need to get some help, Cash. You’re hurtin’, you’re confused. Just think about it, okay?”
I swallowed. I had thought about it, a lot. Those sleepless nights had been gnawing at my work ethic and killing any chance of having a decent day. “Okay, Asher.”
He tossed something on top of my paperwork. I gave him a dirty look before realizing what it was. “It’s the art gallery that she’s selling her paintings at,” I said.
Asher grinned. “You need to go and support her.”
I shook my head, tossing down the flier. “Asher, she doesn’t want my money. She’d be pissed if I bought her things.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Or she may feel differently if she doesn’t know it was you who bought it.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know. She’s made it pretty clear—”
“Cut the shit,” Asher said. “Where is my brother at? You’re not a fuckin’ quitter. You’ve given her a few days, but don’t let her forget about you in the process. She’s a beautiful young girl that any man could be stalking right now. You want someone stalking your prey, because I don’t think so.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the stupid bastard. He did have a point. I nodded. “I’ll go if you come too.”
He grinned. “Oh, I’m coming. I know Frankie will be there to support her.”
“She hasn’t put a restraining order on you yet?”
Asher picked at his suit jacket. “She can’t unless she knows I’m following her. I don’t get caught.”
I grinned. “Right. A conniving little prick you are.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve learned from the best.”
“So what’s gonna happen when Mr. Scott goes to turn in the money and realizes it isn’t three thousand to get in?”
Asher popped his fingers. “What do you take me for, an amateur? The letter said to send it in, and I used Joey’s address.” He laughed. “It came in yesterday. We’re gonna wait until after the gallery tonight to anonymously slip it back into their mail slot.” He shrugged. “They’ll never know.”
I should have known. “Conniving,” I mumbled.
; Asher winked at me. “So, what time do you want to leave tonight? I’m thinking about making an entrance—fashionably late. I can’t wait to see the look on Frankie’s face when she sees me walk in.”
I leaned back in my chair, pen to my lip. “We definitely want to get there after them, but before the bidding starts, so they won’t leave. Maybe seven thirty?”
Asher gave me a look. “You’re biting your pen. You’re nervous? Why?”
My brother was a smart motherfucker when it came to business, but sometimes I wanted to slap him. “I don’t know, Asher? Maybe because I’m about to crash a gallery event that the girl I’m falling for is attending. I’m gonna fuck it up.”
Asher made a grand show of sighing before turning his body toward me. “Cash,” he said. “Where is my big brother at? You go after things you want, what’s stopping you now? You want Sydney? Go get her. It’s simple.”
“Oh, is it? Then why haven’t you seen Frankie?”
He straightened his tie and cleared his throat. “I’m working on it,” he said. “This is me taking a step to do it, but I’m not going to be sweating when I do. I’m gonna walk in there cool, calm, and collected. Like you should. We’re The Jenkins Brothers, bro. We got this.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You’re right. I’m gonna walk in like I own the place, and win my girl back.”
Asher slammed his fist down on my desk. “That’s the spirit. Now let’s finish this stuff,” he gestured toward the files on my desk, “so that we can go.”
“Thank you, Asher. I’m sorry about—”
He cut me off with his hand. “Don’t worry about it. That’s what brother’s do. They piss each other off, and then they get over it.”
I nodded, turning on my computer screen. If only it were that easy with Sydney.
Chapter Thirty-One