by S Lawrence
I set the bowl aside and pick up the journal, running my hands across the design again. I take a deep breath and open up to the first page.
Chapter 6
June 1st
We are here! Daddy just left us at the gate. Joy thinks I’m being silly keeping this journal, but I know someday when we are old ladies sitting on the porch, we will have this record of our adventure and I don’t want to leave out anything. Our memories might fade us but this won’t. This will take us back to this time. If mother has her way, this will be my only adventure. Soon I’ll be married to some respectable husband of her choosing. So, for the duration of this trip, I am going to live…I am going to be free…I am going to be me.
Emma sighs. I look at her and take a deep breath. “I didn’t realize. I guess after living with Grandmother, I should have, but I just didn’t. Momma felt as trapped as I did.”
“It seems your Grandmother has always been controlling.”
I just shake my head. “Should we skip ahead? I’m not sure what day they arrived in Scotland.”
“Didn’t Joy say she booked your trip so that you arrive around the same time as they did?”
I grab the itinerary. I skim through and see that I arrive in Edinburgh the 10th of June and then tour the Highlands, before arriving in Loch Roag on the 15th. That is where I will stay in a bed and breakfast. It is where the travel agent says in her notes, there is a Celtic festival and some standing stones. That has got to be the place in the photo.
“Aunt Joy said they got to the town, near the stones, the day before the festival. Grandda said he had arranged for them to visit that area because ‘our people bled in those hills.'”
“Grandda told me how, before his people went to Ireland; they had been there when the Bonny Prince had gone through the area. Of course, who knows if that’s true or not. He does like to embellish!”
Emma giggles and said “Remember that time I told him he was exaggerating? He just said ‘Now a leanbh, Irish men don’t exaggerate, we embellish! That is just good storytelling!’”
“That’s Grandda alright. He does tell a good story, doesn’t he?” I smile, remembering many stories that he told me late at night after Grandmother was sleeping.
I start to flip through the pages of the journal, looking for a date that would give me a hint of the man that showed my mom the happiness she had longed to experience.
June 10th
We just arrived in Edinburgh. And I can’t explain it, but this place soothes my soul. It’s like I can finally breath deep. I didn’t believe Da before when he told me I was missing my magic. I think this is actually where my magic is. Joy loves the old buildings and of course the boys with their accents. We are going out to a pub tonight and then on to the Highlands tomorrow. Joy thinks I am crazy, but I feel like they are calling to me. I just know something wonderful will happen to us here in this land.
I glance at Emma; her eyes are so big. A grin starts to spread across my face. “Grandda told me about all of this magic business but he never acting like it was a real thing. It was always just part of his stories from the old country. I am going to have to ask him about it.”
“Do you think he knew she would meet someone?”
Ignoring the question, I flip the page and start reading aloud again…
June 11th
We got a late start this morning; we might have had a few too many pints at the pub. We just had to make it to the hotel by tonight. Boy did we have fun, we danced and flirted and laughed. We regretted it only a tiny bit as we nurse our headaches, but it was absolutely worth it. Since we have a car it didn’t matter, so we laid in bed this morning, drinking tea and reading books until we felt better. Joy is currently driving, and I am enjoying the beautiful highlands as they go by. We plan to stop at anything that catches our eye. We will visit Urquhart Castle and Pitlochry before we reach Inverness tonight. I can’t wait to see the castle; Joy hopes to catch Nessie on film. She cracks me up.
I look up at Emma, as we burst out laughing. That sounds just like Aunt Joy.
"I can't wait! I’m going to skip ahead to the 15th”.
June 15th
We have arrived. The island is so beautiful. The ferry ride across from Ullapool was amazing. The boat was crowded with people coming for the festival. Some were tourists like us, but many were people coming to celebrate their ancestry. Joy is currently getting us something to drink, but I had to sit and write this down. I don’t want to forget a thing. I can see the fields surrounding the village; they are filled with tents, the grass is so green. I can smell the salt from the sea in the air. And I can already faintly hear the sounds of laughter and music on the wind.
We are going to check into the bed and breakfast and then wander around some. The festival starts tomorrow, right on the summer solstice. The locals are celebrating either the Goddess Etain, the white mare goddess or according to some, the Goddess Danu, who - if the stories are to be believed - is the mother of the Tuatha de Danaan, you know, the Fae folk. I love this! More later, after I have a chance to talk to the locals. I want to know the history of it all. Da said we have magic in our blood.
June 16th
I don’t know how to describe last night. I feel like it was a dream. I guess I should start out by saying the music was wonderful. We had just listened to this fabulously gorgeous man sing, I should be embarrassed by the way we were staring and drooling over him, but Oh the accent and the looks were too much for our ovaries. Anyway, after he was finished Joy QUICKLY made her way over to him, and I watched as she used her own accent to beguile him. After a bit, I decided to explore the area outside of town. The moon was full and so bright. Earlier, I had asked the lady that ran the bed and breakfast how to get to the stones. I wanted to go before the crowds were out tomorrow for the festivities. So I followed the worn path out through the meadows and hills; I cannot express the feeling of seeing those stones in the moonlight as I topped the last little mound. They aren’t huge, like Stonehenge, but they called to me. And the air around them seemed to shimmer. I honestly don’t remember walking closer, but suddenly I was standing on the stones. The hairs on my arms were standing on end, and all I could think was this is the magic Da always talks about. I turned in a slow circle, I felt mesmerized by the shimmer and just when I finished the circle. That is when I saw him. I know this sounds crazy, but it felt like time stopped. He stood staring at me with a bewildered expression. I think he was just as surprised as I was. We both moved toward each other. And really I don’t think I could have stopped if I wanted to. How do I describe him…again I am not sure I can.
I look up at Emma...“OH, MY GOD! This is it,” she squeals.
My hands are shaking as I look back down, all I can think is that this is the moment that I finally find out about my father. Does he look like me or rather do I look like him? I always wondered if that is where my dark hair came from or if it was some other family member.
As I got closer to him, it’s not that the fog lifted or anything like that but he just slowly came into focus. I felt my heart begin to pound and I know Joy would have laughed her ass off if I told her, but my knees literally got weak-not like in the movies…I didn’t swoon, but I for sure felt some trembling. He was beautiful. I get men don’t like to be called that, but he was, he was beyond handsome even though you could still call him that. I could sense something. Something that I wasn’t sure exactly what it was but some basic survival instinct kicked in. He had black hair, and his skin was golden tan. But it was more than that, it reminded me of bronze, and I had the thought that if the sun shined on it, it would shimmer like gold. When he finally stood right in front of me, I saw his eyes were the deepest blue I had ever seen, and as I stared in them, I noticed tiny flecks of gold.
I turn my head slowly and look at Emma...She is staring at me with a huge smile on her face.
“You DO have his hair and eyes. I always said your skin seems to shimmer; it’s so much like porcelain.”
I lay th
e journal down and stand, walking across to the mirror beside the door and look at the face reflected back at me. I picture him in my mind, standing there in the circle, fog swirling around him. Suddenly, I’m able to put together those pieces of myself that didn’t match anyone else, parts I know now match pieces of him. Finally, I can see him there in my reflection. Slowly I turn around, looking at Emma, “Do you think it made her happy when she saw him in me?”
“How could it not? I can tell already that she was falling for him, just in those first few moments.”
I feel the tears welling, “But he never came for her or me.”
Emma rushes to me, arms pulling me close. “We don’t know why. Maybe he tried, maybe something stopped him. Maybe he didn’t know about you.”
I wipe my eyes and sigh. “You're right. I know it, but I just hate to think it might have hurt her seeing even a little of him in me.”
We walk back towards the couch, arms around each other. I go to start a fire then we continue to read. My mom goes on to talk about how surprised he was to see her there. How they sat for hours talking and as the sun rose he promised to meet her the next evening. When he first kissed her it was like nothing she had ever experienced, how he held her face with both hands, his thumbs grazing along her jaw as his lips lowered to hers, his eyes glowing more gold it seemed because of the sunrise. After it was over, she stood there, with her eyes closed and when she opened them, he was already gone. She walked back to the B & B, the whole time running her fingers over her lips, wondering if it had actually been real. When she got to the room, Aunt Joy had taken one look at her face, her swollen lips and demanded to know where she had been the whole night. Mom said she had told her the story, leaving out the weak-in-the-knee stuff.
I set the book down and pick up my whiskey. I sipped some while a million thoughts run through my head.
Emma is staring into the fire.
“You know Aislin, my momma and daddy have loved each other for 40 years, since the day they met. I don’t think it is this kinda love. This seems different. Don’t you think? I mean I never met your momma, but from what I know she didn’t seem like the type to make out with a man she had just met, Hell, I can’t even imagine her staying out all night, in the middle of some ancient circle of stone with a complete stranger, can you?”
“Well...no, not really but I also didn’t know her before Grandmother crushed her spirit, at least partially, I guess. I was just remembering all the Celtic stuff in our house, she really never let him go. I wonder if she was waiting for him the whole time. Only one way to find out I guess.”
June 17th
Well, it’s the 18th, but since it started last night, I’m going to go with yesterday. I spent the night in his arms. When I got to the stones, he was waiting for me. Once again. My breath caught in my chest. The sun was starting to set behind him. The sky was a brilliant red, and once more I got the impression of glowing bronze. As I moved closer to him, he stepped from the stones and took my hand in his. I felt a shock of electricity jump from his hand to mine and I startled but I didn’t pull away. I could feel his heat seeping into my body. As we walked, only our hands touched, but I could feel his warmth all along my side. I must have stopped because I felt a tug and as I looked up he was looking over his shoulder, smiling at me. I followed him around to the western side of the stones and found a blanket spread out. I looked at his face, and he was staring at me.
“I thought we could sit and watch the sunset. And maybe I could entertain you with stories of my people. He sat, pulling me down between his legs. I found myself surrounded by his warmth and I could feel his heartbeat on my back as I leaned back into the circle of his body. We sat in silence until the sun was gone, I could feel his lips on my hair. I hadn’t noticed the candles until after the sun went down but he had placed them around us, and they flickered causing shadows to dance on the stones. I felt him chuckle and when I asked why he was laughing, he commented on my ears. Noticing the slight point I have down on the side. I told him how, when I was little, I was certain I was a fairy. He seemed a bit serious as he explained that here, in the old country, it could be seen as a mark of the old Gods. He then began to tell me an old tale of the people of this land and the Gods that walked among them.
“Candles, sunsets, and folklore told in a deep Scottish brogue...I would have already jumped him for sure!”
“OH, MY GOD! Emma, this is my momma! I can’t think about it...but that accent tho...I can just hear it in my head, yum.”
I look at Emma, and we both start giggling. I scoot beside her so that we could read it together.
Chapter 7
He began his tale, and I was lost in a world from long ago. And when I listened to his voice and the emotions I could hear there; I began to believe, I began to fall for this man that I didn’t know but that my soul had recognized. I don’t ever want to forget the story that led my heart to him. So I will try to write it all down while it is still fresh in my head.
Hundreds of years ago, Goddesses walked among us. They were beautiful mythical beings. Some of them would get to know us, sometimes, they even loved us. Picking the best of us, the greatest warrior or the ones with the sharpest mind, they lay with them and from those joinings, halflings were born. With the beauty and magic of the Gods but also our humanity. The halflings were innocent and kind, wanting to do nothing more than help us. They often used their magic to bless our fields or hunts. For hundreds of years, we lived together in peace. But as humans so often do, some began to hunger for the power. Wanting it for their own, they began to try to find a way to gain it for themselves. Until one day it happened, a Halfling was taken, the daughter of Danu and the first Druid. She was forced to do his bidding. Weakened and scared she sent out a call for help on the wind. The Goddess Danu responded and freed her from her captivity. So angry at the violation she called The Morrigan to her, demanding she destroy him. It was discovered he had told others how to enslave the halflings and so it was decided that Guardians were needed for the halflings. Using her magic, the Morrigan found the bravest and most fierce warrior, one with Viking and Highland blood running through his veins. She then called forth a great dragon and asked him to join with the warrior to protect her and the other Gods children. The dragon agreed, and she joined them with her magic. The result was the first Guardian, a warrior with the ability to shift to a fearsome dragon. Man and beast both reveled in their pairing, taking to the skies, soaring above the mountains. Their two souls winding tightly together. Due to this convergence, they are destined for one very special soul mate.
Chapter 8
Aislin laid the journal down, turning to look at Emma. “Wow, that’s some story. I get why she loved it, imagine it being whispered in your ear in a thick Scottish accent.”
“Aislin, she named you after THE Morrigan. She wasn’t kidding when she said this story is what made her fall for him.”
“I knew she loved the legends of Ireland and Scotland, but I never realized it was because of my father. MY father. It feels weird to say it out loud. Like I knew I had one, ya know, but now it is like he is an actual person, even though she hasn’t even said his name. I guess I thought her love of Celtic things was from Grandda and his stories.”
“It probably started that way and just grew because of this mysterious man from the stones.” Emma used her best mysterious voice, “Wooooooo” her body swayed back and forth.
“You sound like the Scooby Doo announcer, ya big dork. Stop it!”
Laughing, Emma leaned into me, a serious look came over her face as she whispered, “We still have the last night, ya know, where they made you!” She wiggles her eyebrows and says, “Brown chicken brown cow!”
“Gross! Stop talking about my mom with porn sounds. It’s just disturbing,” I yell while swatting at her.
“I hope she goes into as much detail as she did with the folk story. I want to hear all the juicy details,” Emma sighed.
“Yuck! No, no way, nope! No details. I don
’t want to even read it.”
“What?! Oh, we’re reading it! Give me that book!” she grabbed the journal from my lap and dances across the room. Flipping through the pages, she comes to the page we had ended on and begins to read out loud. “He ended the story as the sun was rising, we talked some more. He told me that it was destiny that we had met because he never came here anymore. This year, he had felt drawn to the stones. My heart melted, and I turned in his arms, kissing him with the love that I felt already. Kissing him is so different than kissing boys back at home. It is like he is pouring himself into me. I can’t catch my breath, but I don’t even care. I know this sounds crazy but if Da is right, and we have magic, then he is mine. My very soul reaches for him. We agree to meet again tonight; it is the solstice. He said the magic is wild on this night. The portals open up to those who can cross...I love that he believes.”
Emma looks up, a huge smile on her face and begins to turn the page. “Get back over here I cannot listen to you read about my mom having sex out loud,” I yelled at her, dying on the inside from embarrassment.
June 18th
Joy helped me buy an outfit from one of the vendors at the festival. It is a beautiful emerald green skirt, and a shirt that I wouldn’t have picked but Joy said that it showed off the girls. She understands how important this night is; I love him. I know it sounds crazy, but I do. Tonight is bittersweet because it is our last night here, my only night with him. I don’t know how I am going to go back to my life. He hasn’t said anything about the future. I am scared, but I am going to be brave. I am going to have tonight, and if it’s the only night, then I will hold on to it. I have decided that no matter what, when I get home, I am not going to let Mother rule me any longer. We are meeting at the stones; I am going to go a little early and maybe, I will say a little prayer to his Goddess.