“What was I supposed to ask you about? Were you the one who put shaving cream in Alicia Allen’s locker?”
“Yes, but only because she kissed me at the harvest party and then pretended it never happened and then called me a lezzie to all her friends.” Nim clapped her hands over her mouth.
Alia stared at her. “Are you serious?”
“I—I didn’t mean to say that.” Nim’s eyes looked slightly panicked. “I…” Sweat broke out on her brow, and her breath came in shallow pants.
Diana pulled the rope free. “I’m sorry! I warned you.”
A tremor passed through Nim’s body. “That was so weird.”
“Alicia Allen?” said Alia. “Really? You’re always saying how awful she is. You said she had a face like a weasel.”
Nim scowled. “She’s actually kind of human when she isn’t with her crappy friends. I don’t know. Not a lot of girls at our school show an interest, okay? I don’t get to pick the lesbians.”
“My turn!” said Theo.
Jason picked up a stick and jabbed it into the fire. “This is a bad idea. We should stop.”
Theo shuffled over on his knees and crouched in front of Diana, his back to the flames. “Ready.”
Alia saw the look that passed between Jason and Diana. Jason gave the barest shake of his head. Did he really think Theo would get hurt? Or was he afraid of what Theo might say?
Diana considered for a moment, then looped the lasso over Theo’s body.
Alia searched her mind for something silly to ask him. She knew what she wanted to say, but even if they’d been alone, she still wouldn’t have had the guts. Have you ever seen me as anything more than Jason’s annoying little sister? Could you? Just thinking the words made her cheeks flame.
But before she could order her thoughts, Nim said, “Did you or your dad tip off those Germans so they could attack the museum?”
“Nim!” Jason said sharply, but Diana made no move to draw back the rope.
“Of course not,” said Theo, his face shocked. “I didn’t know anything about it.”
“What about your father?” Nim said harshly.
“No!” shouted Theo.
Alia felt a tiny knot of tension beneath her ribs unspool.
Theo yanked the rope free and cast it aside. “How could you even think something like that?”
“We were all thinking it,” said Nim. “Your dad disappeared at a pretty convenient time.”
Theo rocked back on his heels, staring at them with wide, hurt eyes. “You really thought I could be involved in something like this?” He turned his wounded gaze on Alia. “You thought I’d help people hurt you?”
Alia shook her head furiously. “No! I…” What had she believed? That she was destruction walking. That Theo or his father would be entirely justified if they wanted her gone.
“There are spies on Jason’s security team,” Diana said gently. “Informers within Keralis Labs. No one knew what to think.”
“What about you, Jason?” Theo asked.
Jason scrubbed a hand over his face. “You could have tipped someone off without even realizing it.”
“So I’m not evil, I’m just incompetent?”
“Theo—” Jason began. But Alia had the feeling whatever he said next was just going to make things worse.
“My turn!” she blurted. They all stared at her. “For the lasso,” she continued. “Put it on me, Diana.”
“Seriously?” said Jason.
Diana hesitated, but the pleading in Alia’s eyes must have done the trick because she gave a disbelieving shake of her head and said, “All right.”
“Great!” Alia said with false enthusiasm. “But only one question.” Under her breath, she whispered, “Nim, help me out here.”
“Got you,” murmured Nim.
“You’re sure about this?” said Diana.
Absolutely not. Why hadn’t she thought of some other way to change the subject? An interpretive dance. How ’bout those Mets? Really, the options were endless.
She tried to look calm as she let Diana loop the lasso gently over her shoulders. Its fibers were cool against her skin, and Alia felt a curious lightness overtake her. She saw that she feared the lasso because she feared everything. That she was afraid of the world in a way that Theo didn’t seem to be, or Nim or Jason. That she loved Nim but resented her ease with people. That she feared Nim would tire of her, stop wanting to be her friend, go off to have adventures with someone more fun. That Nim would never forgive her for the trauma of the last few days. That Alia simply was not worth the trouble. All these truths passed through Alia’s mind in the barest second, horrible in their clarity. Every small lie she’d ever told herself torn away to reveal something ugly but unburdened beneath.
She saw Nim open her mouth to ask a question, but Theo said, “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?”
“Oh, I know the answer to this,” said Nim with relief. “She fainted in gym class.”
Alia parted her lips to agree, but instead she said, “I wrote Theo a love letter.”
“What?” Nim shrieked.
“What?” Jason barked.
“Oh,” said Theo, looking a little stunned. Or was he totally horrified? She couldn’t tell.
Diana was already leaning forward to remove the lasso.
Alia wanted to blurt a denial. Her mouth formed the words to say “Just kidding,” but instead she heard her own voice saying, “When I was thirteen. On pink princess stationery, and I sprayed it with lemon Pledge because I didn’t have any perfume. I put it in one of his books.”
This was easily the worst moment of her life, and that included every recent near-death experience. Diana yanked the rope over Alia’s head, but Alia couldn’t get free fast enough. She wriggled it past her braids and stood up, heat flooding her cheeks.
I’m going to die right here, she thought, eyes jumping from Nim’s grimace to Jason’s wince to Diana’s worried blue gaze. She refused to look at Theo. Because the earth wasn’t going to do her the courtesy of opening to swallow her. She’d live with this humiliation burning through her every time she looked at him, the same way it had been for months after she’d given him that note.
He’d been fifteen and string-bean skinny and perfect, and she’d been completely mad for him in a way that had seemed totally inevitable at the time. He would mutter to himself in Portuguese while he was scribbling away at his homework, and Alia thought it was the most adorable thing she’d ever seen.
The night Alia had signed the note with a flourish and placed it between the pages of Theo’s math book, her sense of elation had lasted all the way to her bedroom. Then she’d panicked. She’d raced back to the living room, but Theo had already returned to the table, and there was no way to retrieve it. Eventually, he’d picked up his books, tucked them into his bag, and headed out, all while Alia sat there, pretending to conjugate French verbs, certain she was going to be sick. She’d tried to retrieve it after school the next day, but when she’d opened the math book, the letter was gone.
Alia would never forget the horrible, sickening cringe she’d felt in that moment—especially now that she was feeling it all over again.
Theo had never said anything, but she’d noticed he made sure never to be in a room alone with her again. Or maybe he hadn’t and she’d imagined it. Alia could never be sure. But the sheer strain of trying to act casual over the next few months had been completely exhausting. Then Theo had gone away for the summer, back to São Paulo with his dad, while Alia and Jason had stayed in Martha’s Vineyard, and Alia had been almost relieved. Except when Theo came back, he was nearly half a foot taller, that smattering of acne gone. He didn’t even seem human anymore. And she looked exactly the same.
Now Alia smoothed down her damp T-shirt. “Well,” she said. “That was the worst thing ever.”
“Alia,” said Theo, on his feet now. “It’s no big deal. Honestly, it’s awesome.”
Theo had ignored her
, he’d teased her…but Theo pitying her?
“Good night, everyone!” she chirped with forced cheer, and stumbled toward the path, ignoring Diana’s call of “Alia!”
She marched up the hill, tears choking her throat. It wasn’t the embarrassment. It wasn’t the memory. It was everything that had come with it, every hateful thought she’d ever had about herself like a chorus in her head. The lasso was like looking into a mirror that stripped away each illusion you used to get yourself through the day, every bit of scaffolding you’d built to prop yourself up. And then there was just you. Boobs too small. Butt too big. Skin too ashy. She was too nerdy, too weird, too quiet around people. In the grips of the lasso, she’d known that she was glad that Theo and Nim didn’t get along because Nim was funnier and braver and more interesting than Alia would ever be. She was like a gorgeous little fireball, while Alia was an ember, banked fire, easily overlooked in the face of all those flames. The idea that Theo might look at Nim one day and want her, choose her, had made Alia hate them both a little, and made her hate herself even more.
Alia crawled into the backseat of the Fiat and curled up against the car door. She could still see the stars through the window, but now all she felt was small.
A while later, she heard Nim open the door and climb into the driver’s seat. “You awake?” she whispered.
“Yeah,” Alia replied. She didn’t feel like pretending.
“What did it show you?”
Alia glanced briefly at Nim. She sat face forward, gaze focused on the windshield. Maybe it was easier to talk this way, in the dark, without having to look each other in the eye.
Alia leaned her head back against the glass. “Basically that I’m a petty, jealous jerk. You?”
“That I’m a coward.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re the bravest person I know. You wore shorts with suspenders to a dance.”
“That look worked.”
“Like I said.”
Alia heard Nim shift in her seat. “For all my big talk, I’ve never brought a girl home. I’ve never even hinted at that stuff to my parents. I’m afraid if I do, it will all fall apart.”
Alia blinked, surprised. She’d figured Nim would come out to her parents when she was ready. They were one of the most loving families she knew. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s true. It feels true.”
Alia hesitated. She dug her fingernails into her palm. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”
Nim twisted around in her seat and shoved her sheaf of hair back from her face. “What?”
Alia made herself meet Nim’s eyes. “Once I go to the spring, it’ll change. I won’t have to be as scared to go out. I’ll do better. Go to more parties. Whatever you want.”
“Alia, it doesn’t matter if you start hanging out at warehouse parties till dawn or if you stay in your room looking at balls of cells the way I know you want to. It’s always going to be you and me against the world.”
“Why?”
“Because everyone else sucks, and you don’t need a magic lasso to know that’s the truth.”
Alia grinned, some of the shame and hurt sliding away. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling like she might actually be able to sleep.
“Alia,” she heard Nim murmur.
“Hmm?”
“No offense, but this is the worst vacation ever.”
“I told you we should go to the Grand Canyon,” Alia managed before fatigue overcame her, and she let herself drift into a deep sea of sleep.
Diana packed dirt over the remnants of the campfire to make sure they wouldn’t catch again, and wondered if she should apologize to Alia. After Alia had scurried up the hill, they’d all stared at each other for a long moment in tense silence, Theo standing awkwardly at the edge of the fire.
“Should I—” he’d hazarded.
“No,” Nim had said. “Just let her shake it off, and then pretend it never happened.”
“But—”
“She’s right,” Diana had said, though she’d wanted to follow Alia herself. She’d dealt with her fair share of humiliations, trailing after her mother and her Amazon sisters, always the slowest, always the last, excluded from their understanding of the world. When her pride was smarting, she didn’t want to be reminded of her failures. She wanted the solitude of the cliffs. She wanted to be alone until the hurt dwindled, until it was small enough to pack away. “Just let her be.”
Jason peered up at Theo and raised a brow. “She sent you a love letter?”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“How come you never mentioned it?”
Theo had jammed his hands in his pockets. “She was just a kid. I didn’t want to embarrass her.”
“Why did you even ask that stupid question?” Nim said grumpily.
His shoulders shot up to his ears. “I thought she would say something dumb, like she drank too much fruit punch and vomited on her bunk at sleepaway camp.”
“That seems awfully specific,” said Diana.
“Yeah, well, it could happen to anyone. Don’t we need to get some rest? Big day tomorrow? Mystical cleansing?”
“I’m going back to the car,” said Nim. “I know Alia needs her space, but if I stay down here much longer, I’m going to try to drown Theo in the pond.”
Nim had headed up the hill, but as they’d gathered their empty chip bags and soda bottles and extinguished the fire, Diana’s mind was still on Alia. Though the stories of the lasso and what it might accomplish were so varied she hadn’t known what to expect, she still felt guilty.
Mortals weren’t meant to trifle with these things—and her mother would have been furious if she’d known Diana was playing party games with a sacred weapon. Although she supposed it would be the least of the things her mother would be furious about right now. She ran her thumb over the golden fibers, the lasso glowing faintly at her touch. It felt oddly friendly, like another companion who traveled with them. It wasn’t meant to sit behind glass in a cold room. She’d read once that there were jewels that required wearing to keep their luster. She couldn’t help but feel that the bracelets, the lasso, even the heartstone still tucked into her pocket, were gifts that weren’t meant to be locked away.
She looked up to realize that Jason was studying her.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
“Why?” She rose and dusted her hands off on her leathers as they started up the trail.
“He’s hoping you’re thinking about him,” said Theo with a laugh.
Jason gave Theo a light shove that nearly sent him careening into a tree.
“Hey!” said Theo. “Use your words!”
Diana cast Jason a swift glance. His jaw was set, his shoulders stiff as always. Was that what he’d been wondering? Or, as Alia would say, was Theo just being Theo?
She cleared her throat. “I’m wondering what tomorrow might bring,” she said. “I can’t imagine it will be as simple as just finding the spring. We don’t know what might be waiting for us.”
“Sure we do,” said Theo, swatting at a branch. “We get to the spring, Alia gets cured. We argue over the best choice for our We Saved the World victory dance.”
“I do enjoy your optimism,” said Diana.
“And I admire your ability to lift a car over your head without breaking a sweat and look fine as hell doing it,” said Theo with a bow.
“Why do I have the feeling it’s not going to be as easy as you think?” Jason said.
“Because you’re a glass-half-empty kind of guy.”
“Whereas you’re an it-will-all-work-out-or-someone-else-will-take-care-of-it kind of guy?”
“Unfair.”
“I’m serious, Theo. If this all goes to hell, you can’t just reboot or re-up or whatever.”
“You mean one-up. And good to know you’re concerned, even if you did think I was some kind of traitor.”
“Theo—” Jason attempted.
Theo cla
pped Jason on the back. “I get it, okay? Just maybe give me a little more credit. You guys are my family. More than my dad has ever been. Besides, without me you’d currently be riding a mule over a mountaintop.”
“The mule would talk less,” Jason noted.
“Probably smell better, too,” said Theo.
Was it really that simple? A shared joke, a pat on the back, forgiveness given when no apology had been offered? She’d seen Jason’s frustration with Theo’s glib ways, Theo’s irritation at how easily Jason dismissed him. But they seemed perfectly happy to avoid talking about any of it. Boys were peculiar creatures.
Diana left Jason and Theo to set up their makeshift camp across the clearing from the car. Through the windows of the Fiat, she could see Alia and Nim already dozing. She hated to wake them.
“Sorry,” she whispered as she slipped inside and used two knotted socks to bind Nim’s hands together.
“It’s okay,” said Nim sleepily. “My mom duct-taped oven mitts on my hands when I had the chicken pox.”
Diana wasn’t sure what cooking and infectious diseases had to do with anything, but she made a polite humming noise.
She shifted in the passenger seat, trying to find a comfortable position, listening to the quiet of the night. She wanted to sleep, but the car was miserably cramped, and her mind didn’t want to shut down. A run might help.
She slipped outside as silently as she could. Someone was snoring loudly from the other side of the clearing, and based on the timbre, she suspected it was Theo. Diana stretched, then walked back to the outcropping to listen to the rush of the waterfall and see if she could find another trail.
She was surprised to see Jason standing there, gazing out at the water. He’d shed his shirt again, possibly to bind Theo’s hands, and the mist from the falls had beaded on his skin.
As if sensing her presence, he turned sharply.
“Sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t spying. I couldn’t sleep.” Well, maybe she’d been spying a little. She liked looking at him. But hadn’t Nim said that most girls did?
“Me neither,” he said. “Theo snores.”
“So I heard.”
Jason looked back out at the falls. “What if it doesn’t work?” he said quietly.
Wonder Woman: Warbringer Page 27