CROONER
I walked away from her without a single word. She told me I needed to go, and the way she said it with hurt shining in her eyes, I knew I had to. Being around her, it was hurting her. Although, I shouldn’t be surprised because it’s been killing me.
I belly up to the bar, lifting my chin to the new prospect. He hands me a bottle of beer and I quickly take a pull.
“It’s eight in the morning,” a voice deadpans next to me.
Glancing to the side, I see that it’s Motorhead. “Where’s Esme?” I ask, ignoring his comment.
“Asleep in bed. I wore her out after we partied,” he grins. “Coffee,” he grunts to the prospect.
“You look like hell,” Motorhead grumbles as soon as he takes a sip of coffee.
I chuckle, looking at my beer, then back at him. “I feel like hell. I’m ready to head up north though.”
“Yeah? You sure you don’t want to stay here with Hayden? Saw Baby getting chummy with her last night,” he says.
I shake my head. “I went to her place this morning. Whatever we had before, it’s done. Baby will be good for her, and to her,” I state.
Every single fucking word makes my stomach twist. I hate saying it, and all I want to do is get on my bike and go back to her place. I want to take her in my arms, kiss her, then fuck her to prove to her that she belongs with me, at my side, and with my name across her pretty chest.
Motorhead chuckles, taking another sip of his drink. “Brother, you are so full of shit.” I take a pull of my beer and wait for him to continue. “You want to keep thinking that Baby is better for her than you? Fine, fuck it, believe that shit,” he shrugs.
“But?”
“You’ll figure it out, I just hope to fuck it isn’t too late, for all three of your sakes. Baby’s a good kid, he doesn’t deserve to get his heart broke. That shit’s already written though.” I watch as he stands and starts to walk away from me, presumably toward his room where his woman is waiting for him. “We’re leaving in a week. Taking the van. Pack a fucking arsenal. I want these fuckers to fly they’re blown so goddamn high.”
Staying in my seat, I finish my beer, then I lift my empty, calling for another one, and I drink that one even faster than the first. When I’m halfway through my fourth beer, I watch as Baby walks through the bar. Jizzy and DD are on either side of him, and his arms are slung over their shoulders.
“Baby?” I growl.
He lifts his chin toward me. He brings his hands down and smacks each girl on the ass as he leaves their sides to come sit next to me at the bar.
“Goddamn, I haven’t been laid in a while. I needed that,” he announces, sitting down next to me.
I grip my bottle tightly, trying not to break it over his head. “What about, Hayden?”
He chuckles. “She’s into you, brother. Which is cool. I told her I’d wait for her, and I will. But I’m not going to be a goddamn celibate while I do.”
“I find out you don’t treat her right. I’m going to beat your fuckin’ ass,” I bark as I stand up.
Baby doesn’t even flinch. “My name’s on her body you won’t do a goddamn thing, and you know it. Don’t threaten me because you’re too much of a pussy to take what you want.”
I lunge for him, but something tugs me backward. An arm wraps around my chest and holds me hostage. Looking down, I recognize the tattoos as Free’s.
“Don’t be a dick, Baby,” Free growls.
Baby winks then turns around. He whistles before calling for DD and Jizzy and I watch the three of them disappear down the hallway.
“That little fuck,” I hiss. Free releases me and I turn around to face him. “He’s lucky you were there to stop me,” I snap.
“He saw me, which is the only reason he mouthed off. He’s testing you, seeing if Hayden is worth the trouble or if you’re going to come and swoop her out from underneath him.”
I shake my head. “I went to her this morning, and I walked away from her. She’s all his.”
The look of disappointment on Free’s face is more than I can handle. Hell, I’m disappointed in myself too. I want to be the man for her, but I don’t want to hurt her or damage her more than she already is. There’s a fine line, and Hayden has had too much thrown at her in too many short years.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Free mutters.
Turning my head toward the hallway where Baby just disappeared, then looking back at Free, I admit. “I have no fucking clue. I’m going to bring these fucks at this compound down, and then I’m going to have to figure it out. Because if that is the real Baby? Then I can’t let Hayden be with him.”
“Who’s better for her?” he asks, with a grin.
I shake my head, a smile on my own lips. “Nobody is good enough for Hayden. But if it’s between me, and that version of Baby, I’m claiming my woman,” I grunt.
Free breaks out into a huge smile. “Fuck yeah you will,” he says slapping my shoulder.
I want to be just as happy as he is, but I’m not, not yet at least. I leave in a week, and I have no idea how long I’ll be gone. Hayden and Baby could be happily in love by the time I get back. I frown. Maybe I should go back to her now, beg her to forgive me for being such a dick. I shake my head. No, Baby is just being a prick, he’ll be good to her.
Anybody who has a shot with Hayden would treasure it and do anything to keep it. Anybody but me, because I’m a goddamn asshole. I need to focus on the task at hand, on the compound and loading the van up with guns and ammo. Everything else will have to wait. If Baby wins her heart by the time I get back, then that’s what is meant to be.
CHAPTER FIVE
HAYDEN
I bite the corner of my lip. I should be relieved that Baby didn’t come by today. I didn’t really want him to, did I? It’s past ten and I have to get up and take Easton to Gracie’s early in the morning before my shift at work.
Tomorrow’s Monday, which means inventory and placing orders for the week. Monday’s are always my longest day at the Cash Bar, and tomorrow promises to be no different.
Walking over to the light switch, I turn it off, then make my way toward my bed. I’ve been trying to keep busy all day long, and not think about Crooner’s earlier visit, but now the house is quiet.
When everything is quiet, that’s when my brain turns up its volume.
Slipping into bed, I lay my head down on the pillow and let out an exhale. My eyes automatically water at the thought of Crooner. I want him, and I want us, but he doesn’t feel the same or at least he keeps saying it. His actions, they tell me a different story, though. I hate that he says one thing, but his eyes and body, they tell me something completely different.
Rolling onto my side, I bring my legs up and hug my knees to my chest. I feel dramatic and silly. Maybe this is why he doesn’t want me, because I am very much still a girl. I may be a mother and have lived through things that some people couldn’t even imagine, but I’m still a teenager, technically. Crooner probably wants a real woman, he probably wants someone who doesn’t have the baggage that I do.
I hear something knock on my door and I sit up, all thoughts of Crooner vanishing at the sound. My chest rises and falls rapidly with my breath, as I wait to see if my mind was playing tricks on me, or if someone or something is really at my door. The knocking sounds again, but a bit louder this time around.
As quietly as I can, I slip out of bed and tiptoe over to the door. I look through the peephole and let out a sigh of relief. Then I frown. Quietly, I open the door, but I don’t move out of the way. The man standing across from me doesn’t say anything, his dark blue eyes bore straight into my own gaze.
My breath hitches when he lifts his hand and his fingers brush my cheek. He walks up the steps to my entry and gently pushes past me. Silently, I let him, closing and locking the door behind him when he passes through.
I watch as he walks back to my bedroom, stopping just before he disappears inside. He turns his head and lifts his chin
toward me. Quickly, my feet become unstuck and I hurry after him. By the time I make it into my bedroom, he’s already stripped down to his boxers and pulling the covers back on my bed.
“Crooner,” I mutter.
His eyes meet mine and a muscle in his cheek twitches. “I like it when you call me Ward,” he confesses.
“Ward. What’s happening here?” I ask. I hold my breath, afraid of what his response is going to be.
He shrugs as he slips between the sheets. “Just come to bed, Hayden.”
Pressing my lips together, I do as he asks, but I don’t leave it at that. I need to know what this means. He’s a man of few words and many actions, but I don’t want to read between any lines with him.
I don’t want to end up with a shattered heart, with Crooner that would be the easiest thing in the world to end up with. In fact, I thought it happened mere hours ago, now he’s here and I need to know what this means.
Crooner’s hand slips around my stomach and he pulls me back against his chest. I feel his beard against my neck and he inhales deeply before he lets out his breath. “I need to know what this means,” I whisper into the dark.
He clears his throat, his fingers gripping my sleep shirt in his fist. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I know Baby is better for you. I know that thinking about him with you makes me want to kill him. I know I don’t deserve you,” he rasps against my skin.
Tears fill my eyes. “Would it help if I said I only want you?” I ask.
He doesn’t speak for what feels like several minutes. The seconds tick and I wait, hoping that what he’ll say next will be something magical and beautiful. “No, it wouldn’t help, Hayden. It should. Nothing can change the fact that I’m not the best man for you and Easton. I shouldn’t have come over, but I couldn’t stand the way I left earlier.”
“So, you decided to come back and make me feel even worse? You decided to give me a glimmer of hope, only to dash it all away, again. Why are you being so fucking mean?” I whimper.
His arms pull me against him a little tighter, flexing as he holds me, almost forcing the breath out of my body. “This is what I can give right now, Hayden. It’s all I have.”
I hate his words. Hate them. I curse myself for not being strong enough to kick him out of my bed, or out of my house. I’m emotionally exhausted from the day, my eyes refusing to stay open even a moment longer.
“Please, just stay,” I beg.
I want him to stay for good, to be mine and to accept both me and Easton. If there is a man who can protect and care for us, it is Crooner. My Ward. His arms flex, but he doesn’t say anything. We fall asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms. I feel warm and safe, the way that I always feel around him.
My alarm sounds after what seems like only a few minutes of sleep. I reach over and blindly touch my phone to turn it off before I groan. Crooner moans behind me, his hand sliding up to just under my breast as his hips shift. I can feel his hard length against the crack of my ass and I stifle a whimper.
“It’s too fucking early, Hay,” he growls against my neck.
I inhale, then let out a sigh, enjoying the way he feels still wrapped around me. “I have to work today,” I state.
“You work at a bar, why are you up so early?” he asks, shifting so that he’s lying on his back.
I miss his heat against me, but I don’t say anything, nor do I move closer to him. Instead, I sit up with my back to him and throw my legs over the side of my bed. “I have to get ready, get Easton ready. Then I have to take him over to Gracie’s, and then I have to do inventory all morning and place an order, all before the bar opens,” I explain.
He shifts behind me and I hold my breath when I feel his hand slide up my back underneath my shirt. His fingers are so warm against my skin, and I try to keep from breaking out into goosebumps from his touch, but I completely fail.
“I’ll help you with East this morning. Take your time getting ready, I’ll get him up and fed,” he offers.
I want to tell him to leave, to just go, but I don’t. A single mother doesn’t turn down help, especially when it’s from the man that she’s absolutely head-over-heels in love with. A man that has helped her with her baby since the beginning, a man she wishes would stay right where he’s at, and always by her side.
Nodding, I stand from the bed, his hand falls away from my back when I do, and I miss it. “Thanks, Ward. You don’t have to,” I mumble, not meaning a single word.
“Look at me, Hayden,” he softy demands.
Turning my head, I look directly into his dark blue gaze. “When I get back, we’re going to figure everything out.” I nod, pressing my lips together, wishing that I could ask him exactly what that means.
As if he can read my mind he clears his throat. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I don’t know what it will mean to figure shit out between us, but all I can do is say we’ll figure something out.”
“Even if that means we’re only friends and nothing else?” I blurt.
It’s been on my mind, the dreaded friend zone that he’s held me in for over a year. He knows that I desire more from him, but he’s been holding me at arm’s length, and I’m tired of it.
I want more—I want him.
“Whatever it means,” he says.
I nod. His explanation absolutely clear, especially when I look at him and his eyes instantly drop down. Him coming over last night, it was for him. So that he would feel better about things between us before he left. He doesn’t want to explore anything with us. He wants to feel good about things, he wants to leave without feeling guilty for being an asshole.
Fine. Fuck it. He can help me out with Easton this morning, but I’m done. When he comes back, I won’t be available for him to play this game with anymore. I might only be nineteen years old. I might be battered and bruised and have baggage the size of the entire country of Canada, but I won’t be around for him to play with anymore.
I’m going to make this really easy on him.
I’m done.
CROONER
Something has happened, something has changed with Hayden. Between waking up this morning, and her shower, she’s different. She’s still smiling, especially at Easton as he eats his breakfast, but something has definitely changed. I frown as I watch her move around the trailer, getting his bag ready for the day at Gracie’s.
I want to ask her what’s wrong, but I don’t. Maybe just telling her that we would figure our shit out when I get back was enough to elevate her mood? Maybe it’s just what she needed to hear, that I was open to having a conversation about us when I get back?
“I need to get going,” Hayden murmurs as she slings Easton’s bag over her shoulder.
Standing from the kitchen table, I make my way over to her. Slipping the bag from her shoulder, I throw it over mine before I bend down and scoop Easton up in my arms. “You’re walking, right?”
She looks up at me with her big green eyes and nods. “Yeah,” she sighs.
“I’ll walk with you. We can’t take my bike, but I can at least go with you there and back,” I shrug.
She nods, pressing her lips together in the adorable way that she does when she’s thinking. “Okay, yeah,” she smiles. It’s a small smile, faint really, but I can see it playing on her lips.
We walk in silence toward Gracie and Fish’s place. Well, it’s quiet between me and Hayden. Easton is babbling up a storm. I don’t mind it though, I enjoy hearing his little baby talk. He has a lot of shit to say for someone who can’t put together very many actual words. It’s cute though, everything about the kid is cute. His blue eyes sparkle when he says something, then his chubby hand slaps against my face before he grabs ahold of the side of my beard and pulls.
“Easton,” Hayden scolds.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “He’s fine, Hay. I’m going to miss the little guy while I’m gone,” I admit.
We’re almost to Fish’s place and I feel an ache deep in my chest. I don’t know when I’
ll see Easton again. I’ve never gone more than a few days without seeing him, even if it was only from afar. Now that reality is starting to set in, I don’t like the fact that I won’t be seeing him for a while, for an undetermined amount of time.
“Do you have any idea how long you’ll be gone?” she asks as we turn down Fish’s street. His house is the third on the left, and it’s rapidly approaching. My heart starts to race with each step closer that we take.
I clear my throat, hoping that she can’t hear the anxiety in my voice. “I don’t know, babe,” I admit. “A few weeks, I’m sure, at the least.”
We arrive in front of Fish’s place and slowly we walk up their front steps. Gracie opens the door before we can even knock, and her eyes shift between me and Hayden before they widen, her mouth dropping slightly as well.
“Morning,” she smiles.
“Good morning,” I grunt.
I hold Easton a little tighter before I reluctantly release him to Hayden. She takes him in her arms and I slip his bag from my shoulder and hold it out for Gracie. Once Gracie takes the bag from me, I hear Easton tell Hayden that he lubs her, and I swear to Christ my heart fucking melts in my chest.
What the fuck am I doing? I should be claiming them both, right here—right now.
Hayden hands him to Gracie, who gives me a funny look before telling us goodbye and then slowly closes the door. Without another word, we turn and walk down the stairs toward the street.
I place my hand at the small of Hayden’s back, needing to touch her. She stiffens, then relaxes almost immediately and even leans to me slightly. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say. There’s something heavy between us, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to change it.
Chased with Strength: Notorious Devils (Cash Bar Book 2) Page 5