by Peter Martin
‘So, you don’t mind?’
He shook his head. ‘No, I reckon it’s the best news ever.’
‘I thought you’d be angry, because it’s happened at the wrong time. The baby’s due in May.’
‘Well, I suppose we could have timed it better. But, we’ll manage. I’m sure we can find a good nursery or childminder for when you have to return to uni. Let’s hope you don’t go into labour early,’ he told her, squeezing her arm.
‘I have no control over that. But I want to give you a son or daughter you’ll be proud of.’
<><><>
Reluctantly, because of the impending birth, Sarah suspended her final year and would return after the baby was born. She spent most of the last few weeks of her pregnancy at home relaxing. Billy told her to ring him straight away as soon as she had any signs of labour.
She’d woken in the early hours with backache, and when it got worse, woke Billy at once. He fell out of bed in a panic, dressed, rushed downstairs, turned on the grill, made a cup of tea, and kept coming up to see how she was doing. A little later she came down to the sound of the smoke alarm. In his haste, Billy had forgotten the grill and had gone to get the car out of the garage. She entered the smoke-filled kitchen to see him run back in, grab the pan and put it in the sink under a running tap to dowse the flames.
The labour was long but without complications and Billy, present at the birth, found the experience the most moving of his entire life. This time unforgettable for the right reasons.
<><><>
The months after the birth of their daughter were magical, but all too soon it was over. Having discussed the matter, Billy agreed for her to return to re-take her final year at university after three months maternity leave. It was essential that she completed her degree so that she could become a writer. Billy, overwhelmed by his feelings for his daughter, considered looking after her himself. But it was impossible as he was the breadwinner.
After scouring the area for day nurseries and childminders, baby Alice was left with Mrs Atkins. A woman in her mid-forties and a mother of four, she seemed the ideal choice.
As the months passed Billy watched the different phases of his daughter’s development with fascination. To see her bloom and notice certain aspects of her surroundings brought him much happiness. And with Christmas around the corner his enthusiasm kept building, Alice would be five months old and he hoped for the best Christmas ever.
But as the festive season approached Sarah’s normal zest for life seemed to wane. Their usual conversation dried-up and he was hard-pressed to know what to say to her. And whenever he asked her, she always denied anything was wrong.
The pressure came to a head one Friday afternoon early in February. Billy left work early due to a dentist’s appointment and had planned a relaxing afternoon.
On entering the house, he went in search of Sarah and found her upstairs in their bedroom. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her lying on her stomach on top of the bed, face buried in a pillow, sobbing her heart out.
‘Sarah!’ he called out. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you crying?’
She jumped at the sound of his voice; but didn’t answer.
So, he sat on the bed beside her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders.
‘Please tell me what’s happened?’ She shook her head and continued to cry. ‘What’s causing you to act like this. Has someone upset you?’ His temper rose. ‘Is this down to a visit from your father by any chance?’ Thinking he’d hit the mark he fumed. ‘Why does he have to keep interfering in everyone else’s business?’
‘Billy, it –’
‘I’m sorry but it’s the truth.’
‘Billy, listen –’ But he wouldn’t shut up.
‘No, he’s so busy meddling he can’t, or won’t, admit he’s married to someone much younger than himself …’ Then seeing the look on Sarah’s face, asked, ‘What?’
‘I haven’t seen Dad,’ she whispered, drying her eyes.
‘What’s all this about then? Come on, if you don’t tell me, I can’t help.’
And once again the floodgates opened, and between sobs, she said, ‘I’m pregnant again.’
‘You what? I thought you were on the pill.’ He felt elated, but because of the state she was in, tried his hardest not to smile.
‘I must have forgotten to take it. It’s not funny, Billy. I don’t need this right now.’
‘I agree yet again the timing could have been better – but we’ll cope, we have to. We’ll pay someone to care for the baby, like Alice, and then you can carry on with your studies. It’ll be fine. Come on, it might be a blessing in disguise.’
‘What if I don’t want this baby?’
‘You don’t mean that, Sarah.’
‘Oh, but I do. Although Alice is only seven months old, she’s already a handful. Think about all the sleepless nights we’ve had, and the crying, the not eating. And the bugs she keeps catching. It’s been a nightmare at times even though we love her to bits. To have another so soon and working for my degree will be impossible. I want to have an abortion.’
‘You must be mad. This is our child we’re talking about here.’ He shook his head stunned by the mere suggestion. How could she even consider this option?
‘Sarah, to kill our unborn child because it clashes with your degree isn’t right. Remember the last time – you want to go through that again?’
Tears came into her eyes again.
‘I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but we’ve been through worse. And I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to help.’
But it looked like she had no intention of giving in when she said, ‘Well, as I remember, you were all for me having an abortion.’
‘Yes, but that was different,’ he said. ‘You were much younger for a start, and still at school, you wouldn’t have coped.’
‘You’ll live to regret this, Billy.’ Her tone was hard and determined.
‘Sarah, we’ve got a strong marriage, there’s no reason to be like this.’
‘That’s easy for you to say,’ she said, and stormed off in a huff towards the bathroom. The door banged shut and was bolted.
Billy felt bewildered over how it had happened – surely forgetting to take the pill once wouldn’t have made a difference? Perhaps this was meant to happen. But his thoughts came to an abrupt end when Sarah returned still looking pale. He attempted to hold her, but she pushed him away, saying, ‘I can have an abortion if I want to.’
‘Yes, but how will you live with it? Have you thought about that?’
‘And if I don’t, how will we manage with two children under the age of two?’
‘Together we will. Don’t forget this baby is mine as much as yours.’ When she didn’t reply, he continued, ‘This isn’t the same as when you were carrying that dimwit’s child. You and the baby would have suffered.’
She shook her head angrily. He could understand her attitude to a certain degree, but once the baby was born, she’d feel differently.
‘Anyway, how far gone are you?’
‘Two months.’
‘You’ll feel better once you’ve got used to the idea, I’m sure.’
‘It’s all right for you, you haven’t got to give birth. This is my body it’s happening to, my life. There won’t be any change for you until the baby’s born.’
‘True,’ he conceded, feeling dejected.
Sarah left the room, and went downstairs having heard Alice cry. Billy followed behind, wondering what Sarah would do.
She went to the baby bouncer and took Alice out, holding her close in her arms. The hug and kiss on the cheek showed how much she loved her daughter.
‘Want me to get a bottle?’ Billy asked.
She nodded.
Billy watched her feeding Alice. Surely she wouldn’t have another abortion. Would she?
‘Now tell me you want another termination. I can see how much you love Alice. And it will be the same with the new baby.’
Billy frowned, unsure of what would happen next. ‘At the end of the day, it’s up to you –I can’t stop you.’
<><><>
As time passed Billy felt ill at ease with their relationship. She never mentioned the pregnancy, and the absence of morning sickness left him wondering if she’d gone behind his back and had a termination. But before long the evidence was there in front of him. Then it was just a question of waiting for the birth.
The phone call came while Billy was teaching. Everyone looked up as the school secretary hastily entered the classroom.
‘Your wife’s just phoned, Mr Price,’ she whispered. ‘She’s gone into labour. Said not to worry. A neighbour has taken her to the hospital.’
The colour drained from his face. ‘Oh dear, I don’t know what to do first. I have to go.’
‘It’s all right, Mr Price. I’ve already arranged cover. Mr Wilkins will take over.’
‘Thank you.’ He turned to the class, full of smiling faces ‘Sorry, everyone, but it seems ... my wife’s gone into labour. I must dash.’ Red faced, he raised a hand to them, and left to shouts of ‘good luck, sir’.
Having parked the car in the hospital car park, he rushed across to the maternity wing, where they directed him to the delivery room. He tentatively entered and saw Sarah lying on the bed, her face screwed up and bathed in sweat. He hated watching her in agony, but hopefully it wouldn’t be too long. Once the pain eased, a nurse beckoned him over. ‘Mr Price, I take it? Come and hold Sarah’s hand, she’ll need all the help she can get to get through this.’
He pulled up a chair near to the bed, saying, ‘It’s all right I’m here now, love,’ and took hold of her hand. But, to his horror, she turned her face away and tried to withdraw her hand from his. As one spasm of pain followed another, she could show little regard for anything else.
After a long, painful labour that seemed to go on forever, the midwife said, ‘Come on, Sarah, you’re nearly there, I can see its head. One more push now.’
In a final effort to bear down, Sarah clenched her teeth concentrating on getting the baby out. Billy, mesmerised, watched as the baby was born. A boy. He’d got a son.
After the birth, the baby was placed on Sarah’s stomach for a few seconds, and as the midwife whisked him away to clean him up, he belted out his first cries. Billy’s heart soared.
Later, when Sarah had been attended to, the child was returned to them. Billy looked through the sides of the Perspex cot at his son, securely wrapped in a blanket. And got up for a closer look.
He blinked, taking in the stark blackness of the child’s abundant hair and dark complexion. In an instant his heart quickened; his neck and face seemed consumed with heat. The euphoria of minutes before, witnessing the birth, disappeared. The baby before him could not be his son; no wonder she’d toyed with a termination. Her excuses of being tired, and having too much work were lies, a ruse to get her own way to cover up her infidelity.
He turned to see tears of helplessness flowing down Sarah’s cheeks, but being devoured by humiliation, his only emotion was rage. How could she sleep with someone else after all they’d been through together?
Once the nurses had gone, they were alone. Sarah reached for her son, smiling at him, love emanating from her face.
It wasn’t a brave face she was putting on, but a brazen one, Billy thought, and for a while he didn’t say anything.
Eventually, he said, ‘We’ve got some serious talking to do, or more to the point you have.’
‘I’m so sorry, Billy, I didn’t mean for this to happen.’
‘I bet you didn’t. No wonder you wanted an abortion.’
‘It wasn’t like that, it was just the –’
‘I suppose you’ll say it only happened once,’ Billy cut in. ‘Well, I wasn’t born yesterday.’
‘Somebody spiked my drink. I didn’t know I’d end up pregnant with his kid.’
‘Oh,’ he said sarcastically. ‘If you hadn’t got pregnant it wouldn’t have been a problem. Well, it boils down to one thing, you’ve been unfaithful. Whether it was just once or a hundred times.’
‘All right, I made a mistake, but you knew I’d been feeling bad with Alice and all the work at uni.’
But Billy wasn’t listening. ‘And to think what your father put me through. Wonder what he’d say about this?’
‘I know, and I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Going to that ball, well, I let my hair down, and the drink, someone put something in it.’
‘No excuse. How could you? Where were your morals? That’s easy to answer, you don’t have any!’ By this time, he was fuming. Then added, ‘Shame you picked a black guy, or you’d have got away with it.’
‘Okay, you’re right,’ she spat out. ‘That’s why I wanted an abortion. I was frightened of losing you. If you hadn’t come home early that day when I was crying, you’d be none the wiser, I’d have got rid of it. But I had to tell you I was pregnant because I felt so low. After that, I prayed it would be yours.’
‘Well, it isn’t.’
‘If I could turn back the clock, I would. I know I made a terrible mistake. Can’t you forgive me?’ she pleaded, trying to get hold of his hand.
‘No, it’s unforgivable. This was almost the second unwanted pregnancy. It’s over, I can’t trust you.’ He stood up and made for the door.
‘Billy, please …’
‘No,’ he said, and walked out.
The child minder brought Alice back shortly after he’d arrived home, and, at the sight of his daughter, he felt overwhelmed with love. But what would her future hold if he carried out his threats? Luckily, Alice didn’t sense that anything was wrong with her father.
Later that night after playing with her and getting her ready for bed, Billy’s thoughts returned to the dilemma he faced, and his mood plummeted. The same questions went around in his head: could he really throw Sarah out? If so, how would he cope with the aftermath? Life without his daughter wouldn’t be worth living.
He tossed and turned all night; he’d suffered a turbulent past where time and again loved ones were lost, but he couldn’t turn off his feelings for Sarah.
By the following morning, despite his hurt, he’d made his mind up to visit the hospital that afternoon. Alice was delighted to have a brother and wanted to see him.
He arrived fifteen minutes late at two forty-five. Sarah would wonder where he was, or if he was coming at all.
As they stepped out of the lift into the corridor leading to Ward 2, Billy was full of trepidation. He pointed to the first door, and keeping hold of Alice’s hand, said, ‘That’s where Mummy is, sweetheart.’
‘Mamma!’ she shouted, trying to break free from her father.
Sarah got up from the chair at the side of her bed, and as they turned into the ward, she flung her arms wide to encompass her daughter.
‘Thought you’d washed your hands of me,’ she murmured.
But, to avoid an argument, he ignored her comment, and said, ‘Alice wants to see her little baby brother, don’t you, love?’ He sat by the side of the bed and pulled Alice onto his lap. But Alice had other ideas; she wriggled to the floor to stand between her mother and the baby’s cot.
‘So why did you come?’ Sarah continued. ‘Had a change of heart?’
‘If you’re looking for an argument, I’m not up to it, not today. Especially in front of ...’ He gestured towards Alice.
‘It’s all I’ve been able to think about since yesterday. Billy, I love you. I made one stupid mistake, but do you have to crucify me?’
‘It’s not for discussion at the moment. All I will say is, the difference between Alice and the baby will soon be noticeable. No doubt the poor kid will have many questions thrown at him when he’s older.’
Sarah sighed. ‘I’ve already thought of that, but to me it’s more a case of your bruised ego. It’s important for the baby to live in a loving h
appy environment with a mum and dad.’
She had a point, but it wouldn’t be easy.
‘Come on, swallow your pride.’
He sighed, still unsure, but with the prospect of being on his own and never seeing Alice, he said ‘All right, Sarah. We’ll see what happens, shall we? But this is your last chance,’ he warned. ‘If I get a sniff that you’re up to no good, that will be it. Understand?’
‘Yes, my love.’ A look of joy and relief came on her face.
She leaned over and kissed him, but he pulled away, saying, ‘So, when are you coming out?’
‘Tomorrow morning, so they tell me. You’ll pick us up?’
He turned to Alice and asked, ‘We’ll fetch mummy tomorrow, won’t we, sweetheart? Don’t worry, I’ll get everything ready,’ he assured Sarah.
‘That would be brilliant. Can’t wait to come home, I hate hospitals,’ she admitted.
‘Me too. And the house is quiet right now.’
‘Come here, you lovely man,’ she said, hugging him.
He smiled.
‘Billy, you won’t regret this, I promise. I’ve been stupid, but I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ll never let you down again.’
‘You won’t, because you won’t get another chance,’ he warned her.
Billy and Alice left the hospital soon afterwards. He’d made it up with Sarah, but he still had a nasty taste in his mouth. He’d do his best to keep the family together, but her actions were hard to forget with the child a daily reminder of her adultery.
The week that followed, Billy was a tower of strength to his wife, as her son who they’d called Aaron, wasn’t the easiest of babies to care for. He took the whole week off and, bar having any physical contact with the baby, carried out all the household tasks. And on the occasions when Billy shied away from handling the child, Sarah either didn’t notice or chose not to.
Later when he was back at work, as the weeks passed, he’d come home to find Sarah crying her eyes out, and Aaron bawling even louder. But, with a small child who vied for her mother’s attention and a baby suffering with colic, there seemed no easy answer. The house was always a mess with fixed mealtimes a thing of the past.
Once Sarah was back at university to resume the modules for her final year, and arrangements were made for the children, the tension eased. But when, in early December, they both came down with sickness and diarrhoea, Billy realised it had only been a temporary lull, a quiet period before the inevitable storm.