by Kiana Lee
He flashed his teeth, enjoying how easily she became rattled. He remembered the look that crossed her face when one of the moms offered him a job. He wanted to believe she at least felt something toward him.
“I don’t know how you can do this every weekend,” he said, letting her comment slide.
“Well, we don’t usually go over the hour that they book us. These people actually benefited from having us stay an hour extra. Luckily the woman paid us for our troubles.”
“It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” he said.
Jason had spent almost the entire day with Caitlin, and he didn’t want it to end just yet. He drove out of the neighborhood and onto the highway. On a whim, he decided to exit onto a local road.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You’ll see,” he said.
He drove slowly up the long, winding road that led to the main observation deck. The deck would be busy at this time of day, so he decided to pull off to the side. Not far off was a barrier created from large rocks.
“You brought me to Mount Tantalus?” She got out of the car and looked around as if to make certain that her eyes weren’t deceiving her. “I have no idea why we’re here.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So what’s the deal? You know that I’m not going to make out with you, right?”
He got out of the car and looked at his surroundings. “I brought you here to show you the view,” he said, emphasizing the last word. He lifted a hand and slowly spanned it across the landscape. Looking down from the mountain, one could see the spectacular cityscape of Honolulu. Added to the mix were hundreds of skyscrapers that interspersed between patches of green lawn. Further in the distance, he could see the Diamond Head crater, which sat majestically between the sky and blue-green ocean. But then as an afterthought, he added, “Anyhow, if I wanted to make out with you, I would’ve brought you here at night.”
Heat began to rise to her cheeks, and she turned away quickly as if she didn’t want him to witness her embarrassment. She stepped closer to the stone barrier. “I’ve lived here close to a year yet I’ve never spent much time at this place. It’s truly beautiful up here.” She let out a sigh of appreciation. “And look at that rainbow.”
Jason moved to stand beside her. It seemed so natural and comfortable to be with her. “This is one of my favorite places in Oahu,” he confessed.
The rainbow spanned over the city, and a soft breeze swept across the open space, blowing a wisp of hair across Caitlin’s appealing face. About a foot away, a bird flew to a tree and burst into a sweet song. And for a moment, they seemed far from the pressures of life, and he wished that he could bottle up this moment of stillness.
Magic surrounded them. Then as if she was enchanted by the surroundings as well, Caitlin unconsciously leaned against him. The small contact warmed his heart, and he breathed in her sweet floral scent. More than anything he wanted to wrap his arm around her, to bring her close. But he stopped himself. Most girls were easy to read, but he couldn’t tell about Caitlin; she was just too unpredictable. If he made a sudden move, she might take offense.
“I saw you on a call earlier.” He bunched his hands into fists and shoved them into his pockets. “It looked as if you were having an intense conversation.” He paused. “Were you talking to your boyfriend?”
“No,” she said shaking her head. “My grandmother called. They’re having their house fumigated, and they wanted to let me know.”
“That’s why you were upset?”
“They seem to do strange things the older they become. In this case, they want to stay at a rat-infested motel while they wait for their house to air out. Sure I can understand that they want to save money, but why stay in a dump? And then no matter how many times I warn my grandmother about opening herself up to scammers, she continues to enter contests.” She caught her breath as if she realized that she was ranting. Color rose to her cheeks, and her voice turned sheepish. “Sorry, I get carried away when I speak about my grandparents.”
“It sounds as though you care a lot about them.”
“I do. They’re more like parents than anything.” She gazed off into the horizon, the expression on her face turning sad. “I didn’t know my dad, but I do know that my mother never wanted me. I was conceived after one drunken night. And then when I was born, my mother left me with her parents. I didn’t learn much about her until I was fifteen. And that was when my grandparents told me about her death. I later discovered that she had overdosed on crystal meth and died of a heart attack.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your loss.”
“I’m not.” Caitlin pulled away from him. “My mother didn’t care about anything, so why should I care about her passing?” She glanced behind her, the conversation now ended. “Can we go now?”
They went back to the car. As he made his way out of the park, he couldn’t help thinking that Caitlin had a difficult life. She struggled to make ends meet, yet she also took on the responsibilities of caring for others. All Jason had to worry about was partying with his friends on the weekends, and passing the cooking course. He had never given much thought to anyone else. Did this make him selfish? The answer to that question didn’t sit well with him.
***
A popular song filtered through the speakers and just when the singer began to repeat the chorus, Jason abruptly switched the radio off. In the next moment, awkward silence flooded the car.
Caitlin looked surreptitiously over at Jason a couple of times, but he seemed intently focused on driving. She didn’t know why she confessed her family secrets to him. Perhaps he didn’t want anything to do with her now that he knew about her history. When she was in college, she wanted so badly to fit in. She made everyone believe that she lived a normal, happy childhood, though this was the furthest from the truth. Caitlin even had Jessie fooled. The truth was, she was ashamed of her background, and she wanted to prove that her past didn’t define her, and that she could rise above her past and achieve success.
“You’re awfully quiet,” she said, forcing herself from her dark thoughts, and focusing on the silent man beside her.
“I was just thinking,” he said.
When he didn’t expand further, she blurted, “I revealed a lot about myself. Now it’s your turn.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” he said lightly, although she detected a slight strain in his voice. “After my older brother died in a boating accident, my father put his focus on me. Suddenly all his hopes and dreams for my brother were pinned on me. And with his high-handed tactics, he forced me to attend cooking school.”
“So Daddy paid for your tuition, and you don’t want to go to school,” she concluded before she could stop herself. She realized how callous she sounded after she asked him to reveal more about his life, but she couldn’t help herself. Nor could she stop the bitterness from settling in her chest.
“What’s your problem?” he asked, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. His easygoing manner from earlier had disappeared, and there was annoyance in his voice.
“I’m sorry to learn that your brother died, but you must know that you have a lot of breaks. You’re rich. Look at the car you drive,” she waved her hand at the sleek interior of his Porsche. “Many people — me included — would kill to drive a car like this. And then you get to go to school without having to pay the hefty fees. That’s the stuff of dreams.”
“Well, would you take any opportunity that’s presented to you?” he demanded, turning the focus back on her. “If someone offered you a job solely based on your looks, would you take it?”
“Of course not!” she said, her response automatic. “That’s the last thing I would do.”
“There you have it,” he said, his tone smug. “If you’re not open to taking opportunities that come your way, then why do you have issues with what I have or do?”
“Because it’s different!” she burst out in frustration. She ripped her gaze from him, and stared out of the win
dow, not wanting him to see how much his comments had upset her. “You can just walk to the front of a line, and no one will stop you. All the instructors like you. And everything you do comes easily.” She blinked back the tears. Nothing came easily in her life. “It’s simply not fair!”
“Well you might think I live a charmed life, but I don’t,” he said flatly. “My mother moved to LA with her lover. And my father is remarried to a woman who could be my older sister. My brother was the hero in the family, and he was going to become a great chef like none had ever seen. But he got drunk with his friends one day, and his boat crashed into a Jetty. And he died. Now everyone looks to me to take his place. But you know what? I’m not my older sibling. I’m just me — the loser younger brother.”
Jason pulled off the highway, and drove into a gravel parking lot and stalled his car.
“I have to use the bathroom,” he said, slamming the car door shut.
An awful feeling gnawed at her gut as she watched him disappear into Hank’s Pie Shop. She had assumed that Jason lived a charmed life and that his troubles were trivial. But she was wrong. And now she felt awful for jumping to conclusions. She buried her face in the palms of her hands. Sometimes her emotions got the best of her, and she said things that she later regretted. This was one of those times. She wouldn’t blame him if he hated her now.
But Caitlin had told him the truth. She would never take a handout. Everything had to be done on her own terms. The last thing she wanted was to end up as a failure like her mother. But then, if she were honest with herself, her mother never physically looked like a washout. In her grandparents’ house, there were dozens of photographs of a young Kelsey Moray. It was obvious then how much she cared for and nurtured her looks. She eventually used her beauty to score international modeling work, but she then became addicted to drugs, and her career plummeted. In the end, she chose her lifestyle and it killed her. There was no way Caitlin would follow in her footsteps.
Caitlin blinked, trying to stop her thoughts from spiraling out of control. She concentrated on the constant stream of cars and trucks that whizzed along the highway behind her. And while her emotions became numb, she began to feel restless and trapped in the sun-heated car. Opening the door, she allowed some of the warm air out.
She stared at the low-structured building, willing for Jason to emerge. But after several more long minutes, Jason still hadn’t come out. Judging from the number of cars in the parking lot, the shop seemed to have a healthy amount of customers. Perhaps there was a lineup to use the washroom. But when ten more minutes passed, she decided that she couldn’t wait any longer. It was one thing if it was the women’s washroom, since there usually was a lineup. Many women took their time to preen in front of the mirrors after they finished their business. The men, on the other hand, were always the first ones in and out of the restroom.
“Can I get you something, honey?” A server from behind the counter asked when she entered the shop.
The inside of the store looked modern. Two large blackboards faced the entrance, listing a variety of hot and cold pies. Underneath the signs sat the checkout counter and the illuminated display case that showcased their offerings. There was a warm, homey atmosphere in the tiny shop. She saw that several tables were occupied with customers enjoying their fresh pies. The radio was loud but it wasn’t enough to drown out the happy rumble of conversation in the room.
“No, I’m searching for someone,” she said as she continued to scan the area. Suddenly Caitlin’s eyes fell to the large figure that sat at the far end of the room. She marched over to the table, and put her hands on her hips. “I thought you went to use the bathroom.”
“I did,” Jason said as he set his attention firmly on the plate in front of him. “Now I’m eating pie.” He scooped his spoon in the creamy dessert and put it slowly in his mouth as if to savor it.
“You could have told me that you came in here to eat,” she said, accusation entering her voice.
Jason took another scoop of the dessert. “I guess you can never catch a break, now can you?”
She bristled under his sarcastic comment. Her first instinct was to fling out an angry retort. But something stopped her. Jason had his elbows propped on the table, his powerful body hunched slightly over his tart. An air of gloom encircled his large, athletic frame. Had her words hurt him that much that he needed to seek solace in a plate of pie? All at once, her anger vanished. She slid in the chair across from him.
“I’m sorry that I said those things, Jason. I don’t know anything about you, and it was wrong for me to judge you.”
He pulled the spoon out of his mouth, staring at her for a long moment. She expected him to tell her to take off, and find a new ride home. She was even ready to get up and call a cab. But unexpectedly, he reached for a spoon from the plastic cup holder and handed it to her. Pushing his plate to the middle of the table, he said, “Have some coconut cream pie. It’s delicious.”
They ate the rest of the pastry in an uneasy truce. Although the tart was good, she couldn’t shake the terrible guilt that settled over her.
“Do you want to get another plate?” he asked.
“No, I’m good,” she said.
“I should probably get you home then.”
They got up and made their way to the car. As they drove back, Caitlin tried to make conversation, but Jason didn’t seem interested in small talk. Giving up, she ended up staring out of the window, allowing the radio to gloss over the awkward tension in the car. Twenty minutes later, he pulled up in front of her building.
“Thanks for everything,” she said getting out of the car. She looked at him through the open window, searching for any traces of anger and resentment. But his expression was neutral. “You’re a good friend.”
“Sure,” he said. “I’ll see you in class.” He gunned his engine and drove off.
A heavy feeling settled around her heart as she watched his car disappear from sight.
Chapter 12
The alarm went off for the second time, and Caitlin reached to switch it off. Half a second later a knock sounded at her door.
Jessie poked her head in. “Time to get up,” she said cheerfully.
“Go away,” she muttered.
Her friend walked into the room. “I would go away except I made a promise last night to wake you for your morning class.”
“I don’t get it.” Caitlin flipped to her stomach. “How can you be so cheerful in the mornings?”
“It’s a start to a fantastic day, that’s how,” Jessie said, pulling the drapes open. “Now get up before I have to do something drastic like yank away your covers and put a hairdryer to your face.” She grinned. “You know how annoying I can get.”
“All right, all right,” she groaned and forced herself to a sitting position. “I’m up.”
It was already two and a half weeks into the program. Midterms were coming up, and things were getting tougher and tougher. But it wasn’t because the recipes were becoming more difficult. The real reason was the sheer amount of information that she had to retain. Coupled with the long hours in class, she was exhausted. She had enlisted her roommates to drag her out of bed because she could no longer trust herself to do it on her own. Likely if she were left to her own devices, she would sleep in for a week. Still, it was apparent that her foresight was paying off because today was an especially difficult day to get out of bed. Her mind kept returning to the events that occurred on Saturday. Things were going so well with Jason, and she had to open her big mouth and ruin everything. She wondered what he thought of her now. He had helped her so much during the last few days, and she repaid him with rudeness. She was ashamed to even know herself.
But her callousness wasn’t the only thing that kept her up last night. Fear of the unknown had also gripped her, and she was starting to become worried about her finals. That portion of the course would amount to fifty percent of her marks. Each instructor kept hinting of things that might be on the test. Then
suddenly everything that came out of their mouths seemed important and needed to be recorded.
After Caitlin dressed and had breakfast, she managed to make it to her first class a couple of hours later. She took her usual seat, and sipped her Kona coffee as she watched her classmates stream into the room. Exhaustion was also etched on their faces, and she wondered whether she wore the same expression on her own face.
The phone in the classroom sounded, and the instructor went to answer it. When he finished his call, he looked over at her direction and beckoned. She glanced over her shoulder just to make sure he wasn’t indicating someone else. When there was no one sitting behind her, she slowly got up from her seat.
“Ms. Aarons wants to speak with you,” he said.
“She does?” she asked. “What would the Director of Finance want with me?”
“I don’t know. You’re going to have to take it up with her yourself.”
Caitlin could feel the other students watching her as she gathered her belongings. She didn’t think she had done anything wrong, and as far as she knew, her tuition installments were automatically charged to her credit card. But as she walked to the administrative office, she somehow felt as if she was heading toward the gallows.
When she entered the office, a secretary told her to take a seat until she was called. The request was simple enough except her chair faced the round clock on the wall and she was very conscious of the minutes that ticked by. Her frustration only increased when she observed two students leaving while she remained in her chair.
Finally, the secretary came over to her. “Ms. Aarons can see you now.”
Then as she followed the office worker to the finance director’s office, the dread she felt earlier returned with full force.
A middle-aged woman looked up when she stood at the door. “Take a seat, dear,” she said.
Holding her bag to her chest, Caitlin sat at the edge of her chair. “I don’t understand why I’m here,” she said.