Talis held Cal's heated gaze with steady eyes. “You mean it's best for us to follow orders like you used to do?”
Cal let him go. “Those were different times.”
“How so?” Talis asked. “There may be a war now, but our jobs haven't changed. You have though. From what I remember, you used to be a lot like Artair. You questioned everything you didn't think was right. You insisted on going your own way when you felt the course wasn't the correct one. You had the ability to do the right thing, despite the consequences. I don't think Artair is doing any differently.”
“Maybe not,” Cal responded. “But he'll come to regret his actions in the same way I did. It's better that he does it now, before he gets someone hurt.” He stepped back from the animal, then turned to frown at Faillen. “Can this thing carry a decent amount of weight? We need to clear out of here before that Mardróch decides to return with his friends. If we can offload the horses some, we can move faster.”
“He can carry three times as much as a horse can,” Faillen answered. “But he won't be able to for a little while. You've spooked him with your arguing.”
“Spooked?” Cal asked raising an eyebrow. His eyes fell on the seemingly ambivalent animal. “He hasn't budged an inch. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a statue.”
“He hasn't budged because I've been calming him,” Faillen responded. He moved his fingers up to the base of the animal's head and then massaged them downward to the tip of his ears. Faillen repeated the movement and Meaghan realized he had been doing it the entire time. “The right pressure calms him,” Faillen told Cal. “But that will only work for so long. You won't be able to load him for a while yet.”
“Fine,” Cal said. “I'll do some more hunting then. What you caught this morning won't last us long. Post two sentries at all times so that you're prepared for attack.”
Faillen nodded and Cal walked away. Meaghan frowned at his back before taking the time to study the other people who surrounded her. Talea looked worried. Talis's body had turned rigid with his anger. Artair still watched Meaghan with a gaze of scorn from his perch on the log. Her eyes fell on Faillen and he raised his eyebrows at her in question. He wanted to know what she planned to do about the situation. Ultimately, she was in charge, though so far she had not acted like it. She decided that had to stop now if she wanted their mission to succeed.
“Cal,” she said, injecting her voice with more authority than she felt. “We aren't through here.”
He turned to stare at her. “What did you say?”
“I said we're not done.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Artair and Talis are right. This isn't an army. They have a right to know what we're doing.”
Cal matched her posture, his eyes narrowing in warning. “I'm in charge of this mission. If I say it's not safe to tell them, we aren't going to tell them.”
“Try and stop me,” she said and made her way toward the fire. She tossed a log on top of it and then another, building it to keep her hands busy. Malaki and Eudor joined her, and then Artair stood and picked up a log. He handed it to her.
“Cal looks furious,” he said.
“He'll get over it,” she responded. She turned toward the others and waited for them to follow her lead. Talea and Talis stood side-by-side at the fire, next to Artair. Faillen fashioned a length of rope around the moerith's neck, and tied the animal next to the horses. He flanked Meaghan, giving her his silent support. But Cal remained where he stood for a minute before joining them. He frowned at Meaghan.
“I want to talk to you in private,” he said.
“No more secrets,” she told him. “At least not ones we don't all agree to.”
“Fine.” His frown deepened into a scowl. “As we discussed earlier, telling anyone about our plan risks our safety. If any of them are captured, Garon could learn everything.”
“We aren't going to—” Talis started, but Cal held up his hand, interrupting him.
“You aren't going to break under torture,” he said, “but you won't have any choice once Garon resorts to his spells and potions. The truth poison alone will have you telling him every secret you've had since infancy, until you die from its effects. Which, incidentally, could take days.”
Talea blanched. “I thought that was a myth.”
“It's not,” Eudor said. “A friend of mine died from it in the Zeiihbu War. It wasn't pretty, but there are worse tortures. You may not want to betray us, but Garon will ensure you do.” He brought his hands together in front of him and knotted them, then he rocked back on his heels. “Is it true you wanted to fight a Mardróch today?” he asked Meaghan. “Was that planned as Artair thinks?”
She shook her head. “Not today, but at some point.”
“So Artair could have ruined your plan if he hadn't understood your hints not to attack?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “Fortunately, he did understand, but if the Mardróch had seen him, it would have ruined the plan.”
Eudor brought a hand to his chin and rubbed it. “So it seems we need to know your secrets. At least, we should know the ones we might potentially be involved in—accidentally or not. Though I suspect from hearing the three of you talk that we won't be involved in all of them. Is that correct?”
“Get to your point, old man,” Cal grumbled.
Eudor chuckled. “I'm not much older than you. And you're looking grayer every day.” He ignored Cal's renewed scowl and continued, “I propose that you three tell us only what we need to know, but nothing more. It would be a calculated risk based on your judgment, but it might be worth it.” His focus trailed to Artair. “That is, of course, if we could all agree to the proposal. I know it's hard to accept that we can't know everything, but we can all understand the danger if we insisted on knowing everything. None of us wants that, right?”
“Right,” Artair responded. “I think that's fair.”
“What about you, Cal?” Eudor asked, turning to the Elder. “Can you agree to that?”
Cal hesitated, but Meaghan would not allow him to object. She tucked her hands into her pockets and stared into the fire. “We've been looking for a Mardróch for a week, Cal,” she said. “Did you really want to wander around for another week until a second showed up? Because if Artair hadn't read my cues correctly, that's exactly what would have happened. Time matters. It's not just our lives we have to worry about.” She turned her gaze on him. “It's Caide's too.”
“Yeah,” Cal conceded. “You're right.” He scrubbed the back of his neck and scanned the group circling the fire. “To be honest, there's not much you need to know from here. We don't have the full plan in place for Zeiihbu yet, so I'd rather discuss that part when we get there.”
“All right,” Eudor said. “But if you don't mind, I think we'd all like to know what happened in the forest. Artair told us about the attack, but why did Meaghan spare the Mardróch's life? I'm not questioning her loyalties, but you have to admit, it's an odd thing to do.”
“That. Well…” Cal's hand returned to his neck and he glanced at Faillen.
Faillen shrugged. “It might be better if we tell them that part. It would make the trade-off go more smoothly.”
“Trade-off?” Talea asked. “Of what?”
“Not what,” Faillen said. “Who. This isn't exactly the rescue mission we've led you to believe. The Mardróch that Garon put in charge over his army in Zeiihbu told me I could have my son back if I traded Meaghan for him. We're on our way to Zeiihbu for that purpose.”
Talis swore. “You can't seriously think—”
“Stilgan,” Eudor hissed. The malice contorting his face and the venom in his voice brought silence to the camp. All eyes turned toward him, though his were slits of anger pointed in Cal's direction. “If you tell me you've made a bargain with that monster, I'll kill you where you stand.”
Cal held up his hand. “You know better than—”
“Do I?” Eudor interrupted. He charged on Cal. “If we're going anywhere near
him, we're heading into a trap. You know that. You know what he can do. How could you forget what you saw with your own eyes? How could you forget her screams? And you call Artair a traitor!”
Artair stared at Cal. “I'm not a—”
“Shut up, Artie,” Cal growled.
Artair sputtered at the nickname, but crossed his arms and followed Cal's direction.
“Eudor,” Cal tried again. “I'm not betraying anyone.”
“Yet you sent the Mardróch away with knowledge of our location. You're leading him straight to us!”
“Not quite,” Cal corrected. “The Mardróch saw Faillen and Meaghan together, but no one else. She seemed to be without Guardian protection, which is what Stilgan requested. We needed the Mardróch to report back what he saw so it looked like we were following through with our part of the agreement.”
“I don't believe you. You've forgotten. You have Neiszhe now and you've forgotten. Do I need to remind you what he's capable of doing?”
Eudor glared at Cal and then Meaghan felt tingling creep up her neck. She swallowed and tried not to see the fire sweeping along the ground, but despite her best efforts, she could not keep her eyes from it. It blazed hot and hard, tearing through the grass and melting the ground. Yet it did not come from the campfire. It came from another place, from some corner of Eudor's mind.
She watched the fire lick stone as floors formed beneath her feet. Flames ate through gray walls as if they were made of wood. Smoke filled the air. Cries of pain echoed around her. Stone exploded, slamming into the earth next to her.
And none of it was real.
The knowledge did not stop a scream from choking her throat or tears from flooding her eyes. It may not be real, but it had been once. She knew the feel of the stone under her hands and the heat of the fire as it chased her. And she knew the stench of death.
Her parents' castle grew around her, trapping her with fire and smoke. She felt alone, helpless. Her body shook, ignoring her efforts to control it. She squeezed her eyes shut, and then arms circled her. She turned her face into the chest of the man who held her.
“It's over,” Cal told her.
His beard tickled her cheek and she turned from it to see a gray sky overhead and green grass below. Eudor stood at Cal's side.
“You idiot,” Cal muttered. “She was there. She was old enough to remember.”
Eudor inhaled a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. He pressed a hand to his forehead. “I'm sorry,” he said.
“Was that for me or her?” Cal asked. He frowned at Eudor over Meaghan's head. “Because you owe it to both of us. Did you think I could forget that day?”
Eudor looked away.
“Did you think I could forget what he took from me?” Cal asked. “That I could dismiss what I saw him do to her?”
“Then why would you ask me to come?” Eudor whispered. “Why would you ask me to stand in his presence again?”
“Revenge,” Cal said matter-of-factly. “It's something I felt we needed to do together.”
Eudor nodded. A look of understanding passed between the two men, and Meaghan could not ignore the sense of foreboding that filled her. Faillen's brows knit together and she realized he had also caught the exchange.
“Cal,” he said. “Why does it seem like you've been keeping secrets from Meaghan and me too?”
Cal's eyes met Faillen's and for the first time, Meaghan watched shame darken Cal's cheeks. “Because I have,” he answered. “Eudor is Alisen's brother.”
“Alisen?” Meaghan asked in surprise. “Your first wife?”
“Yes,” he said. “And we both saw Stilgan kill her.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“SAY SOMETHING, please?” Cal begged. Though no one could seem to find any words after Cal's confession, he only looked to Meaghan for a response. He bracketed her shoulders and she backed away from him, curling her fingers into her palms to control her anger.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked.
“That you understand,” he said. “That you're not upset with me.”
She shook her head. “I can't say that. It's not true.”
“It should be,” he told her. “If Stilgan had killed Vivian and James, you'd want revenge.”
“Maybe,” she said, and turned her eyes toward Faillen. He stared at Cal with the same disbelief she felt. “Would you want revenge for Ree?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he answered, without hesitating. “I would.”
“See?” Cal said. “He understands. He knows exactly how I feel. If you thought about it for a minute, you would too.”
“That's not entirely true,” Faillen said. “I do know how you feel, but you're wrong to think I understand. I want revenge, but not in the way you're doing it. You should've been honest with us.”
Cal shrugged. “I didn't think it would matter. It doesn't affect anything.”
“Doesn't it?” Meaghan asked. “I should have known when you agreed to prevent Nick from coming that you had other reasons. You were too easy to convince.”
“That's ridiculous. Of course I agreed with you. I—”
“Saw your way to get revenge and took it,” she interrupted. “At what cost?”
“What do you mean?”
“At what cost to the team,” Faillen answered for her. “At what cost to the mission? You can't lead us, Cal. Your decisions aren't based on strategic planning. They're based on one emotion—a blinding one. You can't plan properly with revenge on your mind.”
“That's not fair,” Cal said and crossed his arms. “Everything I've done so far has been for the sake of the mission and nothing else.”
“No, it hasn't,” Faillen said. “You just admitted that you asked Eudor along because his revenge is yours. And what about his son? Did you invite him so he could keep his father stable when the time came?”
Cal did not respond, but his eyes slid toward Malaki and then fell to the ground.
Faillen nodded. “I thought so. None of you should be here. The plan is faulty, and I question if we're even following the right course.”
“We are,” Meaghan told him. “The plan isn't his. It's mine. You know that.”
“And he leads it,” Faillen said.
“Based on a promise I made to him when I thought he was doing this for the right reasons,” her eyes flashed back to Cal, “when I thought he was doing this for Nick. I'll lead now.”
Cal's head snapped up. A frown pushed through his beard. “You have no experience,” he objected. “You can't—”
“I have experience,” Faillen said. “Meaghan and I can work it out together.”
“Because you're not affected by your emotions?” Cal shot back. “You lost your wife because of Stilgan's creatures. They hold your son. You can't pretend this isn't personal for you.”
“I can control my—”
“You lie,” Malaki's voice broke into the conversation from behind Cal. It was soft, the calmness of it turning his words into a statement instead of an accusation. Everyone turned to look at him. “Garon has taken from you, Faillen, and you're only fooling yourself if you think it doesn't affect you. It affects all of us.” He met the gaze of each team member in turn. “Talis and Talea's parents may be alive in body, but Garon killed their minds. Artair lost his father in the battle where he met Meaghan. You two lost your wives.” His focus came to rest on Meaghan. “And you've lost the most of any of us. Your birthright. The home and life you knew growing up. Your parents—both the ones who raised you and the ones who didn't.”
“And you?” Meaghan asked, her throat tightening over the words. She brought her hands in front of her and pressed them together. “Who do you seek revenge for with this mission?”
“With this war,” he corrected, and she did not have to release her power to understand the sadness dulling his eyes and turning his face to stone. “It's not just this mission we use to seek revenge, because no matter who we seek it from, none of us will have it until Garon is defeated.”
Meaghan nodded, and he continued, “There was a woman who owned my heart. She and I had a son. I lost both of them nearly three years ago.”
“You weren't wed?” Talea asked.
“Not by Ærenden standards, although we had a Zeiihbu wedding.”
“You lived along the border between Zeiihbu and Ærenden,” Faillen guessed, “the section where only a small patch of forest separates our lands. No one likes to acknowledge it in Zeiihbu, as I'm sure they don't in Ærenden, but the villages on both sides of the border have a mixed population. Border crossings are not uncommon.”
“Yes,” Malaki confirmed. “My village had four families who were non-magical Zeiihbu and almost a quarter of the population was mixed race. The Elders instructed me not to speak of it or of my wedding to anyone but my father, but there's no point in hiding the truth now.” He passed a hand over his eyes to wipe away tears. “We lived in the Village at Yellow Lake.”
Talea gasped and covered her mouth. Talis slipped an arm around his sister's shoulders, his expression of horror echoing her reaction. Artair looked away.
“I'm sorry,” Cal offered. He crossed to Malaki and put a hand on his shoulder. “I understand your pain.”
“We all know this pain,” Malaki told him. “That's my point. We can't judge each other for it, and we can't expect to be emotionless about it. We're not inhuman. We fight for these reasons, not in spite of them.”
Meaghan's gaze trailed to Faillen and she knew he had received Malaki's message as clearly as she had. He looked down at his hands and nodded. Cal could do no worse of a job leading from his emotions than any of them. He looked at her, but instead of forgiving him, anger brewed within her again. This was not about his need for revenge. Not for her, anyway. She ignored him and addressed the rest of the group.
“We need to head out,” she said. “Since the first step of our plan is finally complete, it's time to start the second.”
Aerenden: The Zeiihbu Master (Ærenden) Page 14