by Ali McNamara
“I’m really sorry, Dad,” I began, taking a deep breath. “I should have told you about finding Mum here in London and that I’d been spending time with her. It was wrong of me to keep it from you.”
Dad just looked at me over the top of his coffee mug while he sipped steadily at its contents.
“But I just wanted to get to know her a little better first before things kicked off—as I was sure they would do when you found out. And for once it seems I was right.”
I gave a little smile, hoping to lighten the moment. I didn’t like it when my father was silent like this. It wasn’t his usual style at all.
Relieved I’d made the first move, I relaxed a little and tried to lean back against the cushions behind me. But they were further back than I thought, so I kind of toppled backward and had to balance my tea high in the air like some sort of circus acrobat to prevent myself getting scalded.
My father leaned across, lifted my mug away from me, and placed it safely on a glass coaster on the table in front of us.
“Do I still have to look after you even after all these years?” he asked, speaking for the first time.
“Looks like it.”
Dad placed his own mug down now too.
“Why, Scarlett?” he said, looking at me with sadness in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to come and find her?”
“I didn’t know I was. It’s all just happened by accident.”
“You mean this wasn’t the reason you wanted some time away—so you could come and find your mother?”
“No. I hadn’t even thought about it. I mean, yes, I had thought about her, obviously, but I didn’t come to London so I could find Mum. I came to prove something else.”
“What?”
Oh. Now I was cleverly digging myself out of one hole by burying myself deep in another.
But it couldn’t get any worse, could it?
“I came here to try and prove to you and to Maddie and to David that movies do exist in real life. And that I’m not wasting my life by loving them so much.”
My father rolled his head back and closed his eyes.
“Oh, Scarlett, not this again.”
“Yes, this again,” I said, standing up. “And do you know something? I was right, because since I’ve been here I’ve managed to live my life in…” I tried to do some quick calculations in my head. “I don’t know how many movies, Dad, because there have been so many I’ve lost count. So movies do exist in real life, because I’ve proved it!”
“With your mother’s help, no doubt,” my father muttered. “I bet she was there goading you along. I can just see her loving all this. I bet it took her right back.”
I stood and looked at my father sitting on the sofa. He was scowling down at the carpet, caught up in his own thoughts and recriminations. And suddenly I felt I was fighting Mum’s battle as well as my own.
“Actually, Mum had nothing to do with any of my movie scenes. I only met her for the first time a few days ago. But she has told me the whole story as to why she came to leave you in the first place.”
My father’s eyes darted up at me.
“She’s what?” he said in a low voice.
“I asked her to. I wanted to know everything that happened back then. But why, Dad? Why would you risk it all happening again? Did you want me to run away, like Mum?”
“Oh, my darling Scarlett, no, of course I didn’t.” Dad stood up now too and reached his hand out toward me. “It…it’s complicated.”
“Tell me, Dad, please. I need to know your side of the story too. So I can fully understand.”
He nodded and gestured for us to sit again. Then he took a deep breath.
“As much as it hurts me to say this, Scarlett, you’ve always been like your mother—not only in looks. So however hard I tried I could never get rid of the memory of her altogether. And unfortunately, I could see you beginning to make the same mistakes she did.”
“So you thought you’d send me away, just like you did her?” I asked. “How was that going to help?”
My father shook his head. “No, let me finish, Scarlett. You have a good life and a good job—no, business; it belongs to us both equally. And more importantly, you have a good man who wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. David is a good man; you do know that, don’t you?”
I nodded. “Yes, of course I do.”
“But you still weren’t happy, Scarlett. I could tell that. You were growing increasingly dissatisfied with everything—just like your mother was all those years ago. It frightened me seeing you beginning to turn into her. So when David came to see me and told me how worried he was about you, I knew I had to do something to help.
“So that’s when I suggested we give you the same chance I had your mother. I knew it was a risk—but it was a risk worth taking for your sake.”
“But why—what would it achieve if it didn’t work out the first time?”
“That’s true—it didn’t work out well for me back then. But I’m guessing it worked out well for your mother. I bet if you ask her now she’s glad she took the opportunity to get away from me and didn’t continue living what she would now consider the boring life I have.”
I decided now was not the time to be telling Dad about Mum’s very colorful, yet quite unstable past.
“But what I still don’t get is why do it all again? Why persuade David to do something that worked out so badly for you?”
“Because I love you, Scarlett—and there’s nothing that means more to me in my life than your happiness. But I knew if you married David, and continued the same way as you were, you wouldn’t ever be truly happy and neither would David. You’d always be wondering ‘What if?’ I know what it’s like living with someone like that, Scarlett. I did it for long enough, and let me tell you it’s far from easy. And what if it had gone on longer and you’d ended up like your mother? I wouldn’t want that for you or for David. Even though I wouldn’t change our time together for the world, Scarlett, the aftermath of one parent leaving and trying to bring up a child alone is so hard I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
I was feeling really guilty now. I was putting my dad through all this unnecessary hurt. He’d done so much for me, and this is how I was repaying him.
“Plus, Scarlett, I knew if you went away on your own for a while you’d almost certainly try to live out this wonderful life you think everyone has in the movies, and I hoped you’d quickly realize that no one really lives like that—and it’s all made up. Then if my plan went well, you’d return home and be content with what you’d got. You’d be happy with David and happy with me—just like your mother wasn’t able to be.”
“Oh, Dad,” I said, leaning forward across the settee and putting my hands over his. “I’ve always been happy with you—that was never in question. You were right though; I was unhappy with the way things were back in Stratford. But what if it had gone wrong, what if I had found something better—then what?”
“Scarlett, only you can answer that question. Have you found something better?”
I thought hard. Had I found something better here in London than I’d known back home? I’d met new friends, had new experiences, yes. But was it better than my life before? I tried not to think about Sean.
I took a deep breath. “Yes, I have, Dad. I have found something better since I’ve been here. It may not be something life-changing in the way either of us hoped it might be when I left, but it’s certainly changed mine for the better. And that something is Mum.”
I waited for the explosion to come from my father. But strangely it didn’t.
He sat back on the sofa looking thoughtful.
“Is that the only thing you’ve found since coming here, Scarlett? Your mother?”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, you said yourself you only met up with her in the past few days. What about the rest of the time you’ve been here? You must have met some other people and had some other experie
nces you’ve learned from?”
Just what was my father getting at?
I picked up my tea from the table and casually took a sip of it. Yuck, it was barely warm now.
“I’ve made a few new friends since I’ve been here, yes.”
“And?”
“And what? What are you trying to say, Dad?”
My father stood up and walked around Belinda and Harry’s lounge for a few moments, supposedly inspecting the few ornaments that they allowed in their minimalist interior.
“I spent quite a bit of time with both Sean and David this evening,” he said, suddenly spinning round to face me again.
“Yes, they said you had.”
“And do you know what they both spent most of their evening talking about while they were with me?”
I shrugged. “Football?”
“Scarlett!” My father came over to the sofa and placed his hands purposefully on the back. “You silly girl. They both spent nearly all their time talking about you tonight. I don’t know what exactly you’ve been up to while you’ve been here in London—nor do I want to know,” he added, holding up his hand as I opened my mouth to protest. “But what is obvious to me, and anyone else with half a brain, is that these two men both care about you very much.”
I thought about David and Sean waiting for us in Belinda and Harry’s house right now. They hated each other, and yet tonight, just like Sean had said, they’d put aside their differences to help me.
Dad sat down next to me again. “You need to be careful, Scarlett. Or someone’s going to get hurt.”
“But I don’t want to hurt anyone, Dad. I never do. I didn’t want to hurt you or Mum either. I just want everyone to be happy for once in my life.”
“But sometimes your actions, intentional or otherwise, can have a ripple effect. You have to think carefully before you make your choices in life, Scarlett. Use your head for a change.”
I sighed. If only Dad knew the truth. I had been using my head for far too long to make my choices—especially those involving David.
“Sean uses his head,” my father said out of the blue.
I stared at him. “What do you mean?”
“He uses his head. In his business and in his personal life as far as I can see.”
“And how do you know this?”
“I spent some time with him earlier tonight. We talked business—”
“Yes, I know,” I said, cutting Dad short. “I saw the two of you together earlier, but what’s that got to do with Sean’s personal life?”
“If you’ll let me finish, Scarlett. As I said we talked earlier, and while you were out, Sean was also gone for some time too: ‘A little business to attend to,’ he said.”
“But I thought Sean was here all night with you and David?”
Dad shook his head. “No, David was here with me for most of that time. Sean got back just before you did.”
Sean was out tonight doing business deals? So much for me thinking he’d been worrying about me all evening.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I said, trying to sound like I didn’t care. “Sean’s business is pretty important to him.”
Maybe he and David weren’t that different after all.
“It surprised me, Scarlett. Until then I’d thought Sean was completely focused on you this evening, and I’d been impressed by that. But when I found out what he was up to while he was away from the house, my opinion of him began to sway even more.”
“What on earth do you mean, Dad?” I asked, as a feeling of unease began to flutter around at the base of my stomach.
“Apparently, Sean went to find your mother tonight. I understand from David your other guests found her in a café not far from here. So while he was out Sean went to check on her as well.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked defiantly. “I’m glad someone went to make sure she was all right.”
My father raised his eyebrows at me and shook his head slowly.
“Oh, Scarlett, you’ve so much to learn.”
“What, what is it?” I screwed my eyes closed and shook my head. “Just what are you going on about, Dad?” I said, opening them again. “What are you trying to say?”
“That Sean is playing a very clever game with us all. I don’t doubt he cares about you very much, Scarlett. But to win you over he tried to manipulate the situation we all found ourselves in tonight for his own ends. He had a chance to look good in front of me, your mother, and, most importantly, you, all in one evening. And he took that chance and ran with it tonight.”
I sat there for a few moments trying to take all this in. No, Dad was wrong, surely. Sean wasn’t like that.
But then why hadn’t he said he’d been to Kelly’s to check on my mother? And why did he suggest he’d been in the house all night with Dad and David if he hadn’t? It just didn’t add up.
“I’m not saying Sean’s a bad person—far from it,” Dad continued when I didn’t respond. “I actually quite like him. But perhaps he’s not quite the person you think he is?”
I nodded slowly.
“Scarlett, you may think that all that’s happened to you since you came to London is finding your mother again. But I think we both know a lot more has taken place than that. You’ve got some serious thinking to do and some big decisions to make about your life, and for once, you can’t hide out in a movie theater to make them.”
“But how do I choose, Dad?” I asked in desperation. “How do I know what the right thing to do is?”
“You’ll just know, Scarlett,” Dad said, taking my hand and holding it firmly in between the two of his. “Something will come along and, believe me, then you’ll know.”
Dad slid along the sofa, put his arms around me, and immediately I was returned to that safe and secure little girl once more.
Thirty-Six
Dad and I sat together for quite a while on the sofa, just snuggled up together like we used to, both of us lost in our own thoughts and memories. Eventually Dad unwrapped himself from around me, stretched out his arms, and yawned.
“It’s been a long day, Scarlett. I think I might head off up to bed now. Plus David and Sean must be wondering what we’re getting up to in here now it’s gone so quiet.”
I uncurled myself from the sofa and saw him to the lounge door.
“Night, Dad,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “And thanks.”
“Good night, Scarlett,” he said, glancing across at Sean as he appeared from the kitchen. “Sleep well, darling.” He tilted his head in Sean’s direction. “Good night, Sean.”
Sean nodded and watched until Dad had disappeared at the top of the stairs. Then he turned to me.
“You look exhausted, Scarlett. Would you like another cup of tea—or maybe something stronger? I think your father may have left some alcohol in the bar tonight.”
Considering the vast quantity of alcohol Sean and David had suggested Dad had put away tonight, he had seemed quite sober to me, and his thought processes surprisingly clear.
“Something stronger would be good. It has been quite a night.”
Sean followed me back into the lounge. “Where’s David?” I asked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t reappeared.
“He went to bed. Just a few minutes ago, though,” Sean added, as if that made it better. “He said he had an early start in the morning.”
“Oh, that’s right, he does. He has a breakfast meeting, I believe, over in Surrey.” But he might have waited up to see how everything went, I thought as I sat down again on the sofa.
“Ah, I see,” Sean said as he poured us both a whiskey. I knew he was probably thinking the same thing. He added some ice from a bucket and passed me the glass. “Is that OK for you, or do you want it watered down a bit?”
“No, this is just fine,” I said, taking the cut-glass tumbler. I was glad it wasn’t brandy this time. I didn’t think I’d ever drunk so much alcohol for “purely medicinal” purposes in my life.
Sean sat down nex
t to me. “I hear you’ve got a meeting with your future parents-in-law tomorrow, to discuss the wedding?”
“Yes, that’s right. David’s parents have a house in London; we’re holding the wedding reception there in a tent.”
“I’d have thought you’d have got married in your hometown. Isn’t that the tradition?”
“I suppose it is. But it’s going to be a big wedding with people flying in from all over the world. Lots of David’s business contacts are coming, so it just seemed easier to hold it all in London.”
“Ah, I see,” Sean said again.
We both took a gulp of our drinks. The whiskey burned at my throat—but at least it wasn’t as sickly sweet as the brandy.
I sighed heavily.
“What’s up, Red?” Sean asked, winking at me. “Tough night?”
I tried to raise a smile but couldn’t. “I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve got a lot to think about.”
“You mean about what your father said?”
“Partly.”
I looked at Sean. I was trying hard not to think too much about what my father had said. After all, Dad had only just met Sean tonight; he didn’t know what he was really like. But there were too many things that kept bugging me about it all. Was work so important to Sean that it meant more to him tonight than me? And even if the business thing was just a bluff so he could go out and see Mum, was Dad correct, was Sean using my parents to get to me? No, that couldn’t be right; Sean wasn’t like that. But why then hadn’t he told me he’d seen Mum? It just didn’t add up.
“Do I get any more than just a partly?” Sean asked, tipping his head to one side. “How about a two-thirdsly, or even, if I ask nicely, a three-quartersly?”
I half smiled at him. “Sorry. I was thinking about how I messed up again tonight. I was lucky it didn’t turn out a lot worse. I seem to have very understanding parents and very understanding friends.”
“That you do,” Sean said, nodding. He took a drink from his glass. “So what did your father say?”
“About?” Was Sean fishing to see if Dad had mentioned him?